See Cantor Leo Fettman

The Jewish Press | June 25, 2021 | 15 Life cycles Over 60 Years Experience With Jewish Pulverente MONUMENT CO.

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IN MEMORIAM

CANTOR LEO FETTMAN Continued from page 1

without saying, always the very funny jokes. In truth, he was always thinking of ways to help bring Jewish education into people’s lives and one way he did that was by constantly asking people to come to his home for Friday night Shabbos dinner as well as a constant willingness to help people with whatever they needed. He also helped coordinate Friday night Shabbos family UTTO dinners at the Synagogue as well. He helped so many countless people kosher their homes that we used to joke that his calling card should be: ‘Have blow torch, will travel’. Cantor Fettman spoke widely about his experiences during the Holocaust. With his wife Annette always at his side, he went to countless schools and churches in Omaha as well as outside the Omaha area outside of Nebraska to educate and lecture about his first-hand experiences. “In spite of all he had been through,” Don Gerber said, “he never lost this unswerving commitment and dedication to help teach and educate.” In his book Shoah, Journey from the Ashes, Cantor Fettman recalled: “Am I a bitter old Jew? No. Old, perhaps, and hopefully wiser, but not bitter. Still, there are many ways in which the Holocaust affected, and continues to affect, my life. There is the memory of gnawing hunger that returns still. Not one week goes by that I do not dream I am still in a concentration camp. Am I a bitter old Jew? No, but I recognize that as a human being, it is my responsibility to make certain that the personal accounts of the survivors live on and to counter those who are trying to revise or deny the facts of the Holocaust.” He was liberated, he told his audience, but “not free.” “The end of World War II was not the end of the Holocaust survivors’ nightmare,” Cantor Fettman wrote. “We who survived were forced to live with memories that could never be fully described or understood. But instead of living in bitterness and hatred over the past years, many have created a record of determination and accomplishment.” Cantor Fettman certainly did that; not only through educating countless others about the past, but by teaching the next generation to be proudly Jewish: “I remember those who so needlessly perished and speak out on their behalf,” he wrote. “And, as a cantor and a rabbi, I try to reach into the hearts of all Jews wherever they are and rekindle within them the spark of Judaism.” Bill Schwab knew Cantor Fettman during his days at Beth Israel Center in Madison, Wisconsin: “I remember when he gathered all the Talmud Torah students to teach us a new tune for Ayeh Mkom K’vodo in the Kedusha, explaining how the meaning was enhanced by placing the question at the beginning of the phrase rather than in the middle. He then had us practice the melody multiple times. During Shabbat, we were brought upstairs for Musaf, which wasn’t typical in those days because our fidgety presence was felt too disruptive to the expected solemnity of the service. When it was time for the Kedusha, Cantor turned to us and we joined him in busting out the new tune. I recall him beaming with approval. We have maintained that melody here ever since. The warmth of that moment is part of what makes Musaf feel meaningful to me. It is a special thing to recall a man of substance, who made a lasting contribution that has been heard, sung and enjoyed by thousands of people over the decades as they more deeply experience prayer. His memory is a blessing.” “Several times after he retired,” Don Gerber said, “he was asked to help the Synagogue when there was no clergy and he always graciously accepted. He was truly a giant among men and will not be forgotten. He will always be remembered for the good deeds and Mitzvahs that he did and for being the Mensch that he was.” Cantor Fettman was buried April 23 in Omaha. Rabbi Dembitzer of Beth Israel officiated. Memorials may be made to the organization of your choice.

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BIRTH

SOPHIA REBECCA ROHR

Ariella and Joseph Rohr of Omaha, announce the June 12, 2021 birth of their daughter, Sophia Rebecca.

She has a sister, Amelia.

Grandparents are Tami and Brent Lowensohn of Encino, CA, and Wendy and Stephen Rohr of Holland, MI.

ENGAGEMENT

BELMONT/SMALL

Jill and Mark Belmont of Omaha are happy to announce the engagement of their daughter, Lindsay, to Michael Small, son of Holly and Jerome Small of Youngstown, Ohio. The bride-to-be graduated from the University of Kansas in Lawrence, and received her Juris Doctor from the University of Nebraska College of Law. She is a partner at the law firm of Koenig|Dunne in Omaha. Lindsay is the granddaughter of Barbara and Marshall Kushner of Omaha, and the late Florence and Joseph Belmont. Her fiancé graduated from Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, and received his Juris Doctor from the Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is Senior Claims Counsel, Assistant Vice President at Fidelity National Title Group in Omaha. Michael is the grandson of the late Anna and George Cohen, and the late Eleanor and Jerome Small. The couple plans a fall wedding at Beth El Synagogue.

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LOCAL | NATIONAL | WORLD Death and Mourning in Judaism: The role of the community

SAM KRICSFELD AND ANNETTE VAN DE KAMP-WRIGHT

When a Jewish death happens, the role of the community is crucial. Every topic we have so far covered (costs, the Chevra Kadisha, the burial and funeral service, and the mourning period) has some aspect of communal engagement. As community members, it is important to know what we can do to help when someone else’s loved one dies. A non-religious explanation as to why community plays an important role in mourning comes from historical context. Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences, and Care, a 1984 study by National Institute of Medicine, includes that preindustrial societies emphasized “kinship, joint households, and religion.” The small communities lead to each member being “tightly integrated into a community’s economic and political sphere.” Therefore, the death of an individual in such a close social structure affected everyone, not just the mourners. However, as mortality rates have drastically fallen and society has evolved, the role of community has lessened in secular mourning. Judaism has longstanding traditions and rituals that are meant to comfort and help mourners. The traditions elevate the meaning, emotion and comfort of the mourning process far beyond those of secular mourning. Jewish traditions around the role of community not only allow everyone who wants to help to be able to, but also gives the mourner a caring support network. Jewish customs provide community members with the proper tools and intentions to help the mourner. After an interment, the community traditionally provides the mourner a meal of condolence. Maurice Lamm’s The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning says “[the community] bring[s] the mourner the sustenance of life, figuratively and literally, the ‘bread’ of his existence.” The meal should include bread. Hard-boiled eggs, symbolizing the cyclical nature of life, should also be served. Some traditionally include wine. Consolation can lead to comfort. It is a mitzvah to comfort mourners by paying a condolence call. The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning says that “the fundamental purpose of the condolence call during shiva is to relieve the mourner of the intolerable burden of intense loneliness. At no other time is a human being more in need of such comradeship.” Maimonides said that comforting a mourner is gemillat chasadim - a genuine kindness.

The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning makes clear what community members should and shouldn’t do while comforting mourners. Some things are common sense - don’t, for example, remind the mourner about the inevitability of death or say that others have suffered worse. “Life goes on” and “Be thankful it wasn’t worse” are frivolous sayings that try to invalidate the subjective pain that the mourner is suffering. If you’ve ever been in mourning and heard those kinds of sayings, you will know how flippant and dismissive they sound. “The strategy of true compassion is presence and silence, the eloquence of human closeness,” the book says. “Sad, muttered words are clumsy openers of the heart compared with the whisper of soft eyes.” At a shiva call, community members should allow the mourner to speak first. Conversation should not be to “distract” the bereaved, but to talk about the deceased, reminisce and grieve. Visitors should not stay too long. Upon leaving, visitors should say “May G-d comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” This phrase itself invokes the importance of community. All the people of Israel are part of a single family, and that family has been marred by pain and loss throughout its history. Yet the Jewish people have persevered and will be with the mourner through their/our sorrow. The community is essential for mourners far beyond the week of shiva. In a future article, we will cover the Kaddish, one of Judaism’s most recognizable and well-known prayers. Briefly, though, the Mourner’s Kaddish is said in the presence of a minyan, meaning that at least a group of 10 men or women must be with the mourner for the prayer to be said. Community members also have the option to make a memorial gift in honor of the deceased. Fruit and flowers are not traditional - gifts should be more religious or charitable in nature. The most common and customary gift is a donation to charity. The contributions should be in memory of the deceased and not as a “present” to the mourners. Of course, common courtesy and other well-meaning acts could always be appreciated by mourners. Helping with chores, babysitting young children, providing food beyond shiva, and just offering to accompany the mourner are all options for community members looking to help. One should ask the mourner if they need or want help before giving it. Clergy are well versed in consolation and the role of the community in mourning. If you have questions about how to act or what to expect, contact your clergy or synagogue. We publish these articles the last week of every month. If you have questions or are hoping there is something specific we can cover, please feel free to reach out. The writers can be reached at skricsfeld553@gmail.com and avandekamp@ jewishomaha.org.