Am I really that old?

By Mike Bollinger

Targeted advertising can be hurtful.

I recently signed up for satellite TV service. As most of you probably know, when you do this they ask for a good amount information about you. One of the things they ask for is your birthdate.

I understand why this is one of the things they ask for. I mean, they can’t have 10-yearolds taking their parents’ credit cards and trying to have TV service installed.

A week or so after my service was installed, my first bill arrived in the mail along with some other advertising materials. One small flyer in particular screamed at me as soon as I removed it from the envelope.

“HELP! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” I saw as I read the top of it. “Get HELP fast, 24/7, anywhere with Life Alert.”

I’m sure everyone knows what a Life Alert is. But in case there is someone who doesn’t, it’s a device you wear around your neck with a button you press if you are having a medical or other emergency.

According to the flyer, I can get free shipping, free use of the equipment and a free first aid kit (for the person who finds me to use when patching me up?) when I order.

The batteries never need charging and last up to 10 years. It has a GPS so someone can find me in case of an emergency when traveling. If that GPS acts like the GPS app I have on my phone does sometimes, however, it could take a while before anyone found me.

One of the things the flyer doesn’t tell you, however, is how much this costs. A quick visit to www.lifealert.com reveals that their website doesn’t tell you how much it costs, either. Is that because they don’t want you to have a medical emergency when you do find out how much it costs?

I guess you have to call the toll free number and get the free brochure to find out how much it costs.

The website has pretty much the same information as the flyer, with the addition of the claim that if a Life Alert member goes to a retirement home, it will be five years later than a senior of an equivalent age who doesn’t have Life Alert. OK.

Am I really a senior citizen? I guess so, since I’m drawing Social Security. Sigh.

Have I reached that point? I can still play tennis, I still get around OK, I can still drive and do pretty much anything I want to. I do live by myself, but I’d like to think I haven’t reached the point where I need an emergency device yet.

While I have to admit getting this flyer gave me pause for a little bit, I’m going to pass on calling the toll-free number for now.

Hopefully I won’t start getting flyers with discounts on funeral arrangements and burial plots.