Keep that elephant out of the cotton field

By Mike Bollinger

Every state has some laws that were once on the books for a reason, but remain there now and have become outdated and are just plain odd.

North Carolina is no exception, and in my continuing effort to learn more about the state I decided to look and see what some of those might be. Bingo is a popular fundraiser for many organizations. However, if you host a bingo game, you cannot serve alcohol. In addition, the game cannot last more than five hours. It might be quite entertaining to see a crowd of intoxicated people try to play Bingo, but don’t do it.

I’m sure if you have a cotton field, in this day and time you use a tractor to plow it. If you do still plow it the old-fashioned way and use farm animals, make sure you don’t use an elephant. Mule, sure. Elephant, illegal. This is punishable by a fine.

Kitchen grease, particularly bacon grease, is a staple of Southern cooking. I remember both my grandmother and my mother having a container of it at all times. It is against the law in North Carolina to steal cooking grease. This law was enacted in 2012 since leftover grease can be used to make biodiesel to heat homes and fuel specially-equipped vehicles.

If you see a sign on someone’s land telling you not to take their pine straw, don’t do it. This is a felony in North Carolina. As many pine trees as there are around here, surely you can find some that doesn’t belong to someone else.

It’s a traffic offense to drive on the sidewalk in North Carolina. I guess enough people did this to make it necessary for the state to put this on the books. So much for the bumper sticker, “If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.” I don’t know if parking on the sidewalk is classified as driving on the sidewalk, but there are an awful lot of people in one of Johnston County’s towns who park with two wheels on the sidewalk.

In Forest City, it is against the law to enter the town in a car without calling the town office first. Do they post signs to this effect? Do they provide a space for people to pull over and call them?

In Asheville, it is illegal to sneeze on a city street. Better take that allergy pill.

In Kill Devil Hills, you must have both hands on the handlebars when riding a bicycle. Is this to prevent people from riding into the ocean?

In Zebulon, it is illegal to walk along the top of a water tank. I think if anyone has the nerve to climb one of those things, they should be allowed to walk on it.

In Rocky Mount, residents are required to pay property taxes on their dogs. Do they assess these by age? Is a labrador worth more than a chihuahua because it’s bigger?

In Winston-Salem, be careful of the age at which you allow your child to apply to college. If they are seven or younger, it’s illegal for them to apply. Is this a problem there? Does Wake Forest get that many applications from child prodigies?

In Dunn, be careful what you decide to do if stuck in traffic. You can’t play dominoes, hopscotch or Chutes and Ladders there while in a traffic jam. I’ve always wanted to get out of the car and play hopscotch while hung up in traffic, but I’ll make sure never to do this in Dunn.

And last but not least, it’s illegal in this state to sing off-key. Just make sure you have your act together before you go to karaoke, and everything will be fine.

So in summary, don’t get drunk at the bingo game, head for karaoke and sing offkey and then plow your cotton field with an elephant.