Stop on Stigma by Rabbi Leiby Burnham

Jessica Tsur is not just the founder of Levli Gemach in Bayswater, NY. She also has given voice to an invisible disease that many in our community struggle with.

Mrs. Tsur, you are the founder of the Levli Gemach.

Levli is a clothing gemach that provides new and gently used clothing for children and women. We have the unique ability to give stores and manufacturers a full tax-receipt for whatever they donate to us, which gives us the ability to access a high volume of new, good quality clothing. We are particular about what is kept in the gemach, so that families who come can shop with pride and dignity.

Our customers are hard-working families doing their very best to provide for their families and struggling at the same time. Levli tries to take a small burden off their shoulders. No one is embarrassed to come. In fact, so many tell me they look forward to our gemach events as they get beautiful merchandise and an opportunity to connect with others in similar situations. We sell items at rock bottom prices from fifty cents to just six dollars, and all proceeds go towards our camp scholarship fund.

What is really unique about Levli is that it’s a triple win! Stores and manufacturers get a tax receipt while helping others and we accomplish two mitzvos – clothing families and helping send kids to camp.

How long ago did you start Levli, and what made you start it?

I started Levli during Hurricane Sandy. Our community was hit hard, and many families lost all their belongings. But there are no other people like the Jewish people. From near and far, people were sending clothes to families in need. These clothes needed a home. We all had jobs during this time, and this was the job I took upon myself. I quickly learned that this need wasn’t exclusive to Sandy; there were so many families that needed this yearround! I began to brainstorm how to bring in new merchandise and expand the gemach’s services.

We are so grateful to the Bayswater Neighbors Fund for allowing us to write tax receipts under their organization. This has allowed us to get beautiful, in-style merchandise for our families. It brings such joy and glowing smiles to so many faces.

That is quite remarkable, to take a one-time crisis and turn it into a full time chessed! How did Levli get involved in summer camp scholarships?

We are a hard-working family that struggles financially. I run an at-home day care and summer camp. One summer, a parent of a camper of mine asked why my own children, not age appropriate for my camp, were with me. I explained that camp simply wasn’t in the budget. This mother went above and beyond, and the next day told me my kids were enrolled in day camp for the remainder of the summer! That’s when it hit me. What do parents who don’t work from home do? Their children need to be in a safe and healthy environment! We all know how important camp is for all children and families!

This is when phase two of Levli began. With the proceeds of the clothing and a little side fundraising we are able to offer small camp scholarships to dozens of families. Baruch Hashem, in the last five years, we’ve been able to give over 150 summer camp scholarships! Our mantra is “dress in style, give a smile.”

How has running the gemach affected your family?

I think everything we add to our plate puts a strain in our family but it also adds a great deal of value to our family’s internal makeup. There are times when my children need to wait for my attention as I’m busy with the gemach. The gemach was in my living room/playroom for a few years and took up some of their playing space but they also got the joy of seeing how many people benefited from this chessed. Now, my five children are constantly asking, “Are we having gemach hours today?” They are active participants in counting and sorting and greeting people by

the door. The gemach has become a part of their lives and has been an incredible opportunity to teach them the importance of chessed and helping others.

What is your greatest dream for Levli?

Of course, we all have dreams. My aspirations for Levli would be to have a larger space with enough new merchandise and a range of sizes for every family who walks through our doors. Ideally, I would love to have it opened a few hours a day so individuals can come at times that work for them. We will get there. Hashem has guided us in the right direction, and I’m confident He will continue to support us so that we can grow and meet the needs of the community.

You’re an incredible success, a mother of five, dedicated wife,

active community member, and a person who helps thousands of people each year on a level that is matched by very few in our community, and yet there is a dark side to your story, a struggle that you courageously share in the hope of helping others, and that is in the area of mental health.

I have always struggled with clinical anxiety, ever since I was very young. Only now, with the help of therapy, am I able to recognize that so much of my childhood struggles were due to the disease of anxiety – difficulty in social settings, absolute inability to eat in public, constant fears of illness and dying just to name a few. Despite these struggles I managed to persevere and overcame many obstacles.

Three years ago, I had a mental health “crash.” An event in my life

Jessica with her therapist doing “exposure” to panic and social anxiety, running a 5K in the July heat

seemed to trigger a downfall. I had no appetite and lost incredible amounts of weight. I developed a panic disorder and Hatzalah was on speed dial as I constantly thought I was having a heart attack. I began to avoid everything and everyone – shopping, carpools, friends, etc. I shut down and became severely depressed. I began engaging in harmful coping behaviors and had very intense thoughts of causing permanent damage.

My emotional pain became almost unbearable. I knew if I wanted to get out of this gehenom I needed to speak up and ask for help. That I did, and because of an incredible and selfless community member, funds were raised for me to enroll in a proper about it.

DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) program. The treatment was costly and time-consuming, but it saved my life. That is why I decided to speak up. The silence MUST be broken. There are too many people in our community suffering in silence, and we cannot help them if we aren’t willing to talk it doesn’t care what gender you are. A certain percentage of people suffer from cancer and a certain percentage of people suffer from mental health challenges. No one blames anyone for getting thyroid cancer, and no one should feel guilty or ashamed if they are struggling with mental illness. And just as our community raises enormous sums of money to help people struggling with cancer, recognizing what a life-threatening disease it is, we should be raising similar amounts, if not more, to help people struggling with mental health challenges, as it is truly a life-threating disease as well.

No one should feel guilty or ashamed if they are struggling with mental illness.

Many people reading this are likely incredulous. They understand intellectually that depression and anxiety is a serious crisis in our community, but they expect to see it in people who are not achieving their goals, who are not living successful lives. But you are living an extraordinarily successful life, yet you still suffer from depression and anxiety!

The first thing we need to understand is that mental health challenges are a disease just like cancer. It doesn’t care how successful you are; it doesn’t care how old you are;

Cancer is usually invisible to most people until it reaches a truly dangerous state. Many people are unfortunately not diagnosed until their cancer is Stage IV. Mental health challenges are also usually invisible until they reach a critical state. People appear to be functioning, successful on the outside, and yet internally they are drowning and may even be losing their will to keep going. It is so important that we talk about our struggles and stop hiding them, so that we can beat mental illness before it metastasizes. We have to take off our masks and get real. There is treatment available and skills can be learned to live with this often-debilitating illness.

We have to remember this is a disease and is not in our control! We need to empower the sufferers with strength. Reaching out for help is NOT a weakness. It is the strongest thing you can do for you and your loved ones.

Thank you so much for being so candid about your journey, and courageously pulling the veil of secrecy off of mental

health challenges. How can we be more aware of what others around us are feeling? How can we make sure we don’t pass by people struggling without recognizing their silent scream?

The most obvious signs to look for are when people stop interacting

socially and start withdrawing themselves, not showing up to work, and spending a lot of time in bed. It is rarely laziness; it is usually a mental health challenge. They may also exhibit increased irritability, decreased appetite or increased appetite, or frequent crying. People suffering from anxiety may have a marked restlessness, pacing, and difficulty sleeping which can lead to other symptoms like impatience or hallucinations. Anxiety is often felt in the belly, so there are many somatic symptoms like stomachaches, nausea and indigestion.

Whenever these symptom present in a dilute form, people tend to tell people to “just get over it!” but that only exacerbates the problem. You can’t tell people to get over cancer, and the earlier you detect it and start treatment, the more likely you are to succeed.

Most importantly, make sure you ask the people close to you how they are doing and truly mean it! Don’t just ask it in passing, as a prelude to your next question. Ask it with sincerity and listen carefully to the answers, and you will likely start to hear a lot more than you’ve heard in the past.

Thank you so much for clarifying it for us. Even being a social worker myself, I find myself at

times blind to the reality you describe, and I am grateful to you for being willing to come out and talk openly about it – we all are better for it. Now that you have begun speaking about the mental health realities that most of us miss, what would you like to build to address this?

My new endeavor is called S.O.S., Stomp On Stigma. Through my struggles I have searched for an or ganization that is solely dedicated to offering services to those struggling with mental illness. It does not exist, at least not in the Jewish communal world. When I was at my darkest points, there were so many services that could have benefited me and my family – homecooked meals when all I had energy to feed my children was cereal and milk, chessed girls to help with homework or play a game be cause getting through my work day was the maximum I was able to do, hospital visits and people reaching out to lift my spirits and show their support, funding for therapy and support groups showing me I wasn’t alone when I felt so desperately alone. These are some of the goals for SOS. I have had many conversa tions and meetings with prominent individuals in my community. I have their support to move forward as we all know the tremendous need within the Jewish community.

That sounds amazing, but it also sounds so daunting! There are so many mental health needs in our community. Do you really think you’ll be able to address them all?

No, I don’t think I will be able to address them all. But if I open the door and minds of others, then maybe, just maybe, they can help me. Each person we reach is one step closer. Each person we touch spills over to the next. We can do this together. We can all have our part. The sufferers can begin to feel more comfortable sharing and reaching out for help. The volunteers will come forward for cooking and hospital visits and those that are able will donate funds so people can get proper treatment. SOS isn’t my organization – it will be OUR organization. And if we help just one person suffering in darkness, it will all be worth it.

Jessica can be reached at info@levli.com and on Instagram at @levligemach. Support groups are being formed. Contact Jessica for more information.

Reprinted with permission from Binah Magazine.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIRIAM

By Miriam