A Matter of Principle: Hats off for Respect

By QAROL PRICE

Yesterday, my husband Bob and I treated ourselves to a cheat meal before attending what was to be a dynamite comedy show at The Rudy Theatre in Selma. 

The forbidden dining spot of choice was Golden Corral in Smithfield. It had been a long while since we dared to allow this kind of unbridled dining — the kind that only a super smorgasbord spread could satisfy. We were both especially pleased with how each item, one after another, had been well prepared and delicious. GC did not disappoint.

At some point, while coming up for air, I noticed some fellow feeders at an adjacent table enjoying the spoils from their second trip to the trough. No judgment there — that is, until I saw what the man was wearing! There was no question that he was violating one of society’s basic codes of decency. 

So I whispered to my husband, “Don’t look now, but that man is actually wearing a baseball cap at the table!”

So, there we were, enjoying our delicious food and a great conversation when I felt compelled to interrupt it all just to scoff at a perfect stranger’s apparent breach of etiquette. Incidentally, the topic of our dinner conversation had been the meaning and demonstration of respect. 

Suddenly the shameful irony of my words struck me. Wasn’t I being disrespectful, presuming to judge? What if the old fella had been a veteran who had survived a hideous wound to the head, and he was wearing the hat as a courtesy to the diners! Note to self: Always give folks the benefit of the doubt.

Our conversation then turned to why removing one’s hat ever became a show of respect in the first place. Maybe it began in the Middle Ages. When two armored knights met on the road, perhaps they removed their helmets to signal there was no threat. Just like handshakes: offering your open hand showed you were not holding a weapon. Taking off one’s hat implies a willingness to be “inspected.” Quite often, respect is putting folks at ease.

The word respect comes from French and Latin roots implying “taking a second look.” Not merely to gloss over something indifferently, without regard. Giving someone our earnest attention or consideration opens up the opportunity for understanding. When you respect someone, you acknowledge their worth and show appreciation for their feelings, opinions and boundaries.

My husband, the theologian, pointed to 1 Corinthians 11:4-7, which deals with proper conduct in a house of worship. It says: “Any man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head…. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God.” In other words, don’t hide your halo under a bushel! Be the light of the world by your good behavior! This way you will deserve the respect of others — and of yourself! 

You won’t respect yourself if you don’t deserve respect. It’s a question of habit, not haberdashery!

By this time, we were so ready for some comic relief Live at the Rudy.

Next time: Perseverance

Qarol Price is a writer and educator. She has taught philosophy to children in Johnston County Public Schools and in Harlem in New York. She is a resident of Selma.