6 minute read
A Grandmother’s Tears by Rafi Sackville
Israel Today
A Grandmother’s Tears
By Rafi Sackville
In the summer of 2013, only two weeks after we’d come back to Israel, we attended the wedding of Shai and Moran Shiller. I taught Shai in the mid-1990s. During that time, he worked after school in my wife’s business. Before long, we had become friendly with his parents, Eti and Motti.
At one point during the wedding meal I joined Eti and her colleagues. Above the din of music in the wedding hall I had one tantalizing question to ask them: in their capacity as midwives in Hadassah Ein Kerem, how many births had they collectively been in attendance at over the course of their working lives?
After their initial answer of “too many to number,” they conferred and settled on what they considered a reasonable answer which, they insisted, was probably too low.
The accepted definition of midwifery, that it is “the profession or practice of assisting women in child
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]ספר הדרת קודש בשם הג''ר אברהם אליעזר זאב אלט זצ''ל אבד''ק קובערסדארף[
מצבות
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birth,” fails to capture the work of these professionals.
It is clear from a recent conversation I had with Eti that her work encompasses a good deal more than providing assistance to women giving birth. I wanted to know more about the challenges she faces as a midwife in Israel today.
She admits it was her childhood dream to become a midwife.
“I was 10 years old,” she recalls, “and despite not understanding what midwifery meant, I decided then that I wanted to do it.”
It was a long time before Eti actually became a midwife. For years, she worked as a nurse in intensive care. Then, at the age of 45, she was able to fulfill her dream.
She worked for years in Asaf HaRofeh Hospital before moving to Hadassah Ein Kerem almost 10 years ago.
Eti is proud of the work she and her colleagues do at Hadassah. In particular, she feels the hospital has taken a positive approach to those independent women who wish to experience birth a little outside the norm. For example, the hospital won’t stand in the way of women who wish to experience delivery in water or who refuse medication.
She describes the atmosphere in the maternity ward as calm.
“Over the years, we midwives have taken greater control of the birthing process,” she says. “We have the freedom of decision-making. Of course, if a situation requires it, we will consult with the doctors on staff.”
This seemingly contradicts what Eti sees as the greatest change in the field over the last 20 years: medical intervention. This follows a similar
pattern to America, where playing safe with the use of medicine mitigates the possibility of lawsuits.
Eti says the greatest challenge of a midwife is the fact that at all births there are two patients: one they can talk to and the other they cannot see. Dealing with babies about to enter the world is akin to dealing with a patient from behind a closed door.
“It’s a huge challenge to make certain we make the correct decision for the baby, especially when we are faced with women who are deter
Eti’s grandson, Yedidya
mined to make their own decisions about the birthing process.
“The hardest part of any midwife’s job is when we have ‘quiet births,’ when babies are stillborn. Oftentimes we know beforehand. Sometimes, this isn’t the case. Regardless, it is heartbreaking trying to comfort a mother under such trying circumstances. It is unbelievably difficult. “At the other end of the spectrum are the truly heart-lifting stories; women who have spent years trying to start a family and miraculously give birth for the first time when they’re into their forties. These are truly remarkable women who have given their all to become mothers. My colleagues and I admire such women.” As she approaches retirement, Eti still enjoys working the late shift. The work is so fulfilling, even when she is in charge of a shift, which she admits is very stressful.
“The weight of the world is on your shoulders when you are in charge,” she says.
I asked her about peaks in births. Eti sighs when she answers, “After every war or country-wide stress, there is always a baby boom.” Does she think there is going to be a baby boom after Covid-19? She shakes her head no, although she’s admits she’s only guessing.
Undoubtedly, Eti’s most beautiful story has to do with another remarkable woman, Moran, Eti’s daughterin-law. Before giving birth to her son, Yedidya, she and Shai approached Eti.
Eti becomes animated when telling the story. “Moran asked me to be the midwife at the birth. I was beside myself with happiness.
“It began as just another birth for me,” she recalls. “And then, as Yedidya came into the world, the personal significance of this birth dawned on me. I started crying my eyes out before the delivery was over. I don’t know how I managed, but I was somehow able to gird myself to stop crying and guide Moran through the birth. When it was over and I knew that she and Yedidya were okay, I burst into tears of happiness that took forever to stop.
“I’ve been present at the birth of two of my grandchildren, and I feel I have a special bond with them.”
At the hall that night in Nes Ziona at Shai and Moran’s wedding, I watched and listened as Eti and her colleagues calculated the number of births they’d attended. It came to approximately 10,000.
Seven years later, Eti figures that she has been present at least 3,000 births. “I pray to be at a lot more before I retire, especially if they’re my grandchildren,” she says with the same becoming, wistful smile that every mother who has had the honor of having her present at the birth of their children will testify to.
Rafi Sackville, formerly of Cedarhurst, teaches in Ort Maalot in Western Galil.
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