Parenting Pearls

Well Visits

by Sara rayvych, MSed

It’s that time of year again when parents make sure their children’s well visits are up-to-date and ready to submit to their camp of choice. Medical forms, along with the standard array of permission slips, are part of the pre-camp experience for parents.

People often act surprised when they hear my children routinely go for their well visits. It seems many people associate well visits as something you do just to keep your child in school. Their assumption is that if my kids aren’t in school then they obviously must not go to the doctor. I won’t go in depth into the frustrating myths that exist about homeschooled children – the assumptions that homeschooled kids aren’t vaccinated, don’t take antibiotics, and never receive medical care. Each family – whether private, public, or home educating – tries to make the best healthcare decisions for their family. But with these common misconceptions, you can understand why many people are shocked my kids visit their pediatricians (and dentists) routinely.

While many of the ideas shared in this column are topics you might see elsewhere, I try to focus on what you might not see covered somewhere else. I could spend my time writing about how important it is to monitor your child’s weight, check their blood pressure, and see how much they’ve grown. As important as these and many similar discussions are, I will leave that to another author. Today, I’d like to focus on a lesser thought aspect of well visits.

Don’t Miss a Thing

Let’s start with the more obvious benefits. Most parents know their child very well. Despite this knowledge, there is always a chance something can be missed. There are many things that are not generally visible or easy for a layman to recognize. For example, my toddler had his well visit, and the doctor’s staff used some fancy technology to check his vision. I tried to be polite and not laugh knowing they had little chance of getting such a little kid to look into the device long enough to get any real measurements. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t get a good reading. I wasn’t laughing when the doctor pulled me aside and said that despite the poor testing conditions, their little gizmo had picked up a potential vision problem. Upon her recommendations, we soon visited a pediatric ophthalmologist. As I left the ophthalmologist’s office, I called her to thank my pediatrician for catching what ended up being a serious vision discrepancy.

Just like I couldn’t have known he had a vision issue (there were no other symptoms), there are a myriad of other problems that parents don’t have the tools or technology to pick up on. All those annoying screenings that are done can have a purpose. As an example, a friend shared with me how her child’s pediatrician picked up on a slight discrepancy in her daughter’s numbers that indicated the beginning stages of an eating issue. Baruch Hashem, they were able to immediately address her daughter’s disordered eating at an early phase rather than waiting till the problem had progressed.

It can sometimes be tough to know whether what your child is experiencing is something that will pass or requires an intervention. Your child’s well visit can also be both the opportunity and the wakeup call that something needs to be looked into further.

The well visit is a chance to monitor not only your child’s physical health but also their mental health, which is no less important. Especially during times of increased stress, you’ll want their health care provider on board and monitoring your child. Questionnaires and screenings will include a mental health portion. It can make a tremendous difference in the health of a child if potential problems, especially emotional ones, are caught early on. In some cases, a child may open up to a physician rather than a parent about issues they’re experiencing.

Many parents find it helpful to come with a prepared list of questions or issues to discuss. Having it written down in advance helps prevent the inevitable forgetfulness that occurs during appointments.

Getting to Know Each Other

Well visits are a time for your child to get to know their physician and become comfortable with him/her. This is the main opportunity for your child to meet this individual when they’re not sick, hurt, or feeling gross. Their doctor, similarly, gets the chance to become familiar with your child and their personality, especially when they’re feeling more like themself.

A child benefits from being comfortable speaking with their personal physician. A scared, untrusting child won’t as accurately convey their true feelings and level of pain as a child that communicates well with their doctor. Additionally, when the family physician understands their patient’s usual temperament, the doctor is better able to catch nuanced changes when they occur.

A few years ago, my son was hospitalized, and his usual pediatrician was on vacation when the emergency occurred. My usually inquisitive and talkative child was in such pain that he remained quiet

and mostly slept. The on-call doctor at the hospital had the wisdom to notice his patient’s silence and called me out of the room to inquire if this was normal. Only after hearing about my son’s usual demeanor was he able to appropriately judge the severity of my son’s pain. This is something his normal doctor would have immediately recognized.

I prefer to look at well visits as more than just a height and weight check. I try to see this as an opportunity for our doctor to get to know our family and our family to get to know the doctor. This is an opportunity for your doctor to stay in touch with your children and their needs. Children grow so fast that you want their health care providers to be as up to date as possible on where they are in all aspects of their development. I like to know that when I call with a question the doctor has met that child recently. This is important not only when it comes to your child’s physical health but their emotional health, as well. This becomes even more crucial, in my opinion, as children reach their teenage years.

Building Trust

It’s more than just knowing the patient; it’s building a relationship of trust between the parents and their family’s medical providers. I can’t tell you how many times over the years it’s made a difference that the one answering our questions knew us as parents. Doctors who knew us were more comfortable trusting our judgment – especially over the phone – and more willing to work with us during thornier problems.

I personally feel this trust is perhaps the biggest difference I’ve noticed between the times we’ve had our usual provider versus a substitute during an emergency, such as urgent care. My children just didn’t get the same level of care as when the doctor trusted us and our input. It’s my personal opinion that the better the doctor knew us, the more targeted the treatment was able to be.

I’m reminded of an appointment I had years ago for my then-newborn. I had seen this same specialist for a few previous newborns, and she remembered me well. I reported a number of concerning behaviors I was seeing in my infant. Naturally, the baby refused to display any of the symptoms in front of the expert. As many parents know, a child could wail for

hours at home in pain, only to smile and laugh when in the presence of the doctor. Despite my neonate’s lack of cooperation, the doctor reassured me that she believed me when I described the baby’s behavior at home. This was truly important since I was explaining to this professional why my well-growing, heavy for his age nursling was having concerning feeding problems. Normally, it would be seen as preposterous that a baby was not eating well yet gaining weight. If she had just looked at the numbers and the baby’s numbers, she would’ve said he was fine and sent me home. By trusting my input, she correctly diagnosed his posterior (and not obvious) tongue tie that was, in fact, causing serious feeding problems.

In turn, I’ve found that the more I knew and trusted the healthcare provider, the more comfortable I was discussing any concerns or hesitations I had. Ultimately, this led to better treatment plans for my child.

While we know there are three partners in the creation of a child, there are far more in the raising of a child. Having a trusting relationship with a physician who knows your child makes that journey one step easier.

Daven for good health, and don’t forget to send in those forms!

In some cases, a child may open up to a physician rather than a parent about issues they’re experiencing.

Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHome school@gmail.com.