LA City Beat Vol 06 Issue 38

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Arts Editor Ron Garmon rong@lacitybeat.com Film Editor Andy Klein andyk@lacitybeat.com Calendar Assistant Arrissia Owen Turner calendar@lacitybeat.com Copy Editor Joshua Sindell Editorial Contributors Paul Birchall, Andre Coleman, Michael Collins, Cole Coonce, Mark Cromer, Perry Crowe, Mick Farren, Richard Foss, Matt Gaffney, Andrew Gumbel, Marc Haefele, Tom Hayden, Bill Holdship, Jessica Hundley, Chip Jacobs, Mark Keizer, Carl Kozlowski, Kim Lachance, Ken Layne, Steve Lowery, Wade Major, Allison Milionis, Browne Molyneux, Anthony Miller, Chris Morris, Amy Nicholson, Arrissia Owen Turner, Donna Perlmutter, Joe Piasecki, Neal Pollack, Ted Rall, Erika Schickel, Tom Sharpe, Don Shirley, Kirk Silsbee, Brent Simon, Coco Tanaka, Don Waller, Jim Washburn, Wonkette Editorial Interns Gabrielle Paluch, Porsche Simpson, Nathan Solis

ART Art Director Paul Takizawa artdirector@lacitybeat.com Web & Print Production Manager Meghan Quinn Advertising Art Director Sandy Wachs Classified Production Artist Tac Phun Contributing Artists and Photographers Bob Aul, Jordan Crane, Scott Gandell, John Gilhooley, Alexx Henry, Maura Lanahan, Gary Leonard, Melodie McDaniel, Joe McGarry, Luke McGarry, Nathan Ota, Ethan Pines, Josh Reiss, Rosheila Robles, Gregg Segal, Elliott Shaffner, Bill Smith, Ted Soqui

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Classified Supervisor Michael Defilippo Classified Account Executives Yetta Bell, Sarah Fink, Jason Rinka

Wonkette’s Weekette! Lipstick on a pig-dog. To Serve Man. Jim Washburn reverses course, plays Sun City.

Feature The Lottery. Mira Jang reports on the sad bureaucrats of U.S. immigration courts: overworked judges whose personal psychologies

Living Eat. Richard Foss goes speed dating with Club Culinaire. Plus we all scream for ice cream in Bites. The Last Sportswriter. Is there nothing Neal Pollack will hide, no shame left unturned? Neal Pollack plays fantasy football. And now, we laugh. Eco-Topic. Coco Tanaka goes goopy for some world-changing women and ants on a log. Everyone, get out your checkbooks. Psycho Sudoku/Jonesin’ Crossword. Pencils down! The Advice Goddess. Amy Alkon is always telling people what to do. Now she’s doing it at CityBeat! Real Astrology. Rob Brezsny, world’s realest astrologer.

LA&E Seven Days. Ron Garmon and his posse talkin’ about Beck. Film. Andy Klein makes love to the sweet evil that is Samuel L. Jackson in Neil LaBute’s sour latest; hates the players and the game in that Music. Chris Morris can not love enough all over B.B. King and his newest album, in Sonic Nation. Nathan Solis jumps for the Tuesday night Key Club residency of thenewno2. (I have been asked not to use the phrase “Here Comes the Son” for George Harrison’s boy, Dhani, who is apparently in the band, and I wouldn’t dream of it, unless it had actually occurred to me, and then I totally would have.) Plus a pile o’

Music & Entertainment Sales Manager Jon Bookatz

Account Executives Jim Kaplan (Valley), Daphne Marina, Carl Wolf

Old News. OJ Simpson, you are in trouble now! By Steve Lowery.

new DeNiro/Pacino vomitorium; and bathes himself in the every critic’s favorite topic, (a restored) Rashomon.

Co-op Advertising Director Spencer Cooper

Business Development Manager Diana James

Letters. Dish on Disch.

determine what will happen to those who seek asylum before them. The quality of justice? Strained.

ADVERTISING Sales Director Amit K. Mehta amitm@lacitybeat.com

News

record reviews in Merch, and Joshua Sindell’s well-considered picks for your aural pleasures, in NightBeat.

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Art. Andrew Berardini looks back with Martin Kersels as the performance artist calls action. Plus your month ahead in the galleries, in Sketches.

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Stage. Don Shirley damns House of Blue Leaves with praise for Mark Taper’s redone bathrooms instead. Plus the latest theater reviews, in Currently Playing. On the Cover I love Paul Takizawa, our art director. I really, really do.

BUSINESS VP of Operations David Comden VP of Finance Michael Nagami Human Resources Manager Andrea Baker andreab@southlandweeklies.com

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“GLAD YOU GOT LAID AND STONED A LOT …” Coup d’Etat Regarding Mick Farren’s “Don’t Fear the Re-Run,” Sept. 11: George Bush can’t balance his own checkbook. Engineering an overthrow of civil government is ludicrously far beyond his capacities, or those of any of his cronies. Besides, they pretty much already did that in 2000. It hasn’t turned out like they hoped. I’m thinking $100,000 speaking fees are looking pretty damn good to him right now. –“proscriptus” Via lacitybeat.com We Don’t Need No Water An article comparing the Playa to Thorne Smith’s skylarking dipsomaniac revelries? [Ron Garmon’s “Burning Man ’08: Torching the American Dream,” Sept. 4.] Excellent! I didn’t know anyone younger than I who had even heard of Bishop’s Jaegers, Glorious Pool, and Skin and Bones. Of course, out-of-towners always participate in hearty fun; when the mice play, the cats are out catting around: Canterbury Tales, The Decameron, Mary Shelley and her chums, Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Fear and Loathing, Tales of the South Pacific, etc. Glad you got laid and stoned a lot; some of my best friends ... . –ELleryCelery (five Burns, skipped this year) Via e-mail Glad you liked your mohawk, Rockstar! I ended up doing 21 that week – and now there are 21 fresh mohawks in the world. Hope you’ll stop by our camp again next year. –Madalene Via e-mail Re-Capped That was a nice tribute to Thomas M. Disch [“The God Who Capped Himself,” July 31]. There was a period when he was more respected for his criticism than for his science fiction. I always preferred the fiction. Ron Garmon accurately describes the Disch poetry as starkly brilliant. When I was writing essays against the Empire for CHRONICLES, I made the pleasant discovery of Disch poetry in that paleoconservative journal. His poetry had a broad appeal. –Brad Linaweaver Via lacitybeat.com Ron Garmon responds: I thank my old friend Brad for his kind words. He’s an SF writer of no small gift himself and doubtless reeling from a year that’s already seen Arthur C. Clarke, Robert Asprin, and Algis Budrys hit the door marked “Transporter Room.” Disch was, in many ways, the genre’s dearest blood, so much so that even those who insisted upon calling his writings a long suicide note were shocked by the way he went out. As shocking was last weekend’s suicide-by-hanging in Pomona of acclaimed novelist David Foster Wallace, a writer whose erudition and comic sense approached Disch’s and who was also battered by depression for decades. Disch was always thought a “difficult” writer in SF fandom, but his rococo prose was nothing compared to the footnote-filled extrapolations that bulked Wallace’s acclaimed novel Infinite Jest to L. Ron Hubbard-dimensions and made many a dent on the apartment walls of exasperated hipsters. A fellow given to rueful mirth and sweeping generalization, he, in the end, failed to heed his own sweeping generalization about self-written Last Acts. “It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in the head,” Wallace told an audience at Kenyon College in 2005. “They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.” Send letters to editor@lacitybeat.com or do it up old school: Letters to the Editor, LA CITYBEAT, 5209 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90036.

Monday, Sept. 8 No jurors were seated today in the Las Vegas robbery and kidnapping trial of OJ Simpson, perhaps because Clark County District Court Judge Jackie Glass is adamant jurors not use this trial as a way to get back at Simpson for, you know. Glass forbade jurors from ever considering that the man accused of stealing sports memorabilia by brandishing guns in a Las Vegas hotel room was also accused of murdering his former wife, Nicole Brown, and Ron Goldman or that he was found liable for their deaths in a civil trial or that the state of California filed a tax lien on him for $1.4 million in back taxes or that DirecTV said Simpson was pirating its broadcast signals or that he wrote a book called If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer in which he told how he would have killed Brown and Goldman in an act of such singular soullessness Satan, reached while vacationing in Ixtapa, said “Jesus!” The judge did say jurors could, and should, hold Simpson liable for starring in Goldie and the Boxer Go to Hollywood. Tuesday, Sept. 9 In an interview in the German magazine Der Spiegel, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said that “the Republicans from California that are running the party. I have almost no contact with them. None – because they’re just so out there.” So, today, those Republicans, whose accomplishments include refusing to move on a state budget that has sat around for nearly three months and fashioning election slates that have lost virtually every state office in which they have not nominated someone who has seen Danny DeVito naked, show up for a meeting with Schwarzenegger wearing name tags just to show they have a sense of humor about the whole thing. In fact, in the spirit of congeniality, brotherhood and some other crap, Assembly minority leader Mike Villines offers this butterfly kiss: “He’s in our family, like it or not.” Wednesday, Sept. 10 For all of you outraged that there could be so much pain and misery in the world while George Putnam is allowed to go on living, you get your sick, sick wish today. (Sicky.) George Putnam, newscaster, conservative commentator and prom date to Susan B. Anthony, dies at an age still to be determined when more sophisticated methods of carbon dating are developed. Putnam’s bombastic, old-time radio style was often parodied and believed to be the model for the classic TV character Ted Baxter of the Mary Tyler Moore Show. For people of a certain age, Putnam was a constant, if somewhat comically grating, feature on the Southern California landscape. Given his political opinions, which tended to fall somewhere between

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BY STEVE LOWERY Barry Goldwater and Hammurabi, it may surprise some to find out that he was a lifelong Democrat who idolized Franklin Roosevelt. Putnam’s death is being blamed on kidney problems he struggled with for much of his later life. Still, Putnam remained active, broadcasting a radio show up until May of this year as well as taking part in a one-hour radio broadcast to mark his birthday in July. That show featured Putnam fielding phone calls from such wellwishers as Doris Day and the Kaiser. Thursday, Sept. 11 Say what you will about OJ Simpson, at least he never worked at King-Harbor Hospital. According to a report released, more than 10 percent of the folks who work at the hospital – 152 out of 1,356 – have criminal or arrest records. Friday, Sept. 12 “Since an ineluctable part of being a human self is suffering, part of what we humans come to art for is an experience of suffering, necessarily a vicarious experience ... . We all suffer alone in the real world.” –David Foster Wallace. Saturday, Sept.13 Buckeyes. Adorable. Sunday, Sept. 15 After a 76-day deadlock, the California legislature reaches a deal on a new state budget. And boy, was it worth the wait. The new budget will bring with it cutbacks in services, borrow against gambling revenue, and rely on pushing the state’s financial problems into the future while doing nothing about the present $15 billion deficit. Kick! Aaaaass! The budget agreement, which has yet to be signed by Schwarzenegger who apparently is none too happy with the compromise, is a testament to what Republicans and Democrats do best. For the Republicans, they stuck firm to their desire to have no new taxes even (especially) if it meant cutting off services while the impasse was going on. In fact, during the nearly three months of stalemate, some state vendors and small providers of such luxury services as child day care and health care were forced to close their doors. The Republican plan is to borrow against the state lottery, which may sound crazy but actually has a rock-solid foundation in circular logic. To wit: 1) Withhold money and services to Californians. 2) Californians become miserable and hopeless. 3) Miserable and hopeless Californians panic and do stupid things like invest money in the state lottery. 4) Millions, billions, kazillions pour into the state lottery. 5) Use money from budget windfall to finally nail Angie Dickinson. As for the Democrats who caved, they once again showed an inestimable ability to pussy up. Summed up state Senate President Pro Tem Don Perata: “This won’t make my highlights reel.”✶

N<<B<KK< MONDAY Sorry Dudes No Hot Sarah Palin Affairs on Record Oh goodness everybody’s panties were in a lather on Friday when it was revealed that some former business pal of Todd Palin had asked to have his divorce records sealed — presumably because they contained page after blistering page of descriptions of hot sexing with Todd Palin’s wife, a pretty lady who is running for vice president. After all, the National Equirer said she’d had an affair with a business associate of her husband, and how many business associates can a guy have? Alas, there’s no there there, at least not with this associate, Scott Richter. The noble reader-monkeys at The Smoking Gun went through all 98 tedious pages of Richter’s divorce filing and found nothing salacious or even very interesting in there. Basically the guy just wanted his records sealed because reporters were bothering him, but the only way he knows the Palins is he owns a cabin with them somewhere. A judge denied the motion to seal the records, noting that “There is no legal basis for the request.� –Sara K. Smith Joe Biden Rape-Kisses Some Racist Old Lady Joe Biden has one job this election: to get the Bitters in Pennsylvania to vote for a black Muslim. That is literally all

he has to do. Maybe Ohio, too, but mostly Pennsylvania, because he was of course born there! In Scranton, the famous town where Happiness goes to die. On Friday, he went to Northeast Philadelphia — “The Scranton of Philadelphiaâ€? — to meet some old white folks and tell ’em about Barry. He even kissed some old gal on the forehead, but she was disgusted, because there’s a huge stumbling block among these “white ethnicsâ€? Joe Biden is targeting: They really, really hate black people. Joe Biden tried so hard with these folks. He even told them that Barry would end the “war on unions,â€? a term that only exists when you’re pandering to old working-class white people. And then he slobbered his nigraloving saliva all over some old dame: In a corner booth, Biden sat down and, after a moment’s conversation, planted a kiss on the forehead of Carolyn Bauer, age 89. Bauer explained afterward it wasn’t such a friendly encounter. “I told him I’m not going to vote for him,â€? Bauer said. “Anybody who runs with a guy with a name like that is not going to get my vote. It’d be disgusting to get a man named Barack Obama as president of the United States. No way. I mean it ‌ I’m going to vote for McCain and the lady. “[Obama’s] a Muslim,â€? Bauer added. “He pretends to be a Christian, and he isn’t, he’s a Muslim.â€? Wait until Bauer hears about his middle name. Or when she hears that “the ladyâ€? has a name at all. Screw the southern states — Pennsylvania is absolutely the most racist state in America. Add up the entire population of the “Republican Tâ€? in the central and northern parts of the state, plus working class neighborhoods in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, and you’ve got 10 times as many racists living and breathing, at any given time, as there have ever been in the rest of the world throughout history. The rest of the state is just like black people and 15-20 elitist snobs. Good luck, Catholic Joe! –Jim Newell

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What’s Alaskan for ‘Ignorant’? Asked about the housing collapse and emergency government takeover of mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Sarah Palin said they had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.â€? Both are private corporations — or were until they were bailed out over the weekend by the Bush administration and, uh, the taxpayers. –Ken Layne Psycho John McCain Pushes POW’s Relative into Wall, Nearly Punches Wheelchair-Bound Lady John “McNastyâ€? McCain has a well-deserved reputation as a vulgar and delusional psychopath who should be locked up in a crazy house forever, but a Sunday feature on Walnuts’s insanity includes an example from the recent past that tops anything else we’ve ever heard. First he knocked some poor lady into the wall of a Senate office building, and then he nearly punched out another old lady in a wheelchair. About 25 members of the National Alliance of Families for the Return of America’s Missing Servicemen and Women went to McCain’s office in 1996, after the group’s meeting in Washington. They wanted to see McCain and talk about their relatives who never came home from Vietnam — McCain worked aggressively to end U.S. efforts to find the remains of American POWs in Vietnam, and he is despised by military families for selling out to the communist Viet Cong. McClatchy’s Washington bureau reported Sunday: Six people present have written statements describing what they saw. According to the accounts, McCain waved his hand to shoo away Jeannette Jenkins, whose cousin was last seen in South Vietnam in 1970, causing her to hit a wall. As McCain continued walking, Jane Duke Gaylor, the mother of another missing serviceman, approached the senator. Gaylor, in a wheelchair equipped with portable oxygen, stretched her arms toward McCain. “McCain stopped, glared at her, raised his left arm ready to strike her, composed himself and pushed the wheelchair away from him,â€? according to Eleanor Apodaca, the sister of an Air Force captain missing since 1967. –KL List of Books Sarah Palin Banned Is Just List of Books That Have Been Banned Before According to many billions of e-mails received today at Wonkette Headquarters, intrepid Internet sleuths from “a former New York Times reporterâ€? to “my librarian mumâ€? have discovered the True List of books that wingnut creationist anger-bear Sarah Palin tried to ban when she was mayor of a strip mall in rural Alaska. Well, we have sleuths of our own, and they are called Legion but also called “Google,â€? and you libtards have been had, again. For the record, etc., here is how we found out that the list circulating as Sarah Palin’s Banned Book Club is just a generic list of books that have been banned by various wingnuts over the years: We just googled the first half-dozen titles, in order, and sure enough this list is easily found all over the Interwebs, pasted into all kinds of anticensorship websites. Also, does anybody actually believe Sarah Palin has even heard of these books, except maybe for Cujo? AND YET ‌ it’s entirely possible that Sarah Palin got an e-mail forward of this banned books list, from one of her creationist snowmobile friends with an AOL account, and bravely decided to cleanse the Wasilla library of these devilish titles. –KL Barack Obama to Give Rich People Another Two Years of Hot Money Showers Something from yesterday about your favorite Barack “Tax & Hopeâ€? Obama: “WASHINGTON (AP) — Democrat Barack

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Obama says he would delay rescinding President Bush’s tax cuts on wealthy Americans if he becomes the next president and the economy is in a recession, suggesting such an increase would further hurt the economy.â€? There, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, “Investor Classâ€?? Barack Obama is saying this because he’s a fraidy cat. Why make a big show of Raising Taxes in a Recession immediately when he gets in office? Instead, he can just let the Bush tax cuts expire “quietlyâ€? on their own at the end of 2010! NO ONE WILL NOTICE. As for raising those payroll taxes (also exclusively on the rich), uhm ‌ any volunteers? –JN TUESDAY Palin Bilked Alaskan Taxpayers $16,941 ‘Per Diem’ to Stay Home at Her House Maverick small-government conservative Sarah Palin charged Alaskan taxpayers $16,941 to spend 312 nights of her first 19 months as governor at her own house in Wasilla. Governor Palin has an official mansion in the capital, Juneau, but she’s happier making Alaska’s citizens pay her $54.33 a night to sleep in her own bed. In the United States, a per diem is reimbursement money provided by your employer to stay in hotels and eat simple meals at Chili’s while you are traveling for work — Palin’s complete ridiculous reversal of this basic concept of American Business just shows what a free-thinking lunatic John McCain picked for his veep nominee. Palin also made Alaskan citizens pay $43,490 to transport her daughters and husband between the state capital and her house in the Anchorage exurb of Wasilla. She is exactly what America needs, if America is going to fool the IRS with all these bogus “business lunchesâ€? at the corner Subway. –KL Harry Reid Excludes Joe Lieberman from Fancy Democratic Lunch Club Oh ho ho, Joe Lieberman is getting it now! His total divorce with the Democratic party commenced yesterday when his legislative director up and quit on the first working day after the Republican convention, and today we have witnessed SEVERE ESCALATION. In the most “Harry Reidishâ€? move ever, Harry Reid has brutally punished Lieberman by BANNING HIM FROM WEEKLY CAUCUS LUNCHES. Those Democratic leaders, they sure know how to shake a stick. “Now he’ll have to pack his own goddamn lunch,â€? Reid said, except he didn’t. –JN Don’t Get Bill O’Reilly Mad, Because He Will Stalk You at Your Home Both Cynthia Tucker, a columnist in Atlanta, and Jon Stewart, a political comedian on the teevee, have recently pointed out Bill O’Reilly’s peculiar (self-contradictory?) stances on famous teenagers getting knocked up. When Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant, O’Reilly shouted at her parents for not “supervisingâ€? her adequately — good parents, as we all know, should hold their daughter’s hands when she’s getting banged by some local knucklehead. When Bristol Palin got pregnant, however, O’Reilly said that it was understandable and a private matter for the family. So Tucker and Stewart called O’Reilly out on this, and O’Reilly got super mad and defensive! He then sent some Fox lackey to stalk Tucker at her home and chided Stewart for “editing.â€? PROBLEM SOLVED. –JN WEDNESDAY ‘Lipstick’ Is Sarah Palin’s Word Nobody is allowed to talk about lipstick and various animals you would put it on, unless you are Sarah Palin. For example, when Barack Obama was talking about the Republican health care plan and called it “putting lipstick on a pig,â€? this was obviously a Sexist and demeaning SMEAR against the vice presidential candidate, who already made it clear that she was a bloodthirsty and vicious dog, not a cuddly, sensitive, intelligent little pig. Barack Obama needs to confine his language to simple one-syllable words and not

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use elitist compound nouns anyhow. –SKS Which State Will Host This Election’s Worst Voting Debacle? Every four years, a mysterious combination of negligence, incompetence, fraud, and criminality conspires to make a single state responsible for getting some doofus into the White House. In 2000, Florida took the honor; in 2004, it was Ohio. And every four years, Hendrik Hertzberg writes angry editorials about how the whole electoral college should be bombed from space as a Republican takes office yet again. So which state will we be able to blame when Sarah Palin is hastily sworn in as America’s 45th president after John McCain expires from gout and agues in the spring of 2009? The choices are endless! You got your Pennsylvania, where Bob Barr’s presence on the ballot could swing the state to Obama; your Virginia, where local registrars are spreading absurd rumors about how college students might lose their financial aid if they register to vote; Ohio, Colorado, and New Mexico, where various voting “innovations” have resulted in terrible miscounts, recounts, delays, and general clusterfucks; and let’s not forget Florida, which should just be sawed off at the Panhandle and fed to the sharks off Cuba. In short, we are doomed, and we look forward to the next Hertzberg screed. –SKS

HE WON’T PLAY SUN CITY BY JIM WASHBURN

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come to you this week, as did George Bush’s uranium, from Africa! Of all the crazy stupid offal our 43rd president has uttered in the last eight years, nothing sticks in my head the way the last two words of his infamous 16 lying words to Congress do: “The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium ... from Africa.” The astonished emphasis Bush put on “from Africa” seemed to be saying “Doesn’t that just take the yellow cake? Not just uranium, but from Africa, folks: dark

Amber Spyglass, the last volume of Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. Along with its bears and witches, the books are about the struggle between the spirit of human inquisitiveness, change, and wonder and those who are always trying to crush that spirit in favor of orthodoxy, fear, and control. It’s a grand work of ideas, but also of lives and sacrifice, and I finally settled down in my business-class seat/bed (infinitely more comfortable than the steerage seat I had from L.A. to New York, but still something of a self-serve sarcophagus) with tears

still be rotting in a cell. Despite what they say about rugged individualism, Republicans really like that control stuff. Nearing Johannesburg, I looked at the landscape from the jet’s window and thought, “Christ, I’ve gone halfway around the world to go to Bakersfield.” On the ground it was no such thing. At my destination, the Madikwe Game Reserve, the semi-arid environs initially looked scrubby and harsh. After a couple of days I saw a whole other kind of beauty in it, one where the elephant-avulsed trees, termite mounds, critter dung, and dry bush

Oh Look, It’s That Predictable ‘Lipstick’ Ad About Death! Today’s ad is the stupidest piece of fucking bullshit the McCain campaign has released since, well, that last one that said Barack Obama molests four-year-olds in the ass. It’s kind of funny, though, watching people across the Internet wail about how this ad IS NOT TRUTHFUL!!!1!, because what’s the point? Why even bother fact-checking a McCain ad? Each one is the precise audiovisual manifestation of Lie. And Barack Obama should expect this and BE MORE CAREFUL-ER, dingus. Maybe in the future Barry should pick metaphors that don’t remind people of the most quoted line of late, except with the wonderful insertion of “pig.” It’s sloppy. Oh and here’s another thing that absolutely doesn’t matter at all, ever, but why not: Sarah Palin is no longer an actual human. Some of you may have settled on this earlier, and GOOD FOR YOU. And yet, this ad! Maybe the editor with the vagina should be tackling this question, but can Sarah Palin claim to stand for even a trace, a fucking fume, of Feminism when she lets Steve Schmidt et al. put this ad — a piece of purely fictional gender-baiting — into the public sphere and doesn’t denounce it as 100% patronizing to women? She is an actual slime monster from John McCain’s toilet. Gross. –JN Meghan, We Do Not E-Mail You a Memo of the Day’s Lies Every Morning So That It Can SIT UNOPENED Silly Meghan McCain, has her father taught her nothing about telling terrible lies as a means of achievement? Because when some reporter asked her about Pigdildostickgate and whether she thought Barack Obama was calling Sarah Palin a pig (btw, why do reporters have to ask people this question when it’s an established fact that Barack Obama didn’t?), she said she didn’t and — here’s the good part — “I’ve heard my dad say that, the term ‘lipstick on a pig.’” Meghan you are OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! We expect a McCain rapid response statement shortly saying, “John McCain does not care about his fucking stupid daughter’s sexist opinion.” –JN THURSDAY Foreclosed Homeowners Don’t Deserve to Vote! Oh God now it begins: our quadrennial debate about voter fraud versus vote suppression. The head of the Republican

NEVER FORGET

continent, Negroes, booga-booga, be very afraid!!” Aside from the whole thing being a lie to drag us into war, why say “Africa?” It’s a gigantic continent, and there was a specific country in question: Niger. It’s like your spouse saying, “Go get me some from spumoni from Los Angeles” when she means Ralphs. I think Bush’s handlers decided Africa sounded scarier, plus maybe they were terrified of how he might mispronounce Niger. I’m a mite apprehensive about Africa myself, and nearly said no when a magazine asked me to go to write about a safari resort in the South African bush. But in my experiences “yes” always yields more interesting results, so soon I was 23 hours in the air to Johannesburg. I spent the flight from NYC finishing The

in my ears, just like in the country song, from thinking about it. Of course, 15 years ago, you, I, and most other folks with a conscience wouldn’t have gone near South Africa, because it was still under apartheid, the racist system that kept blacks separate and oppressed. That changed in the ’90s, thanks to decades of struggle by the African National Congress, and also due to the willingness of some in the white minority government to give up control and see what would happen with a truly representative government. That resulted in Nelson Mandela being elected president in 1994. It is worth noting in this election year that if Republicans had their way back then, you’d still be wearing your Free Nelson Mandela T-shirt, because Mandela would

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added up to an intricate system that has nourished life for millions of years. And such life: lions, elephants, rhinos, baboons going about their business with scarcely a glace at our inconsequential presence. As much as I was floored by their animal majesty and the star-riddled skies above, I was moved by the simple sight of blacks and whites drinking in a hotel lounge together, or working alongside each other at the resort. Given where this country stood less than two decades ago, those images rank up there with the religious-tract drawings of the lamb and lion lying down together. They have a long way to go: Inequality, inequity, and corruption still abound. There’s a huge jobless problem. Only India keeps South Africa from claiming the title of murder capital of the world (suggested

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slogan: “We Try Harderâ€?), with 30,960 homicides last year. But South Africa was also home to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which to me is one of the most significant human developments in recent human history. The horrors of apartheid demanded closure: Rather than aiming for retribution, the new government went for reconciliation. At the commission assemblies, victims could make sure the wrongs done them weren’t forgotten, while the perpetrators of violence could admit to their acts and seek forgiveness. That so many horribly wronged people were able to forgive; that Mandela lost 27 years of his life in a dank prison yet embraced his captors; that the ruling Afrikaners were willing to step down from their position of advantage: These are lessons we could certainly learn from. One of my hosts told me about the indoctrination she and fellow Afrikaner kids went through at age 11: harsh survival training coupled with what she now terms “brainwashing,â€? including priests telling them that blacks were bestial inferiors who should never be seen as equals. Now she works joyfully alongside blacks. It was something to hear her game guide husband’s fervent hope that Obama would be America’s next president, considering that so many of my countrymen, relatives even, are saying they can’t bring themselves to vote for a black man. The flight back to the U.S. took even longer than the flight there, due to additional security checks added because we were flying into New York City on 9/11. At a refueling stop in Dakar, Senegal, a security guy even dismantled the seat next to mine in case the passenger who’d exited in Dakar had left a bomb behind. Heading into Manhattan in a cab, after five days of near-silence in the bush, I felt a Tarzan-dragged-to-civilization (minus the pectorals) sense of displacement: all the honking, jostling, coughing, trashon-the-curb mess of it. Two hours in the Metropolitan Museum of Art helped, as did a walk through Central Park, full of families on the lawn enjoying the day. What terrorist asshole could be so dead to life as to not pause before he acted, to think of that teetering baby playing on the green grass or the depth of human grace revealed in a Vermeer? Probably, I think, the same dead-to-life assholes who think it’s OK to kill hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and pulverize their culture in an unnecessary war; the ones here who thought it was dandy to support apartheid or to still prop up dictators like Pakistan’s Musharraf. Despite Reagan and Dick Cheney’s backing, apartheid is gone. Despite all of Bush’s propping up of Musharraf with billions of your and my dollars, he is gone, because Pakistan at least is capable of impeaching its criminal leaders. The world is moving, growing, experimenting, changing. Can we?âœś

Party in Macomb County, Michigan, has decided that a wonderful way to protect against “voter fraud� will be to get lists of foreclosed homes and check those against voter rolls to make sure that people whose houses are foreclosed — and what is that, about 130 percent of all Michigan residents at this point? — don’t get to vote if they aren’t residents of those addresses anymore. Macomb County is in the Detroit metropolitan area and is among the most distressed counties in the nation in terms of the number of foreclosures it experiences monthly. And according to our very esteemed and reliable information source called Wikipedia, Macomb County’s black population doubled between 2000 and 2005 as AfricanAmericans moved out of Detroit. BUT! Of course none of the Macomb County Republican Party’s actions could be construed as racist, because they just care about “making sure voters are who they say they are,� not about preventing poor black people from voting for Obama, although presumably that would be one very significant side benefit. –SKS FRIDAY Palin Makes Iraq-9/11 Link That Even Bush Isn’t Dumb Enough to Make Anymore Yes, America, this for sure is the relatable, spunky mom with small-town values who we want to be president after John McCain dies his third week in office: the one who blames the attacks of September 11 on Iraq. This puts her in a very exclusive club of exactly two, the other member being Dick Cheney, and together they are the only two humans left on earth willing to say with a straight face that there was a link between Iraq and Al Qaeda before 9/11. Sarah Palin’s son is going off to put his Country First, or possibly avoid embarrassing his family with any more drugfueled vandalism escapades, so Palin went and spoke at Track’s deployment ceremony. Gov. Sarah Palin linked the war in Iraq with the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, telling an Iraq-bound brigade of soldiers that included her son that they would “defend the innocent from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the death of thousands of Americans.� OH SWELL. –SKS

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Andrew Giuliani Throws Apples at People Over the summer we mentioned that Andrew Giuliani, the son of 9/11, was suing Duke University because “he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team,� because talent should have had nothing to do with whether he made the cut on a sports team. But maybe this stuff does: “Duke said in a court filing Wednesday that the 22-year-old Giuliani was properly suspended after throwing an apple in the face of another player, breaking a golf club during a tournament, injuring a teammate, and becoming verbally abusive with a coach.� Andrew denies all of this, which brings us back to the original argument: that he sucks at golf. –JN John McCain Buried in Pile of Angry ‘View’ Hosts What is the world coming to when the ladies on The View ask John McCain the toughest questions he’s gotten in weeks? And yet even these hardened journalists don’t follow up on one of his most infuriating talking points of this whole infuriating campaign, which is that he had to start running ads that were complete utter laughable bullshit lies because Obama didn’t want to debate him as often as McCain would have liked. This is akin to saying, “I was forced to smother your house in a truckload of diarrhea because you wouldn’t answer my phone calls.� –SKS Wonkette's Weekette is brought to you by the down-home folk of wonkette.com.

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THE

LOTTERY

Seeking asylum in U.S. immigration courts is all in the luck of the draw BY MIRA JANG

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‘APPROACH’

On a recent spring day in Judge Isabel Bronzina’s immigration courtroom in Los Angeles, the cassette tape recorder wouldn’t stop beeping. “Here we go again,” said Bronzina, looking over to a young woman sitting in front of a computer beside her. Beep-beep-beep, the recorder screeched. The judge looked annoyed as she tinkered with the device. “Oh, the tape is over,” she said, adding that this time it wasn’t the machine’s fault. After inserting a new cassette tape into the machine, Bronzina continued the afternoon session. Without a stenographer, immigration judges themselves operate clunky, big recorders. Sometimes, this results in interrupting an asylum-seeker who is giving sworn testimony on a highly sensitive topic so the judge can replace the finished tape. With her elbow on the desk and her hand on her chin to hold up her face, Bronzina rarely looked up from the piles of papers as lawyers and applicants spoke. Even when she addressed them, she did not make eye contact. She looked bored and uninterested, sounding aloof as she spoke in a monotonous tone. “Approach,” she ordered a government lawyer with her head still buried in documents. “Yes, your honor,” the lawyer replied. An Arabic-speaking Egyptian couple appeared before Bronzina, and one of them, through an interpreter, said she had a question. “Could I change my name to my husband’s?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper. The judge became impatient. In an unusually animated moment, she turned to the couples’ lawyer. “I’ll call them whatever they want – butterfly, whatever,” she said. A few people laughed curtly, restrained by the stark atmosphere. “Why am I talking about this?” the judge asked, and then told the couple to work it out with their attorney. “You’re paying him a lot of money. Make him work for it,” she said. After working as a lawyer at the former Immigration and Naturalization Service and as a district attorney, a city attorney, and a staff counsel at a New Mexico legal services agency, Bronzina was appointed to the immigration court by the Clinton administration in 1994. She’s a fairly typical immigration judge. That is, there is nothing typical about her. Depending on whom asylum-seekers draw as their judge, they may get a rubber stamp on their application – or an almost instant denial. While some judges’ denial rates cluster around the national average of 60.8 percent, many deviate greatly from it despite the random assignment of asylum cases. (Bronzina’s denial rate is 75.5 percent.) Extreme rates and the often predictable outcomes of cases, regardless of the courts’ location or the applicants’ country of origin, have cast serious doubts on whether the asylum process embodies the legal and moral principles of a fair and even-handed judicial system. “Justice is supposed to be blind, but

unfortunately one of the great determining factors is the judge you get,” says Zachary Sanders, a New York immigration lawyer and a member of CUNY School of Law’s Community Legal Resource Network. “As to why that is, that’s a question of the judge’s psychology as much as everything else.”

REFUGEE ROULETTE

In their 2007 Stanford Law Review article “Refugee Roulette: Disparities in Asylum Adjudication,” Jaya Ramji-Nogales, Andrew I. Schoenholtz, and Phillip G. Schrag found that an immigration judge’s gender and professional background affected his or her approval rates. Women were more likely to grant asylum while those who had worked for the government, as opposed to in private practice, were more likely to deny asylum. They did not find any links between a judge’s denial rate and his or her political affiliation or the party of the sitting president who appointed them. In New York, Judge Jeffrey S. Chase was recently removed from the bench when the Second Circuit Court of Appeals found his temperament unsuitable. The New York Times reported that Chase was argumentative, sarcastic, and overly hostile with an asylum-seeker from Bangladesh. Ironically, before becoming an immigration judge, Chase had been an award-winning asylum advocate who taught other lawyers how to win cases. Judge Noel Ferris, also in New York, was taken off a case concerning a Chinese asylum-seeker when she berated the man for crying. Lawyers have called her a rude, mean judge who makes matters difficult and caustic for no reason. Yet both judges had lower-than-average denial rates – 49.4 percent for Chase and 43.7 percent for Ferris. In Los Angeles, former immigration judge Bruce Einhorn says he saw some of his colleagues, who were also his friends, change in the courtroom. “Putting on the robe affects people differently,” he says. “It’s transforming.” One Los Angeles judge, he says, appeared to be a charming and open-minded man who gave money to environmental groups and took colleagues to restaurants that he had researched. However, once he stepped inside his courtroom, he was a different man. “When he went into court he became Dr. Jekyll,” he says. “He would come into my chambers, and he knew he’d lost it. It wasn’t his reasoning. It was the way he expressed himself, it was the words he used, the way he treated lawyers. When he granted asylum it was like the Fourth of July.” The judge was placed on administrative leave, and soon thereafter, he resigned.

‘CHARADE’

A young, blonde Eastern European woman sat between her lawyer and an interpreter. She was seeking asylum on grounds that her home country had jailed her for her political affiliation and activities. She answered her lawyer’s questions, telling a story of fear, humiliation, and physical and sexual

assault by police officers. Before she could finish her story, the government lawyer interrupted and said the rest of her testimony was unnecessary. He didn’t want to bother with a cross-examination. The judge, Terry Bain, obliged before granting asylum to the woman, who began to cry and thanked the judge. Once outside the courtroom, the government attorney was visibly upset, speaking quickly and sighing in between breaths. He was not surprised by the outcome, he told a reporter, given the judge’s record of approving almost every asylum case. In fact, he had predicted it, he says. Bain’s denial rate of 9.6 percent is the lowest in the country. “I have no respect for her,” he said of the judge. “It’s all a charade.” He claimed documents provided as evidence told a different story, one that changed once the woman secured an immigration lawyer. The European woman had overstayed her student visa and wanted to remain in the country for reasons that had nothing to do with fearing persecution, he says. “There’s no respect for the asylum process.” Bain became an immigration judge in 1994 under the Clinton administration after working in private practice for 13 years, including five years at Barst & Mukamal, a New York-based immigration law firm. The majority of Bain’s asylumseekers came from China (52.2 percent), followed by Albania (9 percent), Yugoslavia (3.5 percent), Guinea (3.2 percent), and Indonesia (3.1 percent). While Judge Bain granted asylum to almost every person who sought it in her courtroom, Judge Mahlon Hanson of Miami denied it almost every time. From fiscal years 2001 to 2006, Hanson’s denial rate was 97.7 percent, according to the Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse (TRAC) at Syracuse University. Their denial rates topped the highest and the lowest, respectively, among the more than 200 immigration judges throughout the country’s 53 immigration courts. Among the country’s four largest immigration courts, the denial rates, from fiscal years 2001 to 2006, spanned highs and lows and everywhere in between. In Los Angeles, the denial rate ranged from 86.7 percent to 27.1 percent; in Miami from 97.7 percent to 21.8 percent; and in San Francisco from 86.7 percent to 26.5 percent.

QUALITY OF JUSTICE? STRAINED

Immigration lawyers, judges, and advocates expressed frustration over a system that they say operates against the intended purpose of the asylum process. Instead of awarding deserving asylumseekers the protection they need from persecution in their home countries, many immigration judges, they say, violate the process with their personal beliefs, unprofessional temperaments, and intellectual incompetence. “Comprehending cases requires a lot of attention and work, and some judges are just not as prepared as others,” Sanders says. “There’s a large variation on the

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quality of justice.” Extensive interviews with people who work within the immigration courts – current and former immigration judges, immigration lawyers, government attorneys, immigration advocates, legal experts, an interpreter, a law clerk, and an administrative clerk – reveal a system run amok and characterized by many judges who, because of their large caseloads, their backgrounds, and the systemic problems of the immigration courts, tend to deny rather than grant asylum, despite the merits of the case. Although immigration attorneys acknowledged the existence of fraudulent claims for asylum, they say that a growing number of legitimate cases are denied due to increased caseloads and growing time pressures that tend to yield to judges’ personal predispositions. “A lot of the case rests on credibility, but it’s a very subjective concept,” said Katya Plotnik, a New York immigration lawyer. “Judges have ruled differently on cases with the same facts.”

‘WE NEED A DIVORCE’

Former L.A. immigration judge Einhorn, who retired last year after 17 years on the bench, says the current structure leaves the immigration courts vulnerable to political control, despite the semblance of an independent system. Technically, immigration judges are civil service employees who must apply in a transparent hiring process to prevent cronyism or nepotism; in practice, however, attorneys general can and have bypassed the internal vetting process and appointed immigration judges on their own. The Washington Post found that the then-Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had appointed several Bush loyalists to the immigration bench even though they were unqualified. Although the attorney general does not have the right to tell judges how to decide cases, Einhorn says judges still feel the weight of political pressure, particularly since the advent of the George W. Bush administration. “Personally, I still worry that the attorney general, a political appointee, could retaliate for an immigration judge’s jurisprudence after the judge renders his or her decisions,” he says. Appointed by the first President Bush in 1990, Einhorn, a self-described liberal who had prosecuted Nazi war criminals before becoming an immigration judge, denied 42.6 percent of his asylum cases over a six-year period. He says immigration courts should be independent and lobby for basic resources, such as law clerks. In the four largest immigration courts, the judge to law clerk ratio is about one to four. In other courts, judges have their own law clerk to help with research and writing briefs, which gives judges more time to prepare for cases. “We’re the jack-of-alltrades,” says Einhorn. “We do everything from make life or death decisions, literally, to making Xerox copies, to finding 15 minutes to try to find a tape recorder that works because the one you’re using broke ... . It’s very different work, and it’s unlike any other judicial position. The only

solace is that once in a while you know you’ve saved a human life.” Add to the list a host of other problems – incorrect transcriptions of court proceedings, faulty interpretations, cramped courtrooms – and the need for a system overhaul becomes clear, Einhorn says. “The immigration court has been a sort of stepchild in the Department of Justice, which is remarkable considering the importance of the work it does and the public’s interest in immigration issues,” he says. “We don’t need marriage counseling. We need a divorce.”

FOUR TRIALS A DAY

Legal experts, judges, and attorneys acknowledged that immigration judges have large caseloads and few resources to help them perform the duties of their job in a timely manner. Last year, immigration courts received nearly 55,000 asylum cases, along with thousands of other immigrant-related cases. While complaints about workloads are nothing new among judges, the extent to which many immigration judges feel stretched to their limits reaches new, and sometimes dangerous, levels. As employees of the Department of Justice, not the federal judiciary, immigration judges say they feel pressure from Washington, D.C., to move the docket along to reduce mounting backlog. At the busiest immigration courts, such as the ones in New York and Los Angeles, some judges complete four trials a day when hearing just two could take up the entire session. Despite their efforts to plow through cases, judges still face the grim reality of their looming and growing workload; many must schedule cases more than a year in advance, and an asylum case could take several years to complete. During the waiting period, applicants are not allowed to work. “For asylum-seekers, the process is just too overwhelming,” says S. Peter Gayle, an immigration attorney. “It’s a very lengthy process.” If an immigration judge denies asylum, the applicant could appeal his or her case to the Board of Immigration Appeals, an internal review body. However, the appeals system has been under fire because it had been writing one-line decisions affirming the immigration judge’s decision without explaining the logic. The swift appeals process was a result of a shrunken board, whose membership decreased to 11 under the current Bush administration from 23 under the Clinton administration. Asylum-seekers could appeal their cases to the federal circuit courts, but many do not have the money to pay for a lawyer to persist, immigration attorneys say. For most asylum-seekers, their one chance to plead their case stops with the immigration judge because the board of appeals and the federal courts base their decision solely on documents provided by the lower courts, not on another trial. Unlike other judges, immigration judges work within a legal framework that is constantly changing due to fluctuating conditions in the nearly 200 countries that send asylum-seekers to the United States, as well as perennial reforms in U.S. immigration laws. Oftentimes, they are deciding matters of life and death based on information they choose to seek and believe. “The law is pretty harsh,” says Lisa Reiner-Sotelo, associate director of CUNY School of Law’s Community Legal Resource Network. “Even with

a compelling situation, they can’t get protection here.” Young people from El Salvador and Honduras who had applied for asylum because of the threat of extreme gang violence have been denied and instead deported, says Reiner-Sotelo. Consequently, she says, some were killed by gang members upon their return. In the wake of mounting criticism against specific immigration judges, then-Attorney General Gonzales, in his role as head of the Department of Justice, conducted an investigation of the immigration courts. After finding egregious problems, he proposed implementing 22 reform measures, including annual performance reviews of judges, hiring more judges, and requiring all immigration judges hired after a certain date to pass an immigration law exam. Most of the proposals, set forth in August 2006, including key reforms such as adding a substantial number of new judges, have not taken effect. A Department of Justice spokesperson did

based on a variety of sources, immigration courts have at times turned into battlegrounds where American foreign policy is litigated for the purpose of granting or denying asylum. And as judges decide the fate of asylum-seekers based on their knowledge and belief of a country’s political, social, and economic state, they are simultaneously influenced by U.S. foreign policies that govern America’s relations with other countries. The result is a muddy confluence of subjective interpretations and personal beliefs. Applicants from China, who made up the bulk of asylum cases nationwide from fiscal years 2000 to 2005 with more than 35,000 applicants, or 22 percent of the total number, had a nearly 50 percent chance of approval. However, individual judges’ records showed stark contrasts within and among immigration courts. In New York City, where judges heard thousands of asylum cases from China from 2000 to 2005, Judge Margaret McManus rejected only 6.9 percent of the

works very well,” he said, noting that applicants could have legal representation. “It’s a very, very fair system.” He doesn’t mention, however, that all asylum-seekers must find and pay for their own lawyer. Those who appear in court without an attorney have a very slim chance of receiving asylum. Plotnik, who represents many Chinese asylum-seekers, says Judge Barbara Nelson of New York denied asylum to one of her clients who claimed he would be sterilized if returned to China. His wife had already been forcibly sterilized. “The decision was not rational,” Plotnik says. “The judge used faulty reasoning. I don’t feel that she likes to grant these cases.” From 2000 to 2005, Nelson denied 79.8 percent of all Chinese applicants, who made up nearly half of her caseload. Comparatively, she rejected 64.6 percent of asylum-seekers who came from Albania, Guinea, Bangladesh, and Mauritania. “Some cases are unwinnable, some cases could go either way, and that really depends on who hears it,” Plotnik says. “Judges will always find a way to justify their decisions.” When Plotnik appealed Nelson’s decision, the Board of Immigration Appeals, whose members are appointed by the attorney general, affirmed the judge’s denial. After another round of appeals, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the second circuit reversed the decision and granted asylum. “The gray area is too big,” says a Homeland Security lawyer on the condition of anonymity. “There’s too much discretion allowed, yet there’s no vision of what the U.S. government wants to do with immigrants.”

THE LUCKY DRAW

not respond to repeated requests via phone and e-mail for an update on the proposed measures. “I haven’t noticed any changes,” said Kevin R. Johnson, a public interest law professor and associate dean for academic affairs at the University of California at Davis. “It’s more of the same.”

‘VERY, VERY FAIR’

As a young Chinese man sat in a barren New York courtroom, hoping that his claim for asylum would be granted, the judge and the Department of Homeland Security lawyer debated over the conditions of China for its millions of citizens. China is not as bad as we think, the government attorney said. It has fully embraced a capitalist economy, and it is even hosting the next Olympics, he said. It’s really not such a horrible place to live, he insisted. “I don’t know which China you’re looking at,” the judge said, “but it’s not the one that I see.” As immigration judges attempt to figure out how to interpret country conditions

929 Chinese cases that came before her. She was appointed to the bench in 1991 under George H.W. Bush after working in private practice and at a Legal Aid Society. At the other end of the spectrum, Judge William Jankun, who worked in the same building in downtown Manhattan until his recent retirement, denied 94.5 percent of the 421 Chinese cases that he heard. “I thought, ‘Oh, my God,’” said immigration lawyer Plotnik about Jankun’s leaving the bench. “It was a big relief.” Jankun was appointed under Clinton in 1995 after serving as a lawyer with the former Immigration and Naturalization Service. In the case of the young Chinese man, the judge, whose denial rate is 34.9 percent, cited the State Department’s description of China’s notorious human rights abuses and the more than one million people in its prisons. The government lawyer, however, pointed out that the United States’ imprisoning two million of its own people was a figure that would alarm people in other countries, even though Americans consider themselves civilized. Oppression, he said, is relative. “For asylum-seekers, the system

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One of the most pivotal moments for an immigration attorney and his or her client is when they call an 800 number to find out which judge has been assigned to their case. It’s like playing the lottery, a New York immigration lawyer says. With the right judge, they’re almost assured a win. But with the wrong one, the opposite is true. “Ninety percent of the time I already know the decision based on which judge I get,” the lawyer says on the condition of anonymity because he fears retribution from the immigration judges whom he appears before. In a New York courtroom, a Chinese woman sought asylum, claiming that if she returned to China with her two American-born daughters, she and her husband would be forcibly sterilized. The judge asked for evidence that the Chinese government had sterilized couples that returned with American-born children. He wondered if China’s one-child policy only applied to children born in China. No, she didn’t know anyone who experienced this, but she’s heard of such cases, she told the judge. Before ending the trial, the judge asked the woman if she had any final words. “I want my kids to be educated here,” she said through an interpreter as tears rolled down her eyes. Her lawyer reached for a tissue and handed it to her. The judge, maintaining the same stoic tone, said he would consider everything before making his decision. The immigration lawyer wasn’t worried, though. “He’s a good one,” he told a reporter. The judge has one of the lowest denial rates in the country. ✶

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PHOTO BY ROSHEILA ROBLES

GRACE NOTES

Club Culinaire is speed dating for foodies BY RICHARD FOSS

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onsider the chef, working in a hot, hectic, dangerous environment to create a masterpiece, but never talking with the dining room patrons who pay to enjoy it. It’s like being in a TV sitcom as opposed to live theater, giving your all for an audience you never see. Small wonder that when they get a chance to meet with people who appreciate good food, top chefs leap at the opportunity. I met several stars of the kitchen at a “Chef a Table” dinner, a regular event run by the Club Culinaire of French Cuisine. These dinners are like speed dating – you begin each meal with a famous chef at your table, and as each course is served, the chef moves and another takes his place. I had hesitated to attend events because the name Club Culinaire sounded daunting – surely everyone would speak perfect French and look down their noses at my accent. Then came a dinner at Grace, a restaurant I have always wanted to visit, and assurance from a friend that the events weren’t stuffy at all. I decided I had to go. At Grace, the small bar area was packed with people chatting merrily while quaffing Champagne, and while the wine was French, the first conversations I heard were in English. (Much better than vice-versa.) My friend hailed me to a conversation she was having with the owner of a boutique bakery, and we discussed the art of pastry until dinner was called. Grace is famous for intricately constructed dishes, so the first course, a simple corn chowder with shrimp toast, was something of a surprise. It was actually a fine starter, warm vegetable

sweetness with delicate seafood overtone. We ate it while meeting our tablemates – three female attorneys, an artist, and Chef Akira Hirose of Maison Akira. Like all the chefs we spoke with that evening, Hirose was happy to be out of the kitchen and enjoying someone else’s cooking, and he told us about a chef ’s life along with commentary about the food and wine. We were getting to know each other when he excused himself – the scallops over goat cheese risotto with wild mushrooms were arriving, and he needed to change tables. Andre Angles of Frenchy’s Bistro took his place, and the conversation resumed. It was all about the food this time, because the unlikely combination knocked our socks off. Everyone knows you don’t combine delicate seafood with full flavored cheese – but every once in a while you break a rule and it pays off big. This was one of those cases – the sweet scallop, musky cheese, and mushrooms were amazing together, and perfectly paired with a crisp Alsatian Pinot Gris. Everyone at the table, chef included, had a moment of silent awe when they first tasted the combination. Though the following chef, Jean Francois Mettinger, was every bit as good company, I was less enamored of the next dish – wild boar shoulder over fried green tomato with corn cream. The flavors were excellent, but the boar had been cooked to a texture similar to carnitas. Everyone likes carnitas, but we can have it any time, and the delicate difference in flavor between wild boar and pork was obscured. It was fine on its own merits, but not up to the standard of the rest of the meal. Things picked up again with braised lamb shank over socca, a kind of chickpea

pancake peculiar to the city of Nice. I had never tried socca before; it has just a hint of the flavor of falafel but a soft texture. Since the lamb was topped with a chopped tomato that is common in both French and Middle Eastern cooking, it was like an Arabic/Provencal fusion, though the robust, lightly seasoned lamb stock put it firmly in the French column. I would have liked to hear what the chef at our table had to say about it, but he was the only shy one of the night, a softspoken fellow whose name I didn’t catch. At this point we finally got a chance to see the star of the evening, Neal Fraser of Grace, who made a brief foray from his kitchen to wave at the throng. The applause from his peers must have been gratifying, and my friend and I mused afterward about how much pressure he must have been under. Serving as daring a dish as those scallops to an audience that would notice any misstep, even if they were too polite to say anything about it, must have been stressful. After a moment to bask in the appreciation, Fraser retreated into his kitchen to make the chocolate almond crepes with Grand Marnier-soaked cherries that finished our meal. After dinner, we lingered over coffee and conversations in both French and English, and I laughed at my fears. I chatted with hospitable people who didn’t care where we were from – we shared a passion for fine French food, and that was quite enough.✶ Club Culinaire is a nonprofit educational foundation – event listings are at www. clubculinaire.org. Chef a Table dinners are $115, including wine. Grace is at 7360 Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles, (323) 934-4400.

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Septemberfest … If you wait until October to start celebrating Oktoberfest, you’ve missed most of it – it begins Sept. 20, as it has for the last century or so. (It used to actually begin in October, but that was in 1810, when it began as a weeklong bender to celebrate the wedding of the Bavarian crown prince.) Learn About Wine has scheduled two beer events – a tasting of over 15 styles of German beer on Sept. 21, and a tasting of about a zillion Belgian beers the next day. I’m a big fan of the Belgians, myself, but both should be worth the trip to Loft 218 in the downtown arts district. Check the website at learnaboutwine.com for more info … . Make a Wish ... It’s safe to say that Cold Stone Creamery is best known for the show that their servers make while adding everything under the sun to bowls of ice cream, but their ice cream is pretty good all by itself. You can try two of their flavors for free Sept. 25, when they’ll run what they’re billing as the world’s largest ice cream social as a consciousness-raiser for the Make-aWish foundation. Being Cold Stone, they can’t just serve vanilla and chocolate – the concoctions include marshmallows, white chocolate chips, and Kit Kat bars, among other treats. If other chains take this to heart, perhaps it could become the Oktoberfest of the ice cream world …. Ladies Marmalade … Wait, wasn’t it just yesterday that we were celebrating the beginning of summer and another Hollywood Bowl season? If you want to squeeze in one more concert with a bodacious picnic, the Marmalade Cafe on Montana is happy to help with boxed dinners themed to performers who have been there recently. Health food aficionado Brian Wilson gets a mainly vegetarian banquet with just a little seared ahi tuna to remind you of the ocean, while Springsteen’s basket has some downhome favorites like fried chicken, but oddly none of the heavy Italian food that made Jersey famous. Hey, Ozomatli is playing next week – quick, I need a basket themed after the Aztec fire god …. For a Good Time ... We heard all about the nonfunctional phone number we published for Palihouse last month, and we apologize for any frustration incurred by our readers. It’s fixed now, and there’s another incentive to call. New chef Brendan Collins has cooked at Melisse, Mesa, and most recently at Anisette, and he has scheduled a wine dinner for Sept. 23 featuring Central Coast wines. The menu sounds amazing – venison with wild quinoa and gooseberries, anyone? Check the menu at www.hollywoodandwine. net. Make reservations with Jamie at (323) 850-5558. This time I’ve tried the number, and it works. –Richard Foss We accept tips: RichardFoss@earthlink.net.

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hough my taste in favorite athletes tends to run toward shuck-and-jive fun-loving types like Charles Barkley, Manny Ramirez, and Steve Nash, I was still among the legion of doughy mourners when Tom Brady snapped every ligament in his left knee a couple of Sundays ago. I’d overcome my sexual jealousy of Brady, not to mention my loathing of his emotionless, mendacity-laded martinet of a coach, and had chosen him, for the second season in a row, to anchor my fantasy-football team. Now I found myself staring numbly at various screens, trying to figure out what to do. So, yes, I’m admitting in public for the first time that I play fantasy football. I came to my league out of loneliness. When I moved to L.A. nearly three years ago, I knew almost no one. It rained a lot that season, and I stared mopily out my front window in Highland Park, watching various Avenues initiates try to murder rival gang members for sport. An e-mail from Ed, a high-school principal I’d met at a secret camp for Jewish hipster intellectuals, rescued me for an evening. Ed invited me to his monthly chickenwing eating group, which had coalesced around a fantasy-football league. Since it was February, the football lay dormant, but the munch of wings continued. After my first meeting at Hot Wings Melrose, even though I couldn’t get off the john for almost 24 hours afterward, I had some sort-of friends. We ate wings almost every month; Regina and Elijah and I even got invited to a seder out of the deal. Though my neighborhood was hot, dangerous, and ugly, at least I got to leave it about once a month. Gradually, as summer lurched into fall, the guys started nudging me toward their Mighty Men of Wings fantasy-football league. No way, I said. Fantasy football is for dorks. Besides, I already play fantasy baseball, and it’s just about ruined my marriage. But then I started realizing that I was lonely and old and no one else wanted to hang out with me. So to Hot Wings Glendale I went, with 25 bucks and 150 milligrams of Zantac, and endured my first fantasy-football league draft. The team I chose, predictably, sucked jockstrap sweat, and I finished far out of the money ($40 and a plastic belt from a kid’s WWF Halloween costume). To this day, I blame a scoring system that overemphasized the achievements of individual defensive players, though that was also the season I drank the Matt Hasselbeck Kool-Aid. I missed the draft the following year because

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my parents were in town and wouldn’t have understood my ditching them so I could assemble a pretend football team. I sent a proxy, with a brilliant, detailed plan, and my team proceeded to skip merrily through the regular season with a 12-2 record, with most of those wins massive routs. Then, in a perfect storm of bad fantasy-sports luck, Brady and Randy Moss got snowbound, Tony Romo had his worst game of the year, and Brian Westbrook, that lazy fucker, sat down at the goal line, causing me to lose to an under .500 team in the first round of the playoffs. This year, I went into the draft with a far inferior plan, and left Hot Wings Glendale with a starting backfield of Steven Jackson and Willis McGahee and a bench that included Jerious Norwood. When Mr. Wimpy Ligament went down, leaving no one outside of a 50-mile radius feeling sorry for Bill Simmons, I lost my one reliable veteran point-generator, fell behind by a few points, and found myself praying on Monday night that Gibril Wilson would return an errant Jay Cutler pass for a touchdown. But if we’ve learned anything from the early days of NFL 2008-09, it’s that there won’t be a lot of errant Jay Cutler passes, and I lost. Still, some tasty morsels lurked on my bench last week, with names like Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte, and before the day was over, I’d pulled DeSean Jackson and Chris Johnson out of the free-agent pool. Basically, there are two ways to win at fantasy football. The first is to field a team of superstars who never get hurt, what I stumbled into last year. Most players don’t get that privilege, though. Usually, you win if you own the freshest ponies. Unlike other professional sports, where players undergo a trial-by-fire maturation, football players, with the exception of quarterbacks, are most effective at the beginning of their careers, before their bodies have been mercilessly and repeatedly pummeled by competing 295-pound circus acts. This is especially true of running backs, and running backs consistently score the most fantasy points. Last season’s stud is often this season’s steak. So I say this to Domi, the founder of Mighty Men of Wings, whose life appears to revolve entirely around fantasy sports: You can keep your cynically claimed Matt Cassel. I’ll survive with Aaron Rodgers and Matt Schaub, and I decline your trade offer for the sexy smooth DeSean Jackson with great scorn. This season, nothing can stop the Los Feliz Yogis.✶

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here are high school students living in South Los Angeles who do not know what celery is. Marinate on that for a sec. Now, of the myriad innovative ways America is failing its youth – increasing dependence on foreign oil, abstinenceonly education, the tragically stupid

cankles) are Hanson and Katy Atkiss, who are much better people than most everyone else, and also the founders of Root Down. Through hands-on nutrition and cooking classes, a school garden, and field trips to organic dreamland McGrath Family Farms, Root Down is unlearning what South Central kids think they know

reincarnation of 90210 – a youngster’s inability to identify a leafy celery stalk may not seem like a national crisis. Even so, thinking about it now makes me very depressed, not just because Generation Z is on the fast track to Fattyville, but because there are South Central teenagers who have never experienced the crunchy bliss of ants on a log. My initial reaction was more parallel to that of celery benefactor Megan Hanson, patron angel of teenage nutrition: “I was like, ‘Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t know what celery is?!’” But really, why should they? In just over a square mile surrounding Manual Arts High School, where Hanson is launching the Root Down LA food reeducation campaign to sophomores, students can supersize their Type 2 diabetes with options from 50 fast-food chains, of which South Los Angeles has more than any other part of the city. Kids are heavier here than the L.A. average, by a slightly slimmer margin than their fat parents compare to the L.A. average. First in line to alter South Central’s hastening waddle toward obesity (and all its bedfellows: heart disease, cancer,

about food, one celery skeptic at a time. “We break it down,” Hanson says. “We talk about getting rid of the stuff not truly found in nature – alien additives like MSG, hydrogenated fats, and the shit that’s so bad that the government is finally starting to ban it.” Hanson was once a PR flack for Quaker Oats and Procter & Gamble, resume experience that has fostered a unique insight into the betrayals of Big Food, the influence of dairy and cattlemen lobbyists on the food pyramid, and the millions spent on advertising that lowly grain of chicken feed: the oat. “They wronged us all,” Hanson says. “It’s a huge injustice that we don’t have real food, and that others are profiting off it.” Councilwoman Jan Perry passed her one-year moratorium on new fast-food outlets in South L.A. about a month before umbrella org Community Partners

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granted Root Down its nonprofit status, meaning that in terms of food, at least, this next year has the potential to be the least deadly ever for hundreds of Manual Arts students. Root Down is the most awesome kind of nonprofit: It’s brandnew, so the enthusiasm is suffocating; it’s fronted by idealists who walk the talk, for free; it stresses the importance of community-building every chance it gets; and however modest, it’s effecting concrete change in the lives of the underserved. If that doesn’t inspire you to some extent, you probably hate kittens, and you should go away. At a time when most Angelenos think there’s probably just enough weaponry in South Central schools, Root Down is arming the burgeoning Bobby Flays of Manual Arts with nine-inch knives. Not to get all Freedom Writers-sanctimonious on you, but as legendary songbird Ice Cube once observed, “South Central ain’t no joke.” Take the kids’ Flamin’ Hot Cheetos away, and it has the potential to get even less amusing. Hanson, who’s also taught nutrition at San Francisco County Jail (with fewer knives), wouldn’t have it any

other way. “Underserved populations need this nourishment more than anyone. I’m drawn to the kids who seem to be the most troublesome,” she says, recalling one student who was dragged into the classroom by a school guard and finished the lesson grinning over a fruit platter. “Anyone can deliver community to the people. Our hope is that these kids find something to bring to the world.” I know there’s some big-hearted organic fanatic out there who’s as psyched about Root Down as Megan Hanson made me. They’re accepting donations of new stockpots, plates, knives, and cold hard cash for their inaugural year. The children are the future, and the future needs celery.✶ www.rootdownla.wordpress.com.

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Kaidoku Each of the 26 letters of the alphabet is represented in this grid by a number between 1 and 26. Using letter frequency, word-pattern recognition, and the numbers as your guides, fill in the grid with well-known English words. Only lowercase, unhyphenated words are allowed in kaidoku, so you wonít see anything like STOCKHOLM or LONG-LOST in here (but you might see AFGHAN, since it has an uncapitalized meaning, too). Now stop wasting my precious time and SOLVE!!

FROM BEER TO ETERNITY BY AMY ALKON

psychosudoku@hotmail.com

Find last week’s Psycho Sudoku answers on page 46

AFE<J@EË :IFJJNFI; “Shrinkage”--a few inches have been lost by Matt Jones Across 1 Goofball 5 “Oh, well” noise 9 Creates a backup, perhaps 14 Actress Jessica of “The Love Guru” 15 “Habanera” from “Carmen,” e.g. 16 Original U.K. “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” host Anderson 17 Engage in some really tame foreplay? 19 Susan who played Cindy Brady 20 Top prize for a certain basketball player? 22 Superman foe 26 They may be pet 27 Country whose flag’s stripes are red, white and black 28 Existed 31 South American monkey 32 Important view? 36 Railroad stop: abbr. 37 Follower, of sorts 38 Org. that fines for obscenities 41 The diet version of chef Ramsay? 46 Part of UAE 48 TV chef Paula 49 Former San Diego Charger Junior 50 Coffeehouse syrup brand 52 Sandwich or leotard, e.g. 54 Artwork with a common ele-

ment? 58 Bit the dust 59 Movie title that describes what happened to the five long entries in this puzzle? 64 Distance runner 65 Buglike? 66 Line on a graph 67 Dated 68 Take top billing 69 It’s formed when clenched Down 1 Took a break 2 Abbas’s group 3 ___ Dhabi 4 Efron of “High School Musical” 5 Fencing sword 6 Some nest eggs 7 Covered in a shiny coat 8 Fifty, in a sense 9 Make it all the way? 10 Totally mistaken 11 In relation to 12 Actor Rupert of “My Best Friend’s Wedding” 13 Submits, as a contest entry 18 “True Blood” channel 21 Golf’s Sony ___ Hawaii 22 Women’s ___ 23 Debunked paranormalist Geller 24 Word before “You’re it!” 25 Business home bases, for short 28 “I took you for that cunning ___ of Venice” (line from “Othello”) 29 Practice piece 30 Wisconsin college where Har-

rison Ford studied 33 Co. behind Myth War Online and GodsWar Online 34 “Midnight Run” star Charles 35 Toothpaste variety 38 Summer program where participants are destined to lose 39 Home country of Wimbledon singles winner Goran Ivanisevic 40 Desks in university libraries 42 Prefix meaning “equal” 43 ___ Xer 44 It gets baled 45 Rum ___ Tugger (“Cats” cat) 47 “Jim Henson’s Muppet ___” 51 Our, to Henri 52 “Come in!” 53 Club central to a Jim Bakker scandal 55 They rank just below lance corporals in the Marines: abbr. 56 Disastrous defeat 57 Tiny bit 60 Klutz 61 ___Clean (product hawked by Billy Mays) 62 Bro’s sibling, maybe 63 Guinness Book suffix ©2008 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0380.

Okay, I give up. I met a guy online. He said I was very pretty (and I actually look like my pictures). We talked several times, and had lots in common, so I took a train to where he lives and he drove us to a baseball game. Let me be clear: At no time did it seem he wasn’t enjoying himself. We laughed and flirted. He even mentioned a second date. Then it happened. In the eighth inning, after we’d each had four beers, he went to the bathroom. The ninth inning starts, and he’s not back. The game ends. He’s still gone. He left this voice mail on my phone: “Hey, I’m across the street at a bar called...” I call him a few times. No answer. So, I text him, “What kind of person leaves a woman stranded at a baseball game?!” He responds, “A bad one.” Sigh. I’m always attracting losers. What the hell did I do to deserve this one? –Stunned At baseball games, a lot of people cut out early to beat the rush. Maybe this guy drank so much that he did that – and then, at the bar, remembered, “Oh, crap, I was on a date!” What kind of person leaves a woman stranded at a baseball game? “A bad one,” sure. Beyond that, my guess? A thrifty drunk. Maybe he needs to be hammered to feel okay on a date, or maybe his one true love is a girl named Bud. At stadium prices, eight beers (assuming he bought yours) could approach 60 bucks. And maybe because he was only halfway to Hammertown, and you’re a nearstranger from the Internet, he found it easier to exercise casual cruelty. The devil on one shoulder said, “Can’t wait till this night’s over and I dump her off at the train station!” The devil on the other snapped, “Why wait? To hell with her, we’re going to the bar!” There’s an ideal time to find out a guy’s all “Every day’s an alcoholiday for me!” and it isn’t when he’s your ride back to the train. On a first date, you should always have a getaway car. First dates should be short, easy on the wallet, and local – a couple hours for coffee or drinks as opposed to dinner or a deep-sea fishing trip. (I’d hate to have you writing me “What kind of person leaves a woman stranded in the middle of the ocean?!”) You might give yourself a curfew – have someplace you have to be afterward – and stick to it. If you don’t go on some all-night

Find last week’s Jonesin’ Crossword answers on page 46

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romantic bender, you’re more likely to have the objectivity and perspective to decide whether date two is a wise idea. (Always a plus if you aren’t so sloshed you’re slurring your thoughts.) Any woman can trip over a man with problems. When you do, do you keep him? That’s a problem. If you’re drawn to men with problems, that’s a problem. If you just aren’t paying attention, you have to start. People usually give you clues as to who they really are – in conversation and online. Do your best to spot them, but don’t take it personally when dates turn out to be duds. You might even use bad dates as a gateway to better dates. Break the ice with “So tell me: Worst date ever?” Cross your fingers that the guy won’t top yours (with his tale or on your first date): “I mean, how could I not know, when he said he’d never drive drunk, that he meant he always passes out before he can find his car?”

DISSING IN ACTION My boyfriend and I are in the military. After dating six months, I deployed (until the end of the year). I’ve been gone 10 weeks. It took him three weeks to e-mail me, and he only writes once a week. He hasn’t sent a single care package either, yet claims I’m everything to him and he can’t live without me. –Wondering Hemingway was a soldier and a writer. Maybe this guy’s just a soldier. If he’s like a lot of men, he’ll wax your car and reframe your house before he’ll write two sentences touching on how he feels. In a non-naggy way, let him know what you need. Tell him you love getting e-mail from him, and you’d love to get more. He doesn’t have to emote. Just write something and hit “send.” Meanwhile, be open to the possibility that he actually can go on without you, and is – perhaps the message he’s been trying to send with that slew of I Don’t Care packages. Sure, maybe he’s a man of few words, but if you are everything to him, what’s with being a man of few granola bars and packs of spare batteries? AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com) COPYRIGHT 2008 AMY ALKON/ DIST. BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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ARIES (March 21-April 19) Believe it or not, whatever has been limiting your movement has also been expanding your capacities. It’s true. The pinching sensation you’ve had to endure has been covertly generating psychic fuel that you will soon be able to access. Therefore, Aries, I say unto you: Praise your squelchers and constrictors! Be grateful for your stiflers and tweakers! They have primed you for the arrival of a luminous boon.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) “An uninterpreted dream is like an unopened letter,” says the Talmud. But professional dream researcher Stephen LaBerge thinks that’s too broad a statement. In his book Lucid Dreaming, he says dreams are more like poems than letters. If you try to extract literal meanings from them in the service of your ego, they may reveal nothing. But if you’re willing to find lyrical, unexpected information that could aerate your imagination and dislodge you from your habits, dreams are more likely to be useful. Keeping in mind everything I’ve said, Taurus, treat the events of your waking life in the coming week as if they were poems coming from a dreamy part of your psyche that’s enticing you to change your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) As you navigate your way through the challenges ahead of you, should you rely on what you know or on what you don’t know? That’s a good question. I’m inclined to advise you to go with what you know when it concerns your security, and to go with what you don’t know when you’re pursuing pleasure. So if you’re trying to come to a decision about what will make you feel at home, trust what the past has taught you. But as you seek creative inspiration and effervescent adventure, shed all precedents. P.S. This is one of those rare times when you can interweave comfort and thrills, safety and risk, tradition and novelty.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Her brush with sublime wisdom has done wonders for Paris Hilton. “Kabbalah helps you confront your fears,” she told Us magazine. “Like if a girl borrowed my clothes and never gave them back, and I saw her wearing them months later, I would confront her.” You can snicker if you like, but Paris’s testimony exemplifies my main point for you: It’s crucial that you get practical use out of

your religion or spirituality. So please take measures to vigorously translate your highest ideals into your everyday actions. What would it mean, for example, to invite God to inhabit your lips as you kiss someone? Or to prepare your food as if you were going to offer it to a beloved saint? Or to speak every word as if it were a well-crafted prayer? Ask yourself 20 times a day, what would Buddha (or your greatest hero) do?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) What you’re about to leave behind is helpful but a bit dull; it’s fortifying but old-fashioned; comforting but homely. What you’re headed toward, on the other hand, is invigorating, through slightly disruptive; it’s futuristic and amusingly confusing; interesting but also a real test of your flexibility. The transition may happen faster than you thought it would. Congratulations in advance on being a good-natured transformer.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I hate to lay a sports metaphor on you, Virgo, let alone one articulated by a hockey player. But it’s such an apt description of the approach that will work best for you in the coming week, I had to bring it to your attention. “I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been,” quoth Wayne Gretzky. Apple CEO Steve Jobs liked those words so much, he made them his own when he introduced the iPhone to the public back in January 2007. Now I hope you will find a way to apply the idea in your own sphere.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Delfin Vigil interviewed the band Social Studies for the San Francisco Chronicle. He asked guitarist Aaron Weiss, “What is the meaning of life?” Here’s what Weiss said: “Wearing a big name tag, having something stuck in your teeth, walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe while awkwardly trying to hit on girls. Living on this planet is worthless without the proper amount of humility.” While I think that’s close to what the meaning of life has been for you recently, Libra, the definition will soon change to something like this: You come on stage to greet an adoring audience, do a riveting song and dance, then announce that you won’t be doing any more shows for a while because you’re about to go off and get busy on creating your next big splash.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Three enlightened teenagers I know have formed a gang called The Disciples. It’s dedicated to plying the dangerous arts of humility, curiosity, and optimism -- three qualities that are so undervalued in our culture as to be almost taboo. Here’s their motto, which reveals how far they’re willing to go in order to listen well, keep their egos in check, and constantly scour their surroundings for reasons to be grateful: “We have no issues and no problems, but only questions.” I urge you to start your own branch of The Disciples, Scorpio -- or at least work on cultivating their approach.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) A poet friend of mine hatched a scheme for writing a book in record time. He bought a round-trip ticket for a Greyhound bus that would take him from Oakland, California to New York City and back. He vowed that over the course of those nine grueling days and 6,000 miles, as he ate stale sandwiches from vending machines in bus stations and slept sitting up surrounded by strangers, he would churn out an epic-length poem about the experience of traveling cross-country on the most populist form of transportation. The experiment worked. His book was witty, shocking, and entertaining. I urge you to give yourself a comparable assignment, Sagittarius. Invoke the magic of a strict deadline to create something beautiful that will last a long time.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) I would love to place an elegant gold crown on your head. I have the urge to declare you monarch of the expanding realm, maker of new laws, and reshaper of the collective vision. Are you up for wielding that much power? Can you handle an increased level of responsibilities? Or would you prefer to preside over a smaller domain, content merely to keep the daily grind from erupting into chaos now and then? It’s mostly up to you. What do you want?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Unable to control his appetite for prostitutes, New York’s Governor Elliot Spitzer destroyed his career. Many observers were aghast at the incomprehensibility of his sacrifice. But Phillip Weiss, writing in New York, said he understood. Spitzer desperately “wanted some ‘strange’” -novelty that’s hard to get when you make love with just one

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By Ro b Brezsny

person for many years. That’s not the kind of variety I advise you to consider in the coming weeks, Aquarius. According to my reading of the omens, it will be prime time for you to seek out some “strange,” but not through multiple lovers. Rather, embark on travels outside your usual haunts, entertain surprising ideas unlike any you’ve been willing to think about before, and pursue unpredictable encounters with people who have a lot to teach you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) In a story about author Gore Vidal in The Independent, Archie Bland reported on an event that happened just after Vidal’s parents were married. While traveling to their honeymoon, dad told mom, “’There’s something very important I want you to know.” Mom grew radiantly expectant, imagining he was about to profess his love with a thrilling intensity. But dad had something else in mind. “I have three balls,” he confessed. In the coming week, Pisces, I suspect that one of your expectations will meet a fate similar to mom’s hope. But don’t fret. In the long run, the revelations that come are likely to be more interesting and valuable to you than the “I have three balls” shocker.

In addition to the horoscopes you’re reading here, Rob Brezsny offers EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. To access them online, go to RealAstrology.com. The Expanded Audio Horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. Rob’s main website is at FreeWillAstrology.com. Check out his book, “Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings” “I’ve seen the future of American literature, and its name is Rob Brezsny.” - Tom Robbins, author of “Jitterbug Perfume” and “Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates”

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BECK/DREW BROWN

Edited by Ron Garmon

THE MAN WITH ONE NAME! BECK AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL (SEE SATURDAY)

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THURSDAY 18 THESPIANS ANONYMOUS Alcoholics Anonymous has proven a very effective tool for millions of Americans to achieve self-transformation – and every other Thursday at the Hudson Theater in Hollywood, Sit ’n’ Spin offers performers and writers alike a 12-step-style theater experience. Jill Soloway (who wrote all the best Six Feet Unders), Maggie Rowe, and Jaclyn Lafer host a carefully edited reading and performance of personal essays, with diverse contributors, all recording true-life tales of the bittersweet and hilarious variety. Therapy for the theater patron, just like a reallife AA meeting, is free to the public, and new submissions are considered for review every week for newbie emotional exhibitionists. 8 p.m. Free, call for reservations. The Hudson Theatre, 6539 Santa Monica Blvd. Hollywood. hudsontheatre.com. (Gabrielle Paluch)

FRIDAY 19 RUM, SODOMY & THE COVER CHARGE American Apparel makes a fine parachute pant, ye bilge rats, so unleash your inner buccaneer just in time for International Talk Like A Pirate Day. The Redwood Bar and Grill, a favorite in town for landlocked lubbers and swashbuckling pirates, hosts the only party that we know about on this special occasion. In addition to the usual excellent gastro pub fare, the menu boasts musical acts American Relay and Mad Planet, rum drink specials, and contests for Best Dressed Pirate and Best Pirate Joke. Maybe if you get lucky, you’ll be able to find a nice lagoon in which to set your anchor, or someone to scrape the barnacles off your rudder, or something about victuals and a bunghole. 10 p.m. $5. Redwood Bar and Grill, 316 W. 2nd St., downtown L.A. theredwoodbar.com. (GP)

SATURDAY 20 POP AND COUNTERPOP Le Tout Indie will turn out to the last faux-hawk for the Beck crazed-pop extravaganza tonight at the Hollywood Bowl, sans doubte. Modern Guilt, Beck’s new album, might not be all that and a bag of peyote, but never let it be said that the onetime Silver Lake schlepper stints on his support. An undercard like Spoon and MGMT is proof he means bidness, so expect the proceedings to go off in a blue haze of marihooch from the Saturday night crowd. All this plus the L.A. Philharmonic string section, with David Campbell conducting. Selah. 8 p.m. $20-$75. The Hollywood Bowl, 2301 N. Highland Ave., Hollywood. hollywoodbowl.com. (Ron Garmon)

SUNDAY 21 DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT DUSTBIN OF HISTORY … The stout-hearted comrades at Libros Revolucion gather this afternoon at their

downtown HQ to mull over the prospects of vanguard Leninism. The new manifesto under discussion is (perhaps inevitably) titled “Revolutionary Communism at a Crossroads: Residue of the Past … or Vanguard of the Future?” with the PR blurb promising what sounds like a reasonably cleareyed discussion of the future (if any) of ultraRed action in this schism-rent, superstitionridden bourgie world. For good or ill, this is likely not your father’s incendiary Leftism. 2 p.m. Free. Libros Revolucion, 312 W. 8th St., downtown. librosrevolucion.blog.com. (RG)

MONDAY 22 SO A TONGUELESS GUY WALKS INTO A BAR … Tonight at King King, New York performance group The Moth presents its Grand StorySLAM Competition to a breathless world. The theme is “Crossing the Line” and 10 finalists will do their ratchet-jawed best to impress a panel of judges headed by the dread Molly Ringwald. Touted as This American Life meets American Idol, expect something a cut above the usual open-mic tragedy on display at your local “comedy” club. 8 p.m. $12. King King, 6553 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood. kingkinghollywood.com (RG) PRESH O W BY MEXIC AN DU BWISER

TUESDAY 23 WHATEVER HAPPENED TO RANDOLPH SCOTT? Budd Boetticher and Randolph Scott are names to conjure with among cowboy-movie aficionados, with the sensitive, bullfightloving director proving a memorable metteur for the courtly, stoic actor. Tonight, the programmers at the New Bev again prove their great good taste with two of the best of the team’s seven collaborations. Decision at Sundown (1957) is a revenge drama with a trick ending and Buchanan Rides Alone (1958) is a funny, well-regarded look at smalltown prejudice and bloodlust. Possible Ron Garmon sighting, if I don’t show up Sunday or Monday. 7:30 & 9:30 p.m. New Beverly Cinema, 7165 W. Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles. newbevcinema.com. (RG)

FRI. SEPTEMBER 26 AT 8:00 P.M. Argentine guitar sensation Federico Aubele (produced by Thievery Corporation) and Trip-hop combo Pacha Massive return to L.A. for a special concert of funky, Latin fusion beats. This bilingual, boogie-down mix of dub, cumbia, dancehall, drum and bass with the smooth sounds of Federico Aubele, exhales sexy vocals, sultry guitar strumming and hip-shaking drums. Proceeds go to the Ford Theatre Foundation’s Community Bridges Program.

WEDNESDAY 24 RAGNAROK AND ALL THAT The Norse gods are either blessing us or damning us with Hammer Battalion Tour, which manages to fit Unleashed, Carnifex, and Obituary under the same roof at the House of Blues (Sunset Strip). Teeth and shit will get kicked in. Obituary’s Slowly We Rot created an entire generation of very angry teenagers and now they’re very angry adults, so it should be fun. Just look for a looming cloud of darkness over Sunset and a group of those who raise the double horns without being asked. And don’t be too surprised if Vikings mosh too. 8 p.m. $25. House of Blues Sunset Strip, 8430 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood. hob.com. (Nathan Solis)

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=@CD LAKEVIEW TERRACE: ABEL (SAMUEL L. JACKSON) GETS READY TO RAISE CAIN

BENT COPPERS

‘Lakeview Terrace’ and ‘Righteous Kill’ give our Andy the willies BY ANDY KLEIN eil LaBute’s Lakeview Terrace belongs to a genre that gives me the willies – stories like, say, 1990’s Pacific Heights, where relative innocents are the targets of relentless harassment, from which there is no obvious escape. More often than not, these films are unpleasant, yet without catharsis or edification. What’s the aesthetic point? If you’re looking for unpleasant, LaBute (In the Company of Men, Your Friends and Neighbors) is a good guy to start with. He gets points for being uncompromising about his sour worldview. And Lakeview Terrace is well enough made to partly overcome my general distaste for such films. As in Joseph Losey’s 1951 The Prowler and Jonathan Kaplan’s 1990 Unlawful Entry, the intruder in LaBute’s movie is a cop. Abel Turner (Samuel L. Jackson) is a widower, trying to provide his two kids with a life far from the South Central neighborhood he grew up in. His presence in the titular hillside community seems to give his neighbors an extra sense of security. But Abel is none too happy when a new couple move in next door. Chris (Patrick Wilson) is a blandly normal young businessman; his wife, Lisa (Kerry Washington), is ... well, it’s never entirely clear what her profession is. More to the point, from Abel’s point of view, is that Chris is white and Lisa is black, which immediately triggers resentment. It’s not wholly clear that Abel wants to drive them away from day one; but they start giving him some justification for hostility. There are little sins, like Chris, who smokes behind Lisa’s back, constantly dropping his butts on the ground; then there are bigger sins, like the couple making love in the swimming pool, where Abel’s kids can easily see them. Predictably, Abel’s provocations escalate;

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and, when Chris starts to fight back rather than avoid conflict, they escalate faster. Normally these sorts of films are presented almost entirely from the harassees’ perspective, with the harasser often taking on near-supernatural levels of evil. But LaBute defies that from the start. We see the opening scenes from Abel’s POV; it’s several minutes before our identification is transferred to Chris (and, to a lesser extent, Lisa). The effect is to make Abel more understandable and, in small ways, sympathetic; he’s still a very bad guy, but he’s not a caricature. Much of the credit for this goes to Jackson. Way back in his career-defining role in Pulp Fiction, he displayed a truly unsettling ability to segue seamlessly between being absolutely terrifying and displaying a charming benevolence and humor ... just being, you know, really cool. A few critics have accused him of chewing the scenery in Lakeview Terrace, but I utterly disagree. Part of his effectiveness is the lowkey nonchalance with which he conveys threat. (Think of Robert Mitchum in the original Cape Fear.) But he also projects a lot of Abel’s internal conflicts without ever overacting. It’s a really terrific performance. It makes a strong contrast to Wilson’s portrayal of Chris. It may be deliberate on LaBute’s part, but Chris is such a whiny nonentity that he just barely maintains our sympathy. For what it’s worth, the plot mostly makes sense. I wish the same could be said regarding Jon Avnet’s new cop film, Righteous Kill, which was wisely screened too late for many critics to make their deadlines last week. Several months ago, when Avnet’s 88 Minutes came out after two years on the shelf, an industry friend said that it was being released because of the buzz around

Righteous Kill, the next Avnet/Al Pacino project. I have no doubt there was buzz around it – the buzz of flies circling around a steaming pile of dung. And still it’s arguably better than 88 Minutes. The film opens with a video of a cop nicknamed Turk (Robert De Niro), confessing to multiple murders. We repeatedly return to this tape, but most of the film comprises apparent flashbacks to the events he’s describing. Turk has long been partnered with Rooster (Pacino). These world-weary detectives have seen too many absolutely guilty bad guys go free on technicalities, then sent back out on the street where they can rape and murder some more. Like many movie police before them, they decide to occasionally step outside the law to redress this imbalance. Meanwhile, Turk is involved with fellow detective Karen (Carla Gugino), who has a wide S&M streak. Karen used to date Perez ( John Leguizamo), which may help explain why Perez and partner Riley (Donnie Wahlberg) seem to hate Turk and Rooster. There are a couple of murders to be solved, and Turk and Rooster are also going after bigtime drug dealer Spider (Curtis Jackson, a.k.a. 50 Cent, who gets third billing, despite being onscreen for maybe ten minutes). And why should we care about any of this? Well, one might think that the presence of two of the greatest living American actors would elevate things. I refer, of course, to Wahlberg and Brian Dennehy. No, I don’t. I refer to De Niro and Pacino, who have only appeared on screen together once before – in Michael Mann’s Heat, more than a decade ago. In Heat, they had only one scene together; in Righteous Kill, they’re together nearly

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constantly, to much lamer effect. Russell Gewirtz’s script is built around a trick, one that is simultaneously too clever by half and not clever at all (which itself is quite a trick). It’s a gimmick for the sake of gimmickry, a cheat that is likely to leave many audiences confused and to infuriate those who aren’t. The filmakers think they’re being all Usual Suspects on us, but it’s sheer manipulation. I wasn’t so clear on the details myself, so I e-mailed the other CityBeat critics to ask if they could help out. Wade Major came up with the definitive response: “Even though I didn’t see it, the fact that it’s an Avnet film makes it easy for me to help clarify that point for you. In fact, I don’t even need to know what point you want to clarify. “Pick whichever answer fits best: “A) No. “B) For no reason. “C) Because it makes no sense. “D) Blue. “E) Because he’s gay. “F) All of the above.” I’m going with C. ✶ Lakeview Terrace. Directed by Neil LaBute. Screenplay by David Loughery and Howard Korder; story by David Loughery. With Samuel L. Jackson, Patrick Wilson, Kerry Washington, and Ron Glass. Opens Friday citywide. Righteous Kill. Directed by Jon Avnet. Screenplay by Russell Gewirtz. With Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Curtis Jackson, Carla Gugino, John Leguizamo, Donnie Wahlberg, and Brian Dennehy. Citywide.

LIONSGATE PRESENTS A LIONSGATE PRODUCTION A MANAGEMENT 360/TERRA FIRMA FILMS PRODUCTION A SUPERFINGER ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION A FILM BY HOWARD DEUTCH DANE COOK KATE HUDSON JASON BIGGS LIZZY CAPLAN AND ALEC BALDWIN “MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRL” CASTING BY ANNE MCCARTHY JAY SCULLY AND FREDDY LUIS MUSIC BY JOHN DEBNEY MUSIC SUPERVISOR JAY FAIRES COSTUME DESIGNER MARILYN VANCE EDITOR SETH FLAUM PRODUCTION DESIGNER JANE ANN STEWART DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY JACK N. GREEN, A.S.C. EXECUTIVE PRODUCER MIKE ELLIOTT EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS MICHAEL PASEORNEK JOHN SACCHI PRODUCED BY ADAM HERZ GREGORY LESSANS JOSH SHADER GUYMON CASADY DOUG JOHNSON PRODUCED BY BARRY KATZ BRIAN VOLK-WEISS WRITTEN BY JORDAN CAHAN DIRECTED BY HOWARD DEUTCH © 2008 Lions Gate Films Inc. All Rights Reserved.

SOUNDTRACK AVAILABLE ON LIONSGATE

STRONG LANGUAGE AND SEXUAL CONTENT THROUGHOUT, INCLUDING GRAPHIC DIALOGUE AND SOME NUDITY.

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STARTS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19TH! WESTWOOD AMC Avco (310) 475-0711 Fri.: 1:15 • 4:00 • 7:30 • 10:30 Sat. & Sun.: 10:20 • 1:15 • 4:00 7:30 • 10:30 Mon.- Thurs.: 1:50 4:35 • 7:30 • 10:20

HOLLYWOOD At Sunset & Vine (323) 464-4226 Daily: 11:50 • 2:20 5:10 • 7:50 • 10:30

CENTURY CITY AMC Century 15 (310) 289-4AMC On 2 Scre ens Fri. & Sat.: 11:30 • 1:10 • 2:20 • 5:00 • 7:00 • 7:45 • 10:25 • 12:30am Sun.: 11:30 • 1:10 • 2:20 • 5:00 • 7:00 • 7:45 • 10:25 Mon.- Thurs.: 1:10 • 2:20 • 5:00 • 7:00 • 7:45 • 10:25

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SANTA MONICA Mann Criterion 6 (310) 248-MANN #019 On 2 Scre ens Daily: 12:00 • 1:20 • 2:30 • 3:50 5:00 • 6:30 • 7:30 • 9:00 • 10:10 Fri. & Sat. Late Show: 11:30pm

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No matter how clear the sound and image are, the plot remains ambiguous BY ANDY KLEIN

ashomon was not only the film that brought director Akira Kurosawa (and star Toshiro Mifune) to attention outside of Asia, but the first work by any Japanese filmmaker to make an international splash after World War II. So it’s fitting that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is kicking off its Kurosawa retrospective with a restored print of this 1950 classic. It’s rare that any film’s title becomes permanently ensconced in the language, let alone a foreign film: yet, describe something as “one of those Rashomon situations,” and a fair number of Americans (only a fraction of whom will have ever seen the movie) will know exactly what you mean – “he says one thing, she says another, the third guy says something else, and who knows what reality is anyway?” That the concept has been invoked more than once on TV (on The Simpsons and The X-Files, for instance) says something about how deeply it’s infiltrated the culture. The “story” is short and simple: a samurai named Takehiro (Masayuki Mori) and his pretty wife Masago (Machiko Kyo) are riding through the woods. A notorious thief named Tajomaru (Toshiro Mifune) gets a glimpse of Masago and decides he must possess her. He lures Takehiro to another part of the forest and, getting the jump on him, ties him up. He then brings Masago to the same spot and rapes her in front of her husband. None of this is disputed, though little of it can be confirmed, either. What happens next is less clear, however. All we know is that, shortly thereafter, Takehiro has been stabbed to death; Masago has disappeared; and Tajomaru has been arrested with Takehiro’s horse and weapons in his possession. Who killed Takehiro? Why did Masago run away? What went on among the three after the rape? A trial is held, at which testimony is heard from the woodcutter (Takashi Shimura) who found the body; a priest (Minoru Chiaki), who had seen the couple earlier; Tajumaro; Masago; and even the ghost of the victim, who testifies through a female medium (Fumiko Honma). The first three witnesses speak rather briefly; Tajumaru is the only one who tells the whole story; both Masago and Takehiro’s spirit only tell what happened after the rape, and their accounts flatly contradict Tajumaru and each other. Even the trial is not presented to us directly: We

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merely see and hear it through flashbacks, as the woodcutter and the priest describe it to a stranger (Kichijiro Ueda), so the events are doubly in doubt ... for me. Triply for you (if you haven’t seen the film), since you have no way of knowing whether I’m distorting the plot ... or simply making it up. In the standard mystery film, we’d find out at the end what really happened. Because even the apparent “solution” (as offered in one final flashback) is debunked within the film, Rashomon is most often interpreted as suggesting that the absolute truth can never be determined and may not even exist. But Kurosawa, according to his own description of his intentions, was not primarily concerned with the fact that it’s difficult or even impossible to establish objective truth, but with the reason for that difficulty: “Human beings are unable to be honest with themselves about themselves,” he wrote in his 1982 Something Like an Autobiography. “They cannot talk about themselves without embellishing. This script portrays such human beings – the kind who cannot survive without lies to make them feel they are better people than they really are.” It is a tribute to Rashomon’s lasting power that, after 58 years, it continues to stimulate fresh, lively argument. It is also a tribute that it has spawned so many imitators. Besides the “official” remakes – including Martin Ritt’s 1964 western The Outrage and Hiroaki Yoshida’s 1991 Iron Maze – its influence has been huge, from Stanley Kubrick’s 1956 The Killing to Back to the Future 2 (1990), The Usual Suspects (1995), and Christopher Nolan’s Memento (2001). At least, that’s the way I see it. ✶ Rashomon. Directed by Akira Kurosawa. Screenplay by Akira Kurosawa & Shinobu Hashimoto; based on the short stories “Rashomon” and “In a Grove” by Ryunosuke Akutagawa. With Toshiro Mifune, Machiko Kyo, Masayuki Mori, Takashi Shimura, Minoru Chiaki, Kichijiro Ueda, Fumiko Honma, and Daisuke Kato. Screens Thursday at 8 at the Samuel Goldwyn Theater, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, 8949 Wilshire Boulevard, Beverly Hills; followed by a panel discussion with critic Kenneth Turan, and Kurosawa’s collaborators, friends, and family.

LATEST REVIEWS THE DUCHESS When aristocrat Georgiana Spencer (Keira Knightley) is chosen to wed the Duke of Devonshire (Ralph Fiennes), it seems like a grand prize ... until she realizes she’s married to a booby. Cold, unfeeling, and autocratic in the way of monumentally rich 18th century dukes, he wants her for one thing only – to bear him a son and heir. Three daughters later, beautiful, intelligent Georgiana finds herself part of a miserable menage a trois, with the Duke taking her best friend (Hayley Atwell) as his livein mistress. If this sounds like the saga of Diana, Charles, and Camilla, that’s because it is, and Knightley plays Georgiana with an eerie echo of the looks and manner of the ill-fated Di. Paring down Amanda Foreman’s biography, director Saul Dibb focuses solely on the frosty marriage, an approach which would have worked better, had the screenplay been stronger. But the script by Jeffrey Hatcher, Anders Thomas Jenson, and Dibb has dialogue that’s sparse and inert, missing the intellectual esprit of the period by a Devonshire mile. Without words and wit to offset the glum marital proceedings, or to give the unhappy characters any means of expression, the film ultimately leaves us as cold as the proverbial dish of revenge. (Diana Reeve) (Pacific’s ArcLight, Pacific’s The Grove, Landmark West Los Angeles)

GHOST TOWN Having already nuked the fridge earlier this summer with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, high-profile screenwriter David Koepp jumps behind the camera for his fourth feature film, a comedically inflected misfire about a socially maladjusted dentist, Bertram Pincus (Ricky Gervais), who briefly dies, comes back to life, and finds himself able to see and talk to dead people. Soon Bertram, much to his annoyance, is being pestered for favors by all sorts of earthbound ghosts, including a philandering husband (Greg Kinnear), looking to break up the impending marriage of his wife (Tea Leoni). Exercising his skill with cud-chewing asides, and blissfully playing up his character’s inhospitality and smarmy self-regard, Gervais gives Ghost Town a bit of a kick in the pants. But the film other wise feels full of safe choices and conventional moves, rendering it a future DVD-bundled companion of some other apparitional rom-com piffle like 2005’s Just Like Heaven. A potent comedic force in her own right, Leoni mainly gets to stand around, look beautiful, and play variations on sputtering uncertainty, which she capably pulls off. Watching her romantically warm to Gervais and vice versa, however, elicits indifference at best, disbelief at worst. Koepp’s previous directorial efforts have all been small-budgeted dramatic thrillers, with an emphasis on the drama more than the thrills. His first foray into more whimsical comedy, co-written with John Kamps, doesn’t leave one wanting more. (Brent Simon) (Citywide)

HOUNDDOG Better known in the blogosphere as “the Dakota Fanning rape movie,” this notorious Sundance 2007 premiere stars the adolescent actress as Lewellen, a sassy Southern girl in rural 1950s Alabama. With a religious zealot grandmother (Piper Laurie) at home and a drunk, womanizing dirtbag of a father (David Morse) in a rundown shack nearby, she spends her days palling around with Buddy (Cody Hanford) and shaking her booty to Elvis Presley. When the King comes through town, Lewellen’s desire for tickets to the show leads to the movie’s infamous assault. Lewellen does little more than traipse barefoot through writer/director/producer Deborah Kampmeier’s movie; she doesn’t make things happen as much as things happen to her, and that includes her quest for Elvis tickets – she puts Buddy in charge. Worse, her repeated renditions of the title tune render it first mildly irritating, then truly grating. The talented Fanning is uneven here, by turns innocently seductive and awkwardly sarcastic. Meanwhile, the usually reliable Morse is stuck playing a character who – after being literally struck by lightning – turns ridiculously infantile, wandering around naked and cutting his hair into a blonde bob with bangs. Most offensive is Charles (Afemo Omilami), a patronizingly wise, old, snake-charming bluesman. At least Black Snake Moan didn’t take itself seriously. (Annlee Ellingson) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5, Culver Plaza, Laemmle’s Town Center 5, Laemmle’s Playhouse 7)

IGOR The kingdom of Malaria is a dark and joyless land where evil geniuses unveil their latest diabolical creations at the annual science fair. When maniacal Dr. Glickenstein (voice of John Cleese) is killed while crafting his latest evil entry, hunchbacked assistant Igor (John Cusack) enlists the help of grumpy rabbit Scam-

per (Steve Buscemi) and a brain-in-a-jar named Brian to build his own ferocious, award-winning behemoth. But that’s a serious breach of assistant etiquette, since all hunchbacked graduates of Igor School can only serve their masters. Even worse, Igor’s monster turns out to be Eva, a sweet-natured giantess with dreams of stardom. Animation director Tony Leondis (Lilo & Stitch 2: Straight to Video) has created a loud, charmless misfire, featuring standard kiddietargeted themes of finding yourself and pursuing your dreams. The ugly character designs are reminiscent of Tim Burton’s animated work (Corpse Bride, especially), yet lacking his whimsical quirkiness. In the voice depar tment, Cusack is barely expressive enough, so the vocal MVP is the quippy Buscemi, while Jay Leno provides surprisingly varied work as Malaria’s king. Everything wrong here is what Pixar always gets right. Leondis and screenwriter Chris McKenna mistake energy for joy and a happy ending for heart. (Mark Keizer) (Citywide)

LAKEVIEW TERRACE See first Film feature.

MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRL Dane Cook is bad with women – and he loves it. A creep handsome enough to score a first date, he specializes in reminding newly single girls that their ex was a (comparative) prince. (And said exes pay him handsomely for it.) Lowering expectations is his lucrative part-time gig – naturally, his steady one is customer service. Howard Deutch’s pragmatic shock-romantic comedy divides people into scoundrels and sweethearts. Roommate Jason Biggs is one of the latter; thus, quasi-girlfriend Kate Hudson dumps him. Why do women prefer cads? Deutch and screenwriter Jordan Cahan avoid psychoanalysis, but we empathize with Hudson, who decompresses from Biggs’s pressure by screwing around with Cook. Like the great screwball comedies, their turn-on is savaging each other with insults, though with a higher quotient of testicle references. Cahan’s curious and increasingly sincere slant on modern romance outshines the grossout gags directed toward Cook’s MySpace fan base. Oddly, while today’s female writers pen insults like 21 Dresses and The Accidental Husband, in which an ovulating womb will settle for any hunk of meat, male filmmakers have never been more honest and affecting. They believe in work, not soul mates. As Cook’s dad, a lecherous Women’s Studies professor, Alec Baldwin is a one-note riot. (Amy Nicholson) (Citywide)

pathetically portrayed. It’s Mark and Scott who don’t jibe. One never fully accepts that a foul-mouthed, hard-partying street kid would embrace the Genesis tenets so fully, let alone its goody-goody church dances and arts and crafts; and Scott is far too strong and self-respecting to have fallen in with these people in the first place. (Annlee Ellingson) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5)

YELLA Written and directed by Christian Petzold, absorbing German import Yella unfolds against an evocative backdrop of abandoned cityscapes. After escaping her volatile ex-husband Ben (Hinnerk Schonemann), Yella Fichte (Nina Hoss) leaves her father and small hometown in the former East Germany for a new life in the West as an accountant. One job quickly falls through, but Yella hooks up with Philipp (Devid Striesow), a freelance business executive, who comes to rely on Yella’s balance sheet expertise. Ben, however, will not leave his ex-wife alone. Yella is one of those movies where, the less people know about it going in, the more likely they are to fall under its sway. The press notes name-check Herk Harvey’s 1962 cult classic Carnival of Souls as inspiration, which is easy to see. And yet this color-encoded, care-

THE POOL In Goa, India, 18-year-old Venkatesh and his orphaned 11-year-old friend Jhangir have survived their traumatic childhoods and now work at a small hotel and restaurant, respectively, sleeping on mats and making extra money by selling plastic bags at a local market. After an upper-class family moves back into their home, which has a pool, Venkatesh befriends the head of the household (Nana Patekar), strikes up a bond with his upstart teenage daughter, and tries to point his compass toward a more comfortable way of life. Modest in scope and temperament, documentarian Chris Smith’s dramatic feature debut serves as a pleasing neo-realistic dip for foreign film aficionados who may have somehow been suckered into recently seeing Bangkok Dangerous. With its few pantomimed or otherwise casually played “reveals,” The Pool’s proper drama is reduced to a few minor chord arguments. Influenced equally by Vittorio de Sica and Satyajit Ray, this is the rare example of an American production that doesn’t overly fetishize its Eastern setting. Working with nonprofessional actors – Bollywood superstar Patekar being the exception – Smith’s directorial touch is deceptively simple; eschewing close-ups, he crafts a film about simple acts and everyday friendship. The result is a solid work about fuzzy adolescent yearning and quiet uplift, free from mawkishness. (Brent Simon) (Nuart)

SAVE ME When Mark (Chad Allen), a troubled young alcoholic and drug addict, hits rock bottom, his brother enrolls him in Genesis House, a Christian ministry dedicated to curing men of their homosexuality. There, he befriends Scott (Robert Gant), a middle-aged roofer determined to win back his dying father’s love by going straight. But their relationship attracts the disapproval of Genesis’s director, Gayle (Judith Light), who has very personal reasons for wanting to “rescue” Mark and her other charges. Helmer Robert Cary (Ira and Abby) avoids hysterical stereotyping of the “ex-gay” movement. Although the financial hardship of empty beds is emphasized, there’s no malevolent brainwashing on the grounds of the golden-hued ranch. Gayle and her husband Ted (Stephen Lang), whose views are slightly more yielding than hers, earnestly believe they are helping these men better their lives through Christ. Indeed, Light’s performance is warm and genuine, and Gayle’s passion for the project is sym-

SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008 25 LACITYBEAT

fully constructed allegorical tone poem of loneliness and strangled aspiration also strongly echoes David Lynch’s Mulholland Dr. on a certain level. Unlike that film, Yella doesn’t work as an adrenalized cognitive booster shot, heightening one’s awareness of the sinister and absurd; Petzold is interested in telling a much more compact, straightforward story. Holding the film together with a wonderful performance, though, is Hoss, whose placid demeanor suggests a stand-in for a universal underclass. (Brent Simon) (Laemmle’s Music Hall 3)

ALSO OPENING THIS WEEK: Appaloosa. An itinerant marshal (Ed Harris) and his deputy (Viggo Mortensen) come to town to battle the evil rancher (Jeremy Irons) who murdered the last marshal. Harris also directed and co-wrote (with Robert Knott) the screenplay, from the Robert B. Parker novel. Renee Zellweger, Timothy Spall, and Lance Henriksen costar. (AK) (Citywide) Take Out. A day in the life of an illegal Chinese immigrant, trying to pay of his debt to the smugglers by working as a delivery man for a Chinese take-out shop. Sean Baker and ShihChing Tsou directed; the cast includes Charles Jang, Jeng-hua Yu, Wang-Thye Lee, and Justin Wan. (AK) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5, Laemmle’s

Playhouse 7) Tinker Bell. Kristin Chenoweth, America Ferrera, Jane Horrocks, Lucy Liu, Kathy Najimy, and Raven-Symone are among the voices in this Disney animated spinoff from J. M. Barrie’s Peter Pan. (AK) (Pacific’s El Capitan)

SHOWTIMES SEPTEMBER 19-25, 2008 Note: Times are p.m., and daily, unless otherwise indicated. All times are subject to ch ange without notice.

BURBANK AMC Burbank 16, 140 E Palm Av, (818) 953-9800. Burn After Reading Fri-Sat 11:15 a.m., 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15, 11:45; Sun 11:15 a.m., 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15. Death Race Fri-Sat 11:35 a.m., 2:30, 5:20, 8, 10:45; Sun 11:35 a.m., 2:30, 5:20, 8, 10:30. Fly Me to the Moon 3-D Fri-Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:10, 4:35, 7:05, 9:25. Ghost Town Fri-Sat 12:30, 3:10, 5:50, 8:30, 11:10, 11:55; Sun 12:30, 3:10, 5:50, 8:30. The House Bunny Fri-Sun 11:10 a.m., 1:50, 4:25, 7:10, 9:45. Igor Fri-Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:20, 4:45, 7:20, 9:45.

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FONTANA 16771 Valley Blvd. (909) 427-1800 Now Open! 16695 Sierra Lakes Pkwy. (909) 355-0725 GLENDALE 1327 Glendale Galleria (818) 553-0470 GLENDORA 1331 S. Lonehill (909) 592-5211 HAWTHORNE 5070 Rosecrans Ave. (310) 263-2949 HOLLYWOOD 1503 N. Vine St. (323) 465-0640 HUNTINGTON PARK 6400 Pacific Blvd. (323) 826-9880 INGLEWOOD 3419 W. Century Blvd. (310) 673-1443 LA HABRA 1401 W. Imperial Hwy. (562) 694-8630

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TORRANCE 24329 Crenshaw Blvd. (310) 891-6991 Now Open! 21841 Hawthorne Blvd. VALENCIA Coming Soon! 24201 Valencia Blvd., Ste. 2018 WALNUT PARK Coming Soon! 2106 E. Florence Ave. WEST COVINA West Covina Mall (626) 851-9992 West Covina Mall Kiosk (626) 939-0409 WESTWOOD Coming Soon! WHITTIER 12376 Washington Blvd. (562) 789-0911

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59609-04.indd 1

LA CITY BEAT & PASADENA WEEKLY 212.905.7000

04

Closing Date: 08.15.08 INSERTION DATE:

08.21.08

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Date

“‘LAKEVIEW

TERRACE’“ ...BURNS UP THE SCREEN...

”The incomparable Samuel L. Jackson is riveting to watch!” - Pete Hammond, HOLLYWOOD.COM-

! ‘Lakeview Terrace’ grips “

you and never lets go.” - Shawn Edwards, FOX-TV

COSCREEN GEMS PRESENTS AN OVERBROOK ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION "LAKEVIEW TERRACE" TERRACE " PATRICK WILSON ORIN WOINSKY ORINWOINSKY KERRY WASHINGTON AND JAY HERNANDEZ PRODUCER EXECUTIVE PRODUCED MUSIC STORY BY JAMES LASSITER WILL SMITH BY DAVID LOUGHERY BY MYCHAEL DANNA JEFF DANNA PRODUCERS JOE PICHIRALLO JOHN CAMERON DAVID LOUGHERY JEFF GRAUP SCREENPLAY DIDIRECTED RECTED BY DAVID LOUGHERY AND HOWARD KORDER BY NEIL LABUTE

STARTS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 HOLLYWOOD ArcLight Cinemas At Sunset & Vine 323/464-4226 On 2 Screens Digital Projection Daily 12:05, 2:35, 5:25, 8:25 & 11:05 PM 35MM Projection Daily 11:05 AM, 1:35, 4:25, 7:15 & 9:55 PM 4 Hours Validated Parking - $2

SANTA MONICA AMC Santa Monica 7 • 310/289-4AMC Fri-Sun 11:55 AM, 2:40, 5:20, 8:00 & 10:45 PM Mon-Thur 1:30, 4:15, 7:00 & 9:30 PM

CENTURY CITY AMC Century 15 • 310/289-4AMC On 2 Screens Fri & Sat 9:40 & 11:00 AM, 12:20, 1:40, 3:00, 4:30, 5:45, 7:10, 8:30, 10:00 & 11:15 PM Sun 9:40 & 11:00 AM, 12:20, 1:40, 3:00, 4:30, 5:45, 7:10, 8:30, 10:00 & 11:05 PM Mon-Thur 12:20, 1:40, 3:00, 4:30, 5:45, 7:10, 8:30, 10:00 & 11:05 PM Fri & Sat Late Show 12:40 AM 3 Hours Free Parking Additional 2 Hour Parking $3.00 with AMC Validation

UNIVERSAL CITY CityWalk Stadium 19 with IMAX® 800/FANDANGO #707 On 2 Screens Fri & Sat 11:30 AM, 1:00, 2:00, 3:45, 4:45, 6:30, 7:30, 9:15 & 10:15 PM Sun 11:30 AM, 1:00, 2:00, 3:45, 4:45, 6:30, 7:30, 9:15 & 10:05 PM Mon-Thur 1:30, 2:30, 4:05, 5:05, 6:40, 7:40, 9:35 & 10:15 PM Fri & Sat Late Show 12:00 Midnight

L.A./BEVERLY HILLS Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14 • 323/692-0829 #209 On 2 Screens Daily 10:55 & 11:50 AM, 1:35, 2:35, 4:20, 5:20, 7:05, 8:05, 10:00 & 11:05 PM Fri & Sat Late Show 12:30 AM

WESTWOOD Mann Village 310/248-MANN #051 Digital Projection Daily 11:50 AM, 2:40, 5:20, 8:00 & 10:40 PM

4 Hours On-Site Validated Parking Only $2.00

$3.00 Parking After 6:00 PM in Privilege Parking Lots $1.00 Refund with Paid Admission

SHERMAN OAKS ArcLight Cinemas At The Sherman Oaks Galleria 818/501-0753 On 2 Screens Fri, Mon-Thur 11:45 AM, 1:10, 2:25, 4:20, 5:05, 7:20, 8:20, 10:00 & 11:00 PM Sat & Sun 11:15 AM, 1:10, 2:05, 4:20, 5:05, 7:20, 8:20, 10:00 & 11:00 PM

WEST LOS ANGELES The Bridge Cinema De Lux 310/568-3375 On 2 Screens Digital Projection Daily 11:45 AM, 12:15, 2:20, 2:50, 4:55, 5:25, 7:30, 8:00, 10:05 & 10:35 PM Fri & Sat Late Show 12:35 AM

fpo AND AT A THEATER NEAR YOU FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS. SORRY, NO PASSES ACCEPTED FOR THIS ENGAGEMENT.

Movie Parking Rebate $5 General Parking Rebate at Box Office with Movie Ticket Purchase (Excludes Preferred & Valet)

4 Hours Free Validated Parking

Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 11:20 a.m., 2:05, 4:50, 7:35, 10:20, 12:05 a.m.; Sun 11:20 a.m., 2:05, 4:50, 7:35, 10:20. The Metropolitan Opera: Opening Night Gala Mon only, 6. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 11 a.m., 12:40, 1:40, 3:20, 4:20, 6:05, 7, 8:45, 9:40, 11:30; Sun 11 a.m., 12:40, 1:40, 3:20, 4:20, 6:05, 7, 8:45, 9:40. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 11:25 a.m., 1:10, 2, 3:45, 4:40, 6:20, 7:15, 9, 9:50, 11:35; Sun 11:25 a.m., 1:10, 2, 3:45, 4:40, 6:20, 7:15, 9, 9:50. Tropic Thunder Fri-Sat 11:50 a.m., 2:35, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30; Sun 11:50 a.m., 2:35, 5:10, 7:50. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sat 11:40 a.m., 2:25, 5:05, 7:55, 10:40; Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:25, 5:05, 7:55. The Women Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 2:15, 5:15, 8:05, 10:55; Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:55, 4:55, 7:45, 10:30. AMC Burbank Town Center 8, 210 E Magnolia Bl, (818) 953-9800. The Dark Knight Fri-Sat 7, 10:25; Sun 7;

Mon-Thur 6:30, 9:45. Disaster Movie Fri-Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:10, 4:40, 7:05, 9:30; Mon-Thur 1:30, 4:05, 6:45, 9:15. Ghost Town Fri 11:50 a.m., 2:20, 4:55, 7:35, 10:10; Sat-Sun 11:10 a.m., 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50; Mon-Thur 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50. Pineapple Express Fri noon, 2:35, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30; Sat-Sun 11:20 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 7:20, 10:05; MonThur 1:55, 4:35, 7:20, 10:05. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 12:20, 2:55, 5:30, 8:05, 10:40; Sun 12:20, 2:55, 5:30, 8:05; Mon-Thur 2:55, 5:30, 8:05. Star Wars: The Clone Wars Fri 11:40 a.m., 2:05, 4:35; Sat-Sun 11:15 a.m., 1:45, 4:20; Mon-Thur 1:05, 3:55. Tropic Thunder 1:10, 4, 6:40, 9:20. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 1, 3:50, 6:35, 9:25. Vicky Cristina Barcelona Fri-Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Mon-Thur 2, 4:40, 7:15, 9:55. AMC Burbank Town Center 6, 770 N First St, (818) 953-9800. Call theater for titles and showtimes.

CULVER CITY, MARINA DEL REY The Bridge: Cinema De Lux & IMAX Theater, The Promenade at Howard Hughes Center, 6081 Center Dr, Westchester, (310) 568-3375. Burn After Reading FriSat 11:45 a.m., 12:15, 2:10, 2:40, 4:35, 5:05, 7, 7:30, 9:30, 10, midnight, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Wed 11:45 a.m., 12:15, 2:10, 2:40, 4:35, 5:05, 7, 7:30, 9:30, 10; Thur 11:45 a.m., 12:15, 2:10, 2:40, 4:35, 5:05, 7:30, 9:45, 10:15. David Gilmour Live in Gdansk Mon only, 7:30. Dora the Explorer: Super Silly Fiesta Thur only, 10 a.m. The Family That Preys Fri 11:45 a.m., 1:25, 2:25, 4:05, 5:05, 6:45, 7:45, 9:25, 10:25, 12:05 a.m.; Sat 10:45 a.m., 11:45 a.m., 1:25, 2:25, 4:05, 5:05, 6:45, 7:45, 9:25, 10:25, 12:05 a.m.; Sun-Thur 10:45 a.m., 11:45 a.m., 1:25, 2:25, 4:05, 5:05, 6:45, 7:45, 9:25, 10:25. Fly Me to the Moon 3-D Fri 12:40, 2:50; Sat-Thur 10:30 a.m., 12:40, 2:50.

PETER TRAVERS

“THE FALL MOVIE SEASON ACHIEVES COMIC LIFTOFF WITH ‘GHOST TOWN’!” “RICKY GERVAIS IS A MASTER OF DEADPAN HILARITY. A COMIC HERO.” PETER TRAVERS ROLLING STONE

“TÉA LEONI IS FABULOUS, TOUCHING AND GRACEFULLY FUNNY.” PAUL FISCHER DARK HORIZONS

“GREG KINNEAR AND RICKY GERVAIS SHINE IN A FANTASTIC PERFORMANCE!” JASON RUTA E NEWS WEEKEND

KYLE SMITH

“HILARIOUSLY FUNNY! A BIG-HEARTED COMEDY.”

Ghost Town Fri-Sat 12:25, 2:50, 5:15, 7:40, 10:05, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Thur 12:25, 2:50, 5:15, 7:40, 10:05. The House Bunny Fri-Sat 11:55 a.m., 2:15, 4:40, 7:10, 9:45, midnight; Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:15, 4:40, 7:10, 9:45; Mon 11:55 a.m., 2:15, 4:40, 9:45; Tue-Thur 11:55 a.m., 2:15, 4:40, 7:10, 9:45. Igor Fri-Sat 12:15, 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35, 11:35; SunThur 12:15, 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 11:45 a.m., 2:20, 4:55, 7:30, 10:05, 12:35 a.m.; Sun-Thur 11:45 a.m., 2:20, 4:55, 7:30, 10:05. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 11:45 a.m., 2:10, 4:35, 7, 9:25, 11:50; Sun-Thur 11:45 a.m., 2:10, 4:35, 7, 9:25. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 11:45 a.m., 12:45, 2:10, 3:10, 4:35, 5:05, 5:35, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25, 11:50, 12:20 a.m.; Sun 11:45 a.m., 12:45, 2:10, 3:10, 4:35, 5:05, 5:35, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25; Mon-Tue 11:45 a.m., 12:45, 2:10, 3:10, 4:35, 5:05, 5:35, 7, 8, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25; Wed 11:45 a.m., 12:45, 2:10, 3:10, 4:20, 4:45, 5:35, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25; Thur 11:45 a.m., 12:45, 2:10, 3:10, 4:20, 4:25, 4:45, 5:35, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25. Sesame Street: Abby in Wonderland Sun 10 a.m.; Tue 10 a.m. Tropic Thunder Fri 1:45, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45, 12:15 a.m.; Sat 11:20 a.m., 1:45, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45, 12:15 a.m.; Sun-Thur 11:20 a.m., 1:45, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45. The Women Fri 1:40, 4:20, 7, 9:40, 12:20 a.m.; Sat 11 a.m., 1:40, 4:20, 7, 9:40, 12:20 a.m.; Sun-Thur 11 a.m., 1:40, 4:20, 7, 9:40. Wonder Pets: Save the Swan/Puppy Sat only, 10 a.m. Culver Plaza Theatre, 9919 Washington Blvd, (310) 836-5516. Bottle Shock Fri-Sun 12:05, 7:25, 9:55; Mon-Thur 1:50, 6:20. Hounddog Fri-Sun 12:50, 3, 5:10, 7:20, 9:30; MonThur 2:10, 4:15, 6:25, 8:30. The Maltese Falcon Wed only, 7. Mamma Mia! Fri 2:50, 5:20, 7:35; Sat 5:20, 7:35; Sun 2:50, 5:20, 7:35; Mon-Thur 1:50, 6:20. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Fri 12:20, 9:45; Sat 11:50 a.m.; Sun 12:20, 9:45; Mon-Thur 4:05, 8:35. Pineapple Express Fri-Sun 2:35, 5:05; Mon-Thur 4:10, 8:40. Star Wars: The Clone Wars Fri-Sun 12:25, 5:10; MonThur 4:20, 6:30. Traitor Fri-Sun noon, 2:30, 5:05, 7:30, 10; Mon-Thur 2:30, 5:05, 7:40. Transsiberian Fri-Sun 2:40, 7:30, 9:50; Mon-Thur 2, 8:35. Vicky Cristina Barcelona Fri-Sun 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; Mon-Thur 2, 4:05, 6:10, 8:10. Loews Cineplex Marina Marketplace, 13455 Maxella Av, (310) 827-9588. Bottle Shock Fri-Sun 1:15, 7; Mon-Thur 3:45, 9:30. The Dark Knight Fri-Sun 3:45, 9:30; Mon-Thur 6:15. The House Bunny Fri 2:35, 5:05, 7:40, 10; Sat-Sun noon, 2:35, 5:05, 7:40, 10; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:30, 6:55, 9:15. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri 1:55, 4:35, 7:25, 10:15; SatSun 11:20 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 7:25, 10:15; Mon-Thur 1:55, 4:25, 7, 9:35. Righteous Kill Fri 2, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50; Sat-Sun 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:40, 7:05, 9:30. Tropic Thunder Fri 2:10, 4:45, 7:20, 10:05; Sat-Sun 11 a.m., 1:45, 4:45, 7:20, 10:05; Mon-Thur 2:20, 4:45, 7:15, 9:40. The Women Fri 1:35, 4:10, 7:05, 9:55; Sat-Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:40, 4:15, 7:05, 9:55; Mon-Thur 2, 4:35, 7:10, 9:45. Pacific Culver Stadium 12, 9500 Culver Bl, (310) 8557519. Burn After Reading 2, 5, 8, 10:25. The Dark Knight 1:50, 5:20, 8:40. Ghost Town 2:10, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. Igor 1:35, 4:05, 7:10, 9:25. Lakeview Terrace 1, 4, 7:15, 9:55. My Best Friend’s Girl 1:30, 4:25, 7:30, 10. Righteous Kill 1:45, 2:45, 4:35, 5:15, 7:05, 7:45, 9:35, 10:15. Tropic Thunder 2:30, 5:05, 7:35, 10:10. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 1:15, 2:15, 4:20, 4:55, 7, 7:40, 9:40, 10:20. The Women 1:40, 4:30, 7:25, 10:05. UA Marina, 4335 Glencoe Av, (310) 823-1721. Burn After Reading 12:20, 2:40, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30. Ghost Town noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. Igor 12:10, 2:20, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40. Lakeview Terrace 12:40, 3:50, 7:20, 10:10. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 1, 4:10, 7:40, 10:20. Vicky Cristina Barcelona 11:50 a.m., 2:10, 4:30, 7, 9:50.

DOWNTOWN & SOUTH L.A.

OPENS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 AT THEATRES EVERYWHERE Text GHOST to 33287 for showtimes and mobile content. Standard messaging rates apply.

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENT - NO PASSES OR DISCOUNT TICKETS ACCEPTED

LACITYBEAT 28 SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008

Laemmle’s Grande 4-Plex, 345 S Figueroa St, (213) 617-0268. The Pink Conspiracy Fri 5:30, 7:50, 10:15; Sat-Sun 1, 3:15, 5:30, 7:50, 10:15; Mon-Thur 5:30, 7:50. Righteous Kill Fri 5, 7:30, 10; Sat-Sun 1:40, 5, 7:30, 10; Mon-Thur 5, 7:30. Traitor Fri 5, 7:35, 10:10; Sat-Sun 1:50, 5, 7:35, 10:10; Mon-Thur 5, 7:35. The Women Fri 5:05, 7:40, 10:15; Sat-Sun 1:30, 5:05, 7:40, 10:15; Mon-Thur 5:05, 7:40. Magic Johnson Theaters, Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza, 4020 Marlton Av, (323) 290-5900. Babylon A.D. Fri-Sun 10:05 a.m., 12:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:30; MonThur 12:15, 4:40, 7:10, 9:30. Bangkok Dangerous 2:20. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:15, 4:30, 7:05, 9:35; Mon-Thur 12:05, 2:15, 4:30, 7:05, 9:35. Death Race Fri-Sun 11:50 a.m., 2:35, 5:10, 7:55, 10:35; Mon-Thur noon, 2:35, 5:10, 7:55, 10:35. Disaster Movie Fri-Sun 10:30 a.m., 12:45, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:25; Mon-Thur 12:45, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:25. Igor Fri-Sun 10:15 a.m., 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:20, 9:40; Mon-Thur 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:20, 9:40.

Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 11:15 a.m., 11:45 a.m., 2, 2:30, 4:45, 5:15, 7:30, 8, 10:10, 10:50; Sun 11:15 a.m., 11:45 a.m., 2, 2:30, 4:45, 5:15, 7:30, 8, 10:10; Mon-Thur noon, 2, 2:30, 4:45, 5:15, 7:30, 8, 10:10. Mirrors Fri-Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:50, 4:35, 7:25, 9:55; Mon-Thur 1:50, 4:35, 7:25, 9:55. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sun 11:35 a.m., 2:10, 4:55, 7:40, 10:20; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:55, 7:40, 10:20. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 10 a.m., 11:55 a.m., 12:20, 2:25, 2:55, 5:05, 5:35, 7:35, 8:05, 10:15, 10:45; Sun 10 a.m., 11:55 a.m., 12:20, 2:25, 2:55, 5:05, 5:35, 7:35, 8:05, 10:15; Mon-Thur 12:20, 2:25, 2:55, 5:05, 5:35, 7:35, 8:05, 10:15. Tropic Thunder Fri-Sun 10:25 a.m., 12:50, 3:15, 5:40, 8:10, 10:40; Mon-Thur 12:50, 3:15, 5:40, 8:10, 10:40. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sat 11 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 12:05, 1:45, 2:05, 2:40, 4:20, 4:50, 5:20, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 10, 10:30, 11; Sun 11 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 12:05, 1:45, 2:05, 2:40, 4:20, 4:50, 5:20, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 10, 10:30; Mon-Thur 12:10, 1:45, 2:05, 2:40, 4:20, 4:50, 5:20, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 10, 10:30. University Village 3, 3323 S Hoover St, (213) 7486321. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Thur noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30, 12:45 a.m.; Sun-Thur 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sat 2, 4:30, 7, 9:45, 12:15 a.m.; Sun-Thur 2, 4:30, 7, 9:45.

HOLLYWOOD ArcLight Cinemas Hollywood, 6360 Sunset Bl, (323) 464-4226. Appaloosa Fri 11:55 a.m., 2:25, 5:05, 7:50, 10:55; Sat-Thur 11:55 a.m., 2:25, 5:05, 7:55, 10:55. Burn After Reading Fri-Tue 11:20 a.m., 12:15, 1:50, 2:45, 4:40, 5:35, 7:20, 8:15, 9:50, 10:45; Wed 11:20 a.m., 12:15, 1:50, 2:45, 4:40, 5:35, 8:15, 10:45; Thur 11:20 a.m., 12:15, 1:50, 2:45, 4:40, 5:35, 7:20, 8:15, 9:50, 10:45. The Duchess Fri-Wed 11 a.m., noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4:20, 5:20, 7:10, 8:10, 10, 11; Thur 11 a.m., noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4:20, 5:20, 7:10, 8:10, 10:40. Lakeview Terrace 11:05 a.m., 1:35, 4:25, 7:15, 9:55. My Best Friend’s Girl 11:50 a.m., 2:20, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30. Righteous Kill Fri-Sun 11:25 a.m., 1:55, 4:15, 7:35, 10:05; Mon-Tue 12:10, 2:40, 5:30, 8:20, 10:50; Wed 11:25 a.m., 1:55, 4:15, 7:35, 10:05; Thur 11:25 a.m., 1:55, 4:15, 10:05. Towelhead Fri-Wed 11:15 a.m., 2:05, 4:45, 7:25, 10:25. Tropic Thunder Fri-Mon 11:40 a.m., 2:10, 4:50, 7:40, 10:10; Tue 11:40 a.m., 2:10, 4:30; Thur 11:40 a.m., 2:10, 4:30. Vicky Cristina Barcelona Fri-Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:45, 10:15; Mon 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:55; Tue 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:45, 10:15; Thur 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:45, 10:15. The Women Fri-Wed 11:10 a.m., 1:40, 4:10, 7, 9:40. Grauman’s Chinese, 6925 Hollywood Bl, (323) 4648111. Ghost Town 11:50 a.m., 2:20, 5, 7:40, 10:20. Los Feliz 3, 1822 N Vermont Av, (323) 664-2169. Righteous Kill 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Vicky Cristina Barcelona 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. The Women 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Mann Chinese 6, 6801 Hollywood Bl, (323) 4613331. The Dark Knight noon, 3:20, 6:40, 10. Death Race Fri-Tue 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30; Thur 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30. The Family That Preys Fri-Tue 1:10, 4:10, 7, 9:50; Thur 1:10, 4:10, 7, 9:50. Ghost Town 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9:20. The House Bunny Fri-Tue 12:20, 2:40, 5:10, 7:50, 10:10; Wed-Thur 12:20, 2:40. Igor 12:10, 2:30, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30. Private Screening Wed only, 7:30. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Pacific’s El Capitan, 6838 Hollywood Bl, (323) 4677674. Tinker Bell Fri-Mon 10 a.m., 12:15, 2:30, 4:45, 7; Tue 10 a.m., 12:15; Wed-Thur. Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14, 189 The Grove Dr, Third St & Fairfax Av, (323) 692-0829. Appaloosa FriSat 11:25 a.m., 2:10, 4:50, 7:40, 10:30, 12:25 a.m.; Sun-Thur 11:25 a.m., 2:10, 4:50, 7:40, 10:30. Burn After Reading Fri-Sat 10:30 a.m., 11:40 a.m., 12:50, 2:15, 3:15, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 9:50, 10:50, 12:20 a.m.; Sun-Thur 10:30 a.m., 11:40 a.m., 12:50, 2:15, 3:15, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 9:50, 10:50. The Duchess 11:05 a.m., 1:45, 4:30, 7:25, 10:15. Ghost Town Fri-Sun noon, 2:40, 5:15, 7:55, 10:40; Mon 11 a.m., 2:40, 5:15, 7:55, 10:40; Tue-Thur noon, 2:40, 5:15, 7:55, 10:40. Igor 11:35 a.m., 2:05, 4:25, 7, 9:20. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 10:55 a.m., 11:50 a.m., 1:35, 2:35, 4:20, 5:20, 7:05, 8:05, 10, 11:05, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Thur 10:55 a.m., 11:50 a.m., 1:35, 2:35, 4:20, 5:20, 7:05, 8:05, 10, 11:05. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 11:20 a.m., 12:20, 1:55, 2:55, 4:35, 5:35, 7:20, 8:20, 10:10, 11:10, 12:35 a.m.; Sun-Thur 11:20 a.m., 12:20, 1:55, 2:55, 4:35, 5:35, 7:20, 8:20, 10:10, 11:10. Righteous Kill 11:45 a.m., 2:25, 5:05, 7:45, 10:25. Tropic Thunder Fri-Tue 11:55 a.m., 2:30, 5:10, 7:50, 10:35; Wed 10:35; Thur 10:45. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 12:05, 2:45, 5:25, 8:10, 10:55. The Women 11:15 a.m., 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10:20. Regent Showcase, 614 N La Brea Av, (323) 934-2944. Tell No One Fri 7:30; Sat-Sun 5, 7:30; Mon-Thur 7:30. Vine, 6321 Hollywood Bl, (323) 463-6819. Vista, 4473 Sunset, (323) 660-6639. Burn After Reading Fri 4:15, 7, 9:45; Sat-Sun 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:45; Mon-Thur 4:15, 7, 9:45.

NORTH HOLLYWOOD, UNIVERSAL CITY Century 8, 12827 Victory Bl, (818) 508-6004. The House Bunny 11:40 a.m., 2:25, 5:05, 7:45, 10:15.

YO U H AVE BEEN A C TIVAT E D

INVITE YO U TO JUMP INTO F OR A C HAN C E TO RE C EIVE AN ADVAN C E S CRE E NIN G PAS S F OR TWO S E N D AN E-MAIL WITH YO UR NAME AN D PH O N E NUMBER TO

C O NTE STS @ LACITYBEAT.C OM Unive r sa l Cit y Wa l k 1 0 0 Unive r sa l Cit y P l aza Unive r sa l Cit y (8 1 8) 9 8 5-4 3 5 9)

O NE LUCKY READ ER WILL WIN AN IN D O OR SKYDIVE PACKAGE FROM IFLY H OLLYWO O D! MEET AT IFLY H OLLYWO O D AT UNIVERSAL CITY WALK O N THURS DAY, S EPTEMBER 2 5 AT 4 PM FOR AN EAGLE EYE TRIVIA COMPETITIO N. TH E WIN NER WILL IMME DIATELY RECEIVE TWO IN D O OR SKYDIVING EXPERIENCE S AS WELL AS VIP S EATING AT TH E S CREENING DIRECTLY AFTER!

THIS FILM IS RATED PG-13. PARENTS STRONGLY CAUTIONED. Some Material May Be Inappropriate For Children Under 13.

Please note: Passes received through this promotion do not guarantee you a seat at the theatre. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. A recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket, and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider. Paramount Pictures, L.A. CityBeat, iFly Hollywood and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, recipient is unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. All federal and local taxes are the responsibility of the winner. Void where prohibited by law. No purchase necessary. Participating sponsors, their employees and family members and their agencies are not eligible. NO PHONE CALLS!

WWW.EAGLEEYEMOVIE.COM

IN THEATRES SEPTEMBER 26

Igor 11:50 a.m., 2:15, 4:40, 7:05, 9:30. Lakeview Terrace 11:45 a.m., 2:20, 4:55, 7:35, 10:10. My Best Friend’s Girl noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. Righteous Kill 11:55 a.m., 2:35, 5:15, 7:50, 10:25. Tropic Thunder 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:35, 7:10, 9:45. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 11:35 a.m., 2:15, 4:50, 7:40, 10:20. The Women 11:25 a.m., 2, 4:45, 7:25, 10:05. Loews CityWalk Stadium 19 with IMAX, 100 Universal City Dr at Universal CityWalk, (818) 508-0588; IMAX Theater (818) 760-8100. Babylon A.D. Fri-Sat 5:55, 8:10, 10:30; Sun-Thur 5:55, 8:10, 10:15. Bangkok Dangerous Fri-Sun 3:20, 7:55; Mon-Thur 2:25, 7:35. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 1:05, 3:25, 5:45, 8:05, 10:25; Mon-Thur 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10. The Dark Knight Fri-Sun 11:30 a.m., 2:45; Mon-Thur 1:45. The Dark Knight: The IMAX Experience IMAX Fri-Sun

noon, 3:15, 6:35, 10; IMAX Mon-Tue 2:45, 6, 9:15; IMAX Wed-Thur 2:45. Death Race Fri-Sat 12:30, 3:05, 5:50, 8:20, 10:50; Sun 12:30, 3:05, 5:50, 8:20; Mon-Thur 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9:05. Disaster Movie Fri-Sat 1:10, 5:40, 10:40; Sun 1:10, 5:40, 10:15; Mon-Thur 5, 10:05. Eagle Eye: The IMAX Experience IMAX Thur only, 12:01 a.m. Ghost Town Fri-Sat 11:45 a.m., 2:10, 4:35, 7:10, 9:40, 12:10 a.m.; Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:10, 4:35, 7:10, 9:40; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:35, 7:10, 9:40. The House Bunny Fri-Sat 11:55 a.m., 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:25, 11:45; Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:25; Mon-Thur 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:25. Igor Fri-Sat 11:45 a.m., 2:05, 4:30, 6:45, 9, 11:20; Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:05, 4:30, 6:45, 9; Mon-Thur 2:05, 4:30, 6:45, 9. Journey to the Center of the Earth Fri-Sun 12:50, 3:10, 5:30, 7:50, 10:10; Mon-Tue 2:15, 4:40, 7:25, 9:55; Wed-Thur 2:15, 4:40, 10:25.

Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 1, 2, 3:45, 4:45, 6:30, 7:30, 9:15, 10:15, midnight; Sun 11:30 a.m., 1, 2, 3:45, 4:45, 6:30, 7:30, 9:15, 10:05; MonThur 1:30, 2:30, 4:05, 5:05, 6:40, 7:40, 9:35, 10:15. Mirrors Fri-Sat 11:50 a.m., 2:40, 5:35, 8:25, 11:10; Sun 11:50 a.m., 2:40, 5:35, 8:25; Mon-Thur 2:40, 5:35, 8:25. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 11:35 a.m., 1:50, 2:50, 4:20, 5:25, 7, 8, 9:35, 10:35, 12:10 a.m.; Sun 11:35 a.m., 1:50, 2:50, 4:20, 5:25, 7, 8, 9:35, 10:25; Mon-Thur 2:45, 3:45, 5:10, 6:10, 7:50, 8:50, 10:20. Pineapple Express Fri-Sat 1:55, 12:20 a.m.; SunThur 1:55, 9:45. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 11:35 a.m., 2:55, 4:25, 5:20, 6:50, 7:45, 9:20, 10:20, 11:50; Sun 11:35 a.m., 2:55, 4:25, 5:20, 6:50, 7:45, 9:20, 10:10; Mon-Thur 2:55, 4:25, 5:20, 6:50, 7:45, 9:20, 10:20. Tropic Thunder Fri-Sat 11:40 a.m., 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50, 12:15 a.m.; Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:20, 4:50, 7:20,

AUDIENCES EVERYWHERE LOVE THE WOMEN! Roger Ebert , Chicago Sun-Times

“WHAT A PLEASURE THIS MOVIE IS!

9:50; Mon-Thur 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sat 1:40, 4:15, 6:55, 9:30, 12:05 a.m.; Sun-Thur 1:40, 4:15, 6:55, 9:30. The Women Fri-Sat 1:35, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45; Sun-Thur 1:35, 4:10, 7:05.

NORTHRIDGE, CHATSWORTH, GRANADA HILLS Mann Granada Hills, Devonshire St & Balboa Av, (818) 363-3679. Burn After Reading 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:10. The Family That Preys 1:20, 4:30, 7:20, 9:50. Ghost Town 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40. Igor 11:50 a.m., 2:10, 4:20, 6:50, 9. Lakeview Terrace 11:40 a.m., 2:20, 5, 7:30, 10. My Best Friend’s Girl 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:20. Righteous Kill 1:30, 4:10, 7, 9:30. Tropic Thunder 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30. The Women 1, 3:50, 6:40, 9:20. Pacific’s Northridge Fashion Center All Stadium 10, 9400 N Shirley Av, (818) 501-5121. Burn After Reading Fri 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 10; Sat 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 10; Sun 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 9:50; MonThur 2:35, 5, 7:30. Disaster Movie Fri 5:30, 10:35; Sat 12:30, 5:30, 10:35; Sun 12:30, 5:30, 10:30; Mon-Thur 5:30. Ghost Town Fri-Sat 2, 4:35, 7:10, 9:50; Sun 2, 4:35, 7:10, 9:40; Mon-Thur 2, 4:35, 7:10. The House Bunny Fri 2:30, 5, 7:35, 10:10; Sat-Sun 2:10, 5:10, 7:35, 10:10; Mon-Thur 2:05, 5:05, 7:35. Igor Fri 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:20; Sat noon, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:20; Sun noon, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:15; Mon-Thur 2:20, 4:40, 7. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 1:55, 4:50, 7:40, 10:30; Sun 1:55, 4:50, 7:40, 10:20; Mon-Thur 1:55, 4:50, 7:40. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri 2:40, 5:15, 7:50, 10:25; Sat 12:05, 2:40, 5:15, 7:50, 10:25; Sun 12:05, 2:40, 5:15, 7:50, 10:15; Mon-Thur 2:40, 5:15, 7:50. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 2:15, 4:55, 7:25, 10:05; Sun 2:15, 4:55, 7:25, 10; Mon-Thur 2:15, 4:55, 7:25. Tropic Thunder 2:45, 7:55.

Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sun 1:20, 4:05, 7:05, 9:45; Mon-Thur 1:20, 4:05, 7:05. The Women Fri-Sun 1:40, 4:30, 7:15, 9:55; Mon-Thur 1:40, 4:30, 7:20. Pacific’s Winnetka All Stadium 21, 9201 Winnetka Av, Chatsworth, (818) 501-5121. Bangkok Dangerous 12:05, 2:35, 5:10, 7:40, 10:10. Burn After Reading Fri 12:50, 2:15, 3:15, 4:40, 5:40, 7:05, 8:05, 9:30, 10:30; Sat-Sun 11:50 a.m., 12:50, 2:15, 3:15, 4:40, 5:40, 7:05, 8:05, 9:30, 10:30; MonThur 12:50, 2:15, 3:15, 4:40, 5:40, 7:05, 8:05, 9:30, 10:30. The Dark Knight 12:25, 3:40, 7:05, 10:25. Death Race 12:10, 2:45, 5:25, 7:55, 10:35. Disaster Movie 12:05. Ghost Town noon, 2:30, 5:05, 7:45, 10:20. The House Bunny noon, 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. Igor 12:15, 2:40, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35. Lakeview Terrace Fri noon, 1:40, 2:40, 4:20, 5:20, 7, 8, 9:45, 10:45; Sat-Sun 11 a.m., noon, 1:40, 2:40, 4:20, 5:20, 7, 8, 9:45, 10:45; Mon-Thur noon, 1:40, 2:40, 4:20, 5:20, 7, 8, 9:45, 10:45. Mirrors Fri 4:35, 7:20, 10:05; Sat-Sun 11:15 a.m., 4:35, 7:20, 10:05; Mon-Thur 4:35, 7:20, 10:05. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri 12:30, 2:10, 3:10, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 9:45, 10:45; Sat-Sun 11:30 a.m., 12:30, 2:10, 3:10, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 9:45, 10:45; MonThur 12:30, 2:10, 3:10, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 9:45, 10:45. Pineapple Express 7:25, 10:05. Righteous Kill Fri 12:20, 2, 3, 4:35, 5:35, 7:10, 8:05, 9:40, 10:40; Sat-Sun 11:30 a.m., 12:20, 2, 3, 4:35, 5:35, 7:10, 8:05, 9:40, 10:40; Mon-Thur 12:20, 2, 3, 4:35, 5:35, 7:10, 8:05, 9:40, 10:40. Star Wars: The Clone Wars 12:05, 2:30, 5. Traitor 1:55. Tropic Thunder 12:20, 3, 5:35, 8:10, 10:45. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 12:25, 2:20, 3:05, 4:55, 5:45, 7:35, 8:30, 10:15. The Women Fri 12:15, 2:10, 3:05, 4:50, 5:45, 7:30, 8:30, 10:10; Sat-Sun 11:30 a.m., 12:15, 2:10, 3:05, 4:50, 5:45, 7:30, 8:30, 10:10; Mon-Thur 12:15, 2:10, 3:05, 4:50, 5:45, 7:30, 8:30, 10:10.

THE ACTRESSES ARE ALL AT THE TOP OF THEIR FORM.” Pete Hammond, Hollywood.com

“GORGEOUSLY

ENTERTAINING.

HILARIOUS FLAT-OUT FUN...SEE IT!”

Soundtrack Available On

MOBILE USERS: For Showtimes - Text Message WOMEN and your ZIP CODE to 43KIX (43549) WESTWOOD AMC Avco (310) 475-0711 Daily: 1:35 • 4:30 • 7:15 • 10:10 Sat. & Sun.: 10:40 • 1:35 • 4:30 • 7:15 • 10:10 WEST LOS ANGELES The LANDMARK at W. Pico & Westwood (310) 281-8233 Free Parking. www.landmarktheatres.com Daily: 11:00 • 1:45 • 4:30 • 7:15 • 10:00 SORRY, NO PASSES ACCEPTED FOR THIS ENGAGEMENT

HOLLYWOOD ArcLight Cinemas At Sunset & Vine (323) 464-4226 Daily: 11:10 • 1:40 • 4:10 • 7:00 • 9:40 Thurs.: Closed for screening WEST LOS ANGELES The Bridge Cinema De Lux (310) 568-3375 Daily: 1:40 • 4:20 • 7:00 9:40 Sat. & Sun.: 11:00 • 1:40 • 4:20 • 7:00 9:40 Fri. & Sat. Late Show: 12:20am

L.A./BEVERLY HILLS Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14 (323) 692-0829 (#209) Daily.: 11:15 • 2:00 • 4:45 • 7:30 • 10:20 SANTA MONICA AMC Loews Broadway 4 (800) FANDANGO #706 Fri. - Sun.: 11:05 • 1:50 • 4:45 • 7:30 • 10:15 Mon. - Thurs.: 2:00 • 4:30 • 7:00 • 9:30

UNIVERSAL CITY CityWalk Stadium 19 with IMAX (800) FANDANGO #707 Fri. & Sat.: 1:35 • 4:10 • 7:05 9:45 Sun. - Thurs.: 1:35 • 4:10 • 7:05

SHERMAN OAKS ArcLight Cinemas At The Sherman Oaks Galleria (818) 501-0753 On 2 Scre ens Daily: 11:40 • 1:15 • 2:35 • 4:15 • 5:10 7:35 • 8:35 • 10:15 • 11:15 Sat. & Sun.: 11:40 • 1:15 • 2:15 • 4:15 • 5:10 7:35 • 8:35 • 10:15 • 11:15

AND AT THEATRES EVERYWHERE! LACITYBEAT 30 SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 27TH, 2008 Laemmle Sunset 5 Theatres 8000 Sunset Blvd. 10:00 AM TICKETS AVAILABLE AT BOX OFFICE

SHERMAN OAKS, ENCINO ArcLight Sherman Oaks, 15301 Ventura Bl, Sherman Oaks, (818) 501-0753. Appaloosa Fri noon, 2:50, 5:40, 8:30, 11:10; Sat-Sun noon, 2:40, 5:40, 8:30, 11:10; Mon-Thur noon, 2:50, 5:40, 8:30, 11:10. Burn After Reading 12:20, 1:20, 3, 4, 5:30, 7, 8, 9:40, 10:30. Ghost Town Fri 11:35 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:25, 10:05; Sat-Sun 11:35 a.m., 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 10:05; Mon-Thur 11:35 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:25, 10:05. Igor 11:50 a.m., 2, 4:30, 7:45, 9:55. Lakeview Terrace Fri 11:45 a.m., 1:10, 2:25, 4:20, 5:05, 7:20, 8:20, 10, 11; Sat-Sun 11:15 a.m., 1:10, 2:05, 4:20, 5:05, 7:20, 8:20, 10, 11; Mon-Thur 11:45 a.m., 1:10, 2:25, 4:20, 5:05, 7:20, 8:20, 10, 11. My Best Friend’s Girl 11:30 a.m., 1, 2:10, 4:10, 5, 7:10, 8:10, 9:50, 10:50. Righteous Kill Fri 11:55 a.m., 1:35, 2:45, 4:05, 5:15, 7:05, 8:05, 9:45, 10:35; Sat-Sun 11:05 a.m., 11:45 a.m., 1:35, 2:35, 4:05, 5:15, 7:05, 8:05, 9:45, 10:35; Mon-Thur 11:55 a.m., 1:35, 2:45, 4:05, 5:15, 7:05, 8:05, 9:45, 10:35. Tropic Thunder 12:25, 3:05, 5:45, 8:25, 10:55. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys 12:15, 2:55, 5:35, 8:15, 11:05. Vicky Cristina Barcelona Fri 1:25, 4:25, 7:15, 10:10; Sat-Sun 11 a.m., 1:25, 4:25, 7:15, 10:10; Mon-Thur 1:25, 4:25, 7:15, 10:10. The Women Fri 11:40 a.m., 1:15, 2:35, 4:15, 5:10, 7:35, 8:35, 10:15, 11:15; Sat-Sun 11:40 a.m., 1:15, 2:15, 4:15, 5:10, 7:35, 8:35, 10:15, 11:15; Mon-Thur 11:40 a.m., 1:15, 2:35, 4:15, 5:10, 7:35, 8:35, 10:15, 11:15. Laemmle’s Town Center 5, 17200 Ventura Bl, Encino, (818) 9819811. David & Fatima 1:20, 4:10, 7, 9:55. Elegy 1:40, 4:40, 7:30, 10. A Girl Cut in Two 1:10, 4, 7, 9:45. Hounddog 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 9:35. A Secret 1:30, 4:20, 7:20, 10. Mann Plant 16, 7876 Van Nuys Bl, Panorama City, (818) 779-0323. Babylon A.D. Fri-Mon 11:40 a.m., 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40. Bangkok Dangerous Fri-Mon 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:10. The Dark Knight Fri-Mon 6:30, 9:50. Death Race Fri-Mon 12:15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15. Disaster Movie Fri-Mon 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. The Family That Preys Fri-Mon 1:30, 4:15, 7:10, 10:10. Fly Me to the Moon 3-D Fri-Mon 2, 6:40. Goal! 2: Living the Dream Fri-Mon 12:45, 3:30. The House Bunny Fri-Mon 11:50 a.m., 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. Igor Fri-Mon noon, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:15. Journey to the Center of the Earth Fri-Mon 11:40 a.m., 4:20, 9. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Mon 11:30 a.m., 2:10, 4:50, 7:30, 10:10. Mirrors Fri-Mon 11:50 a.m., 2:30, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Fri-Mon 1, 3:45, 6:30, 9:10. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Mon 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:20. Righteous Kill Fri-Mon 11:30 a.m., 12:30, 2, 3, 4:30, 5:30, 7, 8, 9:30, 10:30. Tropic Thunder Fri-Mon noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. Pacific’s Sherman Oaks 5, 14424 Millbank St, Sherman Oaks, (818) 501-5121. Bangkok Dangerous 1:10, 4:20, 7:10, 9:50. Burn After Reading 1:20, 4:15, 7, 9:45. The Dark Knight 1, 4:35, 8:15. The House Bunny 1:25, 4:10, 7:20, 9:40. Righteous Kill 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 9:55.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, BEVERLY HILLS, CENTURY CITY AMC Century City 15, 10250 Santa Monica Bl, (310) 277-2011. Burn After Reading Fri-Sat 9:45 a.m., 11:10 a.m., 12:10, 1:35, 2:45, 4:10, 5:20, 6:55, 8, 9:30, 10:35, midnight; Sun 9:45 a.m., 11:10 a.m., 12:10, 1:35, 2:45, 4:10, 5:20, 6:55, 8, 9:30, 10:35; Mon 1:35, 2:40, 4:10, 6:55, 8, 9:30; Tue-Thur 1:35, 2:40, 4:10, 5:10, 6:55, 8, 9:30, 10:30. Eagle Eye Thur only, 12:01 a.m.. Ghost Town Fri-Sun 9:50 a.m., 12:25, 2:55, 5:30, 8:05, 10:40; Mon-

WESTWOOD, WEST L.A. AMC Avco Center, 10840 Wilshire Bl, (310) 475-0711. Burn After Reading Fri 2:30, 5, 7:45, 10:20; Sat-Sun 11:50 a.m., 2:30, 5, 7:45, 10:20; Mon-Thur 2, 4:45, 7:20, 9:50. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri 1:15, 4, 7:30, 10:30; Sat-Sun 10:20 a.m., 1:15, 4, 7:30, 10:30; Mon-Thur 1:50, 4:35, 7:30, 10:20. Traitor Fri 1:45, 4:20, 7, 9:45; Sat-Sun 11:10 a.m., 1:45, 4:20, 7, 9:45; Mon-Thur 1:45, 4:20, 7, 9:45. The Women Fri 1:35, 4:30, 7:15, 10:10; Sat-Sun 10:40 a.m., 1:35, 4:30, 7:15, 10:10; Mon-Thur 1:35, 4:30, 7:15, 10:10. Laemmle’s Royal Theatre, 11523 Santa Monica Bl, (310) 4775581. A Secret 1:30, 4:10, 7, 9:40. Landmark’s Nuart Theater, 11272 Santa Monica Bl, (310) 281-8223. Fright Night Fri only, midnight. The Pool Sub-Titled Fri-Sun noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Sub-Titled MonThur 5, 7:30, 10. The Rocky Horror Picture Show Midnight Sat only,. Landmark’s Regent, 1045 Broxton Av, (310) 281-8223. A Girl Cut in Two 2, 7:15. Sukiyaki Western Django 4:45, 10. The Landmark West Los Angeles, 10850 W Pico Bl, (310) 281-8223. Appaloosa Fri-Wed 11:30 a.m., 12:45, 2:15, 3:30, 5, 6:10, 7:45, 8:50, 10:25; Thur 11:30 a.m., 12:45, 2:15, 3:30, 5, 7:45, 10:25. The Duchess Fri-Sat 11:15 a.m., noon, 1:55, 2:40, 4:35, 5:20, 7:15, 8, 9:50, 10:35; Sun-Thur 11:15 a.m., noon, 1:55, 2:40, 4:35, 5:20, 7:15, 8, 9:50. Ghost Town Fri-Mon 11:15 a.m., 12:30, 2, 3:15, 4:45, 6, 7:30, 8:45, 10:05; Tue-Wed 11:15 a.m., 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10:05; Thur 11:15 a.m., 12:30, 2, 3:15, 4:45, 6, 7:30, 8:45, 10:05. Man on Wire Fri-Mon 11:35 a.m., 2:05, 4:35, 7:10, 9:40; Tue 2:05, 7:35; Wed 11:35 a.m., 2:05, 4:35, 7:10, 9:40; Thur 11:35 a.m., 2:05, 10:10. Righteous Kill Fri-Mon 11:45 a.m., 2:30, 5:15, 7:55, 10:30; Tue 11:45 a.m., 2:30, 10:30; Wed-Thur 11:45 a.m., 2:30, 5:15, 7:55, 10:30. Tell No One Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 1:50, 4:40, 7:35, 10:25; Mon 11 a.m., 1:50, 7:35, 10:25; Tue 11 a.m., 4:40, 9:55; Wed 11 a.m., 1:50, 4:40, 7:35, 10:25; Thur 11 a.m., 1:50, 9:50. Towelhead 11:20 a.m., 2:10, 4:55, 7:40, 10:20. Vicky Cristina Barcelona 11:45 a.m., 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. The Women 11 a.m., 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10. Majestic Crest Theater, 1262 Westwood Bl, (310) 474-7866. Vicky Cristina Barcelona 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:45. Mann Bruin, 948 Broxton Av, (310) 208-8998. Righteous Kill 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:40, 10:10. Mann Festival 1, 10887 Lindbrook Av, (310) 208-4575. Ghost Town noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. Mann Village, 961 Broxton Av, (310) 208-5576. Lakeview Terrace 11:50 a.m., 2:40, 5:20, 8, 10:40.

HANNAH MONTANA

WALT DISN E Y STUDIO S H OME E NT E RTAINME NT

MOVIES AND MORE!

CAMP ROCK

24DVD

Explodes with bonus features including an extended never-before-seen ending and “How To Be A Rock Star” — a sensational series full of tips and secrets from the CAMP ROCK cast! Blu-ray also available!

DVD

© Disney

The sold-out concert event that rocked the nation available for a limited time only in a two-disc extended edition with a 3-D concert experience. So real it’s like having a backstage pass! Blu-ray also available!

WALT DISN E Y STUDIO S H OME E NT E RTAINME NT

AMC Santa Monica 7, 1310 Third Street Promenade, (310) 395-3030. Appaloosa Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:20; Mon-Thur 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45; MonThur noon, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:20. Ghost Town Fri-Sun 11:10 a.m., 1:40, 4:15, 7, 9:30; Mon-Thur 12:05, 2:30, 5, 7:35, 9:55. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:40, 5:20, 8, 10:45; Mon-Wed 1:30, 4:15, 6:50, 9:30; Thur 1:30, 4:15, 9:45. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Righteous Kill Fri-Sun 11:50 a.m., 2:30, 5:15, 7:50, 10:30; MonTue 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50; Wed-Thur 1:15, 4:20. Tropic Thunder Fri-Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:20, 5, 7:40, 10:35; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:35, 7:10, 9:35. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:45, 4:20, 7:20, 10; Mon-Thur 1:40, 4:25, 7:05, 9:40. Laemmle’s Monica 4-Plex, 1332 Second St, (310) 394-9741. Elegy 1:50, 7:10. Flow 1, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 10. Frozen River 1:30, 4:10, 7:20, 9:45. Man on Wire 1:40, 4:20, 7, 9:25. Sukiyaki Western Django 4:30, 9:50. Loews Cineplex Broadway, 1441 Third Street Promenade, (310) 4581506. Death Race Fri-Sun 10:10; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:35, 7:05, 9:25. Igor Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 1:05, 3:10, 5:15, 7:25, 9:30; Mon-Thur 2:55, 5:05, 7:10, 9:20. Vicky Cristina Barcelona Fri-Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:05, 4:30, 7:15, 9:45; Mon-Thur 2:30, 4:45, 7:15, 9:25. The Women Fri-Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:50, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15; Mon-Thur 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Mann Criterion, 1313 Third Street Promenade, (310) 395-1599. Bangkok Dangerous Fri-Tue 2:40, 7:40. The Dark Knight 12:20, 3:40, 7:10, 10:20. The House Bunny 11:40 a.m., 2:10, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. Mamma Mia! Fri-Tue 12:10, 5:10, 10. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat noon, 1:20, 2:30, 3:50, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9, 10:10, 11:30; Sun-Thur noon, 1:20, 2:30, 3:50, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9, 10:10. Pineapple Express 2:20, 8. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Traitor 11:50 a.m., 5, 10:10.

Thur 12:25, 2:55, 5:30, 8:05, 10:40. The House Bunny Fri-Sat 10:25 a.m., 12:55, 3:30, 7:25, 10:10; SunWed 12:55, 3:30, 7:25, 10:10; Thur 12:55, 3:30. Igor Fri-Sun 10 a.m., 12:35, 3:15, 5:35, 7:50, 10:20; Mon-Thur 12:35, 3:15, 5:35, 7:50, 10:15. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sat 9:40 a.m., 11 a.m., 12:20, 1:40, 3, 4:30, 5:45, 7:10, 8:30, 10, 11:15, 12:40 a.m.; Sun 9:40 a.m., 11 a.m., 12:20, 1:40, 3, 4:30, 5:45, 7:10, 8:30, 10, 11:05; Mon-Thur 12:20, 1:40, 3, 4:30, 5:45, 7:10, 8:30, 10, 11:05. Mamma Mia! Fri-Sun 10:30 a.m., 1:20, 4:20, 7:05, 9:50; Mon 1; Tue 12:15, 2:50, 9:55; Wed 12:15, 2:50, 10:45; Thur 12:15, 2:50, 5:25, 8:15. The Metropolitan Opera: Opening Night Gala Mon only, 6. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 1:10, 2:20, 5, 7, 7:45, 10:25, 12:30 a.m.; Sun 11:30 a.m., 1:10, 2:20, 5, 7, 7:45, 10:25; MonThur 1:10, 2:20, 5, 7, 7:45, 10:25. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Righteous Kill Fri-Sat 10:35 a.m., noon, 2:35, 3:50, 5:15, 8:10, 9:45, 11, 12:15 a.m.; Sun 10:35 a.m., noon, 2:35, 3:50, 5:15, 8:10, 9:45, 10:50; Mon-Thur noon, 2:35, 3:50, 5:15, 8:10, 9:45, 10:50. Traitor Fri-Sun 11:15 a.m., 2, 4:50, 7:35, 10:15; Mon 12:05, 5:05, 10:20; Tue-Thur 12:05, 5:05, 7:40, 10:20. Tropic Thunder Fri-Sun 11:20 a.m., 2:10, 5:10, 7:55, 10:45; MonThur 12:10, 2:45, 5:20, 7:55, 10:35. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sat 10:40 a.m., 1:25, 4:15, 7, 9:40, 12:20 a.m.; Sun 10:40 a.m., 1:25, 4:15, 7, 9:40; Mon-Tue 1:25, 4:15, 7, 9:40; Wed-Thur 1:25, 4:15, 10:45. Laemmle’s Music Hall 3, 9036 Wilshire Bl, (310) 274-6869. David & Fatima Fri 5:30, 8:15; Sat-Sun noon, 2:45, 5:30, 8:15; Mon-Thur 5:30, 8:15. Elegy Fri 5:20, 8; Sat noon, 2:40, 5:20, 8; Sun 2:40, 5:20, 8; MonThur 5:20, 8. Maria Stuarda Sun only, 11 a.m.. Yella Fri 5, 7:20, 9:30; Sat-Sun 12:10, 2:35, 5, 7:20, 9:30; MonThur 5, 7:20, 9:30. Laemmle’s Sunset 5 Theatre, 8000 Sunset Bl, (323) 848-3500. Flow 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 10. A Girl Cut in Two 1, 4, 7, 9:45. Hounddog 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 10. Save Me 1:30, 4:20, 7:10, 9:55. Take Out 12:45, 2:55, 5:10, 7:35, 10. Beverly Center 13 Cinemas, 8522 Beverly Blvd., Suite 835, (310) 652-7760. Babylon A.D. 12:30, 5:10, 9:40. Bangkok Dangerous 12:50, 3:10, 5:20, 7:50, 10:10. The Dark Knight noon, 1, 3, 4:05, 6, 7, 9, 10. Disaster Movie 1:10, 3:20, 5:10, 7:10, 9:20. Hamlet 2 12:50, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 10. The House Bunny 1, 3, 5, 7:20, 9:40. Iron Man 2:30, 7:10. Mamma Mia! 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 6:50, 9:10. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 noon, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:20. Step Brothers 1:10, 3:10, 5:30, 7:30, 9:50. Traitor 12:20, 2:40, 5, 7:30, 9:50. Vicky Cristina Barcelona 12:40, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:10. WALL-E 12:10, 2:10, 4:20, 6:40, 8:50.

WALT DISN E Y STUDIO S H OME E NT E RTAINME NT

SANTA MONICA

© Disney

SALE ENDS 10/3/08

NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS ’

27DVD

Now digitally restored and remastered with state-of-the-art technology, THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS is deeper, darker and more brilliant than ever! Blu-ray also available! © Disney

WOODLAND HILLS, WEST HILLS, TARZANA AMC Promenade 16, 21801 Oxnard St, Woodland Hills, (818) 8832262. Bangkok Dangerous Fri-Sat 12:50, 5:35, 10:20; Sun 12:50, 5:35, 10:10; Mon-Thur 2:20, 7:20. Burn After Reading Fri-Sat 10:45 a.m., 12:10, 1:05, 2:30, 3:30, 4:55, 5:55, 7:20, 8:20, 9:45, 10:50; Sun 10:45 a.m., 12:10, 1:05, 2:30, 3:30, 4:55, 5:55, 7:15, 8:20, 9:40; Mon-Thur 1:05, 2:25, 3:30, 4:50, 5:55, 7:15, 8:20, 9:35. The Dark Knight Fri-Sat 12:15, 3:35, 7:05, 10:30; Sun 12:15, 3:35, 7, 10:20; Mon-Thur 1:25, 4:45, 8:15.

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OCTOBER 15TH – 26TH, 2008 EVENT

DAY

DATE

1 2 3

No-Limit Hold’em No-Limit Hold’em E.O. (1/2 Stud H/L 1/2 Omaha H/L) No-Limit Hold’em ESPN Shootout

Wed. Thurs. Fri.

Oct. 15th Oct. 16th Oct. 17th

Sat.

Oct. 18th

5:15pm

$100 +$20

No

No-Limit Hold’em No-Limit Hold’em No-Limit Hold’em DeepStack No-Limit Hold’em DeepStack

Sun. Mon. Tues.

Oct. 19th Oct. 20th Oct. 21st

5:15pm 7:15pm 7:15pm

$100 +$25 $100 +$25 $200 +$30

Multi One No

9 10

No-Limit Hold’em H.O.R.S.E.

Thurs. Fri

Oct. 23rd Oct. 24th

7:15pm 7:15pm

$100 +$25 $200 +$30

Multi No

11

No-Limit Hold’em Mega Super Satellite No-Limit Hold’em

Sat.

Oct. 25th

11:00am

$100 +$20

No

Sat.

Oct. 25th

5:15pm

$1500 +$80

No

Sun.

Oct. 26th

5:15pm

4 5 6 7 8

12a

TIME

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$100 +$25 $200 +$30 $200 +$30

Multi No No

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$10,000 **

WSOP Seat + Cash!

$50,000 5,000

Starting Chips

Wed.

Oct. 22nd

7:15pm

$300 +$40

5,000

No

Starting Chips

(Main Event-2 Day Event)

12b

$100,000

$50,000 10,000

Starting Chips

(Main Event-2nd Day) D a il y Sa t e lli t es b egin M o n d a y, O c t o b e r 13 t h a t 2:00 p m W e e k d a ys & 12:00 N o o n W e e k e n ds Sa t e l l i t e buy-i n s r a n ge f r o m $40 t O $120.

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Disaster Movie Fri-Sat 10:40 a.m., 3:20, 8:05; Sun 10:40 a.m., 3:20, 8; Mon-Thur 4:55, 10. Ghost Town Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 7:15, 9:50; Sun 11:30 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 7:10, 9:50; Mon-Thur 1:55, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45. The House Bunny Fri-Sat 12:30, 2:55, 5:25, 7:55, 10:25; Sun 12:30, 2:55, 5:25, 7:50, 10:15; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:45, 7:25, 9:55. Igor Fri-Sat 10:35 a.m., 12:55, 3:15, 5:40, 8, 10:35; Sun 10:35 a.m., 12:55, 3:15, 5:40, 7:55, 10:25; Mon-Thur 1, 3:15, 5:35, 7:50, 10:10. Lakeview Terrace Fri 10:50 a.m., 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:45, midnight; Sat 10:50 a.m., 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:50; Sun 10:50 a.m., 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:45; Mon-Thur 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:40. Mamma Mia! Fri-Sat 11:10 a.m., 1:50, 4:25, 7:10, 9:55; Sun 11:10 a.m., 1:50, 4:25, 7:05, 9:55; Mon-Thur 1:50, 4:25, 7:05, 9:50. The Metropolitan Opera: Opening Night Gala Mon-Wed 6. My Best Friend’s Girl Fri-Sat 10:30 a.m., 12:35, 3:10, 5:45, 8:25, 11; Sun 10:30 a.m., 12:35, 3:10, 5:45, 8:15, 10:30; Mon-Thur 1:45, 4:20, 7, 9:30. Rent Filmed Live on Broadway Wed-Thur 7. Righteous Kill Fri 11:45 a.m., 1:30, 2:50, 4:10, 5:30, 6:45, 8:10, 9:20, 10:45, 11:50; Sat 11 a.m., 12:20, 1:30, 2:50, 4:10, 5:30, 6:45, 8:10, 9:20, 10:45; Sun 11 a.m., 12:20, 1:30, 2:50, 4:10, 5:30, 6:45, 8:10, 9:20; Mon-Tue 1:35, 2:30, 4:10, 5:05, 6:45, 7:45, 9:20, 10:15; Wed-Thur 1:35, 2:30, 4:10, 5:05, 7:45, 10:15. Tropic Thunder Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 2:05, 4:45, 7:25, 10:10; Sun 11:30 a.m., 2:05, 4:45, 7:20, 9:55; Mon-Thur 2:05, 4:40, 7:20, 9:50. Tyler Perry’s the Family That Preys Fri-Sun 10:55 a.m., 1:40, 4:20, 7:10, 10; Mon-Thur 1:40, 4:20, 7:10, 10:05. The Women Fri-Sat 11:20 a.m., 2, 4:40, 7:30, 10:15; Sun 11:20 a.m., 2, 4:40, 7:25, 10:10; Mon-Thur 2, 4:35, 7:25, 10:15. Laemmle’s Fallbrook 7 Cinemas, Fallbrook Mall, 6731 Fallbrook Av, West Hills, (818) 340-8710. American Son Sat only, 10 a.m. Bottle Shock Fri-Sun 1:30, 4:10, 7:30; Mon-Thur noon, 2:30, 5:10, 8:30. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:15; MonThur 1:20, 3:50, 6:20, 8:50. Frozen River Fri-Sun 1:55, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40; Mon-Thur 12:30, 2:55, 5:40, 8:10. Righteous Kill Fri-Sun noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Mon-Thur 1, 3:30, 6, 8:30. Take Out Fri-Sun 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 9:55; Mon-Thur 1:10, 3:40, 6:10, 8:40. Vicky Cristina Barcelona Fri-Sun 1:50, 4:30, 7, 9:20; Mon-Thur 12:20, 2:50, 5:30, 8. The Women Fri-Sun 1:40, 4:30, 7:20, 10:10; Mon-Thur 12:10, 2:40, 5:30, 8:20.

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THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre, Santa Monica, (323) 466-3456. Aerotheatre.com. Double Feature – Harold and Maude, 7:30; followed by The Man who Shot Chinatown: The Life and Work of John A. Alonzo. American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre Los Angeles Latino International Film Festival ; for information, go to latinofilm.org or call (323) 469-9066 CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre, Hollywood, (323) 655-2520. Silentmovietheatre.com. Word Is Born: Hip-Hop at the Movies, 1979-1984 – Style Wars, 8; followed by Stations of the Elevated and All City. New Beverly Cinema, L.A., (323) 938-4038. Newbevcinema.com. Encounters at the End of the World, 7:30; In the Shadow of the Moon, 9:30.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre 25th Anniversary: A Tribute to the Qatsi Trilogy – Koyaanisqatsi, 7:30; with the shorts Evidence and Anima Mundi. Discussion in between films with director Godfrey Reggio.

LACITYBEAT 32 SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008

American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre Los Angeles Latino International Film Festival; for information, go to latinofilm.org or call (323) 469-9066 CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Beatty in the 1960s – Mickey One, 7:30. When Cougars Attack – My Tutor, 10. L.A. County Museum of Art, Leo S. Bing Theatre, L.A., (323) 857-6010. Lacma.org. The Tales of Eric Rohmer – La Collectionneuse, 7:30; Pauline at the Beach, 9:10. New Beverly Cinema Some Like it Hot, 7:30; Tootsie, 9:50. Reservoir Dogs, 11:59.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre Double Feature – Powaqqatsi, 7:30; followed by Naqoyqatsi. Discussion in between films with director Godfrey Reggio. American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre Roman Polanski Double Feature – Rosemary's Baby; 7:30; followed by Chinatown. Book signing with author Christopher Sanford at 6:30 preceding the screening. CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Viva Pedro! – Matador, 5; followed by Live Flesh. HolyFuckingShit: Christploitation – Geronimo, 10; followed by Ordinary Guy. L.A. County Museum of Art, Leo S. Bing Theatre, The Tales of Eric Rohmer – Full Moon in Paris, 7:30; followed by A Summer's Tale, 9:20. New Beverly Cinema Some Like it Hot, 2:55, 7:30; Tootsie, 5:15, 9:50. The Keep, 11:59. UCLA Film & Television Archive at the Billy Wilder Theater, Hammer Museum, 10899 Wilshire Bl, L.A., Info: (310) 206-3456 or cinema.ucla.edu/calendar. Remembering Dini Ostrov – His Girl Friday, 7:30.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre Sneak Preview! Director In-Person! – Choke, 7:30. Discussion following with actor/director Clark Gregg. American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre Art Directors Society Screening – The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1938), 5:30. Fifteen minute DVD presentation preceding the screening; discussion after film. New Beverly Cinema Decision at Sundown, 4:10, 7:30; Buchanan Rides Alone, 5:50; Al’s Beef, 3:15, 10:50. UCLA Film & Television Archive at the Billy Wilder Theater, Hammer Museum Shoot on Site: Architecture in Film – Five, 7; followed by The Trial (1963).

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 New Beverly Cinema Decision at Sundown, 7:30; Buchanan Rides Alone, 9:10; Al’s Beef, 6:30, 10:50.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Special Tuesday Event – Delicious Vinyl Presents: L.A. Old-Skool, 19821989, 8. L.A. County Museum of Art, Leo S. Bing Theatre, Tuesday Matinee – Summer Holiday, 1. New Beverly Cinema Decision at Sundown, 7:30; Buchanan Rides Alone, 9:10; Al’s Beef, 6:30, 10:50.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre German Currents: New Films from Germany Focus on Bavaria – A Year in Winter (Im Winter ein Jahr), 7. Producer Ushi Reich will introduce the screening. CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Lost Worlds – Red Heroine, 8. With live musical accompaniment from the Devil Music Ensemble. New Beverly Cinema Repulsion, 7:30; Macbeth (1971), 9:35.

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SONIC NATION The thrill remains BY CHRIS MORRIS he blues isn’t dead, but the night nurse has to check its room every 15 minutes. It’s sad but true: The clock is ticking on this once-fertile genre. Nearly 20 years have elapsed since the last major revival of interest in blues music. Stevie Ray Vaughan’s chopper went down in 1990, the same year that the Robert Johnson box came out. The last bestselling black blues exponent, Robert Cray, released his breakthrough album 22 years ago, and is now more likely to be found playing Southern soul than anything resembling the blues. The ranks of the Old Masters have been thinned to a handful of talents who can profitably top the bill at a festival. The last of the titans is singer-guitarist B.B. King, who celebrated his 83rd birthday this past Tuesday. He began his recording career 59 years ago; eschewing R&B and rock ’n’ roll, he played nothing but straight blues to black audiences for 20 years before he finally reached mainstream audiences with “The Thrill Is Gone.” Though he attained icon status long ago and has worked with every rock star worth mentioning, he has stood by his guns, and continues to play nothing but the unadulterated shit – meanwhile racking up staggering frequent-flyer miles for an octogenarian. But old B. understands that the cosmic odometer is going to roll over pretty soon, and his last couple albums have sported a distinctly retrospective feel. Three years ago he released 80, another late-career guest-star clusterfuck that probed his deep catalog anew. His new album One Kind Favor (Geffen) is more personal – a kind of autobiography in song. It begins with the suitably mortality-infused “See That My Grave Is Kept Clean,” recorded by the blues’ original hitmaker, Texan Blind Lemon Jefferson, in October 1927, and ends with “Tomorrow Night,” a hit released by one of King’s principal influences, the fleet, jazzy singer-guitarist Lonnie Johnson, in 1948, the year before B.B made his first sides. The album also includes four songs originally cut by T-Bone Walker, the postwar electric guitarist whose single-string soloing served as the model for King’s meatier style. King also essays numbers by his ’40s Memphis contemporary Howlin’ Wolf, the popular ’30s pianist Leroy Carr, the primordial string band the Mississippi Sheiks, and Bessie Smith (whose “Backwater Blues” is mystifyingly credited to Lonnie Johnson). One Kind Favor was produced by T Bone Burnett, fresh off Raising Sand, his marvelous 2007 work with Alison Krauss and Robert Plant. While Burnett brings a nice, cloudy atmosphere to the proceedings, and understands the internal workings of antique musical styles (cf. O Brother, Where Art Thou?), the record is not perfect. The horndraped arrangements are sometimes busier than they have to be, and Burnett’s preferred drummer Jim Keltner displays an annoying unwillingness to swing that drags down some of the performances. But it’s B.B.’s thing, and he rises to the occasion. He is so often lauded for his guitar playing that it’s easy to forget what an impassioned singer he is, and he delivers one all-in performance after another here. In particular, his versions of the T-Bone Walker songs “I Get So Weary,” “Waiting for Your Call,” and “Midnight Blues” absolutely blow down the originals. Taken at a seven-minute-plus crawl, “Backwater Blues,” a tune inspired by the 1927 Mississippi flood, is so compellingly sung that you can almost feel the water rising up to your waist. And the album capper “Tomorrow Night” takes what was really little more than a pop song in the hands of Lonnie Johnson (and Elvis Presley) and turns it into something profoundly felt. Yes, they still say the blues never dies, but if it’s gotta go out – and if B.B.’s gotta go out – this is the way to head for the exits. This lovely valedictory work, dark and affecting, is eminently worthy of your ears.

T

Chris Morris hosts Watusi Rodeo on Indie 103.1 every Sunday at 9 a.m.

MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUSES The Key Club makes Tuesdays fun again BY NATHAN SOLIS hoegaze has come a long way from dark and secretive clubs in the U.K. Fortunately for us in sunny California, where flip-flops make the practice difficult if not unsightly, we don’t have to worry about all of that other stuff – thenewno2 have it down solid and have a Tuesday night residency at the Key Club. Vocal stylings range from a dimmer-sounding Of Montreal mixed with Neutral Milk Hotel, and the guitars seem to glide over choruses emitted by two guys, Dhani Harrison – yes, that Harrison – and Oliver Hecks. The pair doesn’t necessarily embody the shoegazer ethos, but songs like “Another John Doe” reclaim the vague feeling of a film noir marathon that is the genre’s speciality. And that’s great, because their fans range from pompous guys at Guitar Center who tell you to stay away from guitar pedals to kids just getting into staring at their shoes in public. Expect attendees of a certain age to exclaim, “Oh, he does look like his father!” four or five times, but that shouldn’t belittle thenewno2’s enormity of talent, nor their goofy hardware. Massed on plates supported by thin stalks looking for all the world like massed parking meters are the band’s vocal distortion touch pads, which Harrison uses to enthrall the crowd, bouncing back and forth between mumbling “Gurl” to drawling out each syllable on “Crazy Tuesday.” Fans can expect to get all the fixins from the new album You Are Here, especially a long, mesmerizing vibe of fat bass lines and undulating synthesizer runs. Since hypnosis is the name of this game, expect a lot of soulful staring into shoes. Or flip-flops. ➤

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KASEY CHAMBERS & SHANE NICHOLSON

Kasey Chambers and her husband, Shane Nicholson celebrate their new CD Rattlin’ Bones with a live show and CD signing! (CD is out 9/16 on Sugar Hill Records).

On Sept. 16, Army Navy opened for the residents. Thoughts of Guided by Voices and Elvis Costello ran through the playlist in my head. There isn’t a bad thought in this band’s repertoire, which sports a power pop signature that could be confused for what the Deadly Syndrome was doing last year in Silver Lake and Echo Park. Army Navy claim Seattle, Los Angeles, and Elsewhere as homeports, but that just means they have a lot of friends. “Saints” and “My Thin Sides,” in particular, are mash notes to power pop fans. Better still, mainstream notice is on the way, because they’ll be featured in the upcoming Michael Cera movie Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. Don’t let hipsters be the first to claim this band as their own oasis of change in a sameness desert. The Heartstring Symphony, who are opening this Tuesday, are on a crest that will douse any doubt steel drums can and do flirt on the higher plane of sound, while igniting suspicions singer Heather Porcaro could have been Chrissie Hynde in another life. The band is jazz pugilism in a ring dominated with tropical wrestlers. Songs like “People, What Is Human” feature Porcaro’s sandpaper voice dipping low while a brush scratches a drumhead and we all exhale with collective glee. Dhani Harrison provides backup vocals from time to time, so consider it a privilege to be at the Key Club when Heartstring Symphony opens up for thenewno2. Jazz, tropical, pop, whatever. Call them what you will, but don’t miss them. Key Club, 9039 W. Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood. Just be sure not to park in that area that says “Don’t Park Here.” They’re not fucking around.

ETRAN FINATAWA

Among the grasslands of the Sahel and the shifting dunes of the Sahara desert, two legendary nomadic peoples, are joined together in the raunchy guitars and haunting voices of Etran Finatawa. Their new CD Desert Crossroads is out now!Performing live September 25th at the Japan American Community and Cultural Center.

Metallica

POP LEVI

His new album Never Never Love is out now on Counter/ Ninja Tune. “Stomping infectious glam rock has never sounded so tightly wound and yet so sexily loose at the same time. He’s proggy, he’s pretentious, he’s preposterous. But he’s pretty great too.” — NME

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MURS

Amoeba is proud to endorse the release of Murs for President! Join us for a live performance, Rock the Vote voter registration, limited-edition Murs fan packs and more! The album drops September 30th on Warner Brothers Records — tune into Amoeba.com for continuing coverage…

DARKER MY LOVE

There’s a new sheen at play here, courtesy of studio guru, Dave Cooley (Silversun Pickups, J Dilla), allowing the sunburnt harmonies to part through the sonic squall like an indie rock Moses. A sophomore record in every sense of the word, 2 is out now on Dangerbird Records.

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Death Magnetic (Warner Bros.) Playa-haters out there have been working themselves into lathers over this latest release from metal’s once mighty kings. Metallica’s first album in five years, Death Magnetic pens a new chapter in the band’s story: a continuation of the thrash-hard rock hybrid they began in 1991 with the release of their multiplatinum-selling “black album.” Detractors have accused them ever since, and with unfettered glee, of losing their mojo. But something’s different this time. Unlike recent Metallica albums, which saw the group flailing to balance artistic growth with its bank ledger, the new one sees producer Rick Rubin applying his counsel and bone-dry sound to the proceedings – the same he’s used with Slayer over the course of most of their career – and encouraging the group to pursue the breakneck-speed riffs of their youth, to reawaken their teenaged demons. (I imagine Rubin bringing out high-school desks for Metallica to sit at, and encouraging them to draw little gravestones and monster heads to their hearts’ content.) Now all in their late 40s, it’s still a little weird to hear guys as old as singer James Hetfield shouting “Suicide! I’ve already died!” as deathobsessed as goth kids. Make no mistake, this is a collection of very dark, very lengthy songs in the vein of 1988’s …And Justice for All. Half of the time, listeners will be playing spot-the-influence from that one, and the band’s other ’80s albums – the new “The Day That Never Comes” couldn’t sound more like “Fade to Black” if it tried – but the rest will be marveling why Metallica hasn’t sounded this bold in so long: Guitarist Kirk Hammett, sounding like a man unchained, solos to the outer limits of his fingers’ ability, and drummer Lars Ulrich revisits some of his greatest “hits.” On the best songs, such as “All Nightmare Long” and “The Judas Kiss,” the band sounds rejuvenated and reborn, ready to slap some hater ass six feet under. –Joshua Sindell

Various Artists …Product (Coco Machete) If there’s one thing dance music in the 21st century has shown us, it’s that disco and punk make a marvelously cantankerous couple. Fighting and screwing with equal tenacity, they have spawned a noisy brood of genre mutants such as indie dance, nu disco, electro-thrash, and break-punk. … Product, a mix album curated by hot-as-hell New York DJ Spencer Product, is a seat-soiling showcase of talent born of this recent reunification of rock and rave. Some tracks are raw and woundingly visceral, others crisp, sleek, and Joy Division-istic. Spencer mixes a fierce sampling of bang, boom, bip, and funk. As …Product is mainly a collection of artists remixing other artists, explaining who did what to which song would take up far too many of these precious 150 words. The must-mentions include: the garage-rock bomb “Pick Me Up Uppercut” (by English “mocker” Pop Levi) zapped with synthetic spark by Dirt Lab; and the Risk gently fondling Matt and Kim’s “No More Long Years” into Euro-electro ecstasy. –Ramie Becker

Julie Doiron Loneliest in the Morning (Jagjaguwar) Dainty yet hard-bitten femmes were all the go in 1997 when Sub Pop released this winsome minor masterpiece. The New Brunswick-born Doiron debuted on the indie powerhouse back in ’90 with Eric’s Trip, her onetime boyfriend’s band, and lasted until this second solo album, recorded with the light-heavyweight likes of Giant Sand’s Howe Gelb and David Shouse of the Grifters. This is less a standard-brand indie rock album than a little idiosyncratic universe, with ditties like “Crying Baby” and “Tonight We Sleep” engaging the listener with their felt and sharply-observed glimpses of the extraordinariness of everyday life. This is the kind of record that fulfills in spades indie’s founding promise of anti-commercial art, which is probably why its cult was so slow to build. The Jagjaguwar re-release (and we can do with many, many more such from the Clinton-era vaults) features three bonus tracks looting the artist’s extensive non-LP catalog, including two 2000 songs from Julie Doiron and the Wooden Stars, each a delightful serving of melodic marzipan. –Ron Garmon

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NIGHTBEAT

CARCASS

Liverpool’s greatest death metal export, Carcass treated the brutal musical form as its petri dish: All of its “tunes” dealt with diseases of and relating to the human body, with such albums as Necroticism: Descanting the Insalubrious and Heartwork finding singer-bassist Jeff Walker growling his way through lyrics that sounded more appropriate to a medical examiner’s notes than in a pop song. That the group’s guitarists, Bill Steer and Michael Amott, were considered among the most talented in the genre certainly didn’t hurt the group’s standing either. Now, after a break of nearly a decade, Carcass has re-formed to play to a generation that never saw them in the mid ’90s, and the group has brought along on this tour international support bands to challenge their hegemony: Finland’s furious Rotten Sound and Norway’s blisteringly-fast black-metal stars 1349 make this night the stuff fans’ dreams – or nightmares – are made of. –Joshua Sindell Thurs. at House of Blues Sunset Strip, 8430 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, hob.com. With Suffocation, 1349, Aborted, and Rotten Sound.

THIS WEEK’S HIGHLIGHTS THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 C Money and the Players Inc., Delsoniq, Rocky Dawuni, Money Mark. Top-flight hip-hop stars rock the mic. Key Club, West Hollywood, keyclub.com. Foals, Health. British newbies Foals play minimalist tunes; local phenoms Health combine weird synths and mesmerizing drone-rock. El Rey Theatre, Miracle Mile, theelrey.com. Miles Hunt & Erica Nockalls/Wayne Hussey. Former Wonder Stuff and Mission mainmen go solo. Knitting Factory, Hollywood, knittingfactory.com. The Joneses, Prima Donna. Strutting punk rockers double-team Hollywood. Knitting Factory. Lenka. Aussie pop singer/folkie continues her residency. Hotel Cafe, Hollywood, hotelcafe.com. Mandi Perkins. Rising Canadian pop singer. The Troubadour, West Hollywood, troubadour.com. The Ringers, The Knives. CD-release party for the dudes in the Ringers; Nick Oliveri and his Knives support. The Roxy, West Hollywood, theroxyonsunset.com. These Arms Are Snakes, SBach. Art-metal to make ears ring. Spaceland, Silver Lake, clubspaceland.com. Teddy Thompson. Teddy, son of Richard and Linda Thompson, goes the “plaintive singer” route. With Lucy Wainwright Roche, and the Grey Race. Largo, Los Angeles, largo-la.com. Tokyo Police Club, The Whigs. Loud alt-rockers from Canada and Georgia. Music Box @ Fonda, Hollywood, henryfondatheatre.com. Vampire Weekend. White Williams, Abe Vigoda. Afro-poppers with tuneful short songs, now overplayed. With White Williams, and Abe Vigoda. The Wiltern, Los Angeles, livenation.com.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 The Bangles, Berlin featuring Terri Nunn, The Motels featuring Martha Davis. Ladies’ night, and the feelin’s right. L.A. County Fair, Pomona Fairplex, lacountyfair.com. Children of Bodom, Between the Buried and Me, The Black Dahlia Murder. Rising metal Swedes Children of Bodom headline the second-best metal night of the week (see Carcass, above). The Wiltern. Danielia Cotton. Early show from N.Y.-based rock ’n’ soul singer-guitarist with plenty o’ buzz. 7 p.m. Hotel Cafe, Hollywood, hotelcafe.com. Digable Planets. Reformed jazzy hip-hoppers create organized fusion. El Rey Theatre. A Flock of Seagulls. Finally, a band known for its songs and not its hairstyles. Oh, wait … . Knitting Factory. Billy Idol. Will they still want “more, more, more”? House of Blues Sunset Strip, West Hollywood, hob.com. Man Man, Crystal Antlers. Eclectic, experimental rock from Philly’s Man Man; plus Crystal Antlers’s live show is the bomb-diggity. The Echoplex, Echo Park, attheecho.com. Samantha Ronson. Lindsay Lohan’s fiancee spins tunes, sings? Plus Supersonic Jets. The Roxy. The Wedding Present, Earlimart. Still going after 20+ years, the Wedding Present released El Rey this year. Plus alt-poppers Earlimart. The Troubadour.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 Beck, Spoon, MGMT. Off-kilter bands rocking the Hollywood hills. Hollywood Bowl, Hollywood, hollywoodbowl.com. The Briggs. Punks play an acoustic set. Knitting Factory. Liam Finn, The Veils. Liam Finn (son of Neil) joins forces with London art-rockers the Veils. The Echoplex. Al Green, Gladys Knight. Sweet soul music under the stars. Greek Theatre, Griffith Park, greektheatrela.com. Kidneythieves, The Dreaming. Dark-rocking bands with angst to spare. The Roxy. The Neville Brothers. More sweet soul, New Orleans-style. House of Blues Sunset Strip. Jessica Simpson. She’s a little bit country these days. A little bit. L.A. County Fair. Throw Rag, Lower Class Brats, Roger Miret & the Disasters, Static Thought, Viva Hate. Ragged punk and rock all-dayer. Doors: 2 p.m. Crash Mansion, downtown L.A., crashmansionla.com. Vains of Jenna, Confederacy of Horsepower. Tattooed love boys hold court. Whisky a Go-Go, West Hollywood, whiskyagogo.com.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 Del tha Funkee Homosapien. Hip-hop’s most multifaceted. Key Club. DJ Muggs. Cypress Hill man showcases new solo work. Whisky a Go-Go. Goldfrapp. Sexy British electronica. (The best kind.) Orpheum Theatre, downtown L.A., laorpheum.com. Grand Ol’ Echo. The hoedown begins at 5 p.m. with guests I See Hawks in L.A., and more. The Echo, Echo Park, attheecho.com. Hot Chip, IO Echo. British electro-pop, but not so sexy, really. The Wiltern. Also Mon. My Morning Jacket. Jim James and his Kentucky dudes showcase songs from their outstanding Evil Urges album. Greek Theatre. Ozomatli, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Lila Downs, Nortec Collective presents Bostich + Fussible. World and hip-hop beats from outstanding artists. Hollywood Bowl.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 CSS, Tilly and the Wall, SSION. Brazilians CSS electroclash most awesomely; Tilly and the Wall tap dance to the rock; plus glam-punkers SSION. Mayan Theatre, downtown L.A., clubmayan.com. Also Tues. Does It Offend You, Yeah? Sometimes, to be completely honest with you. The Troubadour. Fleet Foxes, Frank Fairfield. Gentle rock from beige Northwesterners. El Rey Theatre. Also Tues. The Raconteurs. Jack White, Brendan Benson and the others rock most melodically. Plus the Kills. Greek Theatre. Also Tues.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 The Bird and the Bee, The Lady Tigra, Willoughby, Electrocute, The Hard Place, Polyamorous Affair, Wolfkin. Local stars hold a political rally/benefit for some Obama guy. Spaceland. Brant Bjork. That no-count, low desert punk plays low-riding, stoner jams. The Echoplex. Amy Macdonald. 19-year-old Scottish singer influenced by Travis, and the Libertines. The Troubadour. Okkervil River, Sea Wolf. The alt-country band’s new one is called The Stand Ins. Music Box @ Fonda.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 Brazilian Girls, The Submarines. Luscious Sabina Sciubba leads N.Y. electro-pop crew Brazilian Girls; L.A. duo the Submarines are swimming nicely thanks to hit song “You, Me, and the Bourgoisie.” The Wiltern. Carney. Classic-rock-honoring L.A. bunch. The Troubadour. Cold War Kids. Fullerton rockers are back to prove their hit debut album was no fluke. Music Box @ Fonda. The Hives, Eagles of Death Metal. Who’s more rock? Howlin’ Pelle of the Hives or Eagles’ mainman Jesse “Boots Electric” Hughes? Oh, it’s on. The Mayan. Also Thur. Obituary, Unleashed, Carnifex. Death metal a go-go. House of Blues Sunset Strip. Solas. Irish/Celtic music traditionalists. El Rey Theatre. Dave Stewart and his 30-Piece Rock Fabulous Orchestra. The former Eurythmic tries out a new suit. The Roxy.

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CLUBLAND

BACK TO SCHOOL WITH THE REV. DR. ROCK: BY RON GARMON So You Wanna Be a Rock ’n’ Roll Snob? Here at the Beat, scarcely the day passes without a freight of unsolicited media, some diverting, others mere ballast. Last week came a pompous paperback tome titled 1,000 Recordings to Hear Before You Die that’s given me hours of hoots since. The book is credited to Tom Moon, music critic at the Philly Inquirer, but the entries (to say nothing of the text) read as if selected by a committee of double-earhole amputees. On the rock side, there are some well-chosen cult items (Skip Spence’s incredible Oar, The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway by Genesis, Neu ’75!) considered in ways that don’t ring every cliche bell, but why bother with Machine Head if you’re going to claw up a load of Old Famous like “Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water,” live wherever guitars are sold. You’ll weep to know it gets worse, with the notice of Five Leaves Left crediting Nick Drake with “a sound-world that stands apart from ‘folk’ or ‘rock” Yes, here in the Trade, we like to call it “Fuck,” a subdivision already plowed-over and condominiumized by the time Harry Mephistopheles appeared in a puff of sulfur at St. Nick’s elbow to bid him sign on the dotted. Ignorance of the entire 1960s folk-rock-psych milieu demonstrates the author simply doesn’t take his job seriously, perhaps forgivable if ever a laugh were dished-up. Unfortunately, even the generally shrewder choices in classical and jazz are betrayed by the impulse to create a canonical playlist at all. What’s a syllabus but a monument to a dead sense of humor? Hodad Shiver: I’d put the average age of the people around us at the Brian Wilson-a-palooza at the Hollywood Bowl last Saturday night at about 56, give or take a season, so my date and I had the charming experience of sitting with The Beach Boy’s original local fanbase as it saw yet another summer out by freezing its collective ass off. Allardis is from Georgia, talks in honeyed syllables, and made one stunned citizen mumble, “Son, yer a lucky man” at me when we emerged from the Red Line at Hollywood & Highland. A hiphop baby, she was nevertheless quite familiar with the stuff on the program, but no one smirks ironically at the L.A. Philharmonic. With John Morris Russell at the baton, the Phil unwound a short program of favorites selected by Brian, with their overture to Mozart’s Figaro coming off like a chilled bon-bon and Gershwin’s Girl Crazy overture shoving us rapturously further into the ambient deep-freeze. The genius himself waddled on, cheerful and goofy as ever, to skull-rattling applause, with him and the Phil handing the crowd the night’s best moment in their rendition of “Forever My Surfer Girl.” Joshua Sindell left his copy of Wilson’s new album That Lucky Old Sun around the office all week but this composition went unheard by me until it went off like everything I ever imagined about SMiLE back when it was just a rumor. All that old magic compound of joy, loneliness, longing, and freedom hung suspended in the air like a burst of temporary sunshine. Intermission came with a crash. Brian reappeared with his band for a Greatest Hits show after, his Jumbotron’d face occasionally registering absence from the platinum whirlwind, as if monitoring it from another dimension. “Barbara-Ann,” “Surfin’ USA” and “California Girls” all went down like oysters, then came the fireworks, which made Allardis and me smile as we cuddled for warmth. Thus was Summer ’08 saluted as it passed us by for good. The Atrocity Exhibition: Have you been burnt by the biz? Are you a Clubland pro with an unaired grievance? A played-not-paid musician, rippedoff DJ or club owner battling the bureaucrats down at Shitty Hall? Don’t think Obama will listen or Joe Biden care? Well, I, Ron Garmon, care. Probably too much and for essentially antisocial reasons. In any event, if any of the above applies to you, then I’m way more than ready to hear your end of it. Leave your dirty little secret or tale of industry woe at (323) 938-1700, ext. 209. In the words of that other eminent hillbilly, Jerry Lee Lewis, “Think about it.” ✶

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SKETCHES

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Dreams of Solvency: The fall season seemed to open with a whimper rather than a bang this round, with a certain uneasiness per vading the local commercial galler y scene. The recent market downturn pinches artists ever ywhere, putting the collector in a position of primacy and brining a shift back to museums and artists, which seems about bloody time. Though some galleries are closing and others moving, few are opening. Among those few is the opening of Otero Plassart on Sept. 26, by former Gagosian girl Martha Otero. The first show will feature Rob Wynne, Luis Gispert, and recent artistcum-auctioneer-cum-picture-factor y Damien Hirst in a rare Los Angeles appearance outside of LACMA or Gagosian’s ivor y tower in Beverly Hills. “Getting Out Our Dreams,” Otero Plassart, 820 N. Fair fax Ave. www. oteroplassart.com. Sept. 26-Nov. 1.

Delightful, De-Lovely Detritus: Though much of the art world already set out their wares, Venice (soon to be Culver City) galler y Cherry and Martin is opening a new show with local favorite Amanda Ross-Ho. Many artists attempt to turn the detritus of modern living into art, but there’s something particularly smart and strange about Ross-Ho’s collages and macrame, sculptures and photos. They’re layered and stratified, sometimes flattened together in ink jet prints, and often assembled in ways that look haphazard but show too many subtleties for mere accident. Amanda Ross-Ho, “Half of What I Say Is Meaningless,” Cherr y and Martin, 12611 Venice Blvd, www. cherr yandmartin.com. Opening reception Sat., Sept. 20, 6-9 p.m. Through Nov. 1.

Upsetting Pope Benny: One is tempted to regard Martin Kippenberger’s protean practice as haphazard too. The artist’s games, mischief, and endless irreverent references, along with the playful and polemical paintings, have made him one of the most influential European artists to come out of the 1990s. Besides his polemicism and sterling reputation as a party animal, Kippenberger’s reputation resounds in his ability, more than a decade after his early death, to piss off the pope with an image of a crucified frog. With what’s billed as his first major American museum exhibition opening this weekend at the MoCA, one wonders what took so long. “Martin Kippenberger: The Problem Perspective,” MoCA, 250 S. Grand Ave. www.moca.org. Sept. 21-Jan. 5.

Notes from the Underground: Though Kippenberger and Hirst are marketplace favorites (the nature of cash being unpredictable), L.A. artists in the bad old days of the ’90s kept up a grand tradition of apartment galleries, such as Bliss by Jorge Pardo, 1301 by Brian Butler, and now Apartment 2 by Kathr yn Andrews. The artist/ proprietor (ever yone’s a hybrid identity this days) has been putting on shows in her apartment in Highland Park sporadically for over a year now. With galleries circling the wagons, it’s these places like Apartment 2 from which most likely the next, best generation of L.A. artists will emerge. Apartment 2 opens Sept. 28 with work by recent CalArts grad Alex Olson. Alex Olson, “Exteriors, &,” Apartment 2, 2317 Merton Ave., apartment2.wordpress.com. Opens Sept. 28, 4-6 p.m. Through Nov. 2. --Andrew Berardini

DANCE OF THE HOURS

A HIPPOPOTAMUS PIROUETTING

Martin Kersels, ‘Heavyweight Champion’ of the world BY ANDREW BERARDINI he first thing you do is laugh. The laugh itself can take the form of a giggle, a snicker, or a guffaw. Each one of those laughs is not purely a laugh but a laugh mixed with something else: playfulness, cynicism, perhaps even arrogance. But the laugh transforms into something else when looking at the work of artist Martin Kersels. While the subtleties of his “jokes” slowly resonate, the laugh becomes something to stand on, to hide behind, to dodge when it’s thrown at you. The laugh becomes a sculpture. Actions often become objects in the work of Kersels, which is not to say that they become mere things for domestic portability or easy salability. His objects rarely hide their lineage, often moving themselves long after the artist has left the room. His solo exhibition, which opened last week at the Santa Monica Museum of Art (traveling from the Tang Museum at Skidmore College in New York where it originated), is full of actions and contraptions; movements made and movements still being made. Sound and music, things which reverberate long after the string has been plucked or the piano dragged, make regular cameos as well. Some odd facts about Kersels that are often overplayed in writing about him, but are perhaps worth mentioning: Martin Kersels started his career as a performer and member of the gleefully subversive performance troupe SHRIMPS. In the mid-’90s he turned toward artmaking with a performative bent after studying under Chris Burden and Paul McCarthy at UCLA. Kersels is roughly 6-foot-6 and over 300 pounds, a physique he endlessly pokes and prods at for effects equally comical and uncomfortable, this SMMoA survey being bombastically titled “Heavyweight Champion.” His actions of the ’90s, well-documented in photographs in the exhibition, fall somewhere between the deadpan absurdity of Allen

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Ruppersberg and (oddly) all the extreme body work of the ’70s. His friends really do smack him, he really does fall, when he trips those faceplants aren’t fake, each is done with all the flavor of slapstick and the simplicity of genius, but spiked with something a little humiliating and a slight bit awkward. Though documentation of various actions still plays a good part in his practice, over the years Kersels has been activating objects. A bastard stepson of Fischli and Weiss, Kersels produces objects that drag, collapse, boom, clank, and steam. At his last exhibition at ACME, the gallery space had the Spartan mise en scene of a Beckett play, and the items themselves felt storied and invitingly odd. The props to this were composed of a throne built of a patchwork of rocking chairs (large enough to accommodate the artist) and five lamps, a few of which have made their way into the survey, such as Charm (Little, little boy), 2006, made of wire in the shape of one of the first nuclear bombs with which it shares part of its name. Though it’s difficult to re-create these kinds of scenes in the museum, Kersels has made one major work for this exhibition, a collection of old and tarnished furniture topped with a white Modernist slab with red trim and specked with tiny trees. Rickety, 2007, will also become the site of two performances, one choreographed by longtime Kersels collaborator Melinda Ring and the other, a “Heavyweight Lecture Musicale,” delivered by the artist himself, which the copy promises “when words are not enough.” Martin Kersels has been living and working around Los Angeles his whole life from his youth in Playa del Rey to a long stint performing around the city with SHRIMPS to student days at UCLA and a teaching career at CalArts, so I was delighted that SMMoA decided to take the exhibition to his hometown. The

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museum survey will be supplemented Oct. 4 at a remodeled ACME at the 6150 Wilshire gallery complex where Kersels says there’ll be a movie of a plane flying apart, the plane itself, and a sculpture he describes as something between a sinking ship and a giant drum pedal. When I met Kersels in downbeat cafe and bakery in Old Town Pasadena, he explained the contents of his catalog, and included is the image of one piece that either didn’t get remade or didn’t make the cut for the exhibition. It was a photograph from 1995, from an exhibition at Dan Bernier Gallery in Santa Monica and currently in the collection of the MoCA, of a baby grand piano being dragged across the rough and uneven floor of a gallery with an electric winch bolted to the piano and pulling it toward a metal pole. The uneven floor of the gallery would occasionally cause a leg of the piano to get caught and slowly lean over before crashing upside down, amplified by mics in the piano. I can only imagine the precarious moment before the crash to be tense and exhilarating. Kersels leaned closely over the book and said he’d only caught it happening once, but that it looked like “a hippopotamus pirouetting.” This might be an essential metaphor for Kersels’s oeuvre to date. By “hippo,” I don’t even mean Kersels’s largerthan-life size and dissonant grace, but more his masterful ability to transform the awkward, the aggressive, and the sometimes violent into something light (or vice versa), without losing a shred of strange and noisy dignity. ✶ Martin Kersels, “Heavyweight Champion,” Santa Monica Museum of Art, Bergamot Station G1, 2525 Michigan Ave., Santa Monica. www.smmoa.org. Through Dec. 13. “Heavyweight Lecture Musicale” Tues., 7-9 p.m.

Agamemnon. Aeschylus’s declamator y tragedy, in a translation by Robert Fagles, should encompass more of the alfresco theater’s majestic amphitheater than it does in Stephen Wadsworth’s staging. Tyne Daly and Delroy Lindo play Clytemnestra and Agamemnon; the former is especially commanding. Getty Villa, Pacific Palisades. (310) 440-7300. getty.edu. Closes Sept. 27. A Bronx Tale. Chazz Palminteri’s solo tale of a boyhood torn between his devotion to the local Mafia wise guy and his hard-working bus driver father is still compelling – nearly early 20 years after its premiere in a small L.A. theater, a subsequent movie version directed by Robert De Niro, and this recent Broadway staging by Jerr y Zaks. Palminteri’s in fighting form, but the venue’s awfully big for a soloist – tr y to sit close to the stage. Wadsworth Theatre, Brentwood. (213) 365-3500. ticketmaster.com. Closes Sept. 21. The Four of Us. Itamar Moses examines the evolving friendship between two young men: a self-sufficient, wildly successful novelist (Ryan Johnston) and a neurotic, struggling, envious playwright (Steven Klein). The chronological sequence is distorted, but it’s engaging to put the pieces together in Michelle Tattenbaum’s staging for Firefly Theater and VS. Theatre. Moses avoids an opportunity for more memorable emotional fireworks near the end, but it reinforces one of the play’s points – that friendships among young men are often emotionally restricted and transient. Elephant Theatre Lab, Hollywood. (800) 838-3006. fireflyinc.com. Closes Oct. 19. The Friendly Hour. Tom Jacobson dramatizes selected minutes from the meetings of a women’s social club in rural South Dakota, from 1934 to 2007. Four actresses (Deana Narone, Mara Marini, Kate Mines, Ann Noble) play individual women, while one (Bettina Zacar) plays at least four. Most of them use Nor wegian accents, and they all age fairly convincingly, despite having no time for makeup makeovers. Much like the men in The Four of Us (see review), the women’s friendships wax and wane – but they last a lot longer. Mark Bringelson’s staging yields moments of amusement and poignancy. Lankershim Arts Center, North Hollywood. (866) 811-4111. roadtheatre.org. Closes Nov. 1. Greek Tragedy…Film@11! Steve Oreste tells the stor y of Aeschylus’s Oresteia with the overlay of commentar y from squabbling, modern-dressed TV reporters (Christopher Mur, Lucie McGrane). But the conceit isn’t consistent, styles clash, and the absence of the Aegisthus character is odd. Pico

Playhouse, near Centur y City. (323) 769-5794. voxhumanaproductions.org. Closes Oct. 5.

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An Italian Straw Hat: A Vaudeville. South Coast Repertor y’s first commissioned musical is a hyper-artificial but winning farce about a would-be bridegroom (Daniel Blinkoff) who’s sent on a wild hat chase. Based on an 1851 hit by French “high” vaudeville master Eugene Labiche, it adds elements of the “low” vaudeville that was popular in 1906 New York, where John Strand’s version is set. Dennis McCarthy’s songs (lyrics by Strand) draw on the popular music of the same time and place. Among the L.A. theater all-stars in Stefan Novinski’s cast are Michelle Duffy, Damon Kirsche, Richard Doyle, Patrick Kerr, Alan Blumenfeld and soon-to-be-all-star Kasey Mahaffey. South Coast Repertor y Segerstrom Stage, Costa Mesa. (714) 708-5555. scr.org. Closes Oct. 5.

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Miracle in Rwanda. Leslie Lewis Sword’s dramatization of how 24-year-old Immaculée Ilibagiza sur vived Rwandan genocide illustrates how solo shows often aren’t big enough for their subject matter. Ilibagiza reportedly lived for three months in a 3’ by 4’ bathroom – with five, then seven other people. This would be much more vivid and credible if we saw that many actors tr ying to occupy that small a space for even 30 minutes. Instead, Sword plays ever yone, and Ilibagiza’s Jesus and Mar y visions are better developed than the depictions of her fellow victims. Edward Vilga co-created and directed this well-intentioned misfire. Los Angeles Theatre Center Theatre 4, downtown L.A. (213) 480-0994. thenewlatc.com. Closes Sept. 28. R.R.R.E.D. Politicized by reports that redheads could become extinct by 2100 without massive procreation within the redhead community, members of the tribe meet in secret to hear their fier y leader (cowriter Katie Thompson) and her worshipful but not necessarily hetero acolyte (co-writer Patrick Livingston) sing much of their manifesto, with a few songs from fellow redheads in disguise (among them, co-writer Adam Jackman). It’s amusing, but the sense of a threat to the reds is never sufficiently explained, and the production outlasts its premise, with a couple songs that stray fairly far afield. Grove Theater Center, Burbank. (818) 238-9998. gtc.org. Closes Sept. 27. She Loves Me. Kirby Ward’s irresistible revival of this 1962 Masteroff/Harnick/Bock musical, about bickering cosmetics shop clerks (Kevin Symons, Kim Huber) in mid-century Budapest who don’t realize that each of them is the anonymous lonely-heart's-club lover of the other, isn’t as frothy and self-indulgent as the title might indicate. It mixes well-proportioned elements of the bitter with the sweet. Rubicon Theatre, Ventura. (805) 667-2900. rubicontheatre.org. Closes Sept. 28. –Don Shirley

CRAIG SCHWARTZ

CURRENTLY PLAYING

ALL THEATRE IS LOCAL

Our critic detects Noo Yawk bias at the Mark Taper BY DON SHIRLEY he Mark Taper Forum, L.A.’s theatrical centerpiece, is much more userfriendly since its recent $30 million renovation. But something is amiss when people are talking about the new, larger restrooms as much as they’re talking about what’s on stage. What’s on stage is a revival of The House of Blue Leaves, John Guare’s dark 1971 comedy. For those who haven’t seen it (there have been at least five professional productions in Los Angeles County, and a public TV version), it’s set in 1965, while the Pope is visiting New York. We don’t see any papal ceremonies. All we see is a modest Queens apartment whose inhabitants – all of them Catholic – have clashing opinions about the Pope’s passage through Queens en route to Manhattan. Zookeeper and would-be songwriter Artie Shaughnessy ( John Pankow) is interested in the Pope only if the old man can use his influence to end the Vietnam War that threatens Artie’s son ( James Immekus). Meanwhile, Artie’s planning to run off to Hollywood with his brassy neighbor and mistress Bunny Flingus ( Jane Kaczmarek), after dumping his wife Bananas (Kate Burton) at a mental institution. Center Theatre Group artistic director Michael Ritchie’s decision to reopen L.A.’s most famous theater space with Blue Leaves is baffling. In a program note, he never begins to explain why this particular play – which stops somewhat short of greatness – is appropriate for this particular time and place. Theater is an intensely local art form, taking place before a live audience in a space-limited venue. Of course, CTG shouldn’t cover only its neighboring turf, but on an occasion with as much local significance as the Taper’s reopening, a more L.A.-oriented play would have been ideal. How about Rolin Jones’s The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chow – a wonderful comedy that’s set very much in the L.A. area, in the 21st century? It has yet to receive its L.A. County premiere. In Blue Leaves, by contrast, L.A. exists only

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as an offstage fantasyland where Artie hopes to parlay his songs into fame and fortune – in other words, the stereotypical Hollywood, which is the first and only impression that many outsiders have of this area. Ritchie, who took over the Taper and the rest of CTG three years ago, relied on a friend from his pre-L.A. career, Nicholas Martin, to direct Blue Leaves. Martin also staged Ritchie’s CTG debut production, Dead End – another play that’s set in New York. The two men and Ritchie’s wife Kate Burton, who plays Bananas in Blue Leaves, have a long mutual history. Martin staged Burton’s Broadway turn as Hedda Gabler, which originated at the Williamstown (Mass.) Theatre Festival when Ritchie ran it, and Martin now has Ritchie’s old job at Williamstown. (Another example of the long-lasting friendships in this production is that Burton was a college roommate and a bridesmaid of Kaczmarek, who plays Bunny.) It’s great that Ritchie can call on his longtime network of friends, but he has presumably made plenty of new friends in L.A. Why not ask one of them to help him relaunch the Taper? Martin hasn’t discovered any fresh revelations in Blue Leaves. The play doesn’t seem as funny as I had recalled, yet it’s so mechanically zany in the second act that the gravitas of its final scene doesn’t feel earned. Still, those new restrooms and the accompanying lounge are really something. They were created by excavating additional space out of the garage. OK, Times architecture critic Christopher Hawthorne was right about the disco look of the lounge’s interior, but then you wouldn’t want the new Taper to forget its ’60s roots entirely. And who really cares about the design of the lounge, as long as you don’t have to wait in line nearly as long in order to pee? ✶ The House of Blue Leaves, Mark Taper Forum, Music Center, downtown, (213) 6282772. CenterTheatreGroup.org. For more reviews, click on Currently Playing at lacitybeat.com.

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150 http://www.easyworkgreatpay.com (AAN CAN) DATA ENTRY PROCESSORS N e e d e d! E a rn $3 , 500$5 , 000 W e e k ly Wor k ing from Hom e ! Gu a r a nt e e d Paychecks! No Experience Necessary! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now!www.DataPositions. com (AAN CAN) $600 WEEKLY POTENTIAL$$$ Helping the Government PT. No Experience, No Se lling. Ca ll: 1-888-2135225 Ad Code L-5. VOID in Maryland and South Dakota. (AAN CAN)

Business Services

EXECUTIVE LEVEL INCOME: Why settle for an average job, with average pay? Dis-

cover the career path that will let you do what you love and finally get paid what you’re worth. 1-888-644-7611 YOUR LOCAL AVON REP: C a l l tod a y or visi t www . youravon.com/ sarahfink to shop on line for your beauty products, jewelry and even clothing!!! 310-927-1176 Your local Avon rep. CREDIT RESTORATION & CHEX SYSTEM: We legally negotiate to remove your bebts permanently. We handle, Collections, Charge Offs, Late Payments, Judgments, Inquiries. Our program will dramatically improve your credit scores! Call AMG Consu l t ing group Tod a y , www.AMGConsulting group.com, 818-826-4966 Anthony M Gartman BECOME TEFL CERTIFIED. 4-w e e k TE F L c ours e in Prague, Czech Republic. Job a ss is t a n c e wor ldw id e . Courses offered monthly. Course tuition 1300 Euros.

SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008 4 3 LACITYBEAT

i nfo@ t e f l wor l dw i d e pr a gue . com or http:// www. teflworldwideprague.com REASONABLE PRICE, COME ON IN AND SEE FOR YOURSELF. FURNITURE 4 LESS: Why pay for more, when you can pay for less. The finest furnitures in town. We also Deliver. OPEN 7 days a week. 11142 Whittier Blvd. Whittier, CA 90606. We deliver. 562.695.4977 $$$HELP WANTED$$$: Earn Extra income assembling CD c a s e s from Hom e . CALL OUR LIVE OPERATORS NOW! 1-800-405-7619 ext. 150 http://www.easyworkgreatpay.com (AAN CAN) HOME REFUND JOBS! Earn $3,500-$5000 Weekly Processing Company Refunds Online! Guarant e ed Payc h e c k s! No Exp e r i e n c e Needed! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now! www.RebateWork.com

BECOME TEFL CERTIFIED. 4-w e e k TE F L c ours e in Prague, Czech Republic. Job a ss is t a n c e wor ldw id e . Courses offered monthly. Course tuition 1300 Euros. i nfo@ t e f l wor l dw i d e pr a gue . com or http:// www. teflworldwideprague.com

Computer

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HANDS OF EXPERIENCE: Certified, Mature & Experience. Authentic Swedish / Esalen Full Body Combined with Deep Tissue & Stretching. Nurturing, Relaxing & Safe. Mke 818-842-5401

Career Training GET A NEW COMPUTER: Brand Name laptops & desktops Bad or NO Credit - No Problem Smallest weekly p a ym e n t s a v a i l a b l e . I t ’ s yours NOW - CALL 800-8038819 (AAN CAN) A NEW COMPUTER NOW! Brand Name Bad or NO Credit - No Problem Sma llest weekly payments avail. Call NOW - Call 1-800-816-2232 (AAN CAN)

MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS earn up to $500/day for television, CD/videos, film, fashion. One week course in Los Angeles while building portfolio. Brochure http://www. AwardMakeupSchool.com 310-364-0665 (AAN CAN)

JobSmart

lacitylist.com

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001 Apartment/ Condos/Lofts

KOREATOWN: 213-3847047. $875+up Large single, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED, Totally remodeled. A/C,

2BD/2BA $1595 . N e w e r Bldg. Totally Remodeled. Gated entry & parking, AC, f r idg e , s t ov e , dw , Poo l , Laundry Room, BBQ Area 6253 Lankershim

KOREATOWN: 213-3896631 Bachelors $775 & up. Single $990. ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED. Remodeled, refrigerator, Pool, Gated Entry. Laundry Room, Gated Parking Available. 245 S Reno St.

NO HO ARTS DISTRICT LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE: Jr 1 BD $985+up. ALL UTILITIES PAID, Totally remode l e d. A/C, F ridge , stove . Laundry, Balcony, Ceramic tile, Gated Entry. & Parking. 5751 Came l l i a Ave 818761-6620. 2 WEEKS FREE WITH ONE YEAR LEASE

MISSION HILLS: 818-9203753 S ing l e $895 . 1BD $1045+up. Newer building, totally remodeled, gated entry & parking, A/C, Dishwasher, Stove, Fridge, Laundry room, Balconies 9929 Sepulveda Blvd. N HOLLYWOOD: 818-9801277. 1 BD $1150+up.

REASONABLE PRICE, COME ON IN AND SEE FOR YOURSELF . FURNITURE 4 LESS: Why pay for more, when you can pay for less. The finest furnitures in town. We also Deliver. OPEN 7 days a week. 11142 Whittier Blvd. Whittier, CA 90606 . We de l iver . 562 . 695.4977

ARTISTS LO F TS F OR LEASE: Live/Work in Downtown Fashion District, 700 to 1500Sq Ft. Lofts, High Ceilings , s k y l igh t s , c a b l e , kitchen, bath + shower, laundry room, e l eva tor, controlled access, sub parking, Sorry no dogs, 818-6347916 or 310-275-9831 x 24

TARZANA: 818-708-9554. $895 +up Large Jr One Bedrooms, Totally Remodeled, Air Cond, Fridge. Pool, Gated Parking & Entry, Laundry Room, No Pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS 18552 Collins St

THE PLACE TO STAY IS PALMS/ WEST LA! Single $1130+up. 1BD $1340+up. Newer Building, Gated Entry

& Subterranean Parking, 2 Elevators, Air Cond. Fridge, Stove, D/W, Laundry Room, 3848 Overl and 310-8393647 WEST LA: S ing l e $1295 +up., 1BD $1645. Parking, G a t e d En t ry , B a l c on i e s , Laundry Room, Fridge and Stove, Some totally remodeled. No pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS. 1755 Purdue Ave 310-479-1079 N HOLLYWOOD: 818-9801277 . 1 BD $1150+up . 2BD/2BA $1595 . N e w e r Bldg. Totally Remodeled. Gated entry & parking, AC, f r idg e , s t ov e , dw , Poo l , Laundry Room, BBQ Area 6253 Lankershim NO HO ARTS DISTRICT LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE: Jr 1 BD $985+up. ALL UTILI-

TIES PAID, Totally remode l e d. A/C, F ridge , stove . Laundry, Balcony, Ceramic tile, Gated Entry. & Parking. 5751 Came l l i a Ave 818761-6620. 2 WEEKS FREE WITH ONE YEAR LEASE TARZANA: 818-708-9554. $895 +up Large Jr One Bedrooms, Totally Remodeled, Air Cond, Fridge. Pool, Gated Parking & Entry, Laundry Room, No Pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS 18552 Collins St THE PLACE TO STAY IS PALMS/ WEST LA! Single $1130+up. 1BD $1340+up. Newer Building, Gated Entry & Subterranean Parking, 2 Elevators, Air Cond. Fridge, Stove, D/W, Laundry Room, 3848 Overl and 310-8393647

KOREATOWN: 213-3847047. $875+up Large single, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove, refrigerator, ceramic tiles. Gated Entry, Gated Parking Available. Elevator, Laundry room. 509 S Manha t t an Pl . 213-3847047

Real Estate Wanted/Sale

$

$

REAL ESTATE INVESTOR: Buy apartment buildings & houses, any condition considered, also seeking students, call Joe , 310-6211006

HO TRENTALS

Getting to know an attorney like never before

APARTMENT CONDOS LOFTS •

KOREATOWN: 213-384-7047

509 S Manhattan Pl. 213-384-7047

KOREATOWN: 213-389-6631

245 S Reno St.

MISSION HILLS: 818-920-3753

Single $830+up. 1BD $1125. Newer building, totally remodeled, gated entry & parking, A/C, Dishwasher, Stove, Fridge, Laundry room,

Balconies 9929 Sepulveda Blvd.

FURNISHED VERY COOL HOUSE FOR RENT

Bel Air Beverly Glen. fully restored 1928 enclosed Cape Cod cottage w awnings, 2 bd., 1.5 ba, 2 car garage, manicured yard w flowers, 5’ Jacuzzi, aqua therapy, includes spa, pool, gardener, utilities, 1 yr lease + security deposit, $4,250,

ALLISON'S WONDERLAND T h e Wo rl d o f L A ' s D ope s t At torn e y

call Diane 760-602-5076 NO HO ARTS DISTRICT LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE:

323.653.1850

Jr 1 BD $985+up. ALL UTILITIES PAID, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove. Laundry, Balcony, Ceramic tile, Gated Entry. & Parking.

www.allisonmargolin.com

2 WEEKS FREE WITH ONE YEAR LEASE

Join MWD’s Award-Winning Team

Maintaining its waste distributing system

F.E. Weymouth Water Treatment Plant

Since 1928, MWD has proudly served the people of Ventura, Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino and San Diego counties. Its award-winning success relies on state-of-the-art technology, and efficient operation and maintenance by MWD’s professionals, who have built an intricate supply system through innovation, teamwork, diversity and hard work. Now you too can contribute to our success.

We are increasing our agency-wide workforce and have a number of positions available at our various facilities throughout Southern California.

Immediate Need for Principal Aduitor Also Hiring For: Accounting & Finance Electronics Information Technology Maintenance

3848 Overland. 310-839-3647

WEST LA

Single $1195, 1BD $1495+up. Parking, Gated Entry, Balconies, Laundry Room, Fridge and Stove, Some totally remodeled. No pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS.

1755 Purdue Ave 310-479-1079

N HOLLYWOOD: 818-980-1277

1 BD $1150. Newer Bldg. Totally Remodeled. Gated entry & parking, AC, fridge, stove, dw, Pool, Laundry Room, BBQ Area

6253 Lankershim

HOME RENTAL NORTH HOLLYWOOD

3 bdrs.2 baths Interior all brand new Large yard with pool No credit check. $999 per month .

Call 866-599-6584

ALL AREAS ROOMMATES.COM

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse!

Visit: www.Roommates.com. (AAN CAN)

FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? Place your rentals, apartment, condo or loft advertisement in www.lacitylist.com.

Goto www.lacitylist.com

5751 Camellia Ave. 818-761-6620.

C o m m it t o Q u a lit y

• • • •

THE PLACE TO STAY IS PALMS/WEST LA!

Single $1130+up. 1BD $1340+up. Newer Building, Gated Entry & Subterranean Parking, 2 Elevators, Air Cond. Fridge, Stove, D/W, Laundry Room,

Take a look at our website and get your business out to the pulbic.

BLUNT News Views & Opinions

The Metropolitan Water District of Southern California (MWD) is the nation’s Largest provider of treated drinking water. Each day the district moves more than 1.5 billion gallons of water through its distribution system delivering supplies to 26 member agencies, which sell that water to more than 300 sub-agencies or directly to consumers. In all 18 million Southern Californians rely on MWD for some or all of the water they use in their homes and businesses.

•

FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? $875+up Large single, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove, refrigerator, ceramic tiles. Gated Entry, Gated Parking Available. Elevator, Laundry room.

Bachelors $775 & up. ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED. Remodeled, refrigerator, Pool, Gated Entry. Laundry Room, Gated Parking Available.

Intake Pumping Plant on the Colorado

Find What You Are Looking For?

post your ad free online

5076

Fridge, stove, refrigerator, ceramic tiles. Gated Entry, Gated Parking Available. Elevator, Laundry room. 509 S Manha t t an Pl . 213-3847047

lacitylist.com

FURNISHED VERY COOL HOUSE FOR RENT: Bel Air Beverly Glen. fully restored 1928 enc losed Cape Cod cottage w awnings, 2 bd., 1.5 ba, 2 car garage, manicured yard w flowers, 5’ Jacuzzi, aqua therapy, includes spa, pool, gardener, utilities, 1 yr l e ase + se curi ty deposi t , $4,250, call Diane 760-602-

post your ad free online

• Administrative • Engineering • Operations

Comprehensive Benefits Package: MWD offers an outstanding benefits package that includes family health, dental, and vision care, a 401k financial plan with generous employer matching as well as a 457 plan, tuition reimbursement, extensive in-house training, flexible work schedules, and 14 paid holidays.

For More Information and to Apply

Visit: www.mwdh2o.com Submit an on-line career interest card for e-mail notification of new opportunities.

THE METROPOLITAN WATER DISTRICT IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER

LACITYBEAT 4 4 SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008

ApartmentRentals

lacitylist.com

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

post your ad free online

see yourself living here

1, 2 and 3 bedroom apartments and townhomes available BEVERLY

FAIRFAX

O

LA BREA

the Grove

3RD ST.

GARDNER

Farmers Market

866.466.5426

w w w. p a l a z z o - p l b . c o m w w w. p a l a z z o s p a . c o m

WILSHIRE

Apartment Homes & Spa directly across from the Grove Short term and Furnished Apartments avaliable. We Cooperate with Real Estate Agents.

MedicalResearch

6220 W EST 3RD S TREET LOS ANGELES, CA 90036

lacitylist.com

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

post your ad free online

For those who are over the age of 60 and who are feeling stressed or depressed, hopeless, sad, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, anxiety, or insomnia. UCLA is conducting a 4-month research study using a study drug in conjunction with Tai Chi Chih (a set of slow-paced movements) or health education. If you are not currently receiving any psychiatric treatment with effective medications, you may qualify. Medical and psychiatric evaluations and limited physical exams are provided as part of the study. Evaluations and study drug are provided at no charge.

For more information, call UCLA at

(310) 794-4619 Are you suffering from Heartburn? Do you meet the following criteria? • Age 18 to 75 years • History of Acid reflux symptoms (such as acid regurgitation, chest or abdominal pain) for at least 3 months. • Heartburn at least 2 days a week for 1 month. If so, you may be eligible to participate in a Clinical research study. Study examinations, procedures, and investigational medication will be provided to you at no cost. If you or someone you know would like to participate in this study please contact:

Dr. Timothy Simmons at 310-674-0144 West Gastroenterology Medical Group 8110 Airport Blvd. (At La Tijera) Los Angeles, CA 90045

SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008 4 5 LACITYBEAT

MedicalResearch

lacitylist.com

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

post your ad free online

A N S W E R S T O L A S T W E E K’ S

P S Y C H O S U D OKU

A N S W E R S T O L A S T W E E K’ S

J O N E S IN’ CRO S S W ORD PUZZLE

310-674-0144

Timothy C. Simmons, M.D. West Gastroenterology Medical Group,

8110 Airport Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90045

LACITYBEAT 4 6 SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008

lacitylist.com

lacitylist.com

post your ad free online

post your ad free online

Be on the B ACK B E A T 3 2 3.9 3 8.1 0 0 1

F R E E

PREGNANCY TESTS Women's, Pediatric, Youth Services and

FREE

Pregnancy Tests. Call 323-644-3888 or walk in. Asian Pacific Health Care Venture, Inc. 1530 Hillhurst Avenue, Suite 200 Los Angeles, CA 90027

www.aphcv.org ARTISTS LOFTS FOR LEASE Live/Work in Downtown Fashion District, 700 to 1500Sq Ft. Lofts, High Ceilings, skylights, cable, kitchen, bath + shower, laundry room, elevator, controlled access, sub parking, Sorry no dogs,

818-634-7916 or 310-275-9831 x 24

YOUR LOCAL AVON REP Call today or visit www.youravon.com/sarahfink to shop on line for your beauty products, jewelry and even clothing!!!

310-927-1176 Your local Avon rep.

SAVE $2.00 PER GALLON OF GAS New Coupon book save you $1000’s on gas, send a self addressed envelope + $29.00 (money order only) to John Hinton,

PO BOX 82382, LA, CA 90082

ALL POSITIONS AVAILABLE E arn extra income. We are needing an employee in our company for a part time job, please contact:

ss.bright101 @ gmail.com for more details

THERE IS SOMETHING YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT LIFE... The knowing of which will dramatically change your life.

MONEYLOVEANDHAPPINESS.COM

HAVE YOU BEEN FIRED? SEXUALLY HARASSED? DISCRIMINATED AT WORK? UNPAID WAGES & OVERTIME? Law Offices of Frank Hakim F R E E C ONSULTATION: (310) 789-2240

MEET LOCAL SINGLES 213.316.1055 Code 7269, 18+

FREE PSYCHIC READINGS BY PHONE

DATING MADE EASY

Farren solves all problems. Specializes in reuniting, reveals lovers true feelings. Remove Negative Energy.

Browse/Respond F R E E!

LIST EN & R E PLY TO LO CAL SIN GLE S F R E E MEGAMATES.COM OR CALL 888 MEGA MATES TELEMATES D ON’T 4 G E T TO LO OK AT DISPLAY IN CLASSIFIE D!!

OFFICE SPACES FOR RENT W E ST LA, 2 office spaces for rent, 2566 Overland Ave, 90064, 7 story, class "A" reflective glass bldg., prime location right off 10 & 405 freeways, $850$1300/month, copy machine provided, furnished with brand-new furniture 7th flr facing ocean, please contact Adriana @ davis-sterling.com, 310-945-0280

HOT LOCAL MEN 323.648.3999 Code 5725, 18+!

NANNY CATCHER Sound & Motion activated monitoring system, 5% off enter LAcitybeat, buy or rent, $195,

We can give you a new beginning! CROSSROADS FINANCIAL SERVICES INC 6828 S. La Cienega Blvd. • Inglewood 90302,

310-670-7500 fax 310-670-7656 www.crossroadFS@aol.com READINGS BY HELEN SPIRITUAL READER & AND ADVISOR Specialzing in mending the broken heart reunites lovers. Guaranteed results in 3 days.

2858 South Robertson, Los Angeles 310-837-5548

DO YOU WANT TO TRAVEL, MAKE MONEY, AND HAVE FUN?

Brochure 310-364-0665 http://www.AwardMakeupSchool.com

(310) 988-5225

HELP WANTED E arn Extra income assembling C D cases from Home. Start Immediately. No Experience Necessary.

1-800-405-7619 ext. 150 http://www.easywork-greatpay.com

G et Started Now! www.infoman.worldventures.biz Call Robert 213-631-6214

CREDIT RESTORATION & CHEX SYSTEMS

REASONABLE PRICE, FURNITURE 4 LESS

We legally negotiate to remove your debts permanently! We handle: Collections, Charge offs, Late payments, Judgments, Inquiries. Our program will dramatically improve your credit scores!

Why pay for more, when you can pay for less. The finest furnitures in town. We also deliver. OPEN 7 days a week.

Call us today AMG CONSULTING GROUP www.AMConsultinggroup.com 818-826-4966 Anthony M Gartman

11142 Whittier Blvd. Whittier, CA 90606. Call Now! 562.695.4977

MP REVIEWS.COM • Escort Reviews • Erotic Ads • Erotic Forums

MASSAGE PARLOR REVIEWS

H AS C $

SESCAL/AMERICAS ‘08 October 10-12 • 60+ dealers from around the world! • 550+ frames of outstanding exhibition material! • Get Your Collection Appraised! • No Admission Fee • 3-day Auction with 3,500+ Lots

• Need a Warrant Recalled? • Want to Smoke Pot on Probation? • All Criminal Defense, from Drugs to Murder.

Harvard Law, Affordable

310-670-9000 www.sescal.org

Office: 323-653-1850 (Ok to call from custody, 24-hours services)

SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2008 4 7 LACITYBEAT

Late Model Cars Also

$

$C AS H

$

FREE TOWING ON ALL MAKES &

ON ALL MAKES & MODELS RUNNING OR NOT RUNNING

Have Cash In Hand For Your Vehicle 908856WH87

Radisson at LAX Hotel 6225 West Century Boulevard, LA, CA

Bankruptcies Tax Liens Foreclosures Judgments Charge-offs Late pays Repos

Regardless of Past Credit History 580 or above OK

Relief for tired feet, goddess style! ReEnergizing treatment for men & women, 8 a.m. - 8 p.m., discount w/ad on 1st visit.

(323) 353-9756

• • • • • • •

We have home loan programs

E arn up to $500/day for television, C D/videos, film, fashion. One week course in Los Angeles while building portfolio.

with Female or couple. Race open. No Drugs.

011-385-992-020-000 or fedor.jaksic @ zg.t-com.hr

PROBLEMS?

MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS

STRAIGHT BLACK MALE SEEKS LASTING RELATIONSHIP

I will solve your chemistry problems. Email me or call

RELAXING THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE & CALMING PEDICURE

818-344-3742, MONTY @ DPL-Surveillance-Equipment.com, www.DPL-Surveillance-Equipment.com

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ATTENTION COLLEGE CHEMISTRY STUDENTS

1-800-527-1542 www.psychicfarren.net

DO YOU HAVE CREDIT

FREE PHONE QUOTE 310-5289784

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