ION HOMOSCOPES

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20

Some planets and people have an opinion about you. So. Effing. What? Venus makes you into a magnet of opportunity and, frankly, we all would like to see you naked.

GEMINI May 21 - June 21

Jupiter sparks others’ interest in your ideas. Show ‘em whatcha got. In the idea department, that is. Oh, heck. Show ‘em everything. You probably have a Chaturbate account. Be direct, but don’t be a jerk about it.

CANCER June 22 - July 22

This is a month for growth thanks to those cosmic rays surrounding you. Expect some coin to come your way, and get a haircut: Venus wants to show you off.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

The Full Moon in your sign shuts down a problematic and ongoing issue. Finally. Mars shakes your deadbeat friends down for money they owe you. Love: Are you serious about it, or just sweet on yourself?

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You know everyone. Mercury thinks it’s a good idea to focus on networking with those in the know and manifest that shit into existence. Renegotiate everything. And read the fine print.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

In the immortal words of the oracle Madonna, “Open your heart with the key.” You’ll get some surprises on Feb. 20 when Venus fights her way through Aries to bring you passion.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Word on the street is that you have a sex sling at home. Venus says you’re definitely passionate – for one night only. You’re too goddam moody for anything long term. Right now.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Sags know how to party because their pants are usually down and their skirts are usually up. If you’re single, romances are going to be short and sweet. (But your tricks are defintely gonna save your number.)

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

This is a good month for revelation!

It’s like Show ’n’ Tell or See ’n’ Say. Don’t worry about exposing too much. (Well, that’s not quite true. Don’t give everything away.)

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Brace yourself for drama. But you have hystrionics to deal with it. Are you on the same page with your co-star? Check the script. Wait for the cues. Birthday: Try learning a new skill and create a public debut. Venus has you hunting for money. Keep a commitment you made to yourself.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

You can always depend on Jupiter to broaden your horizons and grant you a windfall with some cash. Birthday

Fishy-Friends experience Venus hooking up with Neptune, so expect glamour, fantasy, and a little delusion and some special delights.