Rabbi Susan Nanus inspires us to “Find Yourself a Friend” at WCA’s Community of Friendship event

By Susan Pittelman, WCA Publicity Coordinator

Something magical happened on Zoom on a February afternoon. Although COVID forced us to cancel our in-person Community of Friendship luncheon on Feb. 21, the WCA Board of Directors was unwilling to disappoint members and forego this special event with our inspiring speaker. Instead, Special Events Coordinator Linda Simon along with Marsha Moranz, Toby Kosloff, Harriett Kleinman, Robin Mintz, Ann Cowen and Carol Sherman, planned a magical Community of Friendship virtual program featuring Rabbi Susan Nanus.

While most of us watched the program from our own homes, some women gathered with a few of their closest friends to listen to Rabbi Nanus’ message together. (I wish I had thought to do that!) Even though the program was virtual, I could “feel” the excitement as WCA President Patti Boochever welcomed more than 200 of us and thanked us for our support and friendship during these past few difficult years. Federation President/CEO Jeffrey Feld and Board Chair Jane Schiff offered greetings and expressed their gratitude to WCA for helping the women in our community feel comfortable and form friendships. Dina Shein then introduced her friend of 50 years, Rabbi Susan Nanus. A graduate of the Yale Drama School, Rabbi Nanus was a playwright and writer for more than 30 years. Having become a rabbi at age 60, Rabbi Nanus is the Director of Adult Programs at Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles. Rabbi Nanus had captivated us at the 2018 WCA Welcome Back Luncheon with inspiring stories about the strengths and contributions of our matriarchs. Her topic for this year’s event was extremely relevant given the challenge of the last two years: “Find Yourself a Friend — The 2,000-Year-Old Prescription for a Long Life.”

Rabbi Susan Nanus

Rabbi Nanus explained that, since the days of the Talmud, Jewish sages have emphasized the value, power and importance of friendship as a necessity for a meaningful and happy life. “Friendship is more than a social connection,” taught Rabbi Nanus. “Friends offer help, loyalty, affection, support, unselfish love and loyal guidance. It can exceed the bonds of blood relatives.”

Rabbi Nanus pointed out that Judaism considers friendship to be so important that, in the first chapter of “Pirkei Avot,” a compilation of ethical teachings in the Talmud, we read, “Acquire for yourself a friend.” She emphasized that you don’t need a lot of friends, as a true friend is a rare and precious commodity — you just need one. The Talmud goes on to state that you acquire a friend “By eating and drinking with him, studying and debating with him, lodging with him, by sharing private thoughts regarding life.” (Of course, she changed the pronouns!)

Rabbi Nanus explained that it is this intimacy that creates a strong friendship. She then challenged us to think about our closest friend. What it is that connects you so tightly? What have you done together? What do you talk about? What have you learned from each other? What do you agree about? What do you disagree about (because friends can disagree)? Do you laugh together, cry together, share your deepest fears and anxieties — and not have it matter how you look or how much you weigh?

Rabbi Nanus told us that she hopes we each have a friend like this — “Someone who knows who you are, who appreciates you and really loves you.”

More than 3,000 years ago, in the book of Ecclesiastes, it was written that having a close friend or a group of good friends is important to your well-being. Rabbi Nanus magically interwove Jewish teachings with medical research, noting that researchers today have discovered that friendships have many specific health benefits, including improving the immune system. On the other hand, researchers have also discovered that loneliness not only harms our hearts and minds, but our bodies as well.

Rabbi Nanus’ message was heartfelt, enlightening and motivating. Our time with her seemed to fly by as she kept us captivated with her wisdom. WCA Board Member Barbara Suden commented, “I felt as if Rabbi Nanus was speaking to me personally. In two years, I have not cried over the effects of COVID. Today I cried because of the loneliness we have all gone through, and in appreciation of the close friendships we have.”

Longtime WCA member Sherry Zailer said, “Rabbi Nanus’ comment that one of people’s greatest regrets is not having maintained friendships, prompted me to call some long-time friends I had lost contact with. And I am so glad that I did!”

WCA is proud to be a community of friendship. As we emerge from the social isolation of the pandemic, now is a perfect time for us to practice the lessons that Rabbi Nanus shared with us about maintaining friendships.

As she said, “Finding a true friend is like finding another soul.”

If you missed Rabbi Nanus’ presentation, WCA members can listen to the recording by going to the Library of Zoom recordings at WCAnaples.org