Self-Care

By Sara Rayvych, MSEd

Iknow that discussing self-care may sound like a terrible topic for this time period. Grocery shopping feels competitive – it’s bumper cars with the carts. We’ve declared war on errant Cheerios and a sudden affection for potato starch. The house looks like it was turned upside down, yet we call this huge mess “cleaning.” This is all despite the fact that the house need not be clean, just free of chometz. This is the busiest time of the year, yet here is an article on self-care.

Yes, exactly when we are experiencing the greatest upheaval is when we need to prioritize a little time for ourselves. The more stress we are experiencing, the more we need to prioritize our emotional health. Parents who don’t make time to relax and reorient themselves are likely to scream at their children, or worse. Now, more than ever, we need to practice self-care.

We are creating lifelong memories for our children. Thinking back to their childhood, we want our children to have smiles as they think of fun, togetherness, and laughter. Memories of being silly, taking trips, and eating food that tastes like Pesach should dominate their consciousness. Yelling, screaming, and feeling tread upon should not.

As adults, our children will not think fondly of organized drawers if all they remember is raised voices. They won’t care if we spent more or less time preparing the meal nor will they think wistfully, “We always had three new salads per meal” if they’d been treated harshly.

They will remember Pesach fondly if we blast the music a bit, take a detour to the park, or even just eat pizza huddled on the porch – if we’re doing it together cheerfully. We want them to reminisce about smiles, laughter, and good times. Only a calm parent – one who has maintained their own sanity – can provide this. Even if all we do is not yell as much, we’ve made significant progress.

Prioritizing

We tend to not prioritize our own needs, which is natural when we have kids and so many other tasks vying for our attention. Younger kids and infants, in particular, are a full-time job that doesn’t even offer bathroom breaks. It’s not uncommon to find parents forgetting to eat. Showering involves careful planning, and basic errands require advanced strategies. Time to “relax” – if we even still understand the word – takes a backseat.

We take our job as parents seriously, and we want to do it well. We will obviously put our child’s needs first and tend to all they require. This is true, and we do need to prioritize our children. But, part of prioritizing our children is taking care of ourselves and ensuring we can be the best parent we can be.

We can only give from what we have, and if we deplete our energy stores, we are left with little left to give to our precious children. Our children deserve emotionally strong parents, and it’s up to us to maintain that strength.

When we recognize the importance of putting our emotional health first, we will work harder to fit it into our schedule. Even the busiest parent takes breaks for basic human needs, and we should put our selfcare in that category.

Easy Ideas

Taking care of ourselves doesn’t need to be complicated. We may picture grandiose ideas but never get to them. Often, it’s the small things that we can do with ease that add up to meaningful time for ourselves. Take something you can do easily, and make it happen. Consistency is important, too.

Each person is unique, and the key is to find what works for each individual. Some people enjoy being home, curled up with a new book; others enjoy being outdoors breathing fresh air.

While I like to include ideas, this is truly an area where we need to pick and choose what does and doesn’t work. For example, many women find a manicure to be incredibly relaxing. Making time for a mani is the perfect way for them to prioritize themselves. Personally, I don’t find it soothing to get my nails done and shouldn’t choose that as my “me time.”

Whatever you choose doesn’t need to be fancy. Truthfully, the easier it is to work into a busy schedule, the more likely we are to do it. The simple time we make is better than the grandiose plans we can’t accomplish. It can be strolling on the boardwalk and watching the ocean, exercising, or taking a pottery class. It can be formal or informal. Even time for a relaxing hobby can be sufficient.

Creating Time

Many of our readers are likely to argue they don’t have the time; this author will agree with you. Between all the extra preparations in the house, shopping for food, purchasing clothing and other yom tov essentials, there isn’t time for the regular maintenance that every home requires. It’s hard enough to make Pesach while maintaining the regular daily tasks; who can think of finding extra time?

Time can be used more efficiently or serve two jobs simultaneously. This can also be called “making something from nothing.” We can take tasks we’re already doing and breathe some calm into them. The key is to find what soothes our unique selves and make that happen. This may mean a hot beverage being slowly sipped while creating a menu or reading The Jewish Home. A shower can be extended or turned into a bath. You need to eat at some point, and lunch can be eaten out with a friend or even by yourself. The body requires continuous breathing; relaxation breathing techniques can be a wonderful way to calm the body. Take a brief walk between errands or when shopping. Shop alone or with friends, whichever gives you a feeling of calm. Add music you enjoy or even a few minutes of reading. Just focus- ing on ourselves and relaxing the mind can turn a regular task into feeling a bit more indulgent.

We can also reframe the time we do have and use it more meaningfully. I used to get frustrated when I had to stop my Pesach preparations for a nursing baby. I could be almost done with a major job, but when the baby got hungry, the world had to stop. Eventually, I was able to look at the situation very differently. Yes, it was annoying to be interrupted in the middle of something important, but it also gave me an opportunity to put my feet up and relax with my little one. Truthfully, while the house needs to get done, providing nutrition to my little one was no less important and could even be viewed as a little vacation when I set my mind in that direction.

Keep Preparations Simple

There is so much we do that isn’t necessary. Prioritizing our time also means choosing which tasks are truly important. Now may not be the best time to organize a child’s closet or remove their winter wardrobe. When we stick to halacha and what’s absolutely necessary, we can keep ourselves focused where we really need to be. Clarify the halachic requirements, as needed, to ensure your limited, precious time is being utilized optimally.

We can add some fun and take the insanity a little less seriously. Making time for ourselves is one way we can uplift this yom tov, not only for ourselves but for our entire family. We, too, came out of Mitzrayim and deserve to feel some geulah.