School of Thought

By Etti Siegel

Q: Dear Etti, I am a teacher for over 25 years, and I see an alarming trend. It started slowly and now seems out of control. I am talking about scheduled Sundays. My students are scheduled for so many events and classes all Sunday, ballet, swimming, sports teams, art lessons, painting – you name it, they do it. And many are signed up for two classes a day! Instead of coming to school refreshed on Monday and ready to learn, they come in exhausted. Also, what happened to free play? To imagination? There is a difference at recess, as children seriously do not know what to do with themselves!

Can you address this? -So Sorry for the Kids

A: Dear Teacher Who Is So Sorry For Her Kids, It is true. Parents are sacrificing time and money (taking on extra carpools!) to send their children to help their children learn more skills and have structured fun. And our students are spending their day off shuttling to activities. Many of our elementary school boys go to school in the morning and then are signed up for something in the afternoon.

There are so many benefits. Children are spending their time learning useful skills and having lots of fun in constructive activities. Socially, they feel good attending little league or classes as they get to be with school friends or make new friends. For some children, academics is not their strong suit, and they get to do something they love on their day off.

But there are also so many downsides. Children need free play. They need to learn to create their own fun, to use their imagination. When a child has developed their imagination, they naturally develop problem solving skills. If they are going from one structured activity to another structured activity, they are not learning to use their inner resources to keep themselves occupied. They need to learn to work things out for themselves, to be alone sometimes.

But what is a parent to do? We live in a world where children cannot just go outside and play like kids used to. Between busy streets and predatory humans, sending kids outside to “just be” is no longer an option for most city kids.

Parents should try to make sure there are items in their home that allow for quiet free play. Puzzles, paper and crayons/markers, dolls, or small cars…these all allow imaginations to soar!

If a child balks at being alone, temper it by also trying to schedule playdates, unstructured time with friends. A parent needs to be around to help a little as children navigate unstructured time, as they are so unused to it, they might need help with navigating how to use it!

Make sure there are board games (that they may or not play with the rules), and building toys, and dress up, so children can create their fun.

On Sundays, parents might want to borrow an idea sweeping across the country in schools who worry that children are overscheduled. The idea is called Makerspaces, a place where children can tinker and create anything they want using assorted “stuff.” A true non-tech makerspace might have empty cartons, paper, pipe cleaners, scissors, glue, staplers, stickers… anything that allows children to create freely.

I know families who cover their dining room tables during the week with a durable cover and let the kids create. And they create for hours! They are allowed to use as much tape and glue as they want, they can use scissors and staplers after being taught safety rules, and they know nothing can leave the table – and with those precautions in place, the creativity is amazing, and imagination is on display full force! At the beginning, a parent might want to sit and cut, staple and glue, saying nothing, just modeling what can be done, and children will realize that their parent really means it – they can work unencumbered. And free play and creativity is work for

children; it develops so many They need to learn skills, fine motor, gross motor, problem solving, STEM… to create their own Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, former head of child psychiafun, to use their try at Stanford University and author of The Over-Scheduled imagination. Child, feels that this is an issue we all need to tune into. He finds that “by the time they reach high school, they are bored and burnt out,” talking about the overscheduled children he sees. “Let them be kids, and you be the parent,” says Dr. Rosenfeld. “Set limits on the number of scheduled activities they attend, and instead you play with them. Have family dinners instead of chauffeuring them to practices and lessons every day. Don’t coach them on how to better throw a baseball, just throw it around. Don’t always teach them on how to be better. Just let them be themselves.” Dr. Rosenfeld shares research that followed children growing into adulthood until age 50 and the factors in their success. What researchers found is something I think we all we instinctively know: relationships matter. “The one thing that stood out was whether or not they had at least one good relationship with someone when they were growing up – someone who accepted them for the people they are and not whether they could hit the long homerun. That relationship didn’t necessarily have to be with their parents. But if it was, all the better.” So, teacher, parents are really doing this out of love, but maybe now some will schedule less and play more. Because play is so important! Thanks for writing in. -Etti