4 minute read
Centerfold
1.
TJH Centerfold
Commencement Quips
▶Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
▶I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad fi nished fi fth grade a year before I did. - Je Foxworthy
▶A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car. But if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
▶It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days. - Isabel Waxman
▶When you start to think about how grateful you are to be out of school, think about how grateful your teachers are to be away from you. - Paul Merton
▶My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past twenty-fi ve years. - Larry David ▶Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously. - Paul Freund
▶A professor is someone who talks in someone else’s sleep. - W.H. Auden
▶Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother. - Melanie White
▶A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success. - Robert Orben
▶Of course, there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. - Lawrence Lowell
▶Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money. - Gary Bolding
Riddle me This?
You got me for free, but I am impossibly expensive. I was supposed to help you make money, but now I take away your money. You were told I help you make money, but now I take away your money. You were told I would be temporary, but I will never go away. What am I?
Answer on next page Answer on next page
Graduation Trivia
1. Aside for Kentucky, which of the following states share the highest high school graduation rate, at 94%, based on the 2019 school year? a. Iowa b. Alaska c. Florida d. Vermont
2. According to Investopedia.com, what is the average amount of student loan debt that college graduates have upon graduation? a. $12,393 b. $37,584 c. $52,500 d. $100,200
3. Michael Kearney, who su ers from ADHD, has two Master’s degrees and a PhD. He also holds the Guinness Book of World
Records as the youngest college graduate ever, after he earned an anthropology degree from
University of South Alabama.
How old was he when he earned that degree? a. 6 b. 8 c. 10 d. 14
4. What is the average age What is the average age of students in graduate of students in graduate school? a. 22 b. 27 c. 30 d. 33
5. How did the tradition of tossing caps during graduations start? a. It is a Latin tradition dating back to the 12th century b. In 1952, there was a pigeon stuck on a wire above the
Tulane University graduation ceremony. It was chirping, and students began throwing caps at it to get it to stop. A video of the event was on America’s
Funniest Home Videos and went “viral.” The next year, many college graduations tried repeating that scene with the students tossing up their caps c. It was started by JFK who was giving a commencement address at Harvard University in 1962 and told the students to throw o their caps d. It started in 1912 at the U.S. Naval Academy graduation
Answers: 1. A 1. A 2. B 3. C 4. D 5. D
Wisdom Key: 4-5 correct: You are a knowledgeable college graduate. Congrats! Now it’s time to leave your parents’ basement and get a real job. 2-3 correct: Not bad. Your knowledge and your $37,584 in debt are going to really take you places…start at the thrift shop. 0-1 correct: You must have tossed some of your cerebellum along with your cap!
You Gotta be Kidding Me!
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his fi rst day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, “Your fi rst job will be to sweep the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
Student loans
Answer to Riddle:
