Dealing with challenging discussions

Roberta Obler, President

During the pandemic, it was necessary for Naples Jewish Congregation to find a way, other than Shabbat services, to maintain a relationship with members. We did that through our NJC Connects and Talk Amongst Ourselves programs. We had many programs on topics, such as how to cope with the pandemic, legal issues and members’ own life experiences.

One of the most attended and interesting programs was on “Civil Discourse in an Uncivil Age.” At the time, it related to differences in opinion on current events and sparked some of the most meaningful discussions. The lessons learned in that session on how to civilly have a conversation with someone who has an opposite view can be applied in so many other parts of our lives.

It has become quite relevant in light of the rise in antisemitism in the U.S. as well as around the world. While some antisemitism has long-standing historical roots, it also relates to the equating of Judaism in America with being an extension of Israel. This increase in U.S. antisemitism has been exacerbated by the recent fighting in the Middle East.

The times we live in have emboldened people to say and do things they would not normally have said or done. It is not unheard of to find ourselves in a situation where we are being challenged as Jews in an open and antagonistic way.

How might we react when confronted with people who lash out at us? This was what our “Civil Discourse” discussion was all about. Led by former NJC President, Steve McCloskey, and Rabbi Howard Herman, we discussed how to approach any topic, no matter how offensive, in a civil way.

We cannot always ignore people who challenge us. Instead, we should take a breath, calm down, and try to find out why that person feels that way. What are their facts? What do they hope to accomplish? What is the rationale for their opinion?

You may not change anyone’s mind, especially if they based their view on misinformation or incomplete information. However, you may find you will be able to have a meaningful and rational discussion, possibly swaying their view, if not changing it completely. You may even find they sway your view. This is a general overview of our “Civil Discourse” series, which may be useful when encountering someone who inadvertently or overtly says or does something you find objectionable.

Will this help stem the rise of vocal antisemitism? Most likely not. It is only one small way to act when confronted. History has taught us of the potential horrors of unbridled antisemitism — the Inquisition, pogroms, the Holocaust, etc. These have all taught us that we cannot sit back. That is why it is imperative to challenge unchecked antisemitism when we are able.

The skills we acquired in our “Civil Discourse” series have helped NJC members understand how to avoid confrontation and perhaps have a meaningful discussion, which may improve a situation.

This is an example of how Naples Jewish Congregation’s NJC Connects and the Talk Amongst Ourselves programs provide interesting, educational, provocative and sometimes entertaining experiences for our members.

Today more than ever, we all need to connect with people who we can reach out to and rely upon. These programs help to make NJC a place where all people are welcome and safe.