Parenting Pearls

Parenting Pearls Terrific Toddlers

By Sara Rayvych, MSEd

Toddlers are known for keeping their parents on their toes. These adorable, little mischief makers are experts in getting into trouble they can’t get out of. They often act irrationally, especially when they want to do something dangerous that we won’t permit. This age has been called the “terrible twos” – for good reason.

Many parents have renamed this age “the terrific twos.” This both removes some of the stigma these innocent tots face but also gives room to appreciate their uniqueness. They do manage to get themselves into interesting predicaments, but it’s all done in pure naivete. They really don’t realize what they’re doing nor do they have the capacity to stop and control themselves.

Just like two weeks ago we focused on our terrific teens, I felt it was time to take a moment and appreciate our terrific toddlers in all their cuteness and trouble-production.

Still Small

For all the fanciness of calling them toddlers, during the earlier years of life they are often just bigger babies (but don’t tell them that). They are physically more capable than their infant counterparts, yet they lack the ability to recognize that their actions are insanely dangerous.

Personally, I have found it helpful to think of young toddlers as just bigger infants – it gives a more accurate perspective of what to expect. Often, we really do expect too much from these little ones. When we have more reasonable expectations, we may find it just a bit easier to parent at this challenging age.

Appreciating Our Toddlers

It can be hard to notice all the joy they bring as we’re busy keeping them out of danger and cleaning up their destruction, but there really is a lot to appreciate about this age category.

We can’t deny they’re absolutely adorable, and Hashem made them very charming for a reason. They still have some of that baby sweetness in them but with the added personality and skills they’ve since acquired. They look and act cute, charming those around them. Some of the best stories we will tell our children as adults happened when they were just toddlers.

They are very entertaining. They say the funniest things as they attempt to understand the world around them. Their antics are hilarious. They sing, dance, and roll all over the place. Some of the best videos we have are of our toddlers dressed in bizarre wardrobe concoctions loudly making noises to match their pretend play.

They see the world differently from us as they try to process their surroundings with their limited understanding of concepts. Many parents have been amused watching their toddler sneak off to a corner and turn their back to hide something, assuming that if they can’t see us then we can’t see them.

At this point in development, we also get to see more of their personality emerge as we meet the unique individual Hashem created and gifted us.

“No” is Meaningless

Discipline is a unique challenge to this age. Babies are too little to climb and perform dangerous feats. Older children are capable of these actions, yet they’ve developed the seichel to not do them. It’s been my experience that the physical abilities of toddlers, along with their cognitive limitations, collide in a dangerous combination. They’re physically capable of circus-like acrobatics without the understanding that it’s a really bad idea. Parents are frequently faced with the challenge of keeping toddlers safe from themselves.

Parents will often tell their little one “no” and expect toddlers to listen. It’s an unrealistic expectation as the word “no” may be inherently meaningless, and children this age lack self-control. This doesn’t mean we can’t tell them no, just that words aren’t sufficient. For example, when an 18-month-old is touching something dangerous, parents will quickly get frustrated having their “no” be ignored. This can quickly spiral out of control as the parent repeatedly says no and eventually loses their temper. Rather than just use words, the adult will be more effective saying “no” as they physically remove the child from the dangerous area. In this case, the parent doesn’t need to yell or lose their temper as they intervene. It’s quick, loving, and effective.

Additionally, saying “no” is vague and only tells them not to do something. It’s more helpful to give instructions. For example, “no touching knives” gives information.

Even better is anticipating your child’s antics and preventing the situation. For example, it’s easier to keep markers out of reach than to clean the walls. Keep chairs inaccessible if they are used to climb. Stay close if they are near someone they bite.

Basic childproofing can go a long way. The kitchen is a danger-zone for young hands, and all hot or sharp objects need to be out of reach. Pot handles and other items should face inwards and not where little hands can reach up. You’d be surprised how much tiny hands can access – even if the item isn’t visible to them.

I have no idea what it is about roads, but put a toddler on the ground and the first thing on their agenda is to run towards the street. Roads, even in quiet neighborhoods, are a serious risk. Young children cannot be given the responsibility of watching a toddler near a street, and even adults need to maintain constant vigilance (no phones or other distractions).

Making Words Meaningful

We should use words with toddlers and enjoy seeing their vocabulary develop, we just shouldn’t assume they actually understand those words. It’s truly one of the joys of the toddler years to see your child’s vocabulary grow. They soon become eager conversationalists and provide captivating companionship as you go about your day.

We should be as brief as possible when giving instruction to little ones. The working formula I use is approximately one word per year of age; anything after that gets lost into thin air. For example, we can tell our toddler “it’s time to get our shoes on now; we’re about to leave.” But, when it comes to actually asking them to dress, “shoes on” or “get your shoes” is more appropriate.

The toddler years may feel long, but they pass quickly. It’s such a special time that we don’t want to lose sight of the joy among the chaos. As they shed these vestiges of babyhood, we want to savor their transition into the next stage.