It’s these very things that “I want to do” …when I don’t do them, they become a source of condemnation and attack so that in my own heart I join Paul in his desperate cry: “Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free?” (Romans 7:24 nasb)
We have strayed significantly from the days when our first President, George Washington, concluded one of his many public prayers in 1752 with these words, “Let me live according to those holy rules which Thou has this day prescribed in Thy Holy Word. Direct me to the true object, Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” Washington’s Papers, Burk, W. Herbert 1907, p. 87–95
I. Introduction—Freedom Lost “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32). In the wake of our 21st century world tumbling from crisis to crisis— politically, economically, socially, and morally— if we are honest we must agree that our nation has slowly drifted away from the biblical moorings we had as a young nation. We are experiencing the downstream symptoms of addictions and violence, immorality and materialism, racism and secularism as upstream from these symptoms “people’s love grows cold” (Matthew 24:12). Christ’s mandate to “love God and others” (Matthew 22: 37–40) remains unfulfilled as: Vain imaginations have replaced moral absolutes. Permissiveness and tolerance have been lifted up as moral ideals. The definition of tolerance (correctly defined as respect for other people without necessarily sharing their ideals, beliefs, and practices) has been twisted to mean that all individual beliefs, values, lifestyles, and “truths” are of equal importance and value. Even as we grieve the bondage of sin in our culture, it’s our personal freedom—or the lack thereof—that we will explore together in this time.
II. Toxic Shame: The Pain of Condemnation “It was for freedom that Christ set you free” (Galatians 5:1). Even more sobering and alarming than these cultural signs of love growing cold is the tragedy when WE as followers of JESUS are NOT living out the FREEDOM to which we have been called! Sadly, a sense of shame and condemnation can replace joyful freedom. Having been set FREE from the penalty of our sin through His sacrifice and our new birth, are we daily living out this freedom in more and more areas of our life? This will be the focus of our time together in this message. 201708
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Only 38% of Christians say they are happy with where they are in their spiritual life. Our faith is not being passed along to future generations as church involvement of 35% is the lowest in 30 years. Only 1/3 of Americans believe that illegal drugs should remain illegal. Teens and young adults considered not recycling as a greater immoral act than viewing pornography. Only 11% of teens say their friends think viewing pornography is bad. And teen sexting has become the norm for young people today.
Recent research from countless surveys indicates that Jesus followers are struggling to live out the freedom to which they have been called. Whether any of these statistics are YOUR statistics or not, maybe you today can join with your pastor in identifying with the apostle Paul’s cry for freedom , “I do not practice what I want to do…” (Romans 7:15a amp) I’ve recommitted over and over to a life of prayer, but I don’t do it! I’ve promised the Lord to be a better steward of my time, talents and resources, but I’ve not done it! I’ve surrendered to be a better ambassador and witness for Jesus, but more often than not, I’m NOT! Not only is freedom lost through the things I “don’t do” but in a similar way the pain of CONDEMNATION steals our joy and abundance through our DOING the very things we don’t want to do. I’ve promised NOT to react with anger or abusive words, but I keep doing it! I’ve prayed and promised over and over NOT to return to THAT habit, THAT addiction, THAT sin, but I keep doing it! I’ve confessed and repented of my attraction to and use of pornography, but I keep doing it! Pause to consider your own struggles with:
“I am doing the very thing I hate…” (Romans 7:15b).
Your prayer life? Stewardship? Witness? Your anger? Painful habit? Besetting sin?
Colossians 3:16 Moment: “Let the Word of Christ dwell deeply in you . . .” (Col. 3:16). Pastor/Teacher: Vulnerably share the messages you most often listen to: Listen to the painful messages of toxic shame…
It’s these common struggles with our freedom in Christ that open us to attack from “the accuser of the brethren “ (Revelation 12:10). In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived open and transparent in the presence of God. Living naked before God indicated there was nothing between them to hinder the relationship. But after their disobedience to God, Scripture says, “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness…So they hid from the Lord God among the trees” (Genesis 3:7-8).
I have a hard time forgiving myself.
A. Toxic Shame: It’s Characteristics
I can’t get freedom from these sins.
Condemnation is, to judge as unfit, to pronounce sentence, punishment or judgment.
I can’t seem to do anything right. It’s all my fault. I’m not worthy of being loved. I’ll never change. I’ll never get over my wrong choices. I’ve got to do more and do it better. I deserve any pain that I receive. 2
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John 8: 3–11: The adulterous woman was already condemned when she was brought before Jesus. Guilt would have told her she had done something bad. But toxic shame would have told her she was bad. That’s what toxic shame does—it attaches self-worth to a person’s actions. Condemnation originates from Satan, the accuser of the brethren (Revelation12:10). “You’ve sinned again —the same sin you confessed yesterday. You’re having a problem in this area because there’s something really wrong with you. God is getting tired of hearing your confessions. Just admit it; you’re a failure.” 201708
Christian therapist and pastoral coach Jayson Graves defines toxic shame as “a chronic or lasting negative feeling or thought about our identity. Guilt, on the other hand, is a negative feeling about our behavior.” This unhealthy shame tells us that we’re so flawed that we’re unworthy of love. It breeds negative feelings about our identity—who we believe we are as a person. Jayson Graves of Healing for the Soul as quoted during the Josh McDowell Ministry/Covenant Eyes Set Free Summit on Tuesday April 5, 2016 in Greensboro, NC.
The Need for an Authentic Grace In a Shame Filled Culture by Josh McDowell ________________________________________
She slipped in undetected and made her way out without being noticed. Secrecy was of utmost importance. She was a shameful woman who committed shameful acts. And her activities must be kept a secret at all costs. Then it happened. She was caught in the act. She had no defense. The law against adultery clearly made her guilty, condemned to be stoned to death. So her accusers brought her to the Rabbi known as Jesus and asked, “What do you say?” (John 8:5). What else could he say? She was guilty as sin. But rather than answering their question, the Rabbi stooped down and began writing words in the dust with his finger. When her accusers demanded an answer from him, he stood up and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” (John 8:7). There were no takers, all who condemned her walked away. The Positive Nature of Guilt and Shame The adulterous woman committed shameful acts. Her accusers had condemned her and her own guilt and shame signaled that the condemnation was justified. And on one hand that’s a good thing. It told her she had done wrong. Guilt and shame does that—it tells us we have been disobedient to God and his ways. In the beginning Adam and Eve lived open and transparent in the presence of God. Living naked before God indicated there was nothing between them to hinder the relationship. But after their disobedience to God, Scripture says, “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness…So they hid from the Lord God among the trees” (Genesis 3:7-8). The first couple’s shame compelled them to hide. And that told them there was something obstructing their once open relationship with God. Guilt and shame may be uncomfortable, but their influence can have a positive purpose—they can tell us something called sin stands between us and God. We naturally feel shame after shamefully sinning. There is simply something within each of us that tells us that we should hide from a Holy God. The apostle Paul says, “For the truth about God is known to them instinctively. God has put this knowledge in their hearts” (Romans 1:19, NLT). So shame can be a positive influence in our lives. Yet there is a certain kind of shame that is damaging and destructive to a person’s life. It is a toxic shame.
Click here for Josh McDowell’s white paper on The Need for an Extravagant Grace in a ShameFilled Culture
Condemnation communicates a general, somewhat illusive attack, “You’re a liar, a worthless person, a terrible Christian. ”Whereas, true guilt or conviction is always specific, “What you said at lunch today was a lie.” Condemnation attempts to tear down our worth as human beings and our value as believers: “You’re worthless. You’ll never amount to anything. You’ll never change.” Condemnation produces hopelessness, despair, discouragement, despondency, and gloom. If I am a worthless person, there’s no hope. Sadly, many of us suffer under the burden of toxic shame. It clings to our soul like barnacles on the side of a ship. It is part of the thief’s strategy to “kill, steal, and destroy” the abundant life that God has promised us (John 10:10). B. Toxic Shame: It’s Bondage Identifiable symptoms of the enemy’s attack give insight into areas of needed freedom. Self-directed anger: “I’m so upset at myself.” As condemnation prompts me to question my sense of value or worth, I’ll be frequently disappointed in and angry at myself. Self-initiated fear: “I’ll probably fail at…” “I can’t trust that…” This fear may cause me to be reclusive and hesitant to be open and vulnerable because I’m afraid if people get to know me, they’ll reject me. Self-blame: “If something bad happens it must be my fault.” Feelings of condemnation may cause me to be quick to blame myself when things go wrong. Self-abuse: “I’m a terrible person; therefore, I’m going to punish myself.” Condemnation often leads to self-abuse, which can take many forms such as inordinate self-denial—“I’m not going to allow myself to do things I enjoy doing,” physical abuse—eating disorders, self-mutilation, self-neglect—“I’m not going to take care of myself regarding proper grooming and appearance.” Reluctance to receive: “I’m not worthy of receiving.” This reluctance to receive hinders gratefulness and the joy God intends.
Colossians 3:16 Moment: “Let the Word of Christ dwell deeply in you . . .” (Col. 3:16). Pastor/Teacher: Vulnerably share which of these symptoms you might at times experience. At times I experience… _____________________________ But God has brought me into increasing freedom by… _____________________________ 201708
Reluctance and inability to give: “Why should I give?” “I really don’t have anything to contribute; besides, no one needs me because I am not valuable.” Reluctance to admit wrong: “I’m not going to admit that what I did was wrong because that would mean I’m a bad person.” Apologies and confessions are difficult to voice because they will confirm what I think about myself—I’m no good. Reluctance to forgive myself: “I can’t forgive myself because generally speaking, I’m a bad person.” Condemnation so undermines a person’s sense of dignity and value that it’s hard to embrace the truth that God has declared me worthy of forgiveness in Christ.
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C. Toxic Shame: The Hope of Release Toxic shame is that inner voice and painful feeling that tells us we’re so flawed that we’re unworthy of love and belonging.
Click on the links below to view Dr. Ted Roberts from Josh McDowell’s Set Free Summit. Episode: 12: Is It Really Okay to Confess You’re Not Okay? Episode 13: Why Do We Struggle to Receive Love?
We no longer feel accepted for who we are. And if there ever was a universal need on the part of humans, it’s the need to feel loved and accepted for who we are. In spite of what we’ve done, we want to feel we belong and are worth loving. But an unhealthy shame slams the door on any such feelings. What everyone needs is hope for something to miraculously penetrate our soul, dispel shame, and let us know we are loved for who we are. We need a toxic shame buster. We need something to coax us out of the darkness and into the light. And that something is called grace! Grace is love without conditions. It can’t be earned; it is unmerited favor. Grace is more than a concept; it is personified in a particular person. If grace had a name, it would be Jesus.
III. Extravagant Grace: A Person! “The Word [Jesus] became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14, niv).
Grace looks beyond what we do, sees what we are at our very essence, and loves what it sees.
Christ offers grace to shamefilled people for a very clear purpose—to lead them out of an enslaved life of sin and shame and into a life of freedom and purity in relationship with him and others. God created all of us in His image for the purpose of relationships. “God said, ‘Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us’” (Genesis 1:26). A relational God created us to love Him and one another. The power of grace looks beyond our infected nature and sees our essence. 4
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A. Jesus’ Gift of Grace Is Not a License For Us to Keep on Sinning Notice the expression of extravagant grace Jesus had toward the woman condemned for her adultery. She was now alone in the presence of Jesus. All her accusers were gone. It was just him, her, and her shame. “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:10–11, niv). When we violate God’s commands and His ways, we are guilty of sin. When we keep our sin hidden away, it festers into an unhealthy shame. Rather than continuing to shame us with condemnation, Jesus smothers us with His grace. If anyone in the cosmos had the right to condemn this sinner, it was the sinless, spotless Son of God. Yet He didn’t. Jesus’ grace had a greater purpose than simply being non-condemning. The primary purpose of his grace was to free her from her shameful life of sin. The apostle Paul grasped the redemptive purpose of grace and put it like this, “As people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God” (Romans 5:20, 21). Created in His image as His child, we were still at our very essence His children and a part of His family, albeit lost. He wasn’t about to lose us as His lost children because of sin. His grace-filled heart allowed Him to accept us without condition and His Son’s sacrificial atoning death would allow Him to free us from the power of sin and death. 201708
B. Receive His Extravagant Grace God separates who you are (declared worthy through Christ’s death) from what you do (whether it’s positive performance or painful sin). God is able to distinguish between who we are (we were created in the image of God and objects of His love) and our fallen nature (we were sinners by nature and choice). Even though He cannot tolerate our sin, He loves us. It’s obvious that His love motivated Him to meet our needs, in spite of our sins, for “God demonstrated His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). The truth is you were fearfully and wonderfully made. You are fully accepted, deeply loved, highly treasured, and precious in God’s sight. That’s who you are!
Jesus wasn’t condoning sin when he made sinners so comfortable around him. He was just being grace-filled. By extending grace, he simply separated who people were from what they did. This didn’t mean he accepted their behavior, it meant he accepted them as people.
C. Experience His Extravagant Grace “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down for today I must stay at your house” (Luke 19:5). Sure, Zacchaeus was a traitor and a thief; Jesus knew that. Yet He looked beyond the behavior and saw a man who felt rejected by his own people, guilty of wrongdoing, fearful, alone, burdened with toxic shame, and He had compassion on him in his suffering. Zacchaeus was a person who sinned, but he was also a lost sheep—a wayward child without a friend or a Savior (Luke 19). Jesus’ kind of grace accepts people for who they are. When grace separates the person from the performance and offers forgiveness, it drives out toxic shame. The vocabulary of grace is, “In spite of your sins, I see you for who you really are, and I love what I see”. Grace does not condone bad behavior; to the contrary, it motivates the person to seek forgiveness, and in response, the Holy Spirit empowers behavioral change. D. Experience Scripture: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). What frees our soul and guards our heart from the accuser’s attack is the awe and wonder of the Father’s grace, grateful rejoicing for the Father’s love. Consider this— will any of your sins ever take God by surprise? Did He not already make provisions for you in Christ, on the day you became His child? Did He not know all about your past and future and yet chose to receive you as His own anyway? At the time of your new birth He even knew about your sins tomorrow…and the next day! Yet with extravagant grace, He chose to save you anyway! Let your heart rejoice as the apostle Paul did. “… but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).
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“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Why not pray the following prayer? “God, thank you that through the gift of Your Son, You have provided for all of my needs. You have made a way for me to be set free! I accept the truth of Your Word and ask that You would complete in me, that good work which you have already begun” (Philippians 1:6).
IV. Constraining Love: A Relationship Paul said that this grace-filled “love of Christ controls us” (2 Corinthians 5:14, nasb). The Greek word translated control is sunecho. It carries with it the idea of being constrained or arrested by Christ’s love. Paul was saying Christ’s love arrested him, took control of his life to empower him to live a godly life. He brings things out of the darkness and into the light.
While the dinner was in full swing, we read that “Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, ‘I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!’ Jesus responded, ‘Salvation has come to this house today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost’” (Luke 19:8–10). Jesus’ grace has power!
For Zacchaeus, He looked beyond his sin and openly accepted him. Instead of feeling loathed, Zacchaeus felt loved. Instead of being condemned, he received compassion. In the presence of everyone, Jesus embraced him as a lost son and became his Savior. Through the power of grace, Zacchaeus became a changed man. We can easily miss the biblical paradox of freedom. Christ often spoke of the paradoxical nature of His kingdom—lose your life and find it (Matthew 16:25); love those who despise you (Matt. 5:44); die in order to bear fruit (John 12:24). Perhaps the greatest biblical paradox concerns “freedom.” The paradoxical message is presented in various settings and uses a variety of analogies, but the message seems clear. Surrender to God’s Spirit, God’s Son, and God’s love, and you’ll experience true freedom. A. Held Captive by Something “For the love of Christ constrains us…” (2 Corinthians 5:14). The Greek word sunecho, used in 2 Corinthians 5:14 to describe the “captivating,” constraining love of Christ, is also used to describe being held captive by fear (Luke 8:37), by the crowd (Luke 8:45), and by enemies (Luke 19:43). It seems that captivity is inevitable! However, by God’s grace, we can choose our master! Will it be fear, the crowd, enemies, the course of this world, or will it be the constraining love of Christ? When Jesus extended grace to Zacchaeus, he didn’t have to preach a sermon on honesty. As a Jew, this tax collector knew all about the eighth commandment and the need to be honest. What was so amazing about this loving grace was that it accomplished what condemnation could never do: It motivated and empowered this dishonest man to change.
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B. Encounter Jesus “He always lives to make intercession for [you]” (Hebrews 7:25, nasb) Imagine that you walk into a room and find Jesus engaged in prayer. You may not hear the specific words He is using, but you are confident that Christ is praying for someone He dearly loves. You peer over Jesus’ shoulder, and to your surprise, your own prayer list is lying in front of Him. Jesus is praying for you—the Savior is praying for your needs, your temptations, and your heartfelt struggles. He is praying for the very vision, ministry, and calling that you hope to pursue. He is praying for your freedom! How does it make you feel to know that Jesus intercedes on your behalf? He spends time talking to His Father about you—not judging you or condemning you, not in criticism or in ridicule. Jesus speaks to the Father and reminds Him of your needs, and He reminds Him of the price He paid on the cross so that you might be free and have abundant life both now and forever. How does it make you feel to reflect on Jesus’ prayers for you? What does it do to your heart as you listen closely and hear Him claim this promise for you? “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1), As I reflect on how Jesus accepts me and prays for me, I am filled with… ___________________________________________________________
Colossians 3:16 Moment: “Let the Word of Christ dwell deeply in you . . .” (Col. 3:16). Pastor/Teacher: Vulnerably share where you have too often felt alone or have chosen to leave yourself too alone. I have at times felt alone when… _____________________________ and at other times I have let myself be too alone by… _____________________________ “It’s not good to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). • • • • •
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We need prayer partners. We need to be discipled. We need mentors/ accountability partners. We need safe places to be real. We need faithful engagement in caring community.
V. “Ambassadors of Grace”: Our Need A. Don’t Deal With Condemnation ALONE. “It’s not good to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). The apostle Peter describes Satan as a roaring lion who is looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). The analogy is accurate because a lion won’t attack a pack of animals; it waits until its prey is isolated from the rest of the group and then strikes when its victim is alone. When condemning thoughts and feelings come, share them with a journey mate. Don’t try to battle them alone. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Sometimes, one other person isn’t enough; it often takes the witness of two or three fellow believers to confirm truth to our hearts. This underscores the importance of having a group of close friends and loved ones with whom we can be open and vulnerable. It speaks powerfully to those who are married and to families. A deep, intimate marriage and close family ties help keep us safe. When we vulnerably share with those who care for us on a regular basis, we keep ourselves in a safe environment. We stay close to the pack. When the enemy attacks we’re not far from help.
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B. You Can Be an Ambassador of Extravagant Grace! “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God” (2 Corinthians 5:20). Lastly, each of us knows of family, friends, or co-workers who are struggling with condemnation, besetting sin, addictions, pornography— and it’s not good to be alone! They need you and me as ambassadors of extravagant grace to look beyond their faults and see their need, trusting that it is God’s job to change them and our job to love them! Let’s pause now to join Christ in this ministry of extravagant grace. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29) Consider for a moment the invitation of Jesus in Matthew 11. The image He portrays in the text is of Christ standing before us, but He stands in a yoke and the other side of the yoke is empty. The yoke is a tool used long ago to train farm animals. An older animal would take one side of the yoke, while the younger and less experienced animal worked alongside, learning from the experienced one. Imagine that Christ stands before you as the One who is love and invites you to come and take the other side of the yoke. Imagine now the whispered words of Jesus as the Lord would say to you, “I know there are times when you don’t know how to express extravagant grace, but you can learn from Me. I can teach you. I know that you may not always understand what it means to look beyond others faults and see their needs, but I will guide you. I know that there will be times that you will grow weary in loving sinful people, but rest in the truth that I am bearing the load with you. Would you come and take the other side of this yoke? Together let’s express extravagant grace!” Pause and respond to His initiation. Lord Jesus, I am committed to join You and to learn from You. I especially want to join You in _____________________________________________
Before we close, I want to offer each of you as adults a very special and unique equipping tool. You may be unaware of it, but many of your friends and possibly family members are struggling with a hidden sin. They are afraid to reveal it – they fear they will get nothing but a reaction of condemnation. The secret they harbor is their viewing of Internet pornography. Click the link below to view Josh McDowell encouraging us as ambassadors of grace and hope. Episode 1: Can You Keep a Secret? 8
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How do you become an ambassador of extravagant grace to those around you who are struggling with this kind of secret? What we have available for you today is a series of short video clips that will equip and prepare you to know how to help someone caught in the grips of porn use. And what’s unique about this is that you can access this through your smartphone.
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Men, you simply text 33733 and send the message “Set Free”. Ladies, you text the same 33733 and send the message “Set Free Her”.
[NOTE: If you elect to show your congregation Episode 1 of Set Free, say: “Let’s watch the first episode that you men will receive.” If you elect not to show the video say: “You will then automatically receive a short video introduction.” ] Please take advantage of these short equipping videos. They will help you become a more powerful ambassador of extravagant grace to those around you. Let’s pray.
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