Have We Been Hoodwinked?

By Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., LMFT, CLC, SDS

“Imade it out of the hood.”

This expression is usually used to communicate that one has escaped a less desirable place or situation and entered a nicer one.

Can we all somehow relate to that?

Let me put it this way. We go through child-hood, neighbor-hood and parent-hood, and with each change, we often believe that we have arrived at a better situation. More control and more or better friends are usually the underlying motivators at each stage.

But let’s look at what really happens.

You’re a little kid and you think Mommy and Daddy, your older siblings, and everyone around you are bossing you around. So you always want to grow up so that you can be the one in the power position.

Now, let’s start from the very beginning. You are born. You cry; you’re fed. You cry; you’re burped. You cry; you’re changed. All of your needs are met or else you continue to cry. Who exactly is running the show?

You are! But you get no pleasure out of this because you are unaware of it.

Then, you get a little bit older.

You are given some rules. You don’t like those rules. You don’t always listen to those rules. It starts to feel like you don’t have the control. But the reality is that your parent is starting to realize you have all the control! And they are merely trying to harness it.

Parents have a house to keep clean. A job to hold down, And a shopping list to get done. They also have bills to pay, places to go, people to see, and many other obligations.

You, on the other hand, are a free agent. You have all the time in the world and nowhere you need to be. But maybe you just don’t realize yet how powerful long to get into a parent’s position, where you totally think things will be better! This is where you wind up back in the hood that you want to escape! Parenthood. And even though you thought you finally made it out, you’ve got a rude awakening coming because with parenthood comes the unrealized power of the kids. An absolute tour de force we never saw coming. New parents think they are neighborhood to feel they can take charge of their luck. With new friends, new environment, or new digs, one begins to believe they’ve rested control of their lives. you are. Parents look bigger and stronger. So you comply – sometimes!

But, of course, as we all know, change comes with challenges – adjustments can be difficult and neighbors can disappoint.

So what’s the bottom line?

In life, escaping one hood does not always land us in a nicer one.

When we’re in the best hood, childhood, we don’t even know it.

When we think we’ve gotten to the nicer place/parenthood or neighborhood, the challenges surprise us and we find out just how mistaken we were to begin with.

Then you hit adolescence…. You’re starting to see that you are as big, as tall, and as developed as your parents. Why bother to listen now? And pretty much, you don’t! Unless sometimes you feel like it and then you kindly do. You are starting to creep out of childhood, still….

Finally, you are sensing your power. But there is pushback from the grownups around you and therefore, that sparks your desire to grow up even more. You in the ultimate control position until they actually become parents. Here is where one discovers, slowly but surely, who holds the real reins.

There is that one shocking moment when an adult with children realizes that, as much as they might yell, as old as they may be, and as many rules as they may make, they are certainly not in charge. The epiphany is that with parenthood we certainly aren’t escaping out of the hood but rather into a more complicated one.

Sometimes, people resort to a new

True escape comes with understanding the challenges of each situation, and then growing from being in them and simultaneously focusing on the positives in them. That’s ultimately, in all likelihood, how we get out of a less desirable situation and into a nicer one.