Be careful what you wish for

Rabbi Howard S. Herman DD

Chanukah comes early this year — a good time to reflect on its meaning for us, just as we have finished celebrating Thanksgiving.

I am writing this piece in the middle of the Jewish festival of Sukkot, our quasi- Jewish celebration of Thanksgiving without the turkey. It dawns on me that being thankful or grateful is as much about what we have as what we don’t have. We are thankful for our abundance, health, freedoms and the love of our families. We are equally grateful for our lack of illness, stress and enemies. I often find that what we don’t have is as meaningful and perhaps even more important than what we do have.

There is an old Chinese proverb that says, “Be careful what you wish for.” In other words, think twice before wishing for something you don’t have. In the end, you may not necessarily want or need it. It might even be better to lack it.

In Hebrew, the common word for gratitude is “hakarat hatov.” It literally means recognizing the good. Practicing gratitude means recognizing the good that is already yours.

Here is something to think about when it comes to your Jewish identity. What does the word “Jew” actually mean?

To answer this, we need to ponder the story of Leah (one of Jacob’s wives). In Genesis 29:35, it says, “And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, ‘this time, I will thank God!’ Therefore, she named him Judah…”

The word Jew or Judah comes from the name Yehudah, which means “thanks.” It is just like the Hebrew word “todah.”

So, the etymology and the essence of a Jew is to be thankful. This is why gratitude and blessings are a substantial part of Judaism. It is not just a value that we append to our being. It is not just something rabbis teach. It is the essence of who and what we are. Gratitude is at the very core of our existence.

I also believe part of the fiber of gratitude is that it recognizes we are not the sole authors of what is good in our lives. Thankfulness has an inner connection with humility. It recognizes what we are and that what we have is due, at least in part, to others, and above all, to God.

The French philosopher, André Comte-Sponville, said, “Those who are incapable of gratitude live in vain, they can never be satisfied, fulfilled or happy: they do not live, they get ready to live, as Seneca puts it.”

Twentieth-century philosopher, theologian and activist Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel taught us, “I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and thanks and ever thanks.”

Rabbi Shmuel Hanagid, the 10th-century Spanish sage, teaches us, “Ingratitude to a human being is ingratitude to God.”

And a popular Yiddish proverb instructs us, “If you cannot be grateful for what you have received, then be grateful for what you have been spared.”

How we approach the world determines whether we are grateful for our many gifts as well as whether we exhibit the virtues of humility and are generous or tight-fisted. In this way, the virtues of gratitude, humility and generosity are interrelated. If these virtues are highly developed and utilized, we discover a deeper meaning and a well-honed happiness in our lives.

Perhaps this is one of the most important gifts of Chanukah as well. Chanukah means to dedicate, so we need to dedicate ourselves to making sure our gratitude is always active in a generous and ongoing way. Giving the gift of self is something that helps improve not only us and our relationship with God, but our community as well.

Rabbi Howard S. Herman DD serves at Naples Jewish Congregation.