What happens to Judaica when our kids don’t want it?

Aging Jewishly — What our traditions teach us about growing old.

By Rabbi Barbara Aiello

In her article “My Obsession with Buying Abandoned Jewish Objects,” author Linda Pressman describes how she found herself immersed into what I call “Ritual Rescue,” — saving discarded Jewish ritual items. Pressman writes, “It first happened right after I got married. I was at a rundown antique mall and there it was: someone’s abandoned brass menorah, with Hebrew written on it, and made in Israel. The sales tag said only, ‘Candelabra.’ I bought it.”

Thus began Ms. Pressman’s rescue efforts, propelled in part by her Holocaust survivor parents and grandparents. They were forced from their homes by the Nazis, who stole not only the family’s Judaica treasures, but their attachment to Jewish observance as well. Pressman puts it this way: “As a college student I literally had to claw my way back into my own religion and raise myself Jewish.” Scouring second-hand and antique stores for Jewish “stuff” helped Pressman capture a tradition that, for her, was nearly lost forever.

I can relate. A majority of my 25 years as a rabbi were spent serving older Jewish congregants. Many of these elder Jews had collected dozens of Jewish ritual items that, prior to making the journey to the local Goodwill store, often ended up in my hands.

“I’m downsizing,” said 90-year-old Ellen, who was about to move into a retirement community. “I tried to give my husband’s tallis and tfillin to my son, but he didn’t want them. I just couldn’t throw them into the ‘give away’ box, so I brought them to you.” And Ellen wasn’t the only one. Although I’m running out of storage space, I accept them all with love and gratitude.

Like author Linda Pressman, I also scour second-hand stores and when I find a hand engraved Kiddush cup (one said, “Baruch ben Yosef 1955”), a “Shalom” wall plaque or a tattered matzah cover, I buy them all. Ironically, as a board member for an international Jewish organization, Kulanu (Hebrew for “all of us”), I have the opportunity to assist emerging Jewish communities in isolated areas of the world. In this capacity, I am able to send discarded American Judaica to congregations like those in Uganda, Madagascar and Nicaragua. In addition, I often bring these items to members of my own congregation in southern Italy – all of whom are enormously appreciative to receive them.

But these gifts do not solve the problem of what to do about family Judaica that children or grandchildren don’t want. For those of us who are holding on to Bubby’s seder plate or Zayde’s tallit there are some steps we can take to keep our Jewish family heirlooms in our families. Start by taking your Judaica out of the box, freshen it and display it in your home. When your Judaica looks loved and cared-for, your pride in your heritage will be obvious to your family. Then, you can take time to explain the significance of this displayed Judaica to your grandchildren and great grands.

For example, weave a story around Zayde’s tallit: “I remember when your great grandfather wore this on Rosh HaShanah. I liked to sit next to him and play with the fringes.” Personalize your Judaica with happy memories and your family members will want to embrace those memories by bringing the long-lost Judaica into their homes.

If you have no one to whom you can pass on a treasured Kiddush cup, seder plate or spice box, share your items with a local synagogue that welcomes Jews by Choice. Often someone who has converted to Judaism does not have family treasures and would appreciate bringing your Judaica into her/his family.

In ancient times our sages encouraged “hiddur mitzvah,” which means taking the time and making the effort to enrich our Jewish ceremonies with the most beautiful ritual objects we can find. Many of these gorgeous items now hide in storage bins or sit forlorn on second-hand store shelves, just waiting for a family’s attention once more. From your table to your descendants’ table, to a convert’s table to the rickety table in an emerging congregation — “Ritual Rescue” can bring our Judaica back to life.

For 10 years Rabbi Barbara Aiello served the Aviva Campus for Senior Life as resident rabbi. Currently as Aviva’s Rabbi Emerita, she shares her experiences on aging Jewishly. She now serves synagogue Ner Tamid del Sud in Calabria, Italy. Contact her at Rabbi@ RabbiBarbara.com.