The Jewish Home | MAY 19, 2022
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teen talk
by by rabbi rabbi Doniel Doniel Drandoff, Drandoff, LMFt LMFt
The Conversation Continues L
ast week, we responded to a painful letter written by a teen who was ridiculed about her weight when she was younger. Over the course of her high school years, she lost a great deal of weight and developed a complex which led to severe restriction of calories in her diet, as well as an extreme exercise regimen. Though we cannot offer a diagnosis, it was noted that the letter writer, Eliana, presented a story that carries many of the hallmarks of an extremely dangerous eating disorder called anorexia nervosa. Last week’s article was a direct response to Eliana. However, it is really important that parents understand the nature of this disorder. For this week’s article, I will take the opportunity to explain this further. We will discuss: • Causes • Warning signs • How to talk to your teen and be supportive, rather than harmful • Treatment
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OctOber 29, 2015 | the Jewish Home
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esearch suggests that while it is often unclear what causes an eating disorder, there can be a number of factors that play into it. In other words, there are some indicators that we can point to and consider. It seems that genetics are a definite factor. Eating disorders often run in the family. If a family member suffers with an eating disorder, the likelihood of others developing an eating disorder rises. It is far from a guarantee, chas v’shalom. It simply means that the statistics teach us that parents must be more vigilant and aware of their children’s eating habits if there is a family history of eating disorders. Another statistical fact is that eating dis-
Teen Talk ,
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orders are far more common among females. Once again, a little more vigilance with one’s daughter(s) is appropriate. Other causes can be social pressure to be thin, anxiety, perfectionism, and a history of abuse. Included in this is if a child is bullied or teased due to his/her weight. Once again, I want to reiterate that this list represents a loose idea of potential indicators. The mere fact that your child fits any of these should not be cause for panic. In fact, as I will explain below, even a clear diagnosis should not result in panic. When it comes to anorexia warning signs, we can be a little more specific and certain. There are specific behaviors and attitudes that should indicate to a parent that there may be a serious problem. I will list some of them in bullet form (in no particular order): • Intense fear of gaining weight • Sticking to a strict and restrictive diet, despite being very thin • Emaciated appearance • Refusal to eat or admit when hungry • Discomfort eating in public, and/or refusal to do so • Extremely self-critical of weight and/ or appearance • Changes in mood – depressed, anxious, irritable… • Becoming increasingly less social • Compulsive exercise • Regular female biological cycle has become erratic or has altogether stopped While this is not a completely exhaustive list of potential symptoms, it is a
very good start. As a parent, you should be cognizant and aware so that you can pick up on the warning signs if they do emerge. Some or all of these red flags may be present, so it is important to be tuned in to your child’s world. The earlier an eating disorder is discovered, the better the prognosis. Until now, we have really only been discussing anorexia of the restricting type, but it is important to note that there are other eating disorders to be aware of: anorexia of the binge-eating/purging type (which was briefly mentioned last week), bulimia nervosa, and binge eating are the most common. It is beyond the scope of this article to go into detail of each, however, the approach to how to speak with your kids is more or less the same for all.
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f you suspect that your son or daughter is suffering with anorexia, the first rule is don’t panic. Generally, people who are in a state of panic are not capable of acting in a way that is thoughtful, careful and extremely empathetic and validating. When it comes to approaching your teen, you will need heavy doses of all of these. So, step one is to find your inner calm so that you may come to the conversation with your teen in a way that exudes confidence and love. If your teen picks up on your anxiety and frustration it will only further his/her
