LIFECYCLE

IFECYCLE

A series of rituals guide Jewish families and individuals through each stage of life.

Except for the rituals surrounding death, each of the following stages is often accompanied by festive celebrations. Even the rituals surrounding death bring the community together to remember and honor the deceased and support their family. The following guide is adapted from stories in our archives.

Birth/Infancy

The first significant ritual for a Jewish child is the naming. Jewish children are given Hebrew names in addition to their English names.

A boy receives his Hebrew name at the brit milah (bris), the circumcision of the male child, performed on the eighth day after birth. The circumcision is performed by a highly trained person called a mohel or, if a mohel is unavailable, by a Jewish doctor under the supervision of a rabbi.

The baby girl is named at a simchat bat, with no strict traditions that allow parents to create their own ceremony for welcoming their daughter into the Jewish community.

Upsherin

For many boys, their first haircut is at three years of age. This ceremony is called an upsherin – a Yiddish word meaning to “cut off.”

The third birthday is a significant stage in the life of a Jewish boy. It is then that he officially begins his Torah education, and starts to wear a kippah and tzitzit.

The formal rite of passage into adulthood for Jewish boys and girls is celebrated when they become a bar or bat mitzvah (son/daughter of the commandment).

For both boys and girls, reaching the age of bar/bat mitzvah means they are considered “adults” according to Jewish law, and are responsible for their own actions regarding Jewish ritual, religious laws, traditions and ethics.

A boy becomes a bar mitzvah on his 13th birthday; a girl is considered a bat mitzvah, in Orthodox and Conservative Judaism, when she reaches the age of 12; in Reform Judaism, at the age of 13.

Marriage

A Jewish wedding is a powerful Jewish ritual that serves as a reminder of the power of love and union.

There are a few stages to a traditional Jewish wedding: erusin/also called kiddushin (betrothal on the wedding day), ketubah (statement of obligations), chuppah (the wedding canopy), nesuin (marrying with a ring and witnesses), yichud (marital seclusion, an Ashkenazic custom in which the bride and groom spend 10 to 20 minutes in a private room) and sheva brachot (the seven blessings and celebrations).

The breaking of the glass at the conclusion of the ceremony has been interpreted by many to symbolize the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. The glass reminds us that even during the most joyous of occasions, we still mourn. Others consider the glass’s fragility as a symbol of the frailty of human relationships, or that the couple is breaking with their past lives so that they can create a new family together.

Death and Mourning

When a Jewish person dies, there are clear directions as to how things should proceed with regard to the body, the burial, the funeral and mourning.

The concept of honoring the dead is reflected in all Jewish burial customs. Burial takes place as soon as possible, sometimes within 24 hours after death, or as shortly thereafter as relatives can gather for the service.

There is a mitzvah to join a burial society (chevra kadisha), which ritually prepares the body for burial, and to sit with the body (as a “shomer,” or guard, between the time of death and the burial).

While always tragic, the Jewish rituals around death, funerals and mourning recognize that grieving and recovery after the death of a loved one is a long and gradual process.

The process begins with shiva – seven most intense days of mourning; then shloshim – first 30 days of mourning; and aveilut – year of mourning. While one is an avel (mourner) for a full year for immediate relatives, one only says kaddish for the first 11 months of the year. The unveiling consists of removing a veil to reveal the tombstone in a relatively short ceremony marking the gravestone’s dedication.

Yahrzeit is the anniversary of the day of death, often observed by saying kaddish, giving charity (tzedakah) in memory of the deceased, and visiting the grave. It is considered a mitzvah is to mark a grave with a stone. Each mourner adds a stone to the collection on the grave.

Judaism reminds us that there is permanence amidst the pain. While other things fade, stones and souls endure.

Shalom Bayit:

Achieving peace in the home

By Sherri Curley

Shalom Bayit” (Hebrew) or “Shlom Bayit” (Yiddish) is a Jewish value rooted in the Talmud. Roughly it translates as “peace in the home.” More specifically, peace via domestic harmony between spouses. Let’s look at it from a broader context. We build our nests to support us, a place to seek safety and security for ourselves and our families. From moments of celebration to times of despair, our homes are our cradles of joy and comfort. Fully supported, we achieve peace, completeness, wholeness and fulfillment. The more content we are, the more our relationships thrive. Shalom Bayit.

Shalom Bayit. Hello. Welcome Home. Peace in your home. Goodbye to any and all things standing between you and a peaceful, harmonious lifestyle.

We’re spending a lot of time in our homes. Even as pandemic restrictions wind down, the “workplace of the future” for many of us will continue to be a home office or kitchen table. Our spaces enhance our productivity and creativity. At this point, it is unclear if hybrid schooling will become the “education of the future.” With so many bodies at home day and night, our storage, work and study spaces, and the flow between multiple users for multiple purposes need to be maximized for the sake of peace. This shift has caused many of us to rethink how we use every inch of space. You may have already embarked on a clearout or two to pare down to gear up for this new way of life. You’re on your way to Shalom Bayit.

If you’re not professionally working from home, does your home bolster you in other ways? Are you able to sail through chores? Less clutter enables completing tasks quicker with greater ease and fewer four-letter words. You can get on to the next item on your to-do list or chill to refill your resource cup. Does your home nurture you? Are there comfortable, unobstructed places to relax, eat, entertain and sleep? Does your home facilitate Shalom Bayit?

In an internet search for Shalom Bayit, the spell checker suggested “shalom buy it.” I hadn’t seen that Continued on page 26

Continued from page 25 coming, although I can promise you that superfluous purchases are not the magic sauce despite what advertisers and social media lead us to believe. I’ve worked with enough clients to know that things are rarely the keys to peace. In fact, quite the opposite. Excess leads to higher levels of stress, confusion, irritation, overwhelm, budget depletion, productivity impediments and contention between family members or roommates. I’ve worked in situations where one partner was given an ultimatum to clean up or clear out – not a pleasant experience. One recipe for Shalom Bayit is to buy what you need and if your budget and storage space allows, purchase the things that enliven your spirit. Peace and harmony originate from within, not from the mall or online marketplaces. Unfortunately, we can’t buy Shalom Bayit.

Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese practice of minimizing, simple living and arranging furniture and décor to realize greater balance and flow. When barriers are removed, energy is harnessed, and harmony is created between the home environment and those dwelling within. As in the principles of Feng Shui, Shalom Bayit is attainable through simplicity and clearing away physical and mental clutter.

When our home is out of balance, our physical and emotional life also become unbalanced. Chaotic piles and clutter lead to safety hazards, visual overwhelm and tension in relationships. Productivity is hampered by items lost among the morass and time-wasting searches. Well-being suffers from stressful surroundings. Moderation is fundamental to flow, focus, optimal health, prosperity and serenity. We strive to maintain a healthy body weight to move with ease, live each day with vitality, and feel content in our skin. We feel better. Being mindful of the weightiness of our homes helps us achieve harmony safely, visually, kinesthetically, productively and relationally within our surroundings. Shalom Bayit.

Sherri Curley, aka The Practical Sort, is a home organizer, organizing motivator, speaker and writer at The Practical Sort Eco-Organizing Solutions. Based on her personal experiences with ADHD and her professional tools, she adores sharing her passion for organizing through adult ADHD obstacles and simplifying lifestyles via practical, eco-friendly solutions. She worked for the EPA during the early days of grassroots recycling, and works with her clients to reduce, reuse and recycle. Follow her weekly practical tips and monthly blog at ThePracticalSort.com.

MOHELS

A mohel is the person who performs the circumcision in the brit milah ceremony for a male child on the eighth day after his birth. For more information, contact your local congregation.

BRUCE J. BIRK, MD

503-799-2794 portlandmohel.com

RABBI TZVI FISCHER

Oregon Bris Center 503-757- 0606 oregonbris.com

RABBI GADI LEVY

720-315-4266 myhomecircumcision.com

WENDY SMITH, MD

503-241-9528

MIKVAHS (MIKVAOT)

A mikvah is a ritual bath satisfying specific requirements that incorporate “living water” (running or moving water from a God-given source such as rain, snow, ice or a spring). Immersion in a mikvah is performed for ritual purification and a change in status, including conversion. It is used by Jews who wish to observe the Jewish laws concerning family purity or sanctification before a Jewish holiday, wedding or conversion ceremony. The purpose of immersion is not physical, but spiritual, cleanliness. Today, mikvah use has taken on some modern spiritually satisfying meanings. Immersion is often a way of celebrating both happy milestones and the pains of overcoming losses.

JACKSON WELLSPRINGS

2253 Highway 99 N, Ashland, OR 541-601-8983 jacksonwellsprings.com/mikvah

MIKVAH MEI MENACHEM

Ashland, OR 541-482-2778 chabadofashland.org

MIKVAH SHOSHANA/WOMEN’S RESOURCE CENTER

6612 SW Capitol Hwy., Portland, OR 503-309-4185 facebook.com/PortlandWomensMikvah

RACHEL’S WELL COMMUNITY MIKVAH

6655 SW Capitol Hwy., Portland, OR 971-220-5580 jewishportland.org/mikvah

SIMCHA VENUES

B’NAI B’RITH CAMP RETREAT CENTER

Lincoln City, OR 503-496-7447 bbcamp.org/rentals

MITTLEMAN JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER

Bethany West, Rentals + Events Manager 6651 SW Capitol Hwy., Portland, OR 503-244-0111 oregonjcc.org/rentals

Think outside the box when you celebrate your simcha at the MJCC! We offer a variety of flexible spaces at reasonable rates, and we’re available seven days a week for a wide range of events, such as b’nai mitzvahs, weddings, fundraising galas, meetings, and much more. Inquire about virtual and hybrid event options, using our high-speed internet to stream. Fill out our rental inquiry form today at oregonjcc.org/rentals.

SIMCHA VENDORS EVERYTHING JEWISH 2.0

Urban Jewish Oasis 1218 NW Glisan St., Portland, OR 503-246-5437 everythingjewishportland.com

CHEVRA KADISHA/ JEWISH BURIAL SOCIETIES

Chevra kadisha, literally holy society, performs the traditional ritual of preparing individuals for burial. Volunteers carry out the ritual of washing, purifying and dressing the deceased, with men caring for men and women caring for women to maintain modesty even in death. Since Judaism promotes the dignity of all with all being treated equally in death, the deceased is dressed in simple shrouds and buried in a plain wooden (usually pine) box.

PORTLAND AREA

CHEVRA KAVOD HAMET

chevrakavodhamet.org Includes volunteers from Congregations Neveh Shalom, Havurah Shalom, Shir Tikvah, P’nai Or, Beth Israel, Shaarie Torah, Kol Ami and Beit Haverim as well as unaffiliated.

PORTLAND HEVRA KADDISHA

Tigard, Oregon 503-519-2454 Includes volunteers from Congregations Kesser Israel, Chabad of Oregon, Beit Yosef, Shaarie Torah, and other congregations, as well as unaffiliated.

CORVALLIS AND SALEM

BEIT AM’S CHEVRA KADISHA

541-753-0067 beitam.org

EUGENE

TEMPLE BETH ISRAEL

541-485-7218 tbieugene.org

AHAVAS TORAH

503-261-3850 ahavastorah.info

TEMPLE BETH TIKVAH

541-388-8826 bethtikvahbend.org

JEWISH COMMUNITY OF CENTRAL OREGON

541-815-4912 jccobend.org

FUNERAL SERVICES

HESED SHEL EMET

Oregon Jewish Indigent Burial Society 503-564-8430 jewishportland.org/ourcommunity/hesed-shel-emet

RIVER VIEW CEMETERY FUNERAL HOME

Marcus Terry, Managing Director 8421 South Macadam Ave., Portland, OR 503-246-6488 info@riverviewcemeteryfuneralhome.com riverviewcemeteryfuneralhome.com

River View Cemetery Funeral Home was established in 2004 and is conveniently located on the grounds of River View Cemetery in Southwest Portland. The staff of this full-service funeral home is experienced in Jewish burial customs and committed to providing the highest level of quality service to the Jewish community. In addition to Managing Director Marcus Terry, three funeral directors are on hand to assist with arrangements: Gary Sands, Gordy Reece and Maleah Wraith.

CEMETERIES

Many congregations maintain their own cemeteries; see congregations section for contact information.

JEWISH CEMETERY AT RIVER VIEW CEMETERY

300 S Taylors Ferry Road, Section 142, Portland, OR 503-287-0066, 503-246-4251 jewishcemeteryatriverview.org