JULY/AUGUST 2015 | TAMUZ/AV/ELUL 5775
10th Anniversary Special Section
JFS brings the spirit of Shabbat to seniors By Laura Rigge HAKOL Editor
Door-to-door transportation offered free of charge to seniors and the disabled, up to three rides per month Doctors appointments, salon visits, shopping trips and more Trained volunteer drivers matched specifically for your needs A program administered by Jewish Family Service of the Lehigh Valley in partnership with ShareCare Faith in Action.
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Call Jewish Family Service at 610-821-8722 For information, visit www.jewishfamilyservice-lv.org. Jewish Senior Life Connection is a collaborative program and planning initiative of:
Some of the Jewish residents at Country Meadows in Allentown hadn’t been able to partake in Shabbat services for years, and many missed the opportunity to engage with the Jewish community on a spiritual level. Carol Wilson, senior facilities coordinator at Jewish Family Service, wanted to bring that spiritual connection to the seniors she visited. “In our conversations, Jewish residents have expressed to me how they miss the sounds, smells and taste of Shabbat. They particularly miss saying Kaddish for their loved ones.” In response, JFS brought Shabbat to the residents. Wilson organized a dinner at Country Meadows on June 19 as part of a pilot program that aims to bring shabbat celebrations to seniors in facilities across the Lehigh Valley. Cantor Kevin Wartell of Temple Beth El created a program that incorporated songs and prayers that had the whole room singing, praying and sharing their stories with one another. The residents and volunteers could follow along with the service in transliterated Hebrew with an English translation. “To watch the looks on their faces as they listened to the melodies and chanted the prayers together was very moving,” Wilson said. After singing, toasting and enjoying each other’s company, everyone broke challah together before eating the kosher-style dinner of roast chicken prepared by the staff of Country Meadows. JFS plans to create a Shabbat Box that will have everything volunteers will need to conduct similar services at senior facilities across the Lehigh Valley. Wilson hopes that people throughout the community will join future events. “The Shabbat Outreach Service is a wonderful volunteer opportunity,” Wilson said. “Individuals, families and youth groups can volunteer to lead Shabbat services and bring the light of Shabbat to our Jewish seniors.” People who prefer a more behindthe-scenes role can participate by baking a dessert or baking challah with the residents in the morning. “This is truly a community effort,” said Wilson of the program. “Our Shabbat service is another way to engage our community and shine a spotlight on the needs of our Jewish seniors.”
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Seniors join the movement to social media
By Laura Rigge HAKOL Editor When Patty Glascom first joined Facebook almost a decade ago, she had one particular purpose in mind: staying connected to her daughters. “At the time, both girls were doing graduate work and working full time, so their schedules were really packed. But if they posted something on Facebook, then I would see it and and know they were okay,” Glascom said. Sue Kirshner was simply curious about Facebook when she joined five years ago. “I wanted to stay abreast of technology, and I had heard a lot about it from the younger generation,” Kirshner said. Glascom and Kirshner represent a piece of the changing landscape of Facebook. According to a Pew Research survey, of the 60 percent of seniors that use the internet, the social media platform they overwhelmingly use is Facebook. Within the past decade, Facebook has expanded rapidly throughout the world, boasting 1.4 billion users. Now, Facebook’s fastest growing demographic is seniors, with an 11 percent increase between 2013 and 2014. Many join to keep in touch with family members, especially children and grandchildren. The site makes it easy to share photos, and therefore is ideal for interested grandparents. “I don’t really post much, but I enjoy keeping in touch with people who I don’t see locally. It’s fun to see how my friends’ children and grandchildren are doing,” said Kirshner.
While keeping in touch with family and friends is often what brings new users to Facebook, once they start using it, their primary reasons for using it expand and change. Many, like Glascom, find themselves reconnecting with long-lost friends. “I started making reconnections with high school friends, camp friends and youth group friends who are literally all over the world.” Others seniors use Facebook to stay involved in local events. “It’s a way to see what’s going on the community and events that are going on. Now I find myself using it as a means of networking in the community,” said Kirshner. The local and global connections that Facebook fosters have demonstrated health benefits. Multiple studies have shown a decreased risk of depression amongst seniors who use the Internet. In one study, researchers at Michigan State University found that computer use among retirees reduces the risk of depression by more than 30 percent. They believe that for many people communicating virtually through e-mail and social media gives them a greater sense of connection that is beneficial to their mental health. Despite these benefits, Facebook has its pitfalls. Experts warn seniors to be wary of scams that can strike through social media, usually by asking for passwords or financial information. Facebook users should periodically check their privacy settings to make sure their information is safe. While Facebook offers the most privacy of the major social media platforms, their policies change, which can leave users vulnerable if they don’t keep up with the changes. Kirshner expressed dissatisfaction with Facebook’s transparency, noting that she isn’t always sure who is seeing what she posts. “Sometimes somebody will comment on something I’ve posted, and I won’t know hot it got there. I get frustrated by not knowing how things get put on there.” Still, overall Glascom and Kirshner said their use of Facebook has been positive. “I like seeing pictures, posting pictures and finding out details about my connections,” Glascom said. “I’m a people person, so for me it works very well.”
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SENIOR LIVING | HAKOL LEHIGH VALLEY | JULY/AUGUST 2015 3
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Celebrating a lifelong friendship If you’ve ever walked into Jewish Family Service, chances are you’ve seen Judy Murman and Rose Miller in action. Although they’ve only been coworkers for a few years, they have been friends for decades. They answered a few of our questions about what has made their relationship stand the test of time. How long have you known each other? ROSE: We both grew up in the same neighborhood. It was mostly an Italian neighborhood in downtown Allentown in the 10th ward. We went to grade school together at the Garfield School, and that was where we met. We were that young. JUDY: Six years old. It’s been a long time, and we’re still going strong. JUDY: Rosie was in my wedding. She introduced me to my husband. It was a blind date. ROSE: My husband and Andy were working at the same company, and I said, “We should fix him up with Judy.” There was no eHarmony back then. JUDY: She was my eHarmony. ROSE: So we’ve been friends for a long time, and we’ve seen each other through thick and thin. We’ve had times where you kind of lose touch a bit, but it’s just like they say, if you have a good friend even if you haven’t seen each other in a while, you’re always connected.
What did you do together as kids?
ROSE: Everything was walking back then. JUDY: We would go swimming at the Jordan Park, play behind the Italian Club, play kick the can down the street. ROSE: It was always family oriented, even as we got older. We’re actually having a reunion picnic this year. How has your relationship changed over the years? ROSE: I don’t think much because we relate the same way we did then. After getting married, the connection was a little loose but it was always there. But it was always there. JUDY: We were always on the same wavelength. ROSE: We understand each other and confide in each other, and that’s rare today. We’re lucky. JUDY: We are. What is your favorite thing about the other person? ROSE: My favorite thing about Judy is that she helps me make decisions. I’m very indecisive, and she gives me good advice. She’s always game to go do things, and we like a lot of the same things. JUDY: When you come in in the morning, she lifts you up. I feel very comfortable talking to her. I can confide in her and I know that
it wouldn’t go any further; that’s what I like about someone. That, and her sense of humor, she keeps me in stitches. What is it like to work together? ROSE: It’s awesome, it’s like we’re back in the old neighborhood again. Everybody here is so friendly. JUDY: It’s really easy. We just flow, and it’s nice to have someone there to talk to for emotional support. We help each other that way. What do you think is the secret to a longlasting friendship? ROSE: I think it has to all come from the heart and be unconditional. You need to be able to forgive and forget. I have a special love for
her. JUDY: It’s a special bond. You know the person and respect them. ROSE: I know that it’s very rare, because people say they don’t have a special friendship like we do. It’s like she’s a sister, a part of my family.
For some Jewish seniors, it’s never too late to find love
By Maayan Jaffe JNS.org “He asked if he could give me a ride home. I told him my door was less than a block away and I would be walking. He said he would give me a ride anyway.” So begins the story of Alan and Sharon Poisner, who were married last October. Alan, 80, and Sharon, a few years his junior, weren’t looking for marriage. But a chance meeting at a discussion group hosted at the Village Shalom retirement community in Overland Park, Kansas, where the
couple now lives, brought them together. “I invited him in for tea when he brought me to the door. I said to him then, ‘I am not interested in remarriage, I am not interested in dating or a relationship. I moved into this villa with a one car garage. I am only interested in good company,’” Sharon recalls. “The tea was really good,” Alan says with a wide grin, his eyes focused on his new wife. The two giggle like the newlyweds they are. The Poisners have both been married before; Alan lost his wife of 50 years in 2013. As the couple learned more about each other, they found that they had been living parallel lives. Their homes were blocks from one another, and at one point their sons were in the same Boy Scout troop. They both enjoy learning, travel and exercise. They even subscribe to the same journals. “I admit I wanted a companion, but I wasn’t looking to get married,” says Alan. “It became inev-itable. We just fit perfectly.” “His brain fascinated me and his humor tickled my funny bone,” Sharon says, poking her husband’s side lightly and lovingly with her elbow. Since moving into the one-car-garage villa, the couple is thriving. They say they each had successful marriages and brought the positives into their new union. They also learned a lot about themselves and marriage from those original relationships, knowledge that informs their current one. They describe themselves as “flexible,” which they say alleviates any potential “stuck in my way” tension that could arise when two people who are up in age come together. “‘Live, love, laugh’ is our motto. We each had
that same motto on a plaque before we met,” Alan says. “It has just been easy and fun.” The Poisners’ situation is neither common nor particularly uncommon. According to “Remarriage in the United States,” a 2006 report published by the U.S. Census Bureau, an average of 35.9 percent of marriages annually are between couples in which at least one spouse is remarried. Among men and women who married for the second or third time, 91 percent were remarrying after being divorced, and 9 percent were remarrying after being widowed. But only about 3 percent of men over the age of 65 (and 1 percent of women) tend to remarry. Chana Rachel Frumin, a narrative therapy marriage counselor based in Mevo Modi’in, Israel, says second marriages or those between senior citizens tend to be “friendship marriages.” “In a friendship marriage we explore the qualities of those people around with whom we are the happiest and most comfortable,” Frumin explains. “When we have a list of four qualities we see throughout our friendships, we look for a date where three out of four of those qualities are on the list.” Frumin says that in her estimation the most “worthwhile” marriages are friendship marriages, in which couples can live as friends and see in each other the qualities they love to be around. “They bring out the best in you,” she says. Don Sherman, a resident at Weinberg Village in Owings Mills, Maryland, has not chosen to reSeniors Dating Continues on page 7
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Friendship Circle celebrates beginning 90-year-old woman ‘going home,’ makes aliyah. of open enrollment with picnic By Maayan Jaffe JNS.org
By Martin Weinberg Friendship Circle President Friendship Circle begins its open enrollment period for the 2015-16 year on Aug. 10, when we will hold a picnic at 1 p.m. Consider joining us for a great time, wonderful
entertainment, a delicious kosher lunch and an opportunity to make new friends. We meet about 35 Mondays per year for lively and and enjoyable programs and a delicious lunch. All adults over 50 are welcome. Annual dues are $25, and members
are treated to two major programs with a catered luncheon. The opening of our new season is Oct. 12. Friendship circle is a place for people to meet, make new friends and enjoy each other’s company. We hope to see you there. If you are interested in attending, please contact Betty at 610-395-6282 to reserve your place.
Susan Friedman proves that it’s never too late to be a pioneer. At the ripe age of 90, she made aliyah on a charter flight through the Nefesh B’Nefesh (NBN) agency. “I am going home,” she said. Friedman said she wanted to move to Israel from the time she was 13, when her parents left Germany for a better and safer life in the United States. Her father told her to start in America, and eventually she could move to the Jewish homeland. In 1938, the State of Israel had not yet been established, and her father was worried she would struggle. Five children, 18 grandchildren, and 37 greatgrandchildren later, she is moving to Ra’anana,
where she will live in an independent living facility. She has traveled to Israel at least once annually over the last 50 years, including spending time there with her late husband, Prof. Gerald M. Friedman. Today, she has two daughters and their families living in Israel, including her granddaughter, Member of Knesset Rachel Azaria (Kulanu). Friedman said she knows “some Hebrew,” having studied Hebrew grammar in Germany. Her daughter, Judith Friedman Rosen, who was in tears of emotion watching her mother prepare to board the plane, will be in Israel around Passover time for a bar mitzvah and to visit her mother. “I am ready to go,” Friedman said at New York City’s John F. Kennedy International Airport before departing on NBN’s 53rd charter flight and beginning a new chapter in her life.
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6 JULY/AUGUST 2015 | HAKOL LEHIGH VALLEY | SENIOR LIVING
The place to feed your mind, your soul, and your stomach!
Please join us for a delicious kosher deli lunch on Wednesday, Sep. 2 at 12 p. m. as we get ready to kick-off 5776. Everyone from 5 to 105 is welcome to attend. Join our Simcha Club email list to receive reminders of future Simcha Club dates and times. We hope to see you there! Cost is $5 per person. Please RSVP to Congregation Brith Sholom at (610)-866-8009.
It’s all fun and games with PrimeTime at the J
By Carah Tenzer Senior Services Planning Consultant By now, you’ve seen the ads for classes and trips. You’ve heard that your friends have attended. Maybe you can say the word “pickleball” without chuckling. But have you tried out the PrimeTime offerings for yourself? Since its launch in January 2015, Primetime has enhanced the program schedule for adults over age 65. For those interested in fitness, there are classes in yoga and tai chi, and instruction as well as a pickleball league that will restart in the fall. Educational courses on safe driving, fall prevention and long-term financial and insurance security have been offered. PrimeTime has sponsored bus trips to a Broadway show in New York City and the Philadelphia Flower Show. While day trips are fun outings, the local bus trip to Paul Harryn’s artist studio in Easton was also a great adventure! Are you interested in creating your own art? Join the crafts class at the JCC! It will be offered twice a month beginning in the fall due to popular demand. Men, this class is for you, too! It’s an inexpensive way to express your creativity while making gifts from the heart for yourself or family and friends. PrimeTime has partnered with the Gallery at the J, as well as the Film Festival committee, to bring cultural arts events to senior adults. One of the most valuable and popular aspects of the PrimeTime offerings is the meal program. Twice a week a catered meal is provided at the JCC for just $5, making it possible to attend a morning
Seniors Dating Continues from page 5
marry, but he did find love later in life following the death of his wife in 1996. Now 80, Sherman has been with companion Dora Ordman for 20 years. Sherman says that after his wife’s passing, and after he recovered from several intense illnesses, he began a grieving process from which he was struggling to emerge. Ultimately, he joined a grievance counseling group through the Jewish Community Services agency. There, he saw Ordman, whom he had known through her husband for several years. They cried together, realizing how much they were both suffering. They started spending more time together. Today, they live in the same Weinberg Village building. Sherman is on the third floor and Ordman is on the fourth. “We had become
friends, and now she is my companion,” says Sherman. “I love her dearly and she is fond of me.” While the couple does not plan to tie the knot, Sherman says that at least finding love later in life is a path he would recommend to anyone who loses a spouse. “Find a love,” says Sherman. “Love, and that feeling it brings – and that is individual for everyone – it is important to life … I know what it is to grieve. I was in a deep emotional funk for almost two years. Then, Dora came into my life and things started to change.” He adds, “You know, I have developed a philosophy: If you cannot fix it, forget it. None of us lives forever … When I am feeling bad, in my mind I go to a happy place. My place is with Dora.”
October 24th class, enjoy a nutritious and affordable Kosher lunch, then stay for afternoon programs. In the months since PrimeTime’s beginning, the popularity of these programs has continued to grow, evidenced by the increasing number of participants, and by the number of people who come for one program and stay for another. We invite you to be a part of it, and spend your “prime time” at the J.
Steel Stacks Campus Bethlehem, Pa. All proceeds benefit research and advocacy activities of ZERO as well as awareness and screening activities of the Prostate Cancer Awareness Fund of the Lehigh Valley.
For more information, visit USLV.net or call 484-UROLOGY.
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SENIOR LIVING | HAKOL LEHIGH VALLEY | JULY/AUGUST 2015 7
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“ In order to show my love, I had to risk losing a little bit of hers.” Kristin’s mother-in-law was struggling with daily tasks, but refused her family’s suggestions to get help. And Kristin’s husband wasn’t facing the problem, either. So Kristin came to us for advice. We helped her see that a little short-term stress would be a long-term gain for everyone. Kristin showed her husband and his mother the many care options we offer to our residents, and they agreed to a solution. Now, everyone feels safer and more comfortable. And no love was lost. From independent living to specialized memory care, we have a range of advice and solutions to help your family—all on a vibrant campus with activities, social events and individualized services. Call us to find out how we can help, or learn more at CountryMeadows.com. 410 Krocks Road, Allentown (minutes from Route 22 & I-78) • 610-395-7160 4035 Green Pond Road, Bethlehem (close to Routes 22 & 33) • 610-865-5580 175 Newlins Road, Easton (opening early 2016 – reserve today) • 484-544-3880
Independent Living | Personal Care | Memory Care | Restorative Care* | Skilled Nursing** | In-Home Services *Restorative Care is available at our Allentown & Bethlehem campuses only. **Skilled nursing is available at our Bethlehem campus only. Country Meadows offers services and housing without regard to race, color, religion, disability, marital status, ancestry, national origin, sexual orientation or gender.