The Jewish Light

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Volume 8, Number 12 Winter Weddings

Serving the Local New Orleans, Northshore, and Baton Rouge Jewish Communities

5 Unique Kosher Foods You’ll Be Eating In 2019

By Josefin Dolsten

Kosherfest participants check out the products at the Meadowlands Exposition Center in Secaucus, N.J., Nov. 13, 2018. (Josefin Dolsten)

SECAUCUS, N.J. (JTA) — Once a year, this swampy neighbor of New York City turns into kosher food heaven. Jews from across the country gather at the Meadowlands Exposition Center for the world’s largest kosher food trade show, Kosherfest.

There’s plenty of nosherai, Yiddish and kippahs to go around at an event where attendees skew Orthodox and male. Some 300 exhibitors showed their products on Nov. 13-14 to an audience of some 5,000 food industry professionals, vendors and journalists.

JTA has rounded up some of the more unusual products at the 2018 Kosherfest, from plantain croutons to dessert ravioli and a menorah-shaped ice cream cake.

PLANTAIN CROUTONS

Plantain croutons don’t get soggy, their manufacturer says. (Josefin Dolsten)

in supermarkets throughout the U.S. for around $2.50 for a 5-ounce package. They are flavored with sea salt, but new flavors — including garlic, lemon and spicy — will hit stores soon.

“It’s all natural,” said Enrique Villacreses, general manager of TropicMax. “You can use it for soups, salads, and it always keeps crunchy.”

SWEET CHEESE CHOCOLATE CHIP RAVIOLI

Sweet cheese chocolate chip ravioli from New York Pasta Authority — for when you can’t decide between dinner and dessert. (Josefin Dolsten)

Craving pasta but also in the mood for something sweet?

These unique ravioli will satisfy your craving. The pasta is breaded and stuffed with sweet ricotta cheese and chocolate chips. They are sold frozen and can be heated up in the oven at home. For those seeking a savory version, New York Pasta Authority also sells more traditional flavors, such as spinach cheese, mushroom and pizza ravioli. The raviolis retail for about $5 for 12 ounces; the sweet variety will be available in about three months in kosher stores.

“It’s special because people don’t think that a ravioli would be dessert or sweet,” said Chavi Katzman, who founded New York Pasta Authority with her husband, Moshe.

Home cooks looking to spice up their salads need look no further. These plantain croutons, which are manufactured in Ecuador and won Kosherfest’s award for the best new savory snack, pack a salty crunch and are gluMENORAH-SHAPED ten free. Feel free to pour on the ICE CREAM CAKE dressing: The manufacturer Klein’s Ice Cream gives sufclaims they don’t get soggy like ganiyot a run for their money the regular ones. with a cake with slices that look Plantain croutons are available like Hanukkah menorahs. The

in recipes. The product will be available in two months in kosher stores across the country at a cost of about $5.80 for one pound.

“Most [butter substitutes] have chemical ingredients. The ones that don’t taste horrible,” said Akiva Stern, president of AmarKlein’s Ice Cream offers a cake, center, with slices that look like Hanukkah lane Foods, which produces Betmenorahs. (Josefin Dolsten) terine. “This doesn’t have chempareve (non-dairy) and vegan ical ingredients and it tastes dessert is made of cherry and great, so it’s the ultimate solution passion fruit-mango sorbet and as far as we’re concerned.” is topped with chocolate icing.

GLUTEN-FREE CHEESE The health-conscious can delight SAMBUSAKS — or at least take solace — in the fact that the cake, which comes pre-sliced, is made with real fruit. (Another version has slices that look like candle flames.) The menorah cake is only sold around Hanukkah, but those looking for a cold treat can buy other varieties of Klein’s Ice Cream year-round. A 12-slice Gluten-free sambusaks and spinach are available with a cheese or log costs about $30 and is avail- tarts meat filling. (Josefin Dolsten) able in kosher supermarkets.

“If you buy it for your kids, These sambusaks taste just your kids will love you,” said like the traditional Syrian savory Victor Klein, manager of Klein’s meat- or cheese-stuffed dumpIce Cream. ling — except they are gluten free. The idea for the dish came COCONUT-BASED BUTTER to Esther Anzaroot when her son SUBSTITUTE started dating his now-wife, who follows a gluten-free diet. Anzaroot wanted to share her family’s Syrian Jewish culture with her son’s significant other, but found that many dishes contain gluten.

“Syrian food is part of our culture, so I felt terrible that she couldn’t embark and taste and Betterine, a non-dairy, all-natural butter substitute, is displayed at Kosherfest. share,” Anzaroot said.

(Josefin Dolsten) Her gluten-free sambusaks, Betterine positions itself as the which are sold under her brand perfect solution for consumers GlutenFree.sy, beat out regular who are looking for a non-dairy pastries to snag Kosherfest’s new and all-natural butter substitute. product award in the breads and It is made from coconut oil and baked goods category. They retail is vegan, organic and GMO-free. for $13.50 per dozen at kosher Betterine sticks look similar to markets in the New York-area butter, have a neutral taste and and are available with a cheese or can replace butter or margarine meat filling. 

Arts & Culture “THE MOST WELL TRAVELED VEHICLES ON EARTH”

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Here Are The Jewish Golden Globes Nominees

By Josefin Dolsten

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(JTA) — Plenty of Jewish actors as well as films and shows with Jewish content made this year’s Golden Globes shortlist.

Here are the Jewish nominees for the award, presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Winners will be announced on Jan. 6 during the awards show on NBC. Adam Driver was nominated for best supporting actor in a film for his role in “BlackKkKlansman.”

Driver, who is not Jewish, plays a Jewish cop who teams up with an

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African-American officer to infiltrate a Ku Klux Klan branch in the Spike Lee film, which was also nominated for best motion picture.

Rachel Weisz is up for best supporting actress in a film for portraying a friend of England’s Queen Anne in the 18th-century costume dramedy “The Favorite.”

Timothee Chalamet is up for best supporting actor in a film for his role as a teen struggling with a meth addiction in “Beautiful Boy.” Composers Justin Hurwitz and Marc Shaiman were nominated for best original film score for “First Man” and “Mary Poppins Returns,” respectively.

South African pop star Troye Sivan‘s song “Revelation” in the film “Boy Erased” is among the nominees for best original song, as is Mark Ronson‘s “Shallow” from “A Star Is Born.”

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“The Kominsky Method” and “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” were both nominated for best musical or comedy television series. Rachel Brosnahan, who is not Jewish but plays the Jewish protagonist in Amazon’s “Maisel,” is also up for a nomination for best actress. Alex Borstein was nominated for best supporting actress for her role as Brosnahan’s sidekick in the Amazon series.

Brosnahan is joined in that category by Alison Brie (“Glow”) and Debra Messing (“Will & Grace”).

Sacha Baron Cohen‘s performance in his satirical ambush show “Who Is America” earned him a nomination for best musical or comedy television actor.

Henry Winkler was nominated for best supporting actor for his role as an acting coach in the HBO comedy series “Barry.” 

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Entertainment

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He Produced The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan And John Mayer. Now He’s Adding A Rabbi's Music To His Resume.

By Gabe Friedman

Don Was and Rabbi Naomi Levy in Apogee Studios in Santa Monica, Calif.

(Courtesy of Levy)

(JTA) — Three years ago, Don Was walked into a Jewish service in Los Angeles without high expectations. Was, born Don Fagenson in Detroit, is a producer who has worked with musicians like John Mayer, Bob Dylan and Bonnie Raitt. Since 2012, he has also been the president of Blue Note Records, the historic and acclaimed jazz record label.

Since his bar mitzvah in 1965, he has rarely stepped into a synagogue.

But his aging father, who was getting remarried, was set to be honored by his beloved egalitarian congregation and wanted his son to be there. He also wanted him to see the congregation's live band, which played at its monthly service.

The congregation, named Nashuva (or “We will return” in Hebrew), is the creation of Naomi Levy, a Conservative rabbi who was among the first women ordained by the Jewish Theological Seminary in the mid1980s. The 10-person band, which has mostly stayed the same over the congregation’s 14-year lifespan, is a diverse amalgam of cultures and musical traditions, boasting Filipinos, Ethiopian Jews and other Jews and non-Jews from the local community. Levy isn’t a musician by trade, but she sings in the band and helps write the melodies.

Was was quite impressed by the

band's music at the service and approached Levy afterward, telling her that she should record its sound.

They became friends and, six months later, Levy and the band found themselves in the famous Apogee Studios in Santa Monica, California.

“I was pretty knocked out by the fact that she took these profound prayers and transferred them in a way that everybody in the room could relate to, and it was a very uplifting evening,” Was told JTA over the phone from Los Angeles.

The result of the Apogee session was “Heaven on Earth: Songs of the Soul,” an album released earlier this month that puts 13 Jewish prayers to a mix of African-inspired world music beats and calming folk melodies. Was and Rolling Stones recording engineer Krish Sharma assisted in the recording, which was mixed by Grammy Award winner Ed Cherney.

In the studio, each song took at most two takes, a testament to how practiced the musicians were. Was invited congregants to lend their voices and fill out the sound, and at times the studio was so full that they had to sit on the floor.

Was, speaking just after completing a lengthy U.S. tour as part of a band backing Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir, compared the effects of the music played by Levy’s band with what Weir evokes. He described the feelings that Weir would produce when playing the Dead’s classic song “Ripple” during encores — Was could see members of the audience crying and hugging.

“I thought Naomi was doing the same things with these prayers that had been around forever,” Was said.

“She made them resonant in a really relevant way, which is not a small feat.”

The Nashuva band’s music is full of big, catchy melodies, which

Levy said is part of the congregation’s larger goal of attracting unaffiliated Jews who don’t realize they are yearning for spiritual fulfillment. When Levy worked previously as a rabbi at a Conservative synagogue in Venice Beach, she’d see many stragglers poke their heads in to Saturday morning services but leave after a few minutes.

“I found myself more and more drawn to the Jewish outsider, I wanted to learn what they were about and how to reach them,” she said. “They haven’t found God or a soulful experience in synagogue. They find it in yoga class or at their zen center, but they haven’t found it in Judaism.”

Now Nashuva, which relies on vol-

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unteer help and grassroots donations, draws about 400 people at the monthly services and streams High Holiday programs to 70,000 around the globe.

Was’ father, Bill Fagenson, who passed away earlier this year, was among Nashuva’s biggest fans. Was said his father became less interested in Judaism as Was grew up, but Nashuva’s message spoke to him, and he had a late-in-life return to the fold.

Thus Was post-bar mitzvah wasn’t exposed to much of any Jewish life. But he received a great musical education growing up near See RABBI'S MUSIC on Page

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Table of Contents Arts & Culture

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Entertainment

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The Nosher

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Bridal Guide

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the

THE

NOSHER

(food)

Gefilte Fish Club Sandwich Recipe

By Kat Romanow

tilapia, cut into chunks • 2 large eggs • 3/4 cup cold water or veggie stock, plus boiling water for pan • 3 tablespoons matzah meal • 1 tablespoon sugar • 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice and zest of 1/2 lemon • 1 1/2 teaspoons Diamond kosher salt • Freshly ground pepper • 1 tablespoon chopped fresh dill Gefilte Fish Club Sandwich (Dominique LaFond)

(The Nosher via JTA) – When I was creating the menu for Fletchers, the Jewish cafe I manage in Montreal, I knew that I needed to include gefilte fish, but there couldn’t be any limp romaine or parsley in sight. I took the elements of a traditional plate of gefilte fish and made it into a sandwich because everything is just better between slices of bread.

Whether you’re already a gefilte fish fan or still need convincing, we promise that this will make you love it.

FLETCHER’S HOMEMADE GEFILTE FISH Yield: 1 loaf

Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil • 1 large onion, chopped • 340 grams boneless, skinless halibut fillets (or another similar white fish), cut into chunks • 340 grams boneless, skinless

Directions: 1. Preheat the oven to 325 F Coat a 5-by-9-inch loaf pan with olive oil. Heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook onion, stirring, until soft, 6 to 8 minutes. Set aside.

2. Pulse the turbot and tilapia in a food processor until finely chopped, not smooth.

3. Beat eggs with a whisk for about 1 minute. Mix in the onion, fish mixture, cold water or stock, matzah meal, sugar, lemon juice and zest, salt, and some pepper until well combined. Mix in dill.

4. Transfer mixture to pan.

Smooth top using a spatula.

Cover with parchment-lined foil, and transfer to a large roasting pan. Pour enough boiling water into a glass casserole to come halfway up the sides of the loaf pan. Bake until terrine is firm in the center, about 45 minutes. Remove pan from water. Let cool for 10 minutes.

Wipe the fish fat off the top of

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the gefilte fish and drain the fish juice out of the pan.

5. Let cool completely and cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate or freeze.

For the gefilte fish club sandwich: Ingredients: • 2-inch-thick slices of your favorite store bought or homemade gefilte fish; this recipe works best with a square loaf • 3 slices of challah bread • sliced tomato • romaine lettuce, or mixed greens • pickles • 1-2 tablespoons prepared horseradish mayo (recipe below) • 1 tablespoon prepared pickled red onion (recipe below) • For the pickled red onions: • 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar • 1 cup water • 1 tablespoon sugar • 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt (Diamond brand) • 1 red onion, thinly sliced • For the horseradish mayo: • 2 cups mayonnaise • 1 tablespoon white horseradish • Zest of half a lemon Directions: 1. To make the pickled red onion: Whisk first 3 ingredients and water in a small bowl until sugar and salt dissolve. Place onion in a jar; pour vinegar mixture over. Let sit at room temperature for 1 hour or refrigerate overnight.

2. To make the horseradish mayo: Combine mayo, horseradish and lemon zest. Set aside. Can be prepared several days ahead, if desired.

3. To assemble sandwich: Set broiler to high and place the gefilte fish slices on a sheet pan. Heat the gefilte fish slices until they are golden brown and warmed through, about 2 minutes 4. Toast slices of challah while the fish is in the oven. Spread the bottom piece of challah with horseradish mayo, place one piece of gefilte fish on it (smash the fish a little so it spreads across the bread) and place tomatoes on top. Top with next piece of challah, spread that piece of toast with a little mayo, place the rest of the gefilte fish on it, top with pickled onions and lettuce. Place last piece of challah on top of the sandwich.

5. Cut the sandwich diagonally,

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place a pickle slice on each half of the sandwich, and put toothpicks into the center of the pickle slices.

(Kat Romanow is a Jewish food historian and the director of food programming at the Museum of Jewish Montreal. She created Fletchers – Espace Culinaire, the first Jewish food space of its kind in Montreal, where people can come for a meal inspired by the diversity of Jewish food or for one of the many food events there. She is also the co-founder of The Wandering Chew, a project that explores the diversity of food cultures that make up the Jewish community in Montreal and elsewhere through pop-up dinners, cooking workshops, and other food-related events.)

The Nosher food blog offers a dazzling array of new and classic Jewish recipes and food news, from Europe to Yemen, from challah to shakshuka and beyond. Check it out at www.TheNosher.com. 

RABBI'S MUSIC Continued from Page 4 Detroit in the '60s, which attracted all kinds of musical legacies thanks to its auto factories. Workers from all backgrounds migrated up to work in the factories and brought their favorite genres with them — from blues to jazz to country western.

In 1979, Was and his friend David Weiss -- a fellow secular Jew -formed Was (Not Was), a quirky band that melded pop, funk and rock and experienced some album chart success by the late '80s. He built a producing resume at the same time, and by 1994 won the Grammy for producer of the year. (He has won three other Grammys and produced albums by artists ranging from the Rolling Stones to Neil Diamond to former One Direction pop star Niall Horan) Was hasn’t exactly returned to religion the same way his father did, but he attends a Nashuva service when he has time in his busy schedule and happens to be in L.A. “She created a great vibe,” he said of Levy. “And it’s what you try to do with all music, really, is to improve the quality of the listener’s life, help them understand something about life.”  THE

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Bridal Guide

Photo Credit: Oscar Rajo

Being A Guest At A Jewish Wedding: A Guide From chuppah to glass-breaking, here's what to expect at Jewish nuptials.

By Rachel Lerner

So you’ve been invited to a Jewish wedding but don’t know exactly what to expect? Here is a quick guide about what to do and how to act at the joyous occasion.

Keep in mind that every Jewish wedding differs slightly from the next, depending on the religious and cultural background of the couple — and of course their personalities. The particulars of the guidelines below will vary depending on the celebration you attend.

What to Wear to a Jewish Wedding

Like most weddings, the dress

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code for a Jewish wedding can be influenced by location and time of day. At many Jewish weddings, men wear kippot (skullcaps), and they will most likely be provided at the wedding. In some circles, you may see women wearing kippot too. Women at more traditional Jewish weddings wear skirts or dresses that fall below the knee and cover their shoulders — or elbows, in even more traditional circles.

Sometimes women wear wraps or jackets that cover their shoulders just for the ceremony, and then they uncover for the party.

Before the Jewish Wedding Ceremony You might have received an invitation with two different start times.

The first time listed refers to the start of the kabbalat panim — the time for greeting the couple before the ceremony — and the second time refers to the actual start time

of the ceremony. Though it is nice for close friends and family to arrive at the beginning of the kabbalat panim, you can consider all of the kabbalat panim as an appropriate window for showing up. If there is only one start time listed, that is probably when the ceremony is scheduled to begin, so be on time.

The kabbalat panim prepares the couple for the wedding, and a lot of different things might take place there. At a more traditional kabbalat panim, the bride and groom sit in different rooms or areas, and guests greet them and often enjoy some light — or not so light — refreshments. Some brides and grooms fast on their wedding day until after the ceremony. It’s completely fine to eat in front of them at the kabbalat panim, but you may want to think twice before offering them refreshments.

At a traditional kabbalat panim,

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the bride often sits on a special seat, and guests approach her to give good wishes. She may offer a special blessing in return. The groom might have a tisch, where he sits around a table with his family and friends singing songs. He may also share words of Torah. The guests often heckle him by shouting and singing to interrupt him, and you can join in the fun. The bride may have her own tisch as well.

During the kabbalat panim, some couples read a document called tenaim, which outlines the conditions of the marriage and declares the couple’s intention to wed. This is followed by the breaking of a plate, usually by the mothers of the bride and groom. Symbolically it reflects that a broken engagement cannot be mended.

The ketubah — the Jewish marSee GUEST on Page Winter Weddings

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Bridal Guide

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What Gift Do You Give at a Jewish Wedding?

So you’ve been invited to a Jewish wedding, but don’t know what to give the couple? We can help.

Of course you can always buy something off their registry, if they have one, but there are some special traditions when it comes to Jewish wedding gifts.

We’ve outlined five categories of useful and appropriate gifts for Jewish newlyweds. We hope they ease your gift-giving angst!

1. Friday Night Essentials

The benefit to giving a wedding present related to Shabbat (the Jewish Sabbath) is it enables the couple to use and appreciate your gift every week for years and years to come.

Shabbat begins with candlelighting and the accompanying blessing. A pair of candlesticks, like this gorgeous crystal set will shine in any couple’s first home.

We’re firm believers that a table full of guests doesn’t have to mean a ton of work for the hosts. A leverstyle rabbit corkscrew makes opening wine bottles a snap, and this Kiddushfountain with 9 cups does the work of pouring the Kiddush wine for guests.

Traditionally after kiddush (the blessing over the wine), guests wash their hands in preparation for the blessing over the challah . With this beautiful silver turquoise washing cup, the couple can observe this custom in style.

Another gift that could brighten up their Shabbat table is a gorgeous embroidered challah cover, like this one. All these gifts can be used week after week, setting your gift apart as something special and kadosh (holy), just like Shabbat.

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2. Keeping Kitchen

an

Organized

Another genre of wedding gifts that we’re fond of giving (and, yes, receiving) are those that ease food preparation and kitchen organization — both important considerations, especially if the newlyweds are kosher-observant.

A good and inexpensive way to help the couple stay organized is a three-piece cutting board set to prepare meat, dairy, and pareve foods.

This colorful set of 3 cutting boardsis bright and fun.

Everyone’s into fresh, healthy cooking these days, but what if the couple wants to make a good old classic dish like, say, brisket? Get them a Dutch oven! This Lodge 6 quart red dutch oven is a steal compared to some of the fancier brands.

Or, if they want cholent (a slowcooked stew) on a cold Shabbat day, a crockpot like this Hamilton Beach Stay or Go Slow Cooker is a needed addition to make those yummy Sabbath stews.

But don’t forget the potatoes.

You can make their potato-grating for latkes (potato pancakes, traditionally served on Hanukkah ) unbelievably easy with this Black & Decker 8-Cup Food Processor.

And have you ever seen something as ingenious as this nifty Non-Stick 3-Tier Cooling Rack? It’s just crying out for some piping-hot treats.

3. Judaica To Round Out a Jewish Home Whether the newlyweds are looking forward to hosting Passover seders and need a seder plate, like this unique Israeli one by Yair Emanuel, or they’re going to be having friends and family over for Hanukkah and could use some extra menorahs, now is a great time to help them build up their Judaica collection.

This handmade iron Hanukkah menorah is elegant and sophisticated, and this Copper finish menorah has a more classic air. Or, if you give a Rosh Hashanah honey dish, it can double as a sugar bowl the rest of the year!

A couple can store their Sukkot etrog in style in this Yair Emanuel

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wooden etrog box. A Havdalah set, like this silver-plated one is something they can use each week to say goodbye to Shabbat.

Finally, a mezuzah like this gorgeous and funky one, completes any Jewish home. As newlyweds set up their lives together, they’ll need multiple mezuzot, so don’t worry about duplicates.

4. Cookbooks Filled with brand-new dishes and cookware, a newlyweds’ kitchen is a great place to experiment with recipes. We recommend giving both classic cookbooks and some new takes on kosher cooking, which can be great gifts for a couple looking to develop their recipe repertoire. For more Jewish cookbook recommendations, read The Best Jewish Cookbooks to Give As A Wedding Gift.

The Whole Foods Kosher Kitchen offers the whole megillah of kosher cooking, with expert tips from a seasoned chef. And for a more contemporary twist, The Modern Menu is a great find. Sections are categorized by flavors and textures, rather than by courses.

For a couple that’s looking to expand their soup options, Soup: A Kosher Collection has more than 100 recipes to choose from. And you can help them step up their pareve (containing neither meat nor dairy) dessert recipes with The Kosher Baker: Over 160 Dairy-free Recipes from Traditional to Trendy. Finally, you don’t have to be vegetarian to appreciate Olive Trees and Honey: A Treasury of Vegetarian Recipes from Jewish Communities Around the World. Giving a newlywed couple a few cookbooks is essentially handing them the tools for successful, enjoyable meals for years to come.

5. Show Them the Money In Jewish circles it is customary to write checks in multiples of $18, corresponding to the numerical value of the Hebrew word for “life” or chai. If the couple is already fairly established in their home, an appropriate alternative is to make a charitable donation in the couple’s honor. It’s a good idea to check with the newlyweds about their charity preferences, as a donation to a charity that they have a personal connection can be a very meaningful gift.

Here’s wishing you and your loved ones a hearty “mazel tov,” from all of us. 

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Bridal Guide

JEWISH LIGHT

Ancient Jewish Marriage Marriage in ancient times was a negotiated match involving an agreement on conditions and payment of a bridal price.

By Hayyim Schauss

In biblical times, people were married in early youth, and marriages were usually contracted within the narrow circle of the clan and the family. It was undesirable to marry a woman from a foreign clan, lest she introduce foreign beliefs and practices.

Negotiating a Match As a rule, the fathers arranged the match. The girl was consulted, but the “calling of the damsel and inquiring at her mouth” after the conclusion of all negotiations was merely a formality.

In those days a father was more concerned about the marriage of his sons than about the marriage of his daughters. No expense was involved in marrying off a daughter. The father received a dowry for his daughter whereas he had to give a dowry to the prospective father-in-law of his son when marrying him off.

The price paid by the father of the groom to the father of the bride was called mohar. (The term continues to be included in the text of the traditional ketubah, or Jewish wedding contract.) In Genesis (Parashat Vayishlah), Shekhem [Dinah’s suitor] said to Dinah’s father and her brothers: “Let me find favor in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give. Ask me never so much mohar and mattan, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me; but give me the damsel to wife.”

“Mattan” was the Hebrew word for the gifts given by the groom to the bride in addition to the mohar.

The mohar was not always paid in cash. Sometimes it was paid in kind, or in service. The Book of Genesis relates the story of the servant of Abraham, who, after his request for Rebecca [to marry Isaac] was granted, “brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebecca; he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.” The servant thus gave mattan to Rebecca, and mohar to her brother and mother.

The Bible does not specify what was to be done with the mohar in case the marriage agreement was THE

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broken by either of the two parties.

Mohar as Purchase and Gift The mohar was originally the purchase price of the bride, and it is therefore understandable why it was paid by the father of the groom to the father of the bride. In ancient days, marriage was not an agreement between two individuals, but between two families.

The newly married man usually did not found a new home for himself, but occupied a nook in his father’s house.

The family of the groom gained, and the family of the bride lost, a valuable member who helped with all household tasks. It was reasonable, therefore, that the father of the groom should pay the father of the bride the equivalent of her value as a useful member of the family.

Yet in the course of time the mohar lost its original meaning as a purchase price paid to the father for his daughter and assumed the significance of a gift to the near relatives of the bride. As far back as in early biblical times, it was customary for a good father to give the whole of the mohar or at least a large part of it to his daughter. A father who appropriated the whole mohar for himself was considered unkind and harsh.

The portion of the mohar which the bride received from her father, and the mattan, which the groom presented to her, were not the only possessions she brought to matrimony. A rich father sometimes gave his daughter a field or other landed property as well as female slaves.

Betrothal and the Wedding Until late in the Middle Ages, marriage consisted of two ceremonies that were marked by celebrations at two separate times, with an interval between. First came the betrothal [erusin]; and later, the wedding [nissuin]. At the betrothal the woman was legally married, although she still remained in her father’s house. She could not belong to another man unless she was divorced from her betrothed. The wedding meant only that the betrothed woman, accompanied by a colorful procession, was brought from her father’s house to the house of her groom, and the legal tie with him was consummated.

This division of marriage into two separate events originated in very ancient times when marriage was a purchase, both in its outward form

and in its inner meaning. Woman was not recognized as a person but was bought in marriage, like chattel.

Marriage, as with any type of purchase, consisted of two acts. First the price was paid and an agreement reached on the conditions of sale.

Sometime later the purchaser took possession of the object. In marriage, the mohar was paid and a detailed agreement reached between the families of the bride and groom.

This betrothal was followed by the wedding, when the bride was brought into the home of the groom, who took actual possession of her.

In those days the betrothal was the more important of these two events and maintained its importance as long as marriage was actually based upon a purchase. But as women assumed more importance as individuals, and marriage ceased to be a purchase, attaining moral significance, the actual wedding became more important than the betrothal.

A New Attitude Toward Women During biblical times, even before the Babylonian exile, Jewish

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life evolved and changed in many ways, including the attitude toward women. Over time, women came to be regarded as endowed with personalities just as were men.

Even as far back as early biblical times, we find traces of a new moral attitude towards women. For instance, although a man was legally allowed to marry more than one wife, barring kings and princes, very few used this right. As a rule, the ordinary Jew lived in monogamous marriage. [However, as history progressed, monogamy has been observed predominantly by Ashkenazic Jews, following the ban on polygamy in about the 10th century

by Rabbenu Gershom, Meor HaGolah (the Light of the Diaspora). In Sephardiccommunities polygamy has never been outlawed, and several sources relate that Christians in Muslim Spain were scandalized by the not infrequent cases of Jewish polygamy.]

An Ancient Marriage Record See ANCIENT on Page

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ANCIENT Continued from Page 7 At the beginning of the 20th century, an actual Jewish marriage record during the period of the return from the Babylonian exile was discovered — the oldest marriage contract in Jewish history.

The marriage did not take place in Palestine or among the exiles in Babylon, but among the Jews of Elephantine and Aswan, at the southern border of Egypt.

The marriage contract of Mibtachiah [the bride] and As-Hor [the groom] began with a declaration of marriage by As-Hor to Mibtachiah’s

father. “I came to thy house for thee to give me thy daughter, Mibtachiah, to wife; she is my wife and I am her husband from this day and forever.”

Following this declaration of betrothal, all terms of the marriage contract were written in detail. AsHor paid Machseiah, the father, five shekels, Persian standard, as a mohar for his daughter. Besides, Mibtachiah received a gift of 65 1/2 shekels from As-Hor. From this we gather that the mohar that fathers received for their daughters was then merely a nominal payment, the formality of an older custom.

According to the marriage contract, Mibtachiah had equal rights

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with her husband. She had her own property which she could bequeath as she pleased, and she had the right to pronounce a sentence of divorce against As-Hor, even as he had the right to pronounce it against her. All she had to do was to appear before the court of the community and declare that she had developed an aversion to As-Hor. We do not know to what degree the equality of rights enjoyed by Jewish women of Elephantine was due to Jewish or to Persian-Babylonian law.

The Ketubah, or Marriage Contract

Persian ketubah (Magnes Collection of Jewish Art and Life) In many points of content and form, Mibtachiah’s marriage contract resembles the version of the ketubah (wedding contract) still in vogue in modern Jewish life.

In references to marriage throughout the Bible, the mohar was paid and gifts presented, but a written contract was never mentioned.

However, the Book of Deuteronomyspecifically states that if a man dislikes his wife, “he writes her a bill of divorcement and gives it in her hand” (24: 3). Modern critics of the Bible have agreed that on the whole, the Deuteronomic law is a product of the century preceding the Babylonian exile. If a written document was employed at that period in dissolving a marriage, we have to assume that it was also employed in contracting a marriage.

A Divorce Penalty The mohar institution was entirely transformed during late-biblical and post-biblical times. From a bridal price it finally became a lien to be paid by the husband in case of

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divorce, or by his heirs in case of his death.

The change in the mohar institution was a direct result of changes in the material conditions of life. In the simple conditions of early biblical days, all sons and daughters married young. No one stayed single.

The situation changes, however, in conditions reflected in the wisdom book of Ben-Sira, written not long before the uprising of the Maccabees. Apparently bachelorship, common among Jews in talmudic times, had its beginnings in pre-Maccabean days. Economic conditions were such that men hesitated to shoulder the responsibility of matrimony. It was not unusual for women to support the men they married.

Under these conditions there was no place for the old mohar institution. Fathers no longer expected any material gain from their daughters’ marriages. On the contrary, fathers often gave rich dowries to daughters as an inducement to marriageable men.

Yet the mohar institution did not pass out of existence. It was reformed intermittently in the course of this period, adapting itself to new circumstances. The first stage in this process was to make the bride’s father a mere trustee of the mohar. The money was then inherited ultimately either by the husband or by his children. This reform availed little, so the husband himself was made the trustee of the money, which was employed to buy household articles.

The last step in the reform of the mohar institution was made by Simeon ben Shatach, head of the Pharisees, who were the ruling party in the state during the reign of the Maccabean queen, Salome Alexandra (76-67 B.C.E.). He declared that the mohar, which was See ANCIENT on Page

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Prenuptial Agreements: A Good Solution To A Difficult Problem

Prenuptial marriage protection agreements that accord with halakhah, or Jewish law, can help secure a woman's freedom to remarry in case of a divorce.

By Viva Hammer

This article explains marriage protection agreements as well as potential halakhic problems that may invalidate them. A subsequent article describes three such agreements that accord with Jewish law.

An escalating problem in the Jewish community is the refusal of men and women to cooperate in securing a religious divorce, or get.

Although a civil divorce can be obtained by judicial decree, whether or not both the husband and wife agree to the dissolution of the marriage, a get requires the free will of both parties. As a result, the get often becomes a weapon in the hands of an individual who wants

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to manipulate the divorce settlement in his or her favor or who seeks to act out feelings of bitterness against his or her spouse.

The use of the get as a weapon was hardly intended by the Torah and could indeed be avoided in a system of religious legal autonomy.

In such a system, any individual who failed to comply with an order of a rabbinic court, or beit din, could be ostracized from the Jewish community. Today, however, the beit din’s powers are rarely invoked, and the beit din’s ability to influence a person’s behavior is minimal.

The result is a growing number of couples whose marriages have ended for all practical purposes, but who do not obtain a get because of the recalcitrance of one of the parties to the marriage. This situation is known as igun, and it has potentially devastating consequences for Jewish life.

Igun threatens the sanctity of family and marriage, the cornerstones of Judaism, in a number of

ways. Foremost is the pain and suffering of those who are divorced civilly but not halakhically (halakhah means Jewish law). Unable to remarry, they are prisoners of a failed marriage and hostages of an unyielding spouse.

Additionally, there is the real danger that an individual in such circumstances will remarry anyway, despite the strict halakhic prohibition against doing so. This is particularly a problem for the woman, who is biblically forbidden to marry more than one man. If she is not halakhically divorced from her first husband, her second marriage is considered adulterous. Any child born of this second union will be considered a mamzer [child of an adulterous woman], forbidden to marry anyone but another mamzer or a convert.

This explains why the vast majority of igun cases involve recalcitrant husbands rather than recalcitrant wives. Because men are biblically– though not rabbinically–permitted to

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marry more than one wife, men with recalcitrant wives are often able to find alternative halakhic solutions.

The tragedy of individuals trapped in iguncasts Judaism in a negative light. An individual unable to obtain a get often harbors resentment against the halakhic system. And the media is quick to exploit the story.

Marriage Protection Agreements–An Old Idea For many years now, there has existed a halakhically sound mechanism for preventing the problem of igun. It involves the use of marriage protection agreements, also known as halakhic prenuptial agreements, before every Jewish wedding. This approach has strong precedent in the Nachalat Shiva 9:14 [a 17thcentury work that contains the correct texts of various halakhic documents], which discusses the German custom of drafting of tenaim (legal conditions of marriage) with a See PRENUPTIAL on Page

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Rabbis Without Borders Always the Rabbi, Never the Bride? Adding Values to a Jewish Wedding

By Laura Baum

Having officiated at many weddings over the years, I sometimes joked to my friends that I was “always the rabbi, never the bride.”

But this summer, things have changed: I’m recently engaged and now planning my own wedding.

As a rabbi officiating at weddings, one of my jobs is to help couples think through which Jewish elements they may want to include in their ceremony. Perhaps a chuppah (a Jewish wedding canopy), a ketubah (Jewish marriage document), a breaking of a glass (almost everyone wants that!), the chanting of the seven blessings, etc. Within each of these decisions there are even more choices and questions: what kind of text will be included in the ketubah? Will it employ traditional language which essentially functioned as a legal document or will it be a text with more modern sensibilities? Will the seven blessings be recited in Hebrew or English or both? Which translation will be used? And which explanation of the breaking of the glass will I provide?

There are many! I even have some couples now where both partners want to break the glass – how fun!

So many choices! Having a rabbi or cantor officiate a ceremony (rather than just a friend ordained for the day) often allows people the opportunity to connect to and learn about Jewish rituals around marriage. You may not choose to

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include all of the traditional Jewish elements at a wedding, but it’s always important to know what your options are and what the meaning behind each one is. Whether I’m officiating an interfaith wedding or a Jewish-Jewish wedding, it’s a chance to create a ceremony that speaks to and reflects the identity of each partner.

I’ve spent many years as a rabbi guiding people through the components of the ceremony. Now that it’s my wedding, it’s a chance not just to think about the ceremony, but also the reception, and where my fiancé and I share values that will inform those decisions as well. It’s not just about venues, caterers, and color schemes (though those are fun to think about!).

We are choosing, for example, to create a wedding with a value of ba’al taschit (do not be wasteful).

We’re considering emailing our invitations to save trees, serving seasonal and local food, and creating centerpieces that can be repurposed: perhaps board games that we can then donate to a children’s organization. When we asked a venue to create a feel of a casual lounge, they quoted us for rental couches, tables, rugs, and chairs.

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PRENUPTIAL Continued from Page 9 clause which stated that in the case of matrimonial discord a certain amount of money be transferred to the woman as mezonos [support] until the husband and wife came before the rabbinic authorities to resolve the couple’s dispute.

The idea of using halakhic prenuptial agreements throughout the community was first suggested by the 19th-century German rabbi, Rabbi David Zvi Hoffmann, in his collection of responsa, Melamed Leho’il (III:22). In 1954, Israel’s Chief Rabbi Yitzhak Isaac Herzog lent emphatic support to the idea. In his work on halakhah in a Jewish state, Tehuka l’Yisrael al pi Halakha, Rabbi Herzog wrote that a halakhic prenuptial agreement should become a standard component of every Jewish wedding.

In the United States, a great deal of scholarship has been dedicated to drafting and making legally and halakhically binding modern versions of this old concept. The most prominent scholars in this field are

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JEWISH LIGHT Rabbi J. David Bleich, Rabbi Judah Dick, and Rabbi Mordechai Willig.

Potential Halakhic Problems Drafting a halakhically acceptable agreement is a complex task. A simple written promise to give a get in the case of civil divorce is halakhically unacceptable. Halakhah considers such an agreement a kinyan devarim, an agreement that has no substance because it is overly vague. In Jewish law, an agreement is enforceable only if there is an exchange of tangible monetary consideration.

Introducing a defined monetary element to an agreement eliminates the issue of kinyan devarim. Nevertheless, a simple agreement to pay a fine in case of refusal to give or receive a get is also unacceptable.

Halakhah does not recognize as valid a penalty agreement, or asmakhta.

The essential problem with an asmakhta is the assumed lack of intent, or gemirat da’at, on the part of the concerned parties, who never really expect to have to pay the fine.

Halakhah assumes that people generally do not consider themselves obligated when the liabilities are contingent and indefinite.

Even if a monetary penalty that Reprinted with permisavoids the problem of asmakhta can sion from the author from Darshan, be devised, there remains the prob- a publication of Drisha Institute.  lem of ones mamon. With a few exceptions, a get must be given with the free consent of both husband and wife. According to most authorities, duress of a financial nature, or ones mamon, would render a resulting get Tuxedos & Suits invalid. However, both the Rema Rentals & Sales and the Taz (critical 16th- and 17thcentury Jewish legal authorities whose commentaries are printed in volumes of the Code of Jewish Law), as well as the Hazon Ish (Shulhan Arukh, Even Haezer 99:5), rule that a get is valid ex post facto (b’diavad) if it was executed as a result of selfinduced monetary duress. Indeed, the Pithei Teshuva, a digest of responsa also appearing in the Code of Jewish Law, indicates that the concern that ones mamon constitutes a form of duress that renders a get LOCALLY OWNED AND OPERATED invalid is really a stringency.

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The above discussion makes it clear that the halakhic parameters in which these agreements are drafted are very complex. A competent and recognized beit din will not execute a get if the husband is cooperating in the process as a result of an improperly drafted marriage protection agreement. And if for some reason a get results from the enforcement of a halakhically invalid agreement, 407 Folse St. Wedding Receptions the get will be worthless, and Harahan, LA Corporate Banquets the parties will still be considBar/Bat Mitzvahs 504-737-6660 ered husband and wife. www.courtyardontheridge.com

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riage document — is normally signed at this time. In more traditional circles, it is signed at the groom’s tisch. In more liberal circles, the ketubahsigning may be the main event of the kabbalat panim, with the couple, witnesses, and all the guests present.

After all the legalities are taken care of, the groom is escorted by his friends and family, usually with dancing and singing, to meet the bride and veil her in a ceremony known as the bedeken. This is often a particularly moving moment of the wedding, so if you’re planning to come late and skip the kabbalat panim, try to come at least 15 minutes before the ceremony is scheduled.

In a wedding with only one start time, the ketubah signing and veiling are usually taken care of with the rabbi in private, before the ceremony begins.

The Jewish Wedding Ceremony Jewish weddings do not usually follow the custom of having the bride’s and groom’s guests sit separately, but at some Orthodox weddings, men and women sit on opposite sides of the aisle. As you enter the room for the ceremony, look out for a program that explains what’s going on. Not all weddings have these, but they are becoming increasingly popular.

A rabbi or cantor usually conducts the ceremony, standing under the chuppah (marriage canopy) with the bride, groom, and sometimes their families and friends. In the middle of the ceremony, the ketubah may be read by a rabbi or friend. The ketubah is often a beautiful piece of art, and after the ceremony you may be able to admire it if it is on display.

Near the end of the ceremony, the sheva berakhot — seven blessings — are recited over a cup of wine.

These may be recited by one person, often the rabbi, or by several people. the bride and groom wish to honor.

The guests in the crowd may sing along during the sheva berakhot.

Feel free to hum along even if you do not know the words.

The wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of the glass, which symbolizes that even in times of great joy, we remember that there is still pain in the world (which Jewish tradition relates to the destruction of the Jewish Temple). In most weddings, after the glass is broken it is time to jump up and yell, “Mazel Tov!”

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After the conclusion of the ceremony, at more traditional weddings, the couple heads directly to a private room to spend their first few minutes of marriage alone. In this case, there will not be a typical receiving line. If the cocktail hour didn’t already happen during the kabbalat panim, guests are invited for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.

Be careful not to fill up. Even at the most elaborate spreads, there will most likely be a full meal served during the reception.

Jewish Wedding Celebration Lively circle dancing — popularly known as the hora — usually starts immediately when the bride and groom enter the party room. At more traditional weddings there are separate circles for men and women — sometimes split by a mehitzah (divider). In more liberal crowds, men and women dance together.

Get ready for some raucous dancing, and feel free to take your turn dancing with the wedding couple.

As part of the hora, the couple will be seated on chairs and lifted in the air — if you’re strong, you can lend a hand. While they’re hoisted up, the bride and groom might hold onto a kerchief or napkin. You might recognize this part from the movies.

The couple may take a break from dancing themselves, sit down on chairs on the dance floor, and let the guests entertain them. You can dance for them or show off your backflipping, juggling, or fire-blowing talents. Be creative — it’s all about making the newlyweds happy!

After the meal, more traditional weddings end with the recitation of a special grace after meals, which includes a recitation of the same sheva brachot recited during the ceremony. Guests are seated and join together for this. Many couples produce benschers(grace after meals booklets) with their names and the date of the wedding printed on them. You can take one of these home as a party favor.

Of course, there is great variation in Jewish weddings, so it is always good to check with your hosts prior to the wedding if you have any questions. 

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How To Make Your Wedding Inclusive

10 tips for making families, friends and guests of all backgrounds feel comfortable and welcome on your big day.

By Interfaithfamily And Mjl Admin 2. Explain Provide a program with definitions and explanations of the various traditions and rituals represented in the ceremony, and ask the officiant to explain them during the ceremony.

As interfaith weddings are becoming more common, cultural differences can add more stress to the occasion, especially if couples seek to honor both religious traditions. In fact, how to make wedding ceremonies inclusive and comfortable for the families, friends and guests is one of the most frequently-asked questions InterfaithFamily receives. More tips and sample prayers can be found in the group’s Guide to Wedding Ceremonies for Interfaith Families.

1. Involve Involve family and friends in the planning. They will be more connected to the wedding if they have been a part of making the day a special one.

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blessings over wine, or lighting a ding clothing and ritual objects).

Unity Candle, a traditional part of a 8. Make the Sheva Brachot Christian wedding.

Participatory 6. Customize Your Ketubah Choose seven friends and family Create an interfaith ketubah, the members from both sides to offer Jewish marriage contract, now either the original or alternative often a work of art couples frame versions of the sheva b’rachot, the and display in their homes. seven blessings traditionally recited 7. Bring Both Families Under during a Jewish wedding.

3. Acknowledge Acknowledge the couple’s two faith backgrounds at various points the Chuppah during the ceremony.

Involve both families and tradi4. Be Sensitive tions with the chuppah, the Jewish Choose readings that either are wedding canopy, representing the common to both traditions, or do home that the couple will build not offend either one. Many won- together, that often consists of four derful readings used by interfaith poles and a cloth covering. Have couples do not come from any reli- the parents who are not Jewish gious tradition, while other read- make the chuppah covering. Have ings and prayers that do come from members of both families decorate one religious tradition are not and/or hold the chuppah poles. inconsistent or off-putting to par- Have the chuppah covering reflect ticipants from another faith. Con- the tradition of the family that is not sult with clergy over any questions Jewish. One couple with a Chinese or concerns you may have. background had guests sign a red 5. Common Rituals silk piece of material that was then Similarly, include rituals that are used for the chuppah covering. (In common to both traditions, or do Chinese culture red symbolizes joy not offend either one, for example and features prominently in wed-

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9. Translate the Hebrew Be sure that anything said in Hebrew — and any other language incorporated into the ceremony — is translated so that everyone present can understand.

10. Other Inclusive Activities Include inclusive activities such as the handshake of peace, passing around a challah, or joining hands to sing a song together or to wish the couple well.

Reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily: supporting interfaith families exploring Jewish life. 

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Jewish Weddings: When and Where They Happen

The details for scheduling traditional Jewish nuptials.

By Barbara Binder Kadden

For much of Jewish history, the third day of the week (Tuesday) was considered an especially auspicious day for a wedding. This was so because, concerning the account of the third day of creation, the phrase “… and God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:10,12) appears twice. Therefore, Tuesday is a doubly good day for a wedding.

In some communities couples would choose Rosh Chodesh, the first day of the month (when it did not conflict with Shabbat or other prohibited days), perhaps because the moon waxing in the sky was considered “a symbol of growth and fertility,” according to Anita Diamant’s The New Jewish Wedding. In Talmudic times, Sunday and Wednesday were especially good marriage days because the court met on Monday and Thursday and any contention as to virginity of the bride could be lodged immediately after the wedding night.

While some days may have been preferred for one reason or another, certain days were explicitly prohibited. Jewish weddings are not held on Shabbat [Sabbath], because work and travel are not permitted then. Also, a new agreement may not be entered into on that day. Further, each opportunity for joy and celebration is to be observed individually, and not combined with another. For this last reason also, two members of the same family could not be married on the same day.

Similarly, weddings are forbidden on the holidays of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Pesach [Passover], Shavuot , and the first and last days of Sukkot. But weddings may be held on Purim, the intermediate days of Sukkot, and during Hanukkah.

Limitations around Fast Days Traditionally, the entire threeweek period between the 17th of THE

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Tammuz through Tisha B’Av is considered a period of semi-mourning for the destruction of the Temple; therefore, weddings are not held then. Similarly, the sevenweek period from Passover through Shavuot [called the Omer period] is a time of mourning for the death of Rabbi Akiva‘s students. However, there [are] a variety of traditions as to which days during this period are acceptable for marriages and which are not. Usually the two Rosh Chodesh dates (of Iyar and Sivan) and Lag B’Omer [the 33rd day of the Omer] are permitted days for weddings. Some rabbis permit weddings on Yom Ha’atzmaut [Israel Independence Day] also. Still other rabbis take an even less stringent approach as to which days during these semi-mourning periods are permissible for weddings.

[Customs vary widely as to which days of the Omer are not considered days of semi-mourning and are, therefore, acceptable for weddings. Although generally Sephardic Jewspermit weddings beginning the day after Lag B’Omer and most Ashkenazi Jews allow weddings on Lag B’Omer itself, permitted days vary by community and by rabbi, not always following a neat Ashkenazic/Sephardic or liberal/ traditional split. It is advisable, therefore, to consult a rabbi when making wedding plans. For further details on the genesis of mourning during the Omer period, consult the article on Counting the Omer.]

Location Is the Bride and Groom’s Choice Weddings may take place anywhere, but it has been customary to hold them in certain locations. They were sometimes held in the home of the groom or the bride. In fact, in ancient times, “the groom’s father built special quarters in the family for the married couple, ” according to Maurice Lamm’s The Jewish Way in Love & Marriage. They are also often held in the synagogue grounds, or in a courtyard.

Excerpted with permission from Teaching Jewish Life Cycle: Insights and Activities (A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.). 

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Breaking The Glass At A Jewish Wedding Why the Jewish wedding ceremony ends with a famous bang.

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The Jewish wedding ceremony ends with a famous bang. Stomping on a glass is one of the best-known features of Jewish weddings. Traditionally, the groom did the deed; today the couple often shares the honor/pleasure, smashing one or two napkin-wrapped glasses.

Few Jewish symbols have a single explanation, and this one is downright kaleidoscopic. The custom dates back to the writing of the Talmud : Mar bar Rabina made a marriage feast for his son. He observed that the rabbis present were very gay. So he seized an expensive goblet worth 400 zuzim and broke it before them.

Thus he made them sober. (Berakhot 5:2) In other words, where there is rejoicing, there should be trem-

bling.

By the Middle Ages, synagogue facades in Germany were inlaid with a special stone for the express purpose of smashing a glass at the end of weddings. However, its interpretation changed somewhat by the 14th century, when, according to Maurice Lamm’s The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage, it was viewed as a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem.

Either way, the lesson is that even at the height of personal joy, we recall the pain and losses suffered by the Jewish people and remember a world in need of healing.

The fragility of glass suggests the frailty of human relationships.

Since even the strongest love is subject to disintegration, the glass is broken as a kind of incantation: “As this glass shatters, so may our marriage never break.”

Loud noises are a time-honored method for frightening and appeasing demons that are attracted to beautiful and fortunate people, such as the happy couple beneath the

huppah (also commonly spelled chuppah ).

Marriage is a covenant, which in Judaism is made by breaking or cutting something. At Sinai, tablets were broken; at a wedding, broken glass “cuts” the covenant.

Breaking the glass also has sexual connotations, as it prefigures the release of sexual union, which is not only permitted to married couples but also required of them. For centuries breaking the glass implicitly symbolized breaking the hymen, which is why it was so important that the groom succeed.

The crash of glass ends the hush of mythic time under the huppah, and the world rushes in. Everyone exhales, claps and shouts, “Mazel tov!” The celebration begins.

You can break any kind of glass: old, new, borrowed, or blue. Whatever you choose, it should be well wrapped to prevent injury. A heavy cloth napkin is standard, but you See BREAKING on Page

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Marriage & God

As part of God's creation, Jewish marriage creates a spiritual connection between human beings and with God.

By Rabbi Maurice Lamm

The marital integrity of the Jewish people was legendary in ancient and medieval times, and Jewish family life is idealized even in these days of upheaval. What qualities make Jewish marriage so stable?

Marriage Is Part of the Natural Order Jewish marriage is not designed for the ethical management of the sexual drive, nor is it a concession to human weakness. Jewish marriage makes its appearance within the natural order of creation, not as a law promulgated by Moses nor as a legal sanction, but as a blessing from God. Just as woman was created as a separate being, “a helpmate opposite” man (Genesis 2:18), the purpose for the creation of marriage is stated in five words: lo tov he-yot ha-adam le’vado — It is not good for man to be alone.

Marriage was created at the beginning, at the same time the principles of marriage were created.

It was not an afterthought, designed to control their passions, but part of the natural order of human society.

The moment we are born we are destined for marriage. When a newborn child is named, the prayer is le’huppah u’le’maasim tovim (to the marriage canopy and a life of good deeds). Marriage is thus grounded in the primeval relationship of the sexes in order to perpetuate the species and enhance personal growth.

Marriage Repairs Existential Loneliness Marriage is seen as a blessing because it enables us to overcome loneliness. According to Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, Genesis 2:18 reads “he-yot” ha-adam le’vado rather than “li-he’yot,” which implies not that “it is not good for man to be alone,” but that it is not good for man to be “lonely.” Being “alone” means being physically alone, wanting company, needing assistance; being “lonely” means spiritual solitude, as one can THE

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feel lonely even in a crowd.

God seeks to remedy that with the creation of woman as ezer ke’negdo, a helpmate opposite him.

Now if le’vado (alone) means simply needing company or requiring assistance, then woman is ezer, a cook and bottle washer, a real helper. But if le’vado means lonely, then ezeris not just a partner to lighten the burden, she is ke’negdo, part of a spiritual union of two souls. The basic God-created human unit is man and woman, one flesh, completing one another.

Man alone or woman alone constitutes only half of that unit, as the Zohar says: Bar nash be’lo iteta peleg gufa [“a man without a woman is half a person [or] body”].

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch says that the word kallah (bride) means completion, as in ba-yom kalot hamishkan (the day the Tabernacle was completed). In marriage, the partners complete and fulfill themselves. This is their natural state and a blessing from God. This theme is repeated at every Jewish marriage. The seven nuptial blessings speak of paradise regained, the miracle of God’s creation, and the creation of man and woman, so that mankind might endure. The sixth blessing refers to marriage in the scheme of creation: “Make these beloved companions as happy as were the first human couple in the Garden of Eden.” The joy of the Creator’s blessing is invoked at the inception of every Jewish home.

God Is a Partner If God created man, woman, and their marriage relationship; and if the creation of man and woman is good and marriage a blessing; then God is a conscious, albeit silent, partner in the marriage. Thus the ideal Jewish marriage is a triangle composed of two human beings and their Creator.

Rabbi Joshua ben Korha said that man at first was called Adam to indicate his natural constitution– flesh and blood (dam). But when woman was created, the two were referred to as fiery (esh)–living, dynamic beings. God insinuated Himself into the marriage, then added two letters of his own name, See MARRIAGE & GOD on Page

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Marriage & Community In entering into marriage, a couple takes on new responsibilities for the Jewish community and its future.

By Rabbi Maurice Lamm

As with many lifecycle and other ritual events in Judaism, community is a vital aspect of marriage, despite the inherently private relationship that a wedding celebrates.

In the following article, Rabbi Lamm offers a traditional view of the role of community in marriage.

Marriage is Basic Unit of Jewish Community The non-Jewish practice of celibacy reflects a philosophy of withdrawal from the real world. Jewish marriage is the decision to confront the challenge of the real world. The Jew, when he marries, enters not only marriage, but the world–the world of the Jewish community, of

concern for the survival of the Jewish people, and of care and responsibility for total strangers. As a man-wife unit, the married couple has a new voice.

Historically, the family-oriented Jewish community, which experienced very few divorces and virtually no abandonments, gave little consideration to the opinions of single people. When God became a partner at the wedding, and a new Jewish home was created, an overriding significance was added. In some communities this is still demonstrated by the groom’s donning, for the first time, a tallit (prayer shawl).

The requirement of a minyan at the wedding (the quorum of 10 that is the smallest unit of the Jewish social structure) is an important indication of the social significance of marriage.

Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik describes how Maimonides differentiates three friendship categories (haver, companion, associations) within marriage. First is haver

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le’davar, a utilitarian association that depends on reciprocal usefulness. When the usefulness disappears, the bond of "love" dissolves (batel davar, batel ahavah). Second, is haver le’daagah, someone with whom to share sorrows, troubles, and also joys. We need this in order to lighten our load. Joys are multiplied and sorrows are divided when they are shared. Third is haver le’deah, a joint dedication to common goals. Both dream of realizing great ideals, with a readiness to sacrifice for their attainment.

Marriage must at least partake of the first and second friendship levels, the physical and psychological aspects of joint partnership. But if the partners are truly haverim and their union is hibbur (a joint partnership), they form a community of commitment.

Marital Love Creates the Jewish Future Love seeks eternity, sanctity, rootedness in a transcendent power.

True lovers cannot endure in a hastily-put-together arrangement.

Love will not be fulfilled until it reaches that ultimate moment, the total commitment of marriage.

Love is a sacred trust. The description of the relationship of bride and groom preserved in the blessing at the wedding service is reim ahuvim (beloved friends).

The secular sanction of a civil marriage is not sufficient to motivate love to rise to its highest level; it needs the sanctification of an almighty and eternal God. Love so desanctified cannot long withstand the daily frustrations, angers, and hurts. To flourish, love needs an intimation that it originates in the plan of the Creator; that the world could not exist without it; and that an all-knowing God delights in it.

Marriage is the natural home of love. Here it can grow and enrich itself, and leave something worthy in its wake. Love that is not able to express itself in the cares of married life is frustrated love. "It is not good that man should be alone," says Rabbi Jacob Zevi Meklenburg, "means that man’s inner capacity for goodness can never be realized unless he has someone upon whom to shower his affections." Mature love is expressed through giving,

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and through giving comes even greater love.

To have a child is a flesh-andblood connection with the future, and the birthplace of humanity’s future is the home. The future of the whole Jewish people depends upon marriage, the covenantal relationship of husband and wife. Marriage is not simply a private arrangement designed solely for mutual satisfaction; its importance rests in how the couple perceive their bond, the love they demonstrate, and the constellation of virtues they bring to the home. Every marriage covenant must partake of the original covenant. Jewish values thrive not as ephemeral theories, but as they are lived daily. This means that the Jewish couple needs a religiouslyoriented home, an investment in the Jewish community, and a concern with the fate of God’s world.

The eternal Jewish future depends on the old Jewish past, which gives ample evidence that Jews who relate to God survive. The words of the betrothal blessing are important in this context: He forbade relations for the betrothed, and permitted it for the married. These are declarations of God who created man and woman and ordained marriage.

Given true love and a man and woman who follow religious and ethical precepts, life holds the possibility of being as close to paradise as is possible in this world. But if they violate God’s commands, they must repeat the experience of Adam and Eve in paradise lost. Judaism teaches that every bride and groom must go back to Adam and Eve, and reenact that physical and spiritual drama of community as "one flesh."

Jewish marriage serves many purposes, but the phrase that incorporates all of these purposes is central to the wedding service: "You are hereby sanctified unto Me… " But the covenant requires more than this declaration of sanctity. It is the remainder of the marriage formula that is crucial to Jewish survival: "… according to the laws of Moses and Israel."

Reprinted from The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage by permission of Jonathan David Publishers. 

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ANCIENT Continued from Page 8

MARRIAGE & GOD Continued from Page 17

ordinarily 200 silver dinars for a girl, and 100 for a widow, should merely be written in the ketubah , the marriage deed, as a lien of the wife on the estate of her husband, to be paid to her only if he divorced her, or at his death!

This reform served two humane purposes. It made marriage easier, and divorce more difficult. A man did not need 200 dinars in cash in order to marry a girl, but he needed this amount if he wanted to divorce her. The ketubah thus protected the woman from being arbitrarily divorced by her husband.

Adapted with permission from The Lifetime of a Jew Throughout the Ages of Jewish History(UAHC Press). 

Y and H, to the names of man and woman. He inserted the Y into man’s name, turning esh (fire) into i-Y-sh (ish, man); and H into woman’s name, making i-sha-H (ishah, woman). The Chronicles of Yerahmeel (6:16) comment on this: “If they walk in My ways and observe My commandments, behold My name will abide with them and deliver them from all trouble. But if not, I will take the letters of My name from them, so that they will revert to esh and esh, fire consuming fire.” Hence with God as a partner, marriage is a blessing, ish and ishah.

Without God, it can become esh, an inferno where man and woman devour each other. Jewish marriage is therefore naturally sanctified by God. From this concept of God’s involvement in marriage, there flow new insights and obligations that married people often ignore.

For example, if one partner is unfaithful, it is not just a marital problem; it shatters the fundamental unit of creation. In most cases of adultery, the religious court is instructed to issue a divorce even against their will. The couple may forgive a violation of their personal integrity, but they have no right to forgive their assault upon God’s integrity and His participation in the marriage.

The moral conscience of the Jew was sometimes strict to the point of grief, and the rabbis were painfully reluctant to pronounce the harsh decree, but no whisper of scandal was permitted to besmirch the name

BREAKING Continued from Page 16 can buy a satin pouch or a velvet bag. (Some artisans fashion mementoes out of the shards.) While a lightbulb wrapped in a linen napkin might make a louder pop, it seems like a poor stand-in for such a rich and ancient symbol.

Excerpted with permission from The Jewish Wedding Now (Simon & Schuster) 

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of marriage, or any of its three partners. Accordingly, the sages ruled that lewdness was not allowed even in the privacy of the bedroom, because such behavior offends the presence of God. This code of behavior based on the appreciation of the divine creation of marriage and God’s active presence within it keeps the strict purity of the Jewish home. It is a code that originated in Jewish law, was hallowed by centuries of Jewish observance, and is based upon the very real premise of God as a partner to every Jewish marriage.

Reprinted from The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage by permission of Jonathan David Publishers 

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