Lifecycle moments

IFECYCLE

A series of rituals guide Jewish families and individuals through each stage of life.

Except for the rituals surrounding death, each of the following stages is often accompanied by festive celebrations. Even the rituals surrounding death bring the community together to remember and honor the deceased and support their family. The following guide is adapted from stories in our archives.

Birth/Infancy

The first significant ritual for a Jewish child is the naming. Jewish children are given Hebrew names in addition to their English names.

A boy receives his Hebrew name at the brit milah (bris), the circumcision of the male child, performed on the eighth day after birth. The circumcision is performed by a highly trained person called a mohel or, if a mohel is unavailable, by a Jewish doctor under the supervision of a rabbi.

The baby girl is named at a simchat bat, with no strict traditions that allow parents to create their own ceremony for welcoming their daughter into the Jewish community.

Upsherin

For many boys, their first haircut is at three years of age. This ceremony is called an upsherin – a Yiddish word meaning to “cut off.”

The third birthday is a significant stage in the life of a Jewish boy. It is then that he officially begins his Torah education, and starts to wear a kippah and tzitzit.

The formal rite of passage into adulthood for Jewish boys and girls is celebrated when they become a bar or bat mitzvah (son/daughter of the commandment).

For both boys and girls, reaching the age of bar/bat mitzvah means they are considered “adults” according to Jewish law, and are responsible for their own actions regarding Jewish ritual, religious laws, traditions and ethics.

A boy becomes a bar mitzvah on his 13th birthday; a girl is considered a bat mitzvah, in Orthodox and Conservative Judaism, when she reaches the age of 12; in Reform Judaism, at the age of 13.

Marriage

A Jewish wedding is a powerful Jewish ritual that serves as a reminder of the power of love and union.

There are a few stages to a traditional Jewish wedding: erusin/also called kiddushin (betrothal on the wedding day), ketubah (statement of obligations), chuppah (the wedding canopy), nesuin (marrying with a ring and witnesses), yichud (marital seclusion, an Ashkenazic custom in which the bride and groom spend 10 to 20 minutes in a private room) and sheva brachot (the seven blessings and celebrations).

The breaking of the glass at the conclusion of the ceremony has been interpreted by many to symbolize the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. The glass reminds us that even during the most joyous of occasions, we still mourn. Others consider the glass’s fragility as a symbol of the frailty of human relationships, or that the couple is breaking with their past lives so that they can create a new family together.

Death and Mourning

When a Jewish person dies, there are clear directions as to how things should proceed with regard to the body, the burial, the funeral and mourning.

The concept of honoring the dead is reflected in all Jewish burial customs. Burial takes place as soon as possible, sometimes within 24 hours after death, or as shortly thereafter as relatives can gather for the service.

There is a mitzvah to join a burial society (chevra kadisha), which ritually prepares the body for burial, and to sit with the body (as a “shomer,” or guard, between the time of death and the burial).

While always tragic, the Jewish rituals around death, funerals and mourning recognize that grieving and recovery after the death of a loved one is a long and gradual process.

The process begins with shiva – seven most intense days of mourning; then shloshim – first 30 days of mourning; and aveilut – year of mourning. While one is an avel (mourner) for a full year for immediate relatives, one only says kaddish for the first 11 months of the year. The unveiling consists of removing a veil to reveal the tombstone in a relatively short ceremony marking the gravestone’s dedication. Yahrzeit is the anniversary of the day of death, often observed by saying kaddish, giving charity (tzedakah) in memory of the deceased, and visiting the grave. It is considered a mitzvah is to mark a grave with a stone. Each mourner adds a stone to the collection on the grave.

Judaism reminds us that there is permanence amidst the pain. While other things fade, stones and souls endure.

Shalom Bayit:

Achieving peace in the home

By Sherri Curley