Notable Quotes

“Say What?!”

I mean, I don’t always hang in the left lane. If I’m not in a hurry, I’ll go in the middle lane, I’ll go in the right lane. But let’s be honest, I’m more left lane.

- NASCAR champion Jeff Gordon on Jimmy Fallon, discussing his regular driving habits

First, they searched near Biden’s Corvette; now, they’re searching his beach house. I’m starting to think Biden created this whole scandal as a humblebrag.

- Jimmy Fallon

He had nothing! He was dead, he was leaving the race, he came over and he begged me, begged me, for an endorsement. He was getting ready to drop out.

- Former President Donald Trump talking about Gov. DeSantis (RFL) in a recent radio interview with Hugh Hewitt

Unfortunately, we see that the ideology of Nazism in its modern form and manifestation again directly threatens the security of our country.

- Vladimir Putin addressing army officers in Stalingrad

Those who draw European countries, including Germany, into a new war with Russia, and ... expect to win a victory over Russia on the battlefield, apparently don’t understand that a modern war with Russia will be quite different for them.

- Ibid.

Today the White House announced that [Pres. Biden] will get his annual physical on February 16. It’s going to be crazy after Biden’s colonoscopy when the doctor says, “There’s no easy way to tell you this, but we found more classified documents.”

— Jimmy Fallon

There were tears coming down from his eyes. He said, “If you endorse me, I’ll win.” So I end up doing it, and he wins. They say it was like a bomb went off. Just a bomb totally went off. From the moment I endorsed him, he went from losing by numbers that were not catchable to winning easily.

- Ibid.

I have people attacking me from all angles.

– Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) when asked about Trump’s comments

More than half the women of my cabinet, more than half the people of my cabinet, more than half the women in my administration are women.

- President Joe Biden at the 30th anniversary of the Family and Medical Leave Act

If a prime minister stands up and assumes dictatorial powers for himself, he deserves to die, it’s as simple as that.

- Facebook post by Zeev Raz, a former IDF combat pilot

If a man has taken over my country, a foreigner or an Israeli, and he’s leading it in an undemocratic manner, he must be killed.

- Ibid.

In recent weeks, we have witnessed a growing wave of incitement. Lines are being crossed every day, and it seemed like every boundary had already been crossed in threats on elected officials and on me. But clearly not, because today we heard and saw a clear threat to murder the prime minister of Israel.

- From a statement in response by Prime Minister Netanyahu

The balloon floated from Montana to South Carolina. Somehow it got across the country faster than someone flying Southwest.

— Jimmy Fallon

“Sloppy” Chris Christie, the failed former Governor of New Jersey, spent almost his entire last year in office campaigning in New Hampshire for the Republican Nomination for President. Much like his term in office, where he left with an Approval Rating of just 9%, his Presidential campaign was a complete disaster. He endorsed me the following day, later recommended Chris Wray for the FBI (how did that work out?), went down in flames, and then was SALVAGED by ABC FAKE NEWS. I never wanted him.

- Social media post by former President Donald Trump

I’m the target of Donald Trump’s new tantrum. None of his lies about me today bothered him when he asked me to prep him for every general election debate or offered me 3 different cabinet posts. He’s the only man to lose to Biden outside Delaware. That loss to Joe still stings.

- Tweet by Chris Christie in response

If we were aware of the balloon, I think we should have taken steps to prevent it from entering our air space and I’m not sure that we should have allowed it to simply cross over the country, cross over what were obviously sensitive military sites. I don’t see the logic of that.

- Leon Panetta, who served as CIA director and then Secretary of Defense under President Barack Obama, criticizing Pres. Biden for waiting so long to shoot down the Chinese spy balloon

I got up and if I had a headache I said, “I’ll take a pill.”

-Louise Kobs, 91, who was a crossing guard for the Levittown School District and never missed a day of work in more than 40 years, at her retirement ceremony

Those were my children. I loved them all. I watched them grow up.

- Ibid.

My life feels so complete.

- Ibid.

I read that Punxsutawney Phil’s only right 40 percent of the time. When they heard that, Weather.com was like, “You’re hired — when can you start?”

— Jimmy Fallon

You can’t trust Punxsutawney Phil. He’s basically the George Santos of the groundhog world.

— Jimmy Fallon

Today is my 1st time inside the Capitol since Jan 6. Everything looks the same but it doesn’t feel the same. Maybe I’ll get used to it again but now it feels like a visit to an historic battlefield. Out of every window you see the paths of the attackers.

- Tweet by MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell

I would say that was complete drama queens on full display. And there’s no surprise there that they would use racism as an excuse.

- Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) on Fox News after Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (Dem/Socialist-NY) had a hissy-fit on the House floor after anti-Semite Ilhan Omar was kicked off the House Foreign Affairs Committee

Biden’s attorneys found documents at his main house in Delaware last month, and the president has a regular house and a vacation house, both in Delaware. I don’t know — how’s that a vacation? Can you vacation from Delaware to Delaware?

— Jimmy Kimmel

[China is] saying, “It’s very innocent. It’s a weather balloon.” They said they would never use a spy balloon to infiltrate and monitor America. That’s what TikTok is for.

- Bill Maher