School of Thought

By Etti Siegel

Q: Dear Etti, The teachers say my daughter might have ADHD. That is impossible. She is the most docile child on the planet. She is not running around, acting wild, and causing disruptions in class. In fact, she is totally the opposite. She sits quietly in class, makes no trouble at all, and is a big daydreamer.

Why are they saying that she has ADHD when she so obviously doesn’t? -Not in Denial, Just Disagreeing

A: Dear Not in Denial, Your daughter sounds sweet and lovely, but she also sounds like she might need an evaluation. When we think of ADHD – Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder – we tend to focus on the Hyperactivity symptom. Those symptoms are actually more prevalent in boys and tend to be the reasons our girls can be overlooked and not get the help they need.

According to www.psychiatry.org, “ADHD is considered a chronic and debilitating disorder and is known to impact the individual in many aspects of their life including academic and professional achievements, interpersonal relationships, and daily functioning (Harpin, 2005). ADHD can lead to poor self-esteem and social function in children when not appropriately treated (Harpin et al., 2016). Adults with ADHD may experience poor self-worth, sensitivity towards criticism, and increased self-criticism possibly stemming from higher levels of criticism throughout life (Beaton, et al., 2022).”

Those are a lot of reasons to get your child the help she needs now!

There are three main types of ADHD: • Predominantly inattentive presentation. • Predominantly hyperactive/impulsive presentation. • Combined presentation.

Girls with ADHD can present differently than most boys.

Many boys with ADHD cause disruptions in class and can’t sit still, while many girls with ADHD daydream, stare at the teacher and miss what she is saying (even though they are bright), have trouble focusing for as long as their other classmates do, take a long time to complete homework and need help staying on-task, are chatty with friends and might tell animated stories, and…many dread going to school. School is a hard place to be if you struggle with the tasks school is full of.

A child will be diagnosed with ADHD if their symptoms of inattention, impulsivity, distractibility, organizational struggles, and/or hyperactivity are greater than expected for their age and have been persistent for at least 6 months.

But before we jump on the ADHD bandwagon, let’s remember that many children have trouble with impatience or daydreaming. A child also might have other underlying causes for behavior that might mimic ADHD in school. We need to ask: • Is the child eating enough protein at meals? • Is the child getting enough fresh air and exercise in a world that is becoming more and more sedentary? • Is the child unable to focus in class for another reason, such as a learning issues, eyesight or hearing issues? • Is the child getting enough sleep at night? (I once had to call a parent to ask if her child is okay, because she went from being an eager participant to a very distracted and tired student who often put her head down. Turns out, baby had just moved from Mommy’s room to a proper crib, which was in my student’s room, and my student was getting up a few times a night to give the baby his pacifier. Lack of sleep changed her! The baby was moved out, and within a few days, I had my old student back. Sleep matters.)

The final question is a hard one to broach, but though rare, as a coach, I have seen a few cases: Is the teacher the reason for the off-task behavior? It should be easy to determine if the teacher cannot control the class, is new and learning on the job, or has a demeanor that is scaring your child into tuning out. Be careful and cautious and discreetly check out the teacher’s reputation. Be careful not to mistakenly blame the teacher and lose out on a whole year that your child could have been helped. Getting your child the help she needs is so important. Once your child is diagnosed, you can encourage your daughter by having visual charts, incentives, stress balls, special diets, exercise, signals from the teacher to remind her to stay focused, and medicine if your doctor recommends it. Medication does not solve all problems, nor does therapy. But with medication, a child can learn skills and work though behaviors in therapy, allowing her a much easier social life. (Many older children choose to stop taking medication, with the option of going back on medication, as they have learned in therapy while on medication how to best navigate life, stay on task, and get along with others.) Medicine and therapy should be seen as gifts, like wearing glasses or hearing aids.

If, as you have your child diagnosed, you realize you share the same symptoms, you might join the many undiagnosed women with ADHD who find it difficult to juggle all they are expected to do. You can get yourself evaluated and learn better strategies. Many undiagnosed women suffer from anxiety and depression as they berate themselves for not being able to keep up with what other women seem to find effortless.

Having an ADHD-wired brain is not a problem. The most creative and accomplished members of society are believed to have ADHD!

So don’t be in denial. Look into the matter.

Hatzlacha, -Etti

Getting your child the help she needs is so important.