THE
JEWISH LIGHT
I Used To Judge Ex-Orthodox Jews. Then I Started Listening To Them.
Opinion
By Rivka Nehorai
Matisyahu performs in Berlin, Aug. 31, 2015. (Stephan Röhl/Flickr Commons)
(JTA) — Ten years ago, I sat shocked watching a new music video from one of my creative Jewish heroes, Matisyahu. Newly married and studying in yeshiva, my husband and I were trying to figure out how to uplift the art world in alignment with our Orthodox Torah ideals. Yet here was my icon, Matisyahu — who rose to fame singing about his faith and wearing the black hat and modest suit of a Hasidic Jew — dancing around in a Santa suit for his “Miracles” video with a shot of an immodestly dressed woman and a guy dressed up as Antiochus using the word “babes.” Outraged, I wrote a blog post imploring the singer to remember that he was a
“poster child” for a serious, beautiful and deep people. A few months later I ran into Matisyahu himself in a random little shul on Shabbat. I introduced myself after services and took the quick opportunity to bless Matisyahu in coded language that he should “continue helping the Jewish world.” He bowed his head in thanks and I walked away feeling good about what I had said. I understand now that I was really blessing him to continue to suppress his own truth and voice, and for him to toe the expected “traditional” Orthodox Jewish line out of my fear of what non-Jews might think. At the time, I believe he owed it to all of us. A few years after we left Israel, my husband and I began hosting gatherings in Brooklyn for creative, out-of-the-box Jewish thinkers. Our guests included a significant number of what are derogatorily referred to as “off-the-derech” Jews: those who had been raised in the ultraOrthodox community but had left
Happy New Year to all my friends in the Jewish Community.
it. Many of them no longer followed many or most of the traditional Orthodox interpretations of Jewish law. But, my God, their Jewish spirit and the depth of their insights blew me away. I can still hear the haunting, booming melody of one man who occasionally came. Born and raised in a strict Hasidic sect, he cherished his memories of singing together with his father and brothers on Shabbat. He had chosen to leave that community because he needed to search for a truth and a life beyond it, but he loved Judaism so fiercely and deeply that I can cry just thinking about what it was like to hear him sing. If I could say one thing to my outraged self-watching Matisyahu shift directions 10 years ago, and what I would say to Orthodox Jews today who say they are hurt by “My Unorthodox Life” and any of the other critical examinations of the Orthodox world, it is this: Listen. These Jewish people who have
“left” and are now creating art that is critical of your community are your greatest teachers. They have seen the belly of the beast and they have valuable information for you. They know how to make your world healthier, safer and more just. And they love the Jewish people and Judaism perhaps more than you will ever understand. Instead of worrying about the optics of a celebrity Hasid going his own way, I should have been worrying about those who are hurting, who are being abused by the systems that structure the Hasidic world. Those who want a different life but can’t escape. Or those who escape with scars. Just listen to their stories, I would tell my past self, and see how you can be a part of the change. I know that many thrive in Orthodoxy. But the point isn’t that the system works for some or even most people. The point is that when someone is sharing their story of See EX-ORTHODOX on Page
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Gail Grover, Judge • Juvenile Court, Division B THE
JEWISH LIGHT
Happy New Year to all my friends in the Jewish Community!
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Rosh Hashanah 2021
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