4 minute read
School of Thought
By Etti Siegel
Q: Dear Etti, I am dreading the upcoming winter vacation. We have to “do something” because everyone else does. Every year, I plan a trip. We all pile into our minivan with snacks and more snacks, games and music and story CDs…and yet the bickering and fighting doesn’t stop. When we get to the motel, there is more arguing. We have lots of fun, but overall, it just gives me a headache.
The crazy part is how nostalgic the kids get when they recall past trips. They are totally happy to go to school and share where we went on our latest budget road-trip.
Can we make the fighting stop?
Tired of vacation and it didn’t even start yet, -Harried Mom
A: Dear Harried Mom, Hmmm. This is not really a school-related question, but I will share with you some school-related stories, hoping they impart some school-related wisdom, and perhaps it will help you with your dread of vacations.
Story #1:
I bumped into a former third-grade student one day. She was walking with a few of her children. She introduced me as Mommy’s favorite teacher. Curious, I asked her what she remembered from so long ago. She thought for a minute.
I guess she felt bad, because she closed her eyes for a moment and wrinkled her forehead, thinking back, and then announced, “I remember something! I remember you dislocated your arm and had to wear a sling!”
Story #2:
My job as a coach means that I usually teach a class as a way to model different teaching strategies for the teacher who is in the room observing. I am not a substitute teacher. But when I heard a few teachers were running late because they were stuck in traffic, I volunteered to cover two classes to help the school out. I was immediately sorry. The children from two classes were all crowded into one classroom, I did not have the luxury of preparing a lesson that would be more fitting for the situation, and I was on my own. I did the best I could, staying upbeat, positive, and as normal as possible in the untenable situation I was in. I taught, asked questions, some children were inappropriate and silly, and I just kept teaching. The class was almost over when the teachers showed up, and I shooed them away to go get drinks and put their bags down, as I knew five more minutes would not matter.
The following week when I arrived at the school, the best possible reaction happened in each class. It was the reaction of a class that did not recall the craziness of the week before – it was a non-reaction. Everything was normal.
Both stories can apply to your question.
In my first story, my former student could only recall the one event that stood out. Being happy, learning a lot, and being in a warm and loving environment left her with a feeling, but the fact that I wore a sling left her with a memory. It was something different. So she remembered that detail.
In my second story, because I acted calm and did not act different than usual, I studiously avoided creating a memory. Though it was a wacky day, it was over so quickly, and they did not remember it. The non-reaction was what happens when a memory is NOT created. Had I been frustrated, upset, or acted in any way that was different than my normal way of interacting with the class, it would have created a memory and possibly doomed
me for the remainder of Being happy, learning the year, as some children might have decided to try a lot, and being in to make me lose my cool again, or something of the a warm and loving sort. You mention that your environment left her children have wonderful memories of your past with a feeling, but the trips. That tells me that you are staying calm and fact that I wore a sling not making a big deal of the squabbles, even though left her with a memory. that behavior disappoints/ annoys you. That is smart, because it is not creating any memory of those uncomfortable parts of your trip. As you can see from your children’s recollections, they only focus on the actual places you went and the things you did as a family. So keep doing what you are doing. Maybe include the children in planning for the trip; decide who will sit where, what snacks you will eat when, and what games you will play during the car ride before the trip. Perhaps that will minimize the fighting. Even if it doesn’t minimize the fighting, staying calm will help make sure to not create any memories of the arguing part of the trip. And remember, vacation will be over soon. They will all go back to school. And then you will get a necessary break! Try to enjoy. This time, when you are all able to vacation together, passes very quickly! -Etti
