1
calling all delinquents... I see you. You were the one spending every afternoon in detention while the rest of us carted home our school books and assignments ready to get started on another full night of rewarding homework to prepare for our futures. And you were the one cleaning desks during Saturday school and spending lunches in the principal's office while we practiced for the school play and cheered on the football team. And you... Oh, wait. That wasn't you. That was me. I'm dedicating this catalog to all the other "delinquents" who refused to fall in line, think "inside the box" and made their own way in the world to find success. And we've got 44 fun new products that are inspired by the attitudes and subversive creativity of "delinquents," young and old. Enjoy! Or don't. I'm in detention so WHAT. EVER. 2
MEET THE DELINQUENTS AT WHISKEY RIVER SOAP THIS PAGE, from top left: Sam, Jessey, Haley, Chelsey, Amanda & Abby, Bre, Melissa, Cameron RIGHT PAGE, from top left: Brenna, Jessica, Addie, Faye, Olivia, Zane, Barb, Mandi, Haley, Silver, Randi, James
3
NEW PRODUCTS
CHECK IT
OUT!
4
5
NEW NEW NEW
FIRST
WORLD
PHOBIAS
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
Ugh, life is like, SO hard. Luckily for you, we've created this new set of soy votives to burn away all those pesky first world phobias! NEW First World Phobias Candles: Hand-poured soy votives. Burn time 20 hours. Box size: 2 7/8" H x 3"" W x 3" D
ADULTOPHOBIA
BUZZOPHOBIA
The fear of pouring your own cereal milk
The fear of that next drink "WOULD I LIKE ANOTHER ONE? I MEAN, YEAH, BUT LIKE, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW AND I DON'T WANT TO BE TIRED BUT I MEAN... IF EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ONE THEN MAYBE I WILL! BUT I SHOULDN’T, I GUESS. SO, NO. WAIT, COME BACK! YES."
"HI MOM! I’M HOME! I BROUGHT ALL MY LAUNDRY FOR YOU AND I NEED MY FAVORITE JEANS BY LIKE 7 BECAUSE I’M MEETING PEOPLE OUT AND DID YOU BUY MY CEREAL? CAN YOU MAKE ME A BOWL? I’M BEAT." Product code: ADU-V
Apple Jacks fragrance
CHADOPHOBIA
DUCKOPHOBIA
Peach Margarita fragrance
Product code: BUZ-V
FAKEOPHOBIA
The fear of frat guys showing up
The fear of ducking autocorrect
The fear of fake ass people
"ME, TODD AND CHAD HAD THE MOST EPIC PARTY ON SATURDAY. DUDE, I T WAS EPIC! WE ICED CHAD SO M ANY TIMES, IT WAS EPIC! DUDE, H E TOTALLY PUKED ON MY DAD’S NEW CLUBS AND THEN PASSED OUT. I T WAS EPIC! MY DAD IS SO PISSED YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. EPIC."
"DUCK THIS MEETING!
"OMG. IT’S SO GOOD TO FINALLY MEET YOU. I’VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE THIS AMAAAZING AURA. AND LOOK AT T HAT OUTFIT! IT’S SO ORIGINAL. YOU MUST BE REALLY INTO RETRO. AND I JUST LOOOOOVE YOUR HAIR. DO YOU DO IT YOURSELF?"
Smirnoff Ice fragrance
6
Product code: CHA-V
DUCK THIS MEETING! I MEANT... DUCK THIS MEETING! BLAH. DUCKING AUTOCORRECT."
Rubber Ducky Bubble Bath fragrance Product code: DUC-V
Vodka Diet Soda fragrance
Product code: FAK-V
NEW NEW NEW NEW
GUACOPHOBIA
The fear of missing the twominute window of a ripe avocado
FRIENDOPHOBIA
"THE AVOCADOS LOOK AMAZING. BUT SHOULD I BUY ONE THAT’S NOT QUITE RIPE YET SO IT DOESN’T GET MUSHY BEFORE I USE IT OR DO I BUY THE RIPE ONE IN CASE I’M IN THE MOOD FOR AVOCADO TOAST IN THE MORNING... OR WILL I JUST LET IT ROT AGAIN OR... WHY AM I FREAKING OUT?"
The fear of connecting with someone and having to live up to it later
* AWKWARD SILENCE *
Fresh Guacamole fragrance
Neglected Cactus fragrance
Product code: GUA-V
Product code: FRI-V
RECAPOPHOBIA
MOISTOPHOBIA
The fear of hearing about your co-worker's weekend
The fear of hearing a particular word "MOIST. MOIST. MOIST. MOIIIIIIST."
Moist Mangoes fragrance
Product code: MOI-V
"ME AND MY FRIENDS WENT OUT SATURDAY AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED AND WHO WE SAW AND WHERE WE WERE AND WHAT TIME WE GOT HOME AND WHAT I WORE AND LOOK AT MY SNAPCHAT AND HAHAHAHA ISN’T THAT SO FUNNY OMG AND THEN..." Product code: REC-V
Watermelon Shots fragrance
SHOPOPHOBIA
The fear of the cashier judging you for your sketchy selections "I ONLY WENT TO THE STORE BECAUSE I NEEDED TO BUY MY GRANDPA LAXATIVES AND PRUNE JUICE BUT I ENDED UP GETTING MILK, CHEETOS, SEEDLESS GRAPES, FROZEN PIZZA, MOUTHWASH, A BAG OF CHARCOAL, A TURKEY SUB, DOUGHNUTS AND A NEW HAIRBRUSH SO THE CASHIER Product code: SHO-V WOULDNT NOTICE."
Maraschino Cherries & Q-Tips fragrance
7
NEW PRODUCTS
I T ' S
Y O U R
PART Y And you'll cry (and whine and bitch and complain) if you want to. Hey! At least there's free booze. And to complement the copious amounts of alcohol and free-flowing feelings, we've got the perfect party accoutrements! Emotionally Needy Napkins and Extremely Fickle Straws & Coasters will set the stage for your next drunken bitchfest. And don't forget to invite me!
These cocktail napkins have issues. (Just like you and all your friends.) So stop taking them for granted and give them the attention they both crave and deserve. NEW Napkin Set: 21-pack of 3-ply 5" x 5" bi-fold cocktail napkins made with recycled material. Made in the USA. Box size: 5 1/8" L x 5 1/8" H x 1" D
7 NAPKIN STYLES PER PACK (3 OF EACH) YOU TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE I FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN NEED ME GO AHEAD. JUST THROW ME AWAY LIKE THAT. NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY. I'M JUST A STUPID NAPKIN. YOU BARELY NOTICE ME ANYMORE. MOST PEOPLE JUST IGNORE ME. Product code: NAP-E
YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST USING ME AND THEN YOU'LL THROW ME AWAY.
8
I'm not saying I'm fickle, but I'm not saying I'm not, either. I like to have it both ways. That's why these paper straws are so perfect for the fickle at heart. Am I taken or single? Depends on what and how many I'm sipping through this straw. And don't forget paper straws are all the rage these days! NEW Paper Straws Set: 20-pack of paper straws. Box size: 2 1/2" L x 7" H x 1/2" D
Product code: STR-E
Well, I was chill until somebody broke out the PLASTIC straws. Flip my coaster over because now I'm totally TRIGGERED.
NEW Coaster Set: 4-pack 4" round cork coasters (1/4-inch thickness) printed on both sides. Made in the USA. Box size: 4 1/8" L x 4 1/8" H x 1 1/4" D
Product code: COA-E
9
NEW
Yeah, matches are USEFUL. And we know everyone likes lighting shit on fire occasionally… no? Just me and my student loan paperwork? Oh, ok. Anyway, throw a matchbook in with that candle you’re gifting! Leave it as the tip for your server! We know they will be just as surprised as you once they read what businesses are selling nowadays. Yikes! NEW Matchbooks in Countertop Display: 64-pack of old school 20-strike matchbooks with funny fake company names. Made in the USA. Box size: 6.5" L x 6.5" W x 6" H
NEW ASSORTED MATCHBOOKS
Product code: MAT-A
10
11
NEW PENCILS They're selling so well that we've decided to create EVEN MORE pencil sets! But don't make a big deal out of it. I HATE drama. NEW Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils. Box size: 7 1/2" L x 2 1/2" H x 3/8" D
PENCILS FOR LITTLE WHITE LIES
PENCILS FOR THE OFFICE
Back side:
Back side:
OMG, CROSSFIT? YES. I looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24/7. It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time! I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment....
Product code: LIT-P
12
OH COOL. It’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hourlong meeting about e mployee morale followed by a “surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eye-roll. Which is the same eye-roll I’ll b e making when I read it, ‘cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.
Product code: OFF-P
NEW NEW NEW NEW PENCILS FOR TRUTH Back side:
PENCILS FOR PROCRASTINATORS Back side:
I'M A FAKE VEGAN.
TWO WEEKS.
Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back? Susan, Susan, Susan. Just wait til you have a baby.
Go ahead, ask me anything. Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office? Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.
Product code: TRU-P Product code: PRO-P
PENCILS FOR THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Back side: I'M FINE. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it. Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on Ellen to promote the release, proving how fine I am. I mean if that’s what you need. I ’ll do it.
PENCILS FOR ZERO FUCKS Back side: NO FUCKS. We hear you. You're so over it you can't even. This newly-concocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn't give a F. We know. Fresh out.
Product code: ZER-P
Product code: PAS-P
13
FREE DISPLAY
PENCILS FOR TEACHERS Back side: IT'S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE.... But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?
Product code: TEA-P
PENCILS FOR GRAMMAR POLICE Back side: YOUR ANNOYING.
14
Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re. Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors. Trust me on this point, p you're still making some.
Product code: GRA-P
14
PENCILS FOR WRITER'S BLOCK
PENCILS FOR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
Back side:
Back side: TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK?
AWWWWW...
So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way. Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.
I hear you're having a b ad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your glutenfree muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you've ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds. And we both know you said NO NUTS.
Product code: WRI-P
Product code: FIR-P
EXCUSE PENCILS FOR INTROVERTS Back side:
PENCILS FOR OKAY MOMS Back side:
PEOPLE SUCK.
CONGRATULATIONS.
That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties. Your wedding.
You're the world's okayest mom! Please don’t take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quickdraw first aid kits. Okay moms are where it’s at. Okay moms are where you w ant to live: sippy cup wine, the five-second rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.
Product code: INT-P
Product code: OKA-P
PENCILS FOR THE MIDDLE CHILD Back side: WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? The only thing worse than being unnoticed is being unnoticed when your hair is neon purple and you dress like you're from the Matrix. Um, hello? Being the first child ain't all that. The only people who think so are: # 1. My older sibling and # 2. My dumb parents. And I haven't even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.
Product code: MID-P
15
WTF CANDLES
hey, what the? Our 100% soy wax candles aren't the most polite candles on the shelf, but as you know, they won't stay on the shelf for long! Like it or leave it, profanity is frickin' hot. So we're introducing these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma's favorite F word! And what the... one of these candles doesn't even HAVE the F word on the label?! Oh well. Who fucking cares. WHAT THE CANDLE? : Burn time 40 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" diameter x 3 1/2" tall
FUCK THIS.
Smells like I'm over it Bye, Felicia. Amaretto Sour fragrance
16
Product code: WT1-C
I FUCKING LOVE YOU
Smells like, I mean, probably You know how temperamental I can be. Pomegranate Champagne fragrance
Product code: WT2-C
OH MY FUCK
Smells like someone's knocked up
Product code: WT3-C
Who am I? Why am I here? Why is this candle talking to me?
Virgin Blue Raspberry Jello Shot fragrance
FUCK YEAH
Product code: WT4-C
Smells like an existential crisis
Congratulations! Your life is now over.
Smells like a celebratory drink
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Cucumber-Aloe Daquiri fragrance
Product code: WT5-C
SALTY BITCHES
Smells like who you calling salty?
Fuck yeah!
Bitch.
Blueberry Bourbon Fizz fragrance
Salty Dog Cocktail (grapefruit) fragrance
Product code: WT6-C
17
ASTROLOGY SOAP
soaped up Finally! We're releasing our new Astrology Soap line! We wanted to make sure we got it right, so our ingenious soapmaker Sam spent just under 200 years coming up with this gorgeous new line of soaps! Each soap has a custom color-scheme and fragrance that matches the Astrology Candles. Astrology Soaps: Shrink-wrapped with a clear label. Sold in 4-packs.
18
S O A P
F O
R
S O A P
F O
R
S O A P
F O
R
CAPRICORN D E C E M B E R 2 2 - JA N UA RY 19
AQUARIUS JA N UA RY 2 0 - F E B RUA RY 18
F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 2 0
Smells like the boss of everyone
Smells like a real do-gooder
Smells like some serious delusions
PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA
DRIFTWOOD DREAMER
A
B E R G A M O T
B O S S
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
PISCES A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS Smells like a real do-gooder
Smells like some serious delusions
Bergamot Boss fragrance
Progressive Papaya fragrance
Driftwood Dreamer fragrance
Smells like the boss of everyone
Product code: CAP-S
S O A P
F O
PISCES
Product code: AQU-S
R
S O A P
F O
Product code: PIS-S
R
S O A P
F O
R
ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
Smells like you only ride shotgun
Smells like a gold-plated sundae
Smells like a split personality
AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME
CHAMPAGNE CHIC
WHIMSICAL WATERMELON
A
M A RC H 21 - A P R I L 19
A
A P R I L 19 - M AY 2 0
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
ARIES
TAURUS
A
M AY 21 - J U N E 2 0
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
GEMINI
Smells like a gold-plated sundae
Smells like a split personality
Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance
Champagne Chic fragrance
Whimsical Watermelon fragrance
Product code: ARI-S
Product code: TAU-S
Product code: GEM-S
Smells like you only ride shotgun
19
This soap is intentionally placed this way to irritate Virgos.
S O A P
F O
R
CANCER A
A
J U N E 21 - J U LY 2 2
S O A P
F O
LEO
R
S O A P
J U LY 2 3 - AU G U S T 2 2
Smells like buried emotions
Smells like itʼs all about you
MOODY MOJITOS
VANILLA VANITY
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
F O
R
VIRGO
A
AU G U S T 2 3 - S E P T E M B E R 2 2
Smells like making a list to make a list
OVERTHINKING ORANGES N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
CANCER
LEO
Smells like it's all about you
Smells like making a list to make a list
Moody Mojitos fragrance
Vanilla Vanity fragrance
Overthinking Oranges fragrance
Product code: CAR-S
Product code: LEO-S
Product code: VIR-S
FREE DISPLAY
S O A P
F O
R
FREE ASTROLOGY DISPLAYS with PRE-PACK AS1 or AP1 see page 52
S O A P
F O
R
S O A P
F O
S E P T E M B E R 2 3 - O C TO B E R 2 2
O C TO B E R 2 3 - N OV E M B E R 21
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
Smells like a peacekeeper
Smells like a supervillain
Smells like a disappearing act
FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT
VINDICTIVE VIOLETS
WANDERING WHITE TEA
LIBRA
A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
A
R
N OV E M B E R 21 - D E C E M B E R 21
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
French Lavender Flirt fragrance
Vindictive Violets fragrance
Wandering White Tea fragrance
Product code: LIB-S
Product code: SCO-S
Product code: SAG-S
Smells like a peacekeeper
20
VIRGO
Smells like buried emotions
Smells like a supervillain
Smells like a disappearing act
ASTROLOGY PENCILS
ready, set, write shit down! Yes! Pencils! Check out our 8-pack of custom pencils made specifically for each astrological sign. Each pack features a SELFIE PENCIL! The writing is backwards to fulfill all your selfie needs! (Yeah, we've seen your Insta....) Each pencil box features a color sticker that matches the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Journals. Astrology Pencils: Box size: 8 1/4" tall x 3 3/8" width x 1/2" thick
21
CAPRICORN
December 22-January 19
AQUARIUS
January 20 - February 18
Pencils:
Pencils:
EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY EVERY DAY I'M HUSTLIN' BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART BOSSY AF BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT
YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING SPIRITUAL GANGSTA POTENTIAL LIFE COACH AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER BFF COLLECTOR ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CONTROL FREEEEEAK
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WOKE AF
Back text: You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. And even though your source of income might be considered “iffy”, there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.
Back text: You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of doing real work for the people. That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.
Product code: CAP-P
PISCES
February 19 - March 20
Product code: AQU-P
ARIES
March 21 - April 19
Pencils:
Pencils:
TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED DRINKS LIKE A FISH AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY
I COULD'VE EASILY GONE PRO FIGHT ME I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I'M DOING FOR MY NEXT TRICK... NEAR PERFECTION UNFINISHED PROJECTS PENCIL WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): TOTAL DREAMER
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): 100%
Back text: You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet. People like you because o f your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though. Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”
Back text: You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners. You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts. This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.
Product code: ARI-P Product code: PIS-P
22
TAURUS
April 20 - May 20
GEMINI
May 21 - June 20
Pencils:
Pencils:
INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I'M RIGHT WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING? I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO'SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING
VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL I DON'T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT... WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY I DON'T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I'M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF Back text: You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stickto-it-ive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place. Product code: TAU-P
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT Back text: You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail. And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re the good kind of crazy. Product code: GEM-P
CANCER
June 21 - July 22
LEO
July 23 - August 22
Pencils:
Pencils:
CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT I'M FINE! NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE I'M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND I'M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT
LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! BUT LET'S GET BACK TO ME DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS? LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER Back text: You’re no stranger to thumbsucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS Back text: You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.
Product code: LEO-P
Product code: CAR-P
23
VIRGO
August 23 - September 22
LIBRA
September 23 - October 22
Pencils:
Pencils:
I COUGHED NOW I'M DEAD LIST-MAKING PENCIL LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY
THANKS FOR NOTHING I'M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME I'M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT'S NO PROBLEM!!!! EASILY DISTRACTE... WHY CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): NOBODY'S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF
Back text: You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list. People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.
Back text: You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand. People like you because you tend to agree with everything. Product code: LIB-P
Product code: VIR-P
SCORPIO
October 23 - November 21 Pencils:
Pencils:
CHECKMATE. WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER
I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE I DON'T DO FAKE RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF Back text: You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly. You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge. Product code: SCO-P
24
SAGITTARIUS
November 22 - December 21
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE Back text: You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischief- makers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-themoment road trips. People like you because you always have the good party favors. Product code: SAG-P
ASTROLOGY CANDLES
what's YOUR sign? Our 100% soy wax candles. Get the whole set! Each lid has a brightly-colored sticker that matches our Astrology Journals, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Astrology Candles: Burn time 20 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" D x 3 1/2" H
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
Bergamot Boss fragrance
Progressive Papaya fragrance
Smells like the boss of everyone
Product code: CAP-C
Smells like a real do-gooder
Product code: AQU-C
PISCES
Smells like some serious delusions Driftwood Dreamer fragrance Product code: PIS-C
25
ASTROLOGY CANDLES
ARIES
TAURUS
Smells like you only ride shotgun
Smells like a gold-plated sundae
Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance
Champagne Chic fragrance
Product code: ARI-C
GEMINI
Smells like a split personality Whimsical Watermelon fragrance Product code: GEM-C
26
Product code: TAU-C
CANCER
Smells like buried emotions Moody Mojitos fragrance Product code: CAR-C
LEO
VIRGO
Smells like it's all about you
Smells like making a list to make a list
Vanilla Vanity fragrance
Overthinking Oranges fragrance
Product code: LEO-C
Product code: VIR-C
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
French Lavender Flirt fragrance
Vindictive Violets fragrance
Wandering White Tea fragrance
Product code: LIB-C
Product code: SCO-C
Product code: SAG-C
Smells like a peacekeeper
Smells like a supervillain
Smells like a disappearing act
27
ASTROLOGY
JOURNALS notes from a boss
We are in love with our spiral-bound, lined Astrology Journals! Each one features a cover in a color specific to its astrological sign, and matches the stickers on the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Astrology Journals: Size: 7" tall x 5 1/4" width x 1/2" thick; 100 lined pages The inside covers have even more info on each astrological sign, including traits, description, colors, numbers, love matches, famous birthdays, and quotes.
CAPRICORN
Product code: CAP-J
Boss of the Universe December 22 - January 19
ARIES
28
Product code: ARI-J
“I'm doing pretty good as far as geniuses go.” —Kanye West, Gemini
AQUARIUS
Product code: AQU-J
PISCES
Spiritual Gangsta
Total Dreamer
January 20 - February 18
February 19 - March 20
TAURUS
Product code: TAU-J
GEMINI
First Class Rager
Self-Appointed Tyrant
Devious Minds
March 21 - April 19
April 20 - May 20
May 21 - June 20
Product code: PIS-J
Product code: GEM-J
CANCER
Hypersensitive Soul June 21 - July 22 Product code: CAR-J
LEO
Product code: LEO-J
The Most Amazing Person on Earth
VIRGO
Product code: VIR-J
Clueless Perfectionist August 23 - September 22
July 23 - August 22
SAGITTARIUS
Product code: SAG-J
Casual Delinquent
LIBRA
The Self-Described Nice Person in the Room September 23 - October 22
Product code: LIB-J
SCORPIO
Product code: SCO-J
November 22 - December 21
Scary Ass Mind October 23 - November 21
29
MUGS
This shit is nowhere near as fun as vacationing in Dull, Ohio
I feel amazing when I'm in Nothing, Arizona
Former visitor to Convict Lake, California
I'm totally in love with Shady, New York
Product code: DUL-M
Product code: NOT-M
Product code: CON-M
Product code: SHA-M
Call me delirious when I'm in Sugartit, Kentucky
I drove to Embarrass, Minnesota with my cat
I can't live without my annual trip to Weed, California
I heart my summer vacations in Stalker, Pennsylvania
Product code: SUG-M
30
Product code: EMB-M
Product code: WEE-M
Product code: STA-M
OH HELL. we get it. you don't have time for a vacation. who does?
And really, what’s the difference between lying about winning a thousand bucks in Vegas over the weekend and lying about actually going? Everyone knows it never happened. Kind of like when I said I had an amazing time in Turks and Caicos, but instead went to my uncle’s Jersey wedding and came home with a deep orange tan that totally washed off in the shower. Fake vacations are simply better conversation. So we’ve created an imaginary road trip for you to brag about around the water cooler, complete with interesting factual details so that you can keep your story straight. Unless you’ve got bourbon in that coffee cup. Then you’re on your own, you lush. Mug Singles: Box size: 6" width x 4" tall x 4 1/4" deep
I'm a stone cold happy camper when I'm hiking on Bitch Mountain, New York
Everyone should go to Hell, Michigan
Because I'm super freaking in love with Difficult, Tennessee
I'm not happy unless I'm in Normal, Illinois
Product code: BIT-M
Product code: HEL-M
Product code: DIF-M
Product code: NOR-M
I like to drink a White Russian when I'm in Hooker, Oklahoma
I won a free trip to Intercourse, Pennsylvania
I like 'em historical buildings in Rough & Ready, California
I'm a total fan of Screamer, Alabama
Product code: HOO-M
Product code: INT-M
Product code: ROU-M
Product code: SCR-M
31
NEW
JOURNALS NEW
with free display! Each pack comes with three different journals (4” x 5.5”) banded together. Journals are pocket-sized with rounded corners, blank pages and sturdy, colorful covers. Sold in 4-packs And when you buy the JournalPack (JP1), you'll also receive our Kraft brown journal display FREE! So get your writin’ pencil ready. You’ve got some plagiarizing to do.
NEW
Product code: NUR-J
Product code: WRI-J
32
Product code: ART-J
NEW
Product code: OKA-J
Product code: CAT-J
Product code: MID-J
Product code: DRA-J
TOP SELLERS Why I Live for Summers Ways Teachers are Underappreciated
Product code: TEA-J
Product code: PRO-J
Product code: GRA-J
Product code: DOG-J
Product code: ZER-J
Product code: WIN-J
Product code: GOA-J
Product code: NAR-J
Product code: STO-J
Product code: INT-J
Product code: SUP-J
NEW
33
BATH BOMBS
TOP SELLER FML
EXTROVERTS
In one way or another. Most likely in a tequila bottle.
Single exclamation points are not part of my lexicon.
Smells like drowning
Product code: FML-B
SINGLE LADIES
WHAT KIDS?
Smells like Beyoncé's breath Product code: WHA-B
Smells like a locked door I can't hear you I can't hear you I can't hear you.
TOP SELLERS
CAT PEOPLE
Smells like a fizzing hairball What? It's not like there wasn't one in the tub anyway. Product code: CAT-B
34
Product code: EXT-B
BAKE & BATHE Smells like medicinal use
And the time of your life.
In some states. In other states, it just smells like weed.
Product code: SIN-B
Product code: BAK-B
TOP SELLERS
NAMASTE
DAY DRINKING
Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.
And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and you get the drill.
Product code: NAM-B
Product code: DAY-B
Smells like enlightenment
Smells like hi!!!!!!!
Smells like Saturday
BIRTHDAY BLUES Smells like every birthday after 21
Which is cool, because I'm still 21. Just like every year. Product code: BIR-B
THE FIRST CHILD Smells like you're just more important
You had to have your own bath bomb, didn't you. Product code: FIC-B
CLASSY AF
Smells like gettin' naked
GRAMMAR POLICE Smells like your annoying
Ahahahaha. It's so easy to get under your skin. Product code: GRA-B
QUEENS
Smells like major drama
And then dressed up to get messed up. (Fragrance: Black currant)
And if you don't like this bath bomb, I'm going to set myself on fire!
Product code: CLA-B
Product code: QUE-B
TOP SELLERS
TEACHERS
Smells like grading papers, even on your honeymoon Or at least having PTSD about it. Product code: TEA-B
MIDDLE CHILD Largely invisible scent
Go ahead and dye your hair purple. No one will notice. Product code: MID-B
WRITER'S BLOCK Smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire. Come on. It's a bath bomb, not magic. Try vodka. Product code: WRI-B
DOG PEOPLE
Smells like a wet, drooling dog Ok. It doesn't. Unless your dog is also taking a bath. Product code: DOG-B
YOU'RE THE WORST Smells like that's why I love you (That, and you've got a really cute butt.) Product code: YOU-B
SICK DAYS
Smells like a mini vacation Sometimes it's the only way to get a day off. Product code: SIC-B
TOP SELLERS
IT'S ONLY FRICKIN' TUESDAY
ZERO FUCKS
There's no way in hell I'm going to make it to Friday, people.
And frankly, I don't blame you. Much.
Product code: FRI-B
Product code: ZER-B
Smells like slowly dying
Smells like you have none left to give
35
NEW SOAPS & CANDLES
A NEW HOME
Smells like new beginnings
Product codes: ANE-S / ANE-C
So try to keep that emotional baggage in the garage, ok?
Soap
Trendy terrarium
Candle
Back side: aA fresh start! aA clean slate! aIt'll be a mess in no time
THE YOUNGEST Smells like an afterthought
Why are you always in the way?
Baby lotion Back side: aYou'll get your turn aYou're so lucky to have all these hand-me-downs! aYou'll always be the baby
Product codes: YNG-S / YNG-C
LAST NIGHT
Soap
Smells like I can't even Just... no.
Too much champagne Back side: aEliminates morning sun aWashes away drunk texts aIncreases invisibility
Product codes: LAS-S / LAS-C
Soap
Candle
36
Candle
NEW SOAPS & CANDLES
TEACHERS
Smells like greading papers... even on your honeymoon Or at least not having PTSD from it.
Poisoned apple
Product codes: TEA-S / TEA-C
Soap
Candle
Back side: aIDK, CAN you go to the bathroom? aDon't you dare say "Wikipedia" aI just realized I don't even like kids
DELINQUENTS Smells like detention and the back of the bus And probably a successful entrepreneur in the future
Product codes: DEL-S / DEL-C Soap
Candle Spiked Gatorade
Back side: aTalks back aDislikes authority aIs the envy of everyone
37
NEW SOAPS & CANDLES
SALTY SERVERS
j
am
Smells like petty customers and biting your tongue
es
It's so funny you think I'm going to bring you that side of ranch, tho.
Product codes: SAL-S / SAL-C Soap
Strawberry milkshake Candle
Back side: aWashes away bad tippers aRinses off dietary restrictions aSeparates the check for you
THE WALKING DEAD
Smells like a nurse on a double-shift Who made that legal? Product codes: WDE-S / WDE-C
Jello on my scrubs
38
Back side: a Repels know-it-alls a Enhances card game skills a Smiles sarcastically for you
Soap
Candle
NEW SOAPS & CANDLES
ZERO CARBS
Smells like starving to death Thank God for vodka. Cucumber water Back side: a I. a Need. a Bread.
Product codes: ZCA-S / ZCA-C
Soap
Candle
FUCKING MEETINGS
SICK FUCKS
Smells like cough syrup and misery
Smells like this could have been an email
Get well soon, ya sick fuck.
And this is why I drink.
Product codes: FME-S / FME-C
Product codes: SIC-S / SIC-C Nyquil coma
Back side: aHurry up and get well aI'm bored aDrinking alone sucks
Soap
Soap
Candle
Bourbon in my coffee
Back side: a Per. a My. a Last email.
Candle
39
TOP SELLERS
CAT PEOPLE
THE FIRST CHILD
Smells like purring
And a fresh hairball under your foot.
Smells like you're just more important
You just had to have your own soap, didn't you.
Product codes: CAT-S / CAT-C Soap Product codes: FIC-S / FIC-C
Brand-new everything (Wintergreen) Back side: aReduces parental pressure aKeeps younger siblings out of your stuff aIs practically perfect, too
Soap
Candle
Warm milk scent
Back side: aMy cat has an Instagram aLint rollers in the car aDog people suck
SOCIAL ANXIETY
SINGLE LADIES
Smells like a list of pre-planned excuses
Smells like Beyoncé's breath And the best time of your life.
Are you kidding me? I really did break my glass eye and set the waterbed on fire.
Product codes: SOC-S / SOC-C
Product codes: SIN-S / SIN-C
Soap
Soap
Vodka Vitamin Water Back side: aI have Ebola aMy hamster ran away aI just found out I'm a hologram
Lemonade Candle
Back side: aDo whatever the F you want aNo in-laws aShould've put a ring on it....
MORNING PEOPLE
And drool. Lots and lots of drool.
Uh-oh. Does somebody have a case of the Mondays?
Smells like a hell no
Product codes: DOG-S / DOG-C Soap
Product codes: MOR-S / MOR-C Soap
Grassy dog park scent Back side: aDrawer of embarrassing costumes aWet chew toys everywhere aCat people are freaks
Candle
DOG PEOPLE
Smells like unconditional love
40
Candle
Sugar cereal coma scent Candle
Back side: aWhat alarm? aStop talking so loud aI can cut you
Candle
TOP SELLERS
COLORADO IS THE STANDARD Product codes: STO-S / STO-C COLORADO Soap
Product codes: VTS-S / VTS-C
Product codes: NES-S / NES-C
VERMONT Soap
NEVADA Soap
VERMONT Candle
NEVADA Candle
COLORADO Candle
Cannabis scent
Product codes: CST-S / CST-C
Product codes: MIS-S / MIS-C
Product codes: OST-S / OST-C
Product codes: WST-S / WST-C
CALIFORNIA Soap
MICHIGAN Soap
OREGON Soap
WASHINGTON Soap
CALIFORNIA Candle
MICHIGAN Candle
OREGON Candle
WASHINGTON Candle
Back side: aGateway soap aAntagonizes DEA aApproved for medicinal purposes
MESSY PEOPLE
Product codes: MAS-S / MAS-C
Product codes: AKS-S / AKS-C
MASSACHUSETTS Soap
ALASKA Soap
MASSACHUSETTS Candle
ALASKA Candle
Product codes: DCS-S / DCS-C
Product codes: MES-S / MES-C
WASH DC Soap
MAINE Soap
Smells like a potential genius Just look at Einstein, Steve Jobs, and all those people on Hoarders.
Product codes: MEP-S / MEP-C Soap Unopened Mr. Clean
WASH DC Candle
MAINE Candle
BIRTHDAY BLUES Smells like every birthday after 21
Which is cool, because I'm still 21. Just like every year.
Back side: aAdds to clutter! aLooks good on a messy desk aFun find 2 years later!
Candle
BEING AWESOME
Smells like a cool story, bro No really. I looove hearing every single detail about that one time.
Product codes: BIR-S / BIR-C
Soap
Soap
Sad birthday cake Back side: aI never get carded anymore aAnd I'm STILL 21. Pinky swear. aWill you stop counting already?
Product codes: BEI-S / BEI-C
Candle
Candle
One surfing lesson scent (Ocean scented) Back side: aDude. aFist bump! aAwesomesauce.
41
TOP SELLERS
ZERO FUCKS Smells like you have none left to give
And frankly, I don't blame you. Much.
TOP 10 candles
Product codes: ZER-S / ZER-C Soap
Cat People It's Only Frickin' Tuesday
Creamsicle scent
Back side: aTired aOf aIt
Candle
GRAMMAR POLICE Smells like your annoying
Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin.
Dog People Okay Moms
Product codes: GRA-S / GRA-C Soap
Writer's Block
Jelly doughnut scent Candle
Stoners
Back side: aYour/you’re aTheir/there/they’re aThings I've just learned since Facebook
THE MIDDLE CHILD
Zero Fucks
Largely invisible scent Go ahead and dye your hair purple. No one will notice.
Namaste Day Drinking Product codes: MID-S / MID-C Soap
Birthday Blues
42
Purple haze scent (Grape scented) Back side: aMagnifies misery aYour sister’s wedding was just beautiful aWho are you again?
Candle
DRINKING BUDDIES Smells like a match made in tequlia Keeping the local bar open. Just another service we provide.
Product codes: DRI-S / DRI-C Soap
TOP SELLERS
BOOK CLUB
Smells like why. Oh yeah, wine. I'm in like four book clubs and I only read cereal boxes.
Product codes: BOO-S / BOO-C
Soap
Dos margaritas Back side: a Fancy meeting you here a Just like yesterday a Barkeep!
Wine and paperbacks Candle
Candle
A MAN’S MAN
HAPPY CAMPERS
Which, I guess smells like wet bear fur and salmon. Yum.
You know you can just make s’mores in the microwave, right?
Smells like Alaska
Product codes: MAN-S / MAN-C
Smells like an oxymoron
Soap
Product codes: HAP-S / HAP-C Soap
Candle
Candle
Blizzard campfire scent
Back side: aGood for bear wrasslin’ aDoesn’t talk much either aWill drink you under the hand-hewn table
IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY Smells like slowly dying
There’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to Friday, people.
Product codes: FRI-S / FRI-C Soap
Gum smacking co-worker scent (Spearmint) Back side: aWake me up on Thursday aI’m already four coffees in aYawn.
Back side: aPairs well with gossip aAnd wine aAnd more wine
Candle
Nuked s'mores Back side: aIncreases instances of squatting in the woods aWho needs plumbing? aBugs are people, too
OKAY MOMS
Smells like truth And wine. Probably a lot of wine.
Product codes: OKA-S / OKA-C
Soap Sippy cup wine Candle
Back side: aPairs well with nap time aIs also tired of perfect moms aYour kids love you anyway
43
AWKWARD MOMENTS
Smells like your entire life Increases instances of missed highfives & blind dates with your dad
Product codes: AWK-S / AWK-C
Soap
THE BASIC
Smells like Lululemon and Finstas Oh. Em. Gee. Let's get lit tonight and sing 80s songs at karaoke.
Product codes: BAS-S / BAS-C
Soap
Sketchy ointment scent
Back side: aFly unzipped aUnwanted eye contact aWrong person
Pumpkin spice latte Candle
Candle
BEER WHISPERERS
CAF+FIEND
Smells like IPA insanity
Bright, fresh and piney with hints of nobody cares and where’s my PBR?
Product codes: CAF-S / CAF-C
Product codes: BEE-S / BEE-C Soap
Soap
CAF+FIEND
Oatmeal stout Back side: aThe proof is in the beer belly aSome of us just want a buzz aUh-oh: Craft weed is trending....
Candle
Roasted coffee scent
Smells like brain vomit
You can't help it. The ideas just spew everywhere.
And then dressed up to get messed up.
Product codes: CLA-S / CLA-C Soap The little black soap (Fragrance: Black currant)
44
Candle
Candle
THE CREATIVE TYPE
CLASSY AF
Smells like sink bathing and dry shampoo
Back side: aChampagne in a Solo cup aHeels at the gym aMani-pedi before sentencing
Back side: aMy hair straightener is bomb AF aI'm just wearing leggings aChipotle is my liiiife
Smelly marker Back side: aPairs well with a Sharpie aThe one in your pocket aThat vandalizes bathroom stalls all by itself
Product codes: CRE-S / CRE-C Soap
Candle
DAD BODS
DAD JOKES
Smells like cookies & cable sports
Smells like groaning kids Why do the jokes always happen in the car? #captiveaudience
Hey, it’s not your fault if chicks are into it
Product codes: DAJ-S / DAJ-C
Product codes: DAD-S / DAD-C Soap
Soap Corniest corn bread
Toasted marshmallow scent Back side: aPairs well with couch time aBuilds unwavering confidence aBring me another beer
Candle
Candle
Back side: aHey Dad, make me a sandwich aPoof! You're a sandwich a#sloweyeroll
DAY DRINKING
EPIC FAILS
Smells like Saturday
Smells like one teeny, tiny mistake, ok?
And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and you get the drill.
But hopefully this soap will make up for it, it’s like all handmade and stuff.
Product codes: DAY-S / DAY-C
Product codes: EPI-S / EPI-C
Soap
Soap
Mojitos Back side: aPairs well with daytime TV aHelps pass the time aSeamless segue into nighttime drinking
Pepsi latte Back side: aApologetically foaming soap aHelps wash away failure aLimits new mistakes
Candle
EVIL DICTATORS
EXTROVERTS
Scented with the plight of the people
Smells like hi!!!!!!!
Single exclamation points are not part of my lexicon.
Washes away any pathetic attempts at democracy
Product codes: EXT-S / EXT-C
Product codes: EVI-S / EVI-C Stale tobacco scent
Back side: aInspires fear aA favorite of state-run media aLooks good on a horse
Candle
Soap
The sun in human form (Juicy Fruit)
Candle
Back side: aHi!!!!!!!!!!!! aCome out! Come out! aComeoutcomeoutcomeout
Soap
Candle
45
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
FAKE NEWS
Smells like drinking the Kool-Aid
Smells like your European vacation was a real bummer
No wonder everyone has their heads in the sand.
What, your wifi isn't working? Tears, buddy.
Product codes: FAK-S / FAK-C
Product codes: FIR-S / FIR-C
Soap I said no almonds (Almond scented)
Orange Kool-Aid Back side: aYou're fake news aNo, you are! aTakes one to know one, poser news
Candle
GEEKS
Wifi scented No one else understands the scent
Product codes: GEE-S / GEE-C Cucumber, wasabi & cilantro scent
Back side: aReformats your hard drive aEffective at killing viruses aMade with The Force
Soap
Candle
#GOALS
Smells like perfect abs and a fabulous career It would help if I got out of bed before noon. #fail
Product codes: GOA-S / GOA-C Soap
46
Unicorn farts (Rainbow sherbet) Back side: aWrinkle-free everything aCalorie-free pizza aEx in a man romper
Candle
Back side: aHot Pocket is still frozen aMy AC is FREEZING aRipped jeans now too ripped
Soap
Candle
GETTIN' LIT
Smells like lunchtime cocktails and other bad ideas But I like bad ideas. Meet me around noon?
Product codes: GET-S / GET-C Soap Umbrella drinks (Tropical scented) Candle
Back side: aWho cares if it's only Tuesday It'll break up the week aIt'll aLet's do this
Jessica learned early to always check the police scanner to make sure she's not busted
HANGOVERS
Smells like hair of the dog And don’t talk to me again until I’m on my second Bloody Mary.
Product codes: HAN-S / HAN-C Soap Bloody Mary scent
Back side: aWhy do I do this to myself? aLast night was fun, lol aWhat’s on tap for tonight?
Everyone's favorite WRS dropin, Doug "Double D"
Candle
HIPSTERS
HOT MESSES
Smells like major entertainment
Coffee, bacon & craft beer Smells just like your beard
Seriously, I can't wait to hear your latest installment.
Product codes: HIP-S / HIP-C Soap
Product codes: HOT-S / HOT-C Soap
Coffee, bacon & craft beer scent Back side: aEncourages pretension aSustains elitism aDisintegrates into normcore when wet
Cheap lip gloss scent Candle
Candle
Smells like somebody's passive-aggressive
Unscented
Because seriously, you’re not going anywhere anyway
No, really. It's fine. I'm fine. It's all fine. Really.
Product codes: ITF-S / ITF-C
Product codes: INT-S / INT-C
Soap
Soap Unscented Back side: aGreat solo activity aRespects your space aWon’t ask you to an event
Back side: aEncourages late nights aEnhances walks of shame aKnows the best happy hours
IT'S FINE
INTROVERTS
Plain tap water Candle
Back side: aWhatever aI'm not mad aIt's fine
Candle
47
LEFTIES
KARMA
Smells like the weird scissors
Sorry not sorry.
Can’t you like, be normal or something?
Product codes: KAR-S / KAR-C Soap
Product codes: LEF-S / LEF-C
Scented with HAHAHAHA.
Candle
Soap
Laughing Buddha scent (Sandalwood scented) Back side: aHa. aHa. aHa.
Preschool Paste Jar scent (Mint)
Back side: aThe old gross baseball glove aBackwards coffee mugs aDinnertime elbow wars
Candle
MANSPLAINING
LOVE STINKS
Smells like thank you sooooo much
Smells like chocolate and swearing off dating
I never would have figured out the pencil sharpener without you.
Until it doesn't.
Product codes: MNG-S / MNG-C
Product codes: LOV-S / LOV-C Soap Chocolate strawberries
Back side: aNo more! aI'm great! aI'm so lonely...
Candle
MIDLIFE CRISIS Smells like a motorcycle Or a perm. Or a food truck.
Product codes: MIC-S / MIC-C Soap
Soap This is how coffee smells Back side: aSo THAT'S how you spell my name aAnd spell my hometown aAnd dress like a real woman
NAMASTE
Smells like enlightenment Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.
Product codes: NAM-S / NAM-C Soap
Kumquat tree scent
48
Back side: aWon’t fade new tattoos aMild on recent piercings aLikes 22-year-olds, too
Candle
Candle
Candle
Om scent (Lavender & eucalyptus scented) Back side: aGratitude for yoga pants aDownward dog anyplace, anywhere, anytime aBreathe.
QUEENS
NAPPING
Smells like major drama
Smells like my one true love
And if you don’t like this soap, I’m going to set myself on fire!
Seriously. Don't try to come between me and my naps, 'less you want cut.
Product codes: NAP-S / NAP-C
Product codes: QUE-S / QUE-C Soap
Soap Mtn. Dew sugar crash Candle
Back side: aMidmorning nap aAfter-lunch nap aAfter-nap nap
Just bite me scent (Cherry candy scented) Back side: aTalk to the hand. aI’m. Going. Out. And don’t even think of following me a(Text me later, boo)
SLIGHTLY UNHINGED
SHIT SHOWS Smells like last night
Smells like unpredictable behavior
And basically my whole life, in case you were wondering.
Which is completely sexy until you stab someone
Product codes: SLI-S / SLI-C
Product codes: SHI-S / SHI-C Soap Fireball shots scent (red hot cinnamon) Back side: aI did what? aSo THAT'S how I got that bruise aIt was fun, though, right?
Candle
Candle
Jello shots scent
Back side: a20% scary aAlways exciting a35% scarier after cocktails
Soap
Candle
SMALL TOWNS
SMART FUCKERS
But not like marrying your relative or anything. Chill out. It's just a date.
I prefer hanging out with people who are just a little bit dumber than me.
Smells like everything is relative
Product codes: SMA-S / SMA-C Soap
Candle
Smells like go away
Product codes: SMF-S / SMF-C Smarties candy
Root beer float Back side: aOMG, high school sports! aWe're getting a Chipotle??? aComplain all you want, but you'll miss it when you leave
Back side: aDumbing down formula aHelps intellectuals to "fit in" better aStops pesky thinking
Soap
Candle
49
WHEN I WAS A KID
SUNDAY FUNDAY
Smells like eating Tide out of the box
Smells like mimosas & cheap gossip
Things were freaking tough back then.
And a Monday morning call-in sick day.
Product codes: SUN-S / SUN-C
Product codes: WHE-S / WHE-C
Soap
Soap Tide Pods
Mimosas scent
Candle
Back side: aBooze-soaked appetizers aBooze-soaked future plans aBooze-soaked Uber ride home
Back side: a Mmmm... a Tasty a Don’t eat detergent, kid
Candle
WOO GIRLS
WRITER'S BLOCK
You know who you are.
Come on. It's a bar of soap, not magic. Try vodka.
Product codes: WOO-S / WOO-C
Product codes: WRI-S / WRI-C
Smells like WOOOOO! WOO! WOOOOO!
Smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire
Soap
Soap
Watermelon shots Candle
Back side: aShots! aShots! aShots!
Candle
Cheap whiskey scent
YUGE MISTAKES
YOU'RE THE WORST
Smells like a comb-over
Smells like that's why I love you
But a really super terrific comb-over like you’ve never seen before.
(That, and you've got a really cute butt.)
Product codes: YUG-S / YUG-C
Product codes: YOU-S / YOU-C
Soap
Soap Snarky candy hearts
Candle
50
Back side: aZaps implausible plots aEliminates derivative work aBetter for your liver
Back side: aYou’re lucky I’m so desperate a(Lol) aYou’ll do
Fat cat scent (Cubans & cognac) Back side: aMakes washing great again aOnly losers don’t use soap aIncredible formula made by the best most intelligent people
Candle
Too long; didn't read. Silver never bothers himself with the rules
Barb's real first date with future husband and Apple Dumpling Gang head honcho John
ORDER MINIMUMS: First order: $150.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products. Re-orders: $100.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River soaps, candles, bath bombs and journals. FYI: Some of our candles have slightly revised copy on the labels because silly lines about “lathering up” don’t make a lick of sense on a candle and we adhere to a stringent 20% rule about making sense. ‘NOTHER FYI: All our soaps, candles and bath bombs are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation! MORE FYI GARBAGE: INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like coffee beans and grounds in the CAF+FIEND and glitter in the Queens. The basic ingredients (which are all printed on the labels) are: Coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, fragrance. Bath Bombs contain sodium bicarbonate, citric acid (for fizzing), food-grade PEG, alcohol, coloring and fragrance. Some contain small amounts of glitter. Bath bombs for Dog People and Classy AF also contain activated charcoal for color. NOTE: Bath bombs are just for fun. Caution: For adult use only. Use only as directed. Excessive use or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract. Keep out of eyes and mouth. Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occur. Consult your physician if irritation persists. Keep out of the reach of children. Our candles are 100% soy wax with added color & fragrance. The end. For those of you who are over 2,000 years old or are living off the grid—yet inexplicably reading our wholesale catalog—this is what's called a "fire emoji", and it is strategically placed throughout the catalog on our hottest items. Note that ALL Astrology is HOT HOT HOT. And "HOT" is a word used to indicate are you still reading this?!? Get a hobby, pal.
TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash or credit card. Please attach a credit sheet for future terms Net 30. Established accounts: Net 30. Terms and Conditions of Credit • All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from the date shipped. • A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, prepayment may be required. • Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Co. all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law. PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, Apple Pay, or ACH bank transfers. SHIPPING: Orders shipped via UPS within the continental USA or via Priority Mail elsewhere, unless otherwise specified. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of the Whiskey River Soap Co. CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or mis-shipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with pictures of product, tracking number, and outer carton. RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received beyond the 30 day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer. Please call 740-973-9817 for authorization and additional instructions. PRICING: Prices are subject to change without notice. This order form and pricing supersedes all others. 2019 prices are effective June 1, 2019. NOTE ABOUT PERISHABLE PRODUCTS: Our products are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life. Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.
51
PRE-PACKS astrology pencil-pack
astrology soap-pack
All 12 Astrology Pencil Packs
All 12 Astrology Soap Packs
(4 packs each sign) with
(4 packs each sign) with
FREE DISPLAY
FREE DISPLAY
Product code: AP1
Product code: AS1
astrology candle-pack
astrology journal-pack
All 12 Astrology Candle Sets
All 12 Astrology Journal Sets
(4 candles each sign)
(4 journals each sign)
Product code: AC1
Product code: AJ1
soap-pack
SP1 BEST SELLERS SOAPS 14-PACK
Comes with 14 best sellers (4 soaps each) for a total of 56 soaps, plus a FREE DISPLAY on your first order! Product code: SP1
display
journal display
FREE when you fill it
FREE when filled with journals and with JP1 on initial journal orders.
with product! Product code: DB
Additional fee for extra displays. Product code: JD
52
pencil display
new pencil-pack
FREE when filled with pencils. Additional fee for extra displays.
Comes with 12 pencil styles (4 styles each) for a total of 48 pencil packs. (All styles except Zero Fucks.) Comes with FREE DISPLAY
Product code: PD
Product code: PP1
BP1 BATH BOMBS 12-PACK
bomb-pack Comes with 12 best-selling bath bomb styles (4 bombs each), 48 total bombs Product code: BP1
candle-pack
CP1 BEST SELLERS CANDLES 6-PACK
Comes with 6 best sellers (3 candles each) for a total of 18 candles. Product code: CP1
all-white candle option If you would prefer your candles to all be WHITE for aesthetic reasons, we're down with that! NO EXTRA CHARGE! Product code: AWC
journal-pack Comes with a case pack of 10 best-selling journal sets & FREE display (40 journal sets) Product code: JP1
includes: Teachers Grammar Police Procrastinators Nurses Zero Fucks Drama Queens Introverts Cat People Dog People Okay Moms
53
stuff people emailed us. “Had to tell you your branding is brilliant! So innovative! Huge kudos and many sales!" – Marilyn .... “I haven’t laughed out loud at six in the morning for a long time. I’ll be back to your website and buy some stuff for the holidays. But, just wanted to thank you for making me laugh—I need soap for cynical misanthropes that used to be optimistic." – Lisa
.... “Hello. I have just come across your website. Absolutely brilliant! And you’ve given me loads of laughs already, and It’s not even mid-morning yet!"
“Hello, Good Morning! I just wanted to say that I love all the names for your soap company!! Thanks for the laughs this morning... my co-worker and I were in tears! Well done. You really have something special here :-) I will be ordering these in the future!" – Cassandra
.... “Dear Whiskey River Soap Company!!!!!! You guys are awesome!!! My friend and I found your products on Pinterest. We were both having a bad day. And we started to scroll through all your different soaps, reading each the little descriptions on it and they made our day ten times better. We couldn't stop laughing for a good 45 minutes. I just had to thank you for being an amazing company and brightening our day!!"
– Nerissa
.... “I just spent an hour laughing as I read through your soaps and candles... please, do you have any Australian stockists?"
– Naomi
.... “It’s so full of awesome and as a middle child I look forward to the arrival of my soap! Thank you for a morning of laughter."
– Kat
.... “I just wanted to take the time to tell you guys how happy I am with your products. I have purchased many different items as gifts for my loved ones. They truly are the perfect gift for people who are impossible to buy for, and I recommend them as gifts for anyone who will bother to listen to me. I also contacted you guys about not including a price in a gift and you offered to send a message which made the purchase that much better (and you responded to my email unbelievably fast). I am sure being in sales, you're contacted with a lot of complaints because customers are the worst, so I wanted to take the time to offer my praise. So show this email to your boss, ask for raise, or at least to get out early on this Friday!" – One of your loyal customers, Rachel 54
– Joanne
.... “So my family and I were in the OBX this summer, and in a small bookstore in Corolla, we stumbled upon some of your candles. We purchased Yuge Mistakes and LOVE it. I just found your site and spent the last hour reading the candles and their corresponding description! Very well done and extremely well written!! Can't stop laughing." – Chris
.... “You are, hands down, my new favorite find/ company/go to gift source. Priceless!” – Pam
Haley helps little bro Tyler pose for a sweet pic with the strength of a thousand vise-grips
stuff people emailed us. “I am visiting family, and yesterday while window shopping with friends, I walked into a local shop. I moved through the aisles at a leisurely pace, occasionally picking up an item to peruse more thoroughly, only to place back on the shelf. Finally, at the far end of where I started, I came upon a display of Whiskey River Soaps. I had never heard of nor seen your soap line. I began to giggle, then chuckle, then laugh loudly. I called my friends over and soon, they too were laughing loudly. I purchased Zero Fucks for a friend because as baby boomers, we frequently mention how our Give-ACrap meters are broken. This is not to say that we have grown completely jaded. Baby smiles, puppy licks, kitten purrs, California Chardonnay, all still manifest warm fuzzies for us. But let's be honest, as a civilization we are doomed, so simple pleasures are becoming touchstones of sanity in an ever-increasing chaotic world. Hence, my sincere gratitude for the delightfully honest marketing of your soaps. I will be sure to purchase more in the future." – Rebecca
....
“I saw a Bored Panda ad on Facebook, clicked on it, and it showcased some of your soaps. So of course I went straight to your website, and am in tears!!!!! Holy cow, I know what I’m getting EVERYONE for Christmas!!! Thank you SO much for the much-needed laugh—this has been a craphole week!" – Bev
.... “...The priceless factor is from the labels. Quite clever. So much snark, packed into just a few brief lines on the labels– impressive. Intellectual. Inventive. And a whole lot of other "i" words, if I wanted to continue on that alliterative groove. Whoever is writing for you should be working in Hollywood. Reading your soap labels is far more entertaining than any sitcom I've seen, in a long time. So freakin' funny, I was compelled to tell you so. You have surpassed my standard for comedy, stepping ahead of my daily default: watching classic sitcom re-runs and BBC comedy The Vicar of Dibley on Netflix, when there is nothing else of value on television. Reading your soap labels is now my new passion. Well done! I take my hat off to you. Well, if I had a hat. :(" – Claire
“G’day from New Zealand, Whiskey River Soap Company!
....
First of all, your products have been the highlight of my week. Where have you been all my life? There’s just enough snark balanced with a quality product to tempt me to alter my budget drastically! "
....
“I live in Brisbane, Australia. I woke up this morning, got on Pinterest social media and I saw two of your products posted. I laughed my head off. These soaps and candles are so witty and facetious. You made my day they are so funny but so true. I have posted quite a few of your products on my comedy board on Pinterest: Being Awesome, Cool Kids, The Middle Child, and more. Who knows, it might lead to more sales for you!
“I am absolutely crying with laughter at your soaps! Love them... do you post to the UK?"
Keep up the good work. The world needs more laughter and you have provided me with plenty."
– Danni
– Jayshree
– Robert
....
....
“I haven’t laughed this much in ages! Do you know how hard it is to explain to your husband you were just reading soap labels?!!!" – Kayla
Kennedy shares her joyous spirit at the WRS holiday party
“Good kind, sir. It has come to your attention we have a sum of $4,000,000 in U.S. dollars from The Office of Nigerian National. Driend, you must act now with 49 USD for immediate payment." – Prince Dimka 55
“Our customers love the soaps! At both stores, we keep the soap display close to the registers. At the Wharf store, I often overhear customers exclaiming and giggling as they browse the soap display and we've also gotten comments about how good the store smells.” - Jen C., Wholesale Customer Politics and Prose at The Wharf, Washington D.C. .... “The originator of our “Borrow My Pens” and “Take Out Fake-Out” bags has a very funny line of soap and candles you need to buy - and like right now.” - Fred & Friends .... “The first time I laid eyes on Whiskey River Soap products, I knew they would be a hit! Fun, quality products with a bit of sass! First came the soap and candles, then the bath bombs and journals... then BAM! Astrology! I can't wait to see the next big thing you come out with and can't wait to show my accounts! 'Cause baby, this stuff sells!” - Bonnie Butler, Sales Rep Candace & Company
w w w.whiskeyriversoap.com • sales@whiskeyriversoap.com 56