Masked-Up, Zipped-Up, and Tight-Lipped

By Miriam Hendeles

“You know, you better be careful. That’s the second time you lowered your mask, and I’m going to report you…. You’ll be kicked off the plane!”

A woman to my right on the plane about to take off was clearly very angry.

In my seat on a flight with my husband sleeping across the aisle, I was jarred by this woman’s comment. I had been scribbling notes on my to-do list and wasn’t prepared for this sudden outburst. This was supposed to be a calm flight back to LA after visiting our children who live in the Midwest.

I looked to my right at the woman with a large, flowered mask covering her mouth and nose, and I could feel the daggers shooting from her barely visible eyes. I wanted to respond, explain, defend. Perhaps out of fear, I was frozen. A part of me felt an out-of-body experience, that I was watching an unusual drama take place on an video.

I felt my mask with my hands – yes, it was over my nose. I said nothing.

“You will be kicked off the plane,” she repeated. “Be careful!”

I guess these things happened in real life, not just to those you read about in the news. The outbursts over masks, the wars between mask enforcers and others. I visualized myself in the news the next day – “woman gets thrown off the plane for allegedly lowering her mask two times.”

A flight attendant appeared in the aisle right next to me. “What’s going on here?” she asked, looking from the woman to me and back to the woman.

“What’s going on here is that this lady keeps removing her mask and so is the guy with her,” the woman said, pointing to my husband who was sleeping in another row. (How did she know we were together? Hmmm…)

I leaned across the aisle where he sat and pulled his mask even higher than it was over his nose to touch his sleeping eyes.

The flight attendant looked at me and back at the woman.

“Well, she’s clearly wearing her mask now,” she said to the woman. And then to me: “Please keep your mask covering your nose and mouth, okay?”

I wondered if the woman would calm down. No such luck.

“You know, I really don’t know what you people are doing,” she continued on addressing the flight attendant. “You’re supposed to be enforcing the law, and you’re not. I noticed a whole lot of people not wearing masks, and you don’t even say anything.”

The flight attendant responded: “This woman is complying so we’re good…. okay?”

“I don’t know, you aren’t even enforcing the mask situation. I see lots of people not covering their faces and you don’t even say anything; I’m going to complain to the airline!” she scolded, while looking over her shoulder around the plane.

“Well,” said the flight attendant smiling slightly, “I do remind people to wear their masks properly.” And then she offered the woman: “Would you like to switch seats?”

I wasn’t sure how that would help the woman, if everyone wasn’t complying in her mind. But I welcomed the possible re - spite for myself from the angry seat mate.

“Yes, I would like that, please,” the woman responded. “Please find me a better seat, and I’ll gladly move.”

She continued on for a few more minutes, ranting and raving to herself. Every so often for another five minutes, she mumbled something under her breath. And just like that, the whole thing was over.

I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes for the duration of the flight. In the end, the woman left me alone for the most part, aside from some looks at me, checking to see if I was complying with the law.

Later, I thought of the event and realized that I hadn’t said a word the entire time. I just watched and kept tight-lipped while the woman carried on with her tirade until she was done. The flight attendant did her job of diffusing it, and I stayed calm.

This is a great tool for life, to be used on many occasions. When I’m aware that there’s nothing I can say that will change the other person’s mind, I can accept that and remain silent. I don’t have to over-explain or argue. I don’t have to calm the other person down. I don’t have to try to fix things. I can remain tight-lipped and let things run their course. I can ride the waves of someone else’s upsetness. I can let Hashem take over.

I could have been triggered by the angry lady and responded. Instead, I got to practice the technique of letting go and letting G-d take over, a useful method in many life encounters. By keeping my mouth zipped (and covered!) and letting G-d take over in the form of a trained flight attendant, I was free from useless debates with people whose minds will not be changed by any over-explaining.

In these days and times, the emotional temperature of those with definite opinions is higher than usual. The norm is to argue, debate, and be right all the time. The stakes are high, and we want to avoid escalation into serious conflict. It’s never pleasant to be critiqued. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of pulling up the mask over our nose, correcting what’s wrong on our end, and moving forward. That diffuses the situation.

But other times, people continue to attack. It’s their prejudice or whatever that is behind their impulse to find fault. Are we going to change their minds? Do we have to? Does that stranger on the bus or plane or on a social media thread really need to learn a lesson from us? No, they don’t.

As for me, I certainly don’t need to change the minds of others when my goal is just to ride safely as a passenger on the sometimes bumpy flight called life. I think I’ll choose to remain quiet and let the experts run the flight – as I did on that flight to Los Angeles. I’m glad I wasn’t part of the sensational news and even happier I averted being an item in the next day’s daily news. Thank you, but no thank you. Safely home. Whew.