Parenting Pearls

The Jewish Home | SEPTEMBER 1, 2022 Parenting Pearls Getting Back on Track

By Sara Rayvych, MSEd

We’re in that awkward transition between summer and camp. It’s still warm and inviting outside yet the kids are already comparing their starting days. Over the next two to three weeks, our community’s children will slowly begin the next school year.

This is a bittersweet time that each family marks in their own way. Some families take advantage of each moment and enjoy trips and family time. Other families keep a relaxed atmosphere in the home, allowing the children to have some last minute time to themselves. Then there are other families, like in one local community, where the mothers on the block had a long-standing custom to spend the first day of school sharing a relaxing coffee together – every parent misses their child differently. The summer is naturally more relaxing and leisurely. We take advantage of the beautiful weather to enjoy sports,

Chesed Center CLOTHING DRIVE

The Chesed Donation Center picks up all your unwanted clothing & housewares items and distributes them to local Gemachs within the community. WE ACCEPT:

CLOTHING | SHOES | TOYS | HOUSEWARES | ELECTRONICS | ODDS & ENDS

THE CHESED CENTER PROVIDES TOYS AND CLOTHING TO OVER 6,000 FAMILIES.

THAT EXTRA CLUTTER SITTING AROUND YOUR HOUSE CAN MAKE A REAL DIFFERENCE.

PLEASE PARTICIPATE

IN OUR DONATION DRIVE! swimming, and outdoor recreation. Even our schedules are more laid back during those summer months – bedtime gets looser and meals get off-schedule.

Between camp and summer trips, late-night get-togethers, and evening swims, the time before school is often spent getting kids back on track before the rigorous school schedule starts. For many families, this is an unpleasant chore that gets postponed till the last minute. Who can blame them? Children need to be dragged in – practically kicking and screaming – from the sunshine and lush grass.

Enjoy The Weather

Let’s take some time to enjoy the weather before we get back into winter gear. It’s necessary to get the children prepared for the new year but we can’t forget that outdoor time is important, too. Everyone – especially growing bodies – needs fresh air, exercise and sunlight. We still have time before school starts and the kids should take full advantage of those final swimming laps and last-minute baseball games.

Even once school begins there are still more daylight hours for children to play outdoors. Usually there is less homework and tests earlier in the year and that extra time is the perfect opportunity for after-school outdoor play.

Making a point to prioritize the warmer weather and longer daylight hours is a great way to start the school year in a healthy and fun way. We quickly get so caught up in the new school year that we can forget to enjoy the rest of the summer.

Getting Back On Track

I will start this section by clarifying the difference (in my humble opinion) between schedule and routine. I feel the distinction is important because while children need both, some need more of one than the other.

Routine is consistently doing something in a particular order or way; it is not necessarily time dependent. An example of this is a bedtime routine for a toddler. It may consist of dinner, bath time, brushing teeth and a story in bed. The toddler has no concept of the time on the clock but knows from the routine that bedtime is coming.

Schedule is more strictly time dependent and less focused on the order of events. An example of an adult’s schedule may involve consistently having lunch at or around 12:45 but may then be followed by any of a number of things, including grocery shopping, laundry or exercise. Teenagers, in particular, may look more at the clock and less at their toothbrush to know when lights go out. Some may need reminders to begin their bedtime tasks at a certain time to help them get into bed punctually, but they’re still using the clock to guide themselves.

Most human bodies can be programmed to work within a certain consistent pattern. Our bodies can learn to

go to sleep and wake up at similar times each day. Our bodies can also learn to anticipate mealtimes and other expected events throughout the day, for example, becoming hungry at mealtimes. We can readily see the advantages of being able to sleep, wake up, and eat at the appropriate times of day.

Children thrive on routine. It gives stability and an awareness of what’s to come. This is particularly important for the younger ones who have less time awareness than their older siblings. The body of a child with a somewhat structured bedtime routine will instinctively begin to relax and settle down as the routine progresses.

Having a relatively consistent time that our children are expected to be in bed, wake up, and do other tasks is the main way we can help reprogram those little bodies to be ready in time for the school bus or carpool. Now is the time to begin that program of calmly setting bedtimes, mealtimes, and all the other myriad of activities our children will need to get their day flowing smoothly. If we only begin the day before school begins, their bodies will still be out-ofsync with our hoped-for schedule.

Many of those tasks don’t need to be at an exact time. If dinner happens between 6 and 7, that is often close enough. A 7:05 meal will not make the world explode. Life happens and we need to work with what Hashem gives us each day. Learning to be flexible is

another life skill that we can emulate for our children.

Having a relatively consistent time that our children are expected to be in bed, wake up, and do other tasks is the main way we can help reprogram those little bodies to be ready in time for the school bus or carpool

Meeting Unique Needs

Each child has their own internal clock, and we should respect that when scheduling their needs. Some kids will naturally require more sleep than others or need an extra snack thrown into the day. Your child’s pediatrician can help guide you on how much sleep, food, or anything else each of your children should have; age and other factors can affect those needs.

Removing devices and distractions from their room may be necessary for

some, while other children may benefit from having reading material, gentle music, or a noise machine available. Kids are very unique and what will relax one child will just irritate another. Hopefully, those two children aren’t roommates.

We also should remember that some children benefit more from a strong routine, while others need a more strictly clock based day. While the younger they are the more they need routine, that formula isn’t an exact one. Personalizing it to the child can most effectively program each child’s body.

Some children may have trouble with regulating themselves, including falling asleep, being hungry or satiated, or meeting any other of their basic needs at the appropriate times. If this happens consistently, then a call to their physician can be helpful. There are a number of reasons this can happen, and a professional can help guide you.

A new school year is an exciting time for children and parents alike. While some children may be nervous, it is combined with the promise of a fresh year and new beginnings.

I want to wish all the families in our community a wonderful school year full of bracha, success, and all around growth.

Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.