A Matter of Principle: With all due respect

By Qarol Price

That’s right, you guessed it. September is “Spotlight on Respect” month, as proclaimed by Johnston County Public Schools. We are cordially prompted, as a community, to fix our attention on this prime virtue. What a wonderful opportunity for an entire county to bond in common toward a noble, enriching purpose. Character building is community building.

So, where do we begin, that is, if we accept the challenge of joining a countywide commitment to reflect upon each of the designated character traits each month? Well, this is the kind of thing where you just jump in and see where the road takes you. When armed with questions and curiosity, we gain knowledge and power.

Let’s start with the title of this essay, “With All Due Respect.” We may recognize it as a familiar phrase used to soften the blow when preparing to disagree with someone. It is a way to head off hard feelings with a polite and gentle tone. Nothing wrong with the spirit of that objective. Good etiquette, morals and ethics are all about protecting against all manner of harm.

But doesn’t “due respect” imply that there is a measure of respect appropriate to the worthiness of the particular person you are addressing? If so, how would you know how much respect is due in any given instance? Are there times when respect is not due?

Frankly, we are already acting according to our personal belief system whether we are consciously aware of it or not. Take this scenario at a grocery check-out counter. There, being rung up, is a customer who is clearly of means and privilege. Impeccably coiffed hair, fine tailored suit and high-end designer shoes. At first glance one can’t help but be impressed by such grace and sophistication, until, that is, the need for a price-check comes up. Suddenly the storm breaks: “Are you stupid? That is the right price! It’s right there on the sticker, for Pete’s sake! Call the manager!” The cashier sheepishly replies, “Sorry, but that’s not what it says in the system, Ma’am…!” Clearly, the customer didn’t see the young cashier as deserving much respect. And the lady’s outburst implied that maybe she didn’t deserve as much respect as her elegant appearance invited you to think.

But in fact, don’t both the players in our little scenario deserve respect — simply because they are both human beings, each with virtues and worries of her own? Even though one of them is misbehaving?

We could despise her and withhold respect next time we see her, but that would be a mistake. We are respecting her as she, as a human being deserves, by holding her responsible for her behavior, knowing she is capable of better. And if she never does behave better, we will consider it tragic. And that, too, is showing the appropriate respect.

You and I proudly participate in a very diverse community with many differences between us. What an opportunity to learn how to give and receive respect! (And not just during September!)

⋆ Next month: Perseverance

Qarol Price is a writer and educator. She has taught philosophy to children in Johnston County Public Schools and in Harlem. She is a resident of Selma.