Parenting Pearls

The Antics of Little Ones

by Sara rayvych, MSed

Ihope all the readers of TJH, and all of klal Yisroel, had a wonderful Pesach. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. As we wind down from an exciting, exuberant, and overwhelmingly busy time, I thought we all could use a week of slightly lighter reading. I hope this article gives everyone some smiles after a hectic time period.

I choose to limit which group chats I’m in while being part of a few that I find very helpful and necessary for practical reasons. Everyone has to find their own happy middle for this, determining for themselves what benefits, and what detracts, from their daily functioning, emotional health, and avodas Hashem.

On Thursday, erev yom tov of the second days, I was busy doing a quick cooking marathon in the kitchen. I had been having back problems, and I wanted to get whatever I could out of the way before the pain set in. I chopped and measured, watching salads take shape. Whether they liked it or not, my family was being offered their veggies.

As I began to feel the strain in my back, I finished my final preparations and went to the other room to sit down. I looked for my phone, hoping to catch up on any missed messages. After locating the device in my little one’s favorite hiding spot, I opened the chats and noticed something looked off. After some quick scrolling, I realized my little guy had not only hidden my phone but had responded to my text messages during that time. It seems I had a personal secretary.

The ladies from my workout class, most of whom are mothers themselves, quickly picked up on the unusual messages and realized my phone had been hijacked. The messages, as strange as they would be by the random tappings of a tot, were only more hilarious once autocorrect tried to make sense of them. After deleting his confusing, verbal messages and apologizing for his antics, it suddenly dawned on me that if he could do this to one chat – he could do this to more chats.

In a slight panic, I opened my other chats and confirmed my suspicions. He had sent a long text to my block’s chat. I was horrified and quickly deleted his message. My block is made predominantly of families with young children, many of whom are rebbeim and mechanchim. A child typing on Mommy’s phone wouldn’t elicit such a shock. What upset me was what the message said – I never knew autocorrect had such a potty mouth! I will not write exactly what his message read, but we will simply acknowledge that the editors wouldn’t allow it through for publication.

I deleted the message and briefly apologized that my son had used my phone. Then I waited to see if there would be any fallout.

Using the family chat, I updated my family on my son’s latest mischief, and everyone had a great laugh. It was even more humorous for my family who knows I’ve never been the type to use that language, not even as a child. It was quickly suggested that this would be a great topic for my next article: what happens when children accidently embarrass their parents.

The Reality

When we’re being totally honest, we recognize that there are many times children will accidentally embarrass their parents. I say “accidentally” because there is a big difference between intentionally shaming someone and the irksome or unintentional actions of most childish behavior. Purposely shaming someone is a more serious topic and one that will not be the focus of this article. At this time, I will also not be addressing the requirement to make a kiddush Hashem in public.

Tantrums and acting up are common things kids do, even by kids bigger than we’d like to admit. When they do it in public, it’s usually not to embarrass the parent but simply because that’s where the incident occurs. Whether it’s because they’re out of their usual environment, hungrier, more tired or because that’s where the action happens, children tend to act up in public more than we’d like.

There are many methods our sweet, innocent progeny can use to make us want to shrink into the walls. There is the famous tantrum in the grocery store that we know so well. There is the cursing out your block’s chat, as mentioned above. Some kids like to make messes in their home before visitors come, while others prefer trashing the homes of others or eating like they were raised in barns. There are the children that like to spill the shmorg on themselves right before the big family pictures. (As a side point, it’s for these very children that I usually bring extra white shirts to family chasunas.) Of course, there are the children that take more than a lifetime’s supply of food at the kiddush. Some children have accidents while they’re potty training in just the wrong places. Other kids tell the doctor they hate him/her, while others fight back so hard that they draw blood from their physician. None of these examples are done with the intention of causing us embarrassment, but it’s hard not to feel more than a little uncomfortable.

Some of the examples listed above came from other families, some are my own, but they’re all real. The reality is that all kids do these types of things, and it’s completely normal during their younger years.

Chinuch to the Child

did and not on how we feel. I recognize that separating those emotions isn’t easy.

When they scream or act obnoxious in the grocery store, we feel like everyone is watching us and judging. If we respond in relation to our emotions, we’re going to respond in a very angry fashion. If we properly calibrate our response to the child’s behavior, we may just find the child is merely hungry or just needs a calm, but firm, reminder that the answer is “no” to that particular treat. Ultimately, feeding a child before grocery shopping or firmly, but calmly, reinforcing the “no” will yield better results than flying parental sparks.

It helps to remember that children are children and those watching you most likely have met kids before. If they have any experience with littler people, then they know not to judge you for your child’s errant behavior. If other adults judge or respond back inappropriately, then it generally says more about them than about you.

Spectators can help by not making the situation worse and recognizing that kids being kids isn’t something to judge others about. Snubbing your nose or giving dirty looks is like fuel on a fire to an overwhelmed parent. (As a slightly related side point, it’s incredibly common for kids to act out or tantrum in public. It’s for this very reason that, in anti-kidnapping literature, children are taught to scream “(s) he’s not my father/mother”; otherwise,

spectators wouldn’t even know because we’ve all seen kids pull away from their parents or practically need to be dragged out of the location.) lematic texts ended up fitting in quite well to the theme of this article.

The women of my fitness class and family chats all had a much-needed laugh on a busy day. At least my son was able to add some humor into their last minute, potentially stressful yom

The messages, as strange as they would be by the random tappings of a tot, were only more hilarious once autocorrect tried to make sense of them.

Back to My Chats

You might be wondering what happened to my phone messages in the end, after I did all the clean up. Those probtov preparations. They thought he was incredibly cute, and it’s a bracha from Hashem that he truly is very adorable.

My son is too young to have realized what he did. I could have been a hypocrite and yelled at him, but the truth was he didn’t even recognize what he did. My role, as his parent, is to keep the phone in a higher area and make sure he can’t bypass my passcode in any way. He can’t be expected to have self-control, but I can do my part in preventing his ability to cause havoc.

My neighborhood block, which received the foul language message, tactfully didn’t respond. Whether they didn’t see the original message or simply chose to remain silent, as good spectators they very well may have recognized that kids are kids and getting angry at his shenanigans would be pointless. Personally, I was very happy to not see any fallout from his silliness.

We all have stories of the things we did to embarrass our parents, and our kids will return the favor to us. Let’s try to laugh at their innocence and enjoy their cuteness, because, as we all daven, one day they will no longer be so little.

Please daven for a refuah sheleima for Yechiel Meir ben Sarah.

Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.