Centerfold

TJH Centerfold

You gotta be kidding

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fi shing and spots a man fi shing from a boat below. She shouts from a boat below. She shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolls her eyes and says, “You must be a Republican!”

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’re not much help to me.”

The man smiles and responds, “You must be a Democrat.”

“I am,” replies the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”

Donald J. Trump Answer to Riddle:

Political Speak who Said It?

1.

The future will be better tomorrow.

2. I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.

3. I am only an average man but, by George, I work harder at it than the average man.

4. 5.

If Lincoln were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Let’s not talk so much about vice. I’m against vice in any form.

6. I am not one who — who fl amboyantly believes in throwing a lot of words around.

7. If you don’t mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is darn good shaving cream.

8.

You don’t know how to lie. If you can’t lie, you’ll never go anywhere.

9. I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency – even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.

10. So long as I’m the president, my measure of success is victory – and success.

11. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

12. Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be…a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.

A. B. C. D. E. F. G.

George W. Bush

Ronald Reagan

Teddy Roosevelt

Richard Nixon

Gerald Ford

Barry Goldwater

George Bush, Sr.

H.

Bill Clinton

I.

John Kennedy

J.

Dan Quale

K.

Joe Biden

L.

Abraham Lincoln

12-K 11- L 10-A 9-B 8-D 7-F 6-G

5-I 4-E 3-C 2-H 1-J Key Answer

Political Convention Trivia

1. In which year were political conventions fi rst covered on TV? a. 1936 b. 1948 c. 1952 d. 1968

2. The Democratic

Convention in New York in 1924 was the longest in history. How long was it? a. 6 days b. 8 days c. 9 days d. 17 days

3. Only two men have been nominated for their party’s presidential ticket on fi ve occasions. Who were they? a. Richard Nixon/

Franklin D Roosevelt b. Franklin D. Roosevelt/

George Washington c. Herbert Hoover/

Calvin Coolidge d. Theodore Roosevelt/

John Adams

4. At the 1972 Democratic

Convention, nominee

George McGovern delivered his acceptance speech, titled “Come Home America” at what time? a. 10 a.m. b. 2 p.m. c. 4 p.m. d. 3 a.m.

5. Which city has hosted the most political conventions? a. New York b. Chicago c. Philadelphia d. Baltimore

6. During an appearance at the 2012 Republican

National Convention, actor Clint Eastwood chose to have an imaginary conversation with President Barack

Obama – represented onstage by what? a. A cardboard cutout b. A mannequin c. An empty chair d. A large photo

7. Which third-party held the fi rst presidential nominating convention in

American history? a. Free-Soil b. Libertarians c. Anti-Mason d. Liberal

Answers 1. B 2. D - It took the Democrats 103 ballots and 16 sweaty days to select a nominee. (Now that’s a decisive bunch) 3. A- Franklin Roosevelt (VP 1920; President 1932, 1936, 1940, 1944) and Richard Nixon (VP 1952 and 1956; President 1960, 1968, and 1972) 4. D- Due to a lack of organization and a vice presidential roll call that lasted into the night,

McGovern did not begin his acceptance speech until 3 a.m. (Hey, McGovern, how can you

McGovern if you can’t McRun your convention properly?) 5. B- To date, Chicago has hosted 25 political conventions 6. C 7. C Wisdom key 6-7 correct: You are a complete wonk. So, how many pairs of beige Dockers do you own? 3-5 correct: You are right in the middle. You are probably one of those wish-washy independents…. “Be careful, the Independents don’t like this… They don’t like that… Uh oh, the Independents are going to be upset about the color of your tie…” You know what, Mr.

Independent? If you didn’t make up your mind at this point, you are not “open minded” – you are

“empty minded!” 0-2 correct: C’mon, Joe! Seriously man! Give me a break! And you Donald, you know nothing about political conventions. Okay, Donald, please tell me what you have planned for next week?!

Riddle me this?

What was the president of the United States’ name in 1980? See answer on left page