North mississippi parent january 2015 by Journal Inc

t n e r Pa

North Mississippi No. 9 Addressing Issues To Help You Be A Better Parent

ary Janu

2015

featuring

Babies of 2014

Age-Appropriate Chores Natural Remedies Toddler Tantrums Family Pets NM Parent

NM Parent

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Table of Contents Features

Columns

Choosing a Family Pet pg. 7

Best-Dressed Boy pg. 9

Family pets can bring so much joy when chosen with thought and precaution.

A local retailer shows the hottest outfit for all the boys out there.

Toddler Tantrums pg. 11

Best-Dressed Girl pg. 15

Many parents find themselves wondering how to handle the hysterics of their children. We have an answer.

Natural Remedies pg. 17 There is a buzz around at-home, natural remedies for basic illnesses and we drill down on a few.

Age-Appropriate Chores pg. 28 Believe it or not, children at any age can do their part in the house and the benefits are endless.

Babies of 2014 pg. 21

A local retailer shows the hottest outfit for all the girls out there.

Best Behavior pg. 27 Wellness Consultant Allyson Willis knows a thing or two about behavior and how to channel the right solutions to build better behavior.

Character Corner pg. 30 Integrity Time Founder and CEO Sara Berry makes a living creating curriculum to build character and we have her personal advice on instilling good character from the start.

Local babies born in 2014 are featured in this annual section.

The baby in the photo on the cover and this page is Joseph Kieffer, child of Deanna and Chris Kieffer. Photos by Lauren Wood.

Niche Product Manager

This magazine is a quarterly publication of Journal Inc.

Contributing Editors

To subscribe to the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal, call (662) 842-2611.

Ellie Turner

Ginny Miller, Sara Berry, Allyson Willis, Natalie Richardson, Sandra Knispel and Cathy Wood For comments, questions or concerns, email nmparent@journalinc.com.

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Choosing a Family Pet By Cathy Wood Pet ownership is one of the most rewarding decisions a family can make, but local veterinarians advise parents to make that decision thoughtfully and only after much research. “There are many benefits for children to having a family pet, such as teaching responsibility and having companionship,” said retired Tupelo veterinarian Susan Adams, of Corinth. “But it takes a lot of preparation and work to make pet ownership a positive experience.” Bryan Huggins, a veterinarian with Vet Med in Corinth, agreed. “The No. 1 reason I see pets given up is behavior problems,” he said, “and those problems manifest themselves because the training and attention are not there. You’ve got to invest the time needed for a healthy and happy pet.” A healthy and happy pet begins with choosing the best pet for your family. “I get asked that all the time – what’s the best pet for a family? – and it’s a tough question to answer,” Huggins said. “It depends on the family: How old are the children, how mature are they and how much time will the family commit to pet care? It’s one of those deals where you need to be prepared and know what you’re going into.” After all, he pointed out, there’s a huge difference between taking care of an 80-pound dog and taking care of an 8-pound cat. Matching the activity levels and personalities of pets and people is a good place to start when searching for the right pet, Adams said. “Getting to see the pet’s lineage and personality of its parents is an advantage of purchasing from a reputable breeder,” she said. “Some animal shelters do a good job of assessing their pets’ personalities and advising prospective adopters. There also are websites that ask questions to help you determine the best pet for your family.” The generalizations that toy dog breeds are prone to get snappy with curious and grabby toddlers and large dogs, such as retrievers and herders, are more tolerant of active children usually hold true. But individual animals within a breed have individual personalities and may interact differently than predicted, Adams added—especially rescue pets that were abused or mistreated. In addition, safety should be a top consideration, Huggins said. A dog should have a fenced-in backyard or some way to be contained without being constricted. Cats should be kept indoors. “If there are children in the home, then the house probably

is childproof,” he said. “That’s a good start being pet-proof, too. For instance, you can’t have poinsettias and Easter lilies sitting around. It’s essential to provide the pet a safe and secure environment.” Available time for training, grooming and socializing is another key factor in making the best pet choice. “Dogs are social animals,” Adams said, emphatically. “They need to be indoors interacting with people, not relegated to the backyard without human contact. Cats are a different story, but they still need interaction.” Huggins knows that making a time commitment is one of the hardest parts of pet ownership for busy families. “Once they get that dog, they’ve got to be trained,” he said. “Routine is everything. You’ve got to get up at the same time and take them for a walk and feed them at the same time and spend time training them. Dogs need attention at least three to four times a day in the middle of church, school and ballgames.” And speaking of training, pets aren’t the only ones who probably need behavior lessons. “New dogs and cats should not be left unsupervised with children until parents have trained the children in good pet manners,” Bates said. “That means no tail, hair or ear pulling and no yelling or lunging at pets. But, of course, teaching children how to respect and treat animals is part of the value of owning pets.” If time and space prohibits getting a dog or cat, families might consider birds or one of the “pocket pets” such as lizards or guinea pigs. These alternatives can be good pets but still need time and attention. Birds, for example, need three hours of interaction a day, she added. And, finally, expense is critical to pet choice, both veterinarians said. “There’s the expense of puppy or kitten vaccinations plus neutering, medical care and lifetime diet and grooming,” Bates said. “And big dogs have higher weekly grocery bills, plus the cost of medication is higher when most doses are based on weight.” Huggins suggested talking to a veterinarian’s front-office staff for an estimate of potential pet-owning expenses. Barring medical problems, preventative care – vaccinations – can be the biggest cost. “If you don’t do preventive care, down the road there may be problems,” he said. “But if you choose the right pet and invest the time in taking care of it, owning a pet can be one of the best things your family does.” NM

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Toddler Tantrums By Sandra Knispel

The 3 year-old in the supermarket checkout lane is clearly not happy. It’s close to dinnertime and his mind is set on that red candy bar. His mom is sticking to her guns. Soon his begging and whining turns to kicking the cart, and then he’s on the floor, howling and flailing. Bystanders roll their eyes. Someone hisses audibly about the need for a spanking, others simply pity the mom. If you are lucky, he’s not yours. “A child gets upset and starts a full-blown tantrum with kicking, cussing, you name it. There’s really nothing you can do once a kid is in the middle of it,” says Ray Levy, PhD, a Dallas-based clinical psychologist and co-author of “Try and Make Me! Simple Strategies That Turn Off the Tantrums and Create Cooperation.” In his blog he tells parents that, “Pretty much all you can do in the short term is allow nature to run its course and to help clean it up.” But in the long term, he says, you can help prevent this from happening again. Kids throw tantrums for a whole host of reasons, says Carey Bernini Dowling, PhD, an instructional assistant professor of psychology at the University of Mississippi with a specialization in parenting and child development. Researchers have categorized these reasons by motive: to gain attention, to get something, or to avoid something. “Because toddlers are not yet fully developed individuals, they are still learning to control their emotions and sometimes those get out of control,” Dowling explains.

For children between the ages of one and two, tantrums are often the result of trying to communicate a need – more milk, a diaper change, a specific toy – and falling short. “They get frustrated when you don’t respond to what they’re ‘saying’ and throw a fit,” Levy explains. “For older toddlers, tantrums are more of a power struggle.” So, if you are in downtown Tantrum City, or just prepping before your baby even starts to crawl, here are the best tantrum-surviving strategies.

Forget Reasoning.

During a meltdown your child’s frontal cortex, which is supposed to be in charge of decision-making and judgments, is being overwhelmed by a tsunami of emotions. Threats or reasoning at this point are as effective as yelling at a tree.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

“The recommended strategy with probably decades of research backing this up is to ignore the child whilst they are throwing a tantrum,” says professor Dowling. The Massachusetts-native who now lives in Oxford, Mississippi, is the mother of a 5-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son. “That means absolutely no looking, no talking to, no touching, no facial or body expressions to let them know that they are getting you upset,” Dowling explains. As soon as the howling stops, she says, NM Parent

it’s time to turn your attention back to your child to prevent a return to that same outburst.

Be a role model.

“Distraction can be anything from changing the subject, to heading outside for a few minutes to watch the birds, to being silly and making her laugh, or even reminding her of something she’s recently done really well,” says Alice Ricks, mother of a 2-year-old daughter. Ricks, a former kindergarten teacher, is the executive director of a non-profit organization in Oxford.

You can’t expect model behavior if you yell every time something doesn’t exactly go your way. Your toddler learns by imitation, the good and the bad. Marvin King, an associate professor of political science at the University of Mississippi and father of two young daughters tells his girls slowly to calm down. “Now, the 6-year-old, Eleanor, will say it to the 2-year old, Alice, and it usually works. Also, we tell Alice to ‘use her words.’ That gets her to stop crying and she tries to verbalize instead whatever it is that is upsetting her,” King says.

Don’t make it worse.

Look at the silver lining.

Redirect and distract.

Don’t be tempted to scold, threaten, or smack. “Often, the hardest part is not engaging, not allowing ourselves to rise to the bait,” Ricks admits. “While we definitely don’t believe in letting everything go and absolutely expect age-appropriate, kind, positive, and safe behavior from her – we’ve also had to learn that it’s important to be able to defuse and not to escalate.”

You are not alone.

Toddler tantrums are common. Up to 83 percent of all 2to 4-year olds have occasional temper tantrums, researchers found. For parents, learning to respond appropriately is the key to mastering and overcoming them.

Sidestep tantrum traps.

Let common sense be your guide. If your kid tends to throw a tantrum when he’s tired, don’t plan an outing during naptime or close to bedtime. “If they tend to throw tantrums when they are hungry and dinner is not going to be ready for another hour, let them have a little snack,” Dowling suggests. Always pack a toy or book when on the road.

Give a choice.

Often tantrums happen because toddlers want to have a say. Does it really matter that her favorite red sweater clashes with the yellow and pink polka dot leggings? Stifle your inner Anna Wintour and just go with it.

Give your kid space.

Dowling teaches her clients, especially primary school kids, to roll up like a turtle, aka the yoga pose “child,” if they feel overwhelmed. That signals mom and dad to back off and gives the child space to calm down. Some 4 year-olds may be able to copy the turtle pose. 12

NM Parent

This phase will pass. According to Robert J. Fetsch, professor of human development and family studies at Colorado State University, tantrums typically appear at age 2 or 3 and start to decline by age 4. If all fails, rope in someone else. A retired kindergarten teacher told me of a frazzled mom who one morning dumped a heap of clothes into the teacher’s arms and left her with the woman’s 4-year-old son, still in his PJs. The mother, late for work and exhausted by his regular tantrums over getting dressed, had finally had enough. Shamefacedly, the boy got dressed at his school and never turned up in his PJs again. Above all find out what’s eating your kid. Talk about the situation and label emotions, advises Dowling. “That helps teach your child essential coping skills.” If you can, laugh it off. “I used to play Bob Marley’s ‘No Woman, No Cry,’ ” says Oxford-based illustrator and author of children’s books, Sarah Frances Hardy. “Don’t engage. Put on some music. Laugh. Redirect.” The result? Her daughter now hates reggae, the mother of three, aged 11, 14 and 16, admits tongue-in-cheek. NM

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Natural Remedies By Natalie Richardson Every year, the lights and glitter of the holidays bring along a slew of sickness. Our kids especially always seem to get sucked into a cycle of runny noses and coughs. While any serious illness should be treated to a doctor’s visit, minor ailments can skip the waiting room and pharmacy. We contacted several doctors and researchers to get their recommendations for soothing some of your child’s most common ailments. Check out these 10 natural, at-home remedies that you can whip up and administer yourself. Many of the ingredients can be found at a grocery store or are even already in your kitchen pantry.

Stuffy or Runny Nose: Rosemary Essential Oil

Kate Tietje, creator of ModernAlternativeMama.com and co-author of Natural Remedies for Kids due to be published in May, wrote in her book that rosemary essential oil is known to clear stuffiness and improve breathing. For children under 2, put two to three drops in a diffuser in the child’s room. For older children, you can mix 15 drops with two ounces of melted coconut oil and rub a small amount on their feet. She notes that some herbalists don’t recommend using essential oils with children under 2, and that undiluted oils should never be put directly on skin or swallowed.

Sore Throat: Lemon-Honey Ginger Tea

All three ingredients in this tea have great healing agents, said Linda B. White, M.D., and author of 500 Time-Tested Home Remedies and the Science Behind Them. To make the tea, which was adapted by Barbara Brownell Grogan for the book, bring 2 cups of water to a boil, add 4 tablespoons of minced ginger. Turn off the heat, cover and steep for 15 minutes. Strain the water, then add 1 tablespoon of honey and 1 tablespoon of lemon juice. If you’re feeling brave, she adds,

put in a pinch of cayenne pepper to kick the healing up a notch. Honey should not be given to infants under one, and if there is any suspicion of strep throat, be sure to call the doctor.

Constipation: Topical Castor Oil

Castor oil is known for its strong, cramp-inducing taste, but when used topically, it can be a safe option to relieve constipation for children. Jared Skowron, N.D., author of 100 Natural Remedies for Your Child and creator of a line of dietary supplements for children with developmental needs called Spectrum Awakening, recommends rubbing 1 teaspoon of castor oil on a child’s abdomen in a clockwise direction just before bed.

Fever: Vitamin C

Giving your child 50 mg -100 mg once per hour may help lower a child’s fever gently and naturally, said Tietje. Chewable tablets are available in stores, but if you want to go all natural, put ¼ teaspoon of pure acerola berry powder into a drink. The only thing to watch for is diarrhea, which is a sign the dose is too high.

Allergic Skin Reactions: Soothing Oatmeal Paste

If you or your child has an allergic reaction to anything from poison ivy to a bee sting, rubbing this homemade oatmeal paste on the spot can relieve itching and inflammation, wrote Dr. White. Mix 1 tablespoon of colloidal oats (regular oats that have been blended into a powder) with 1 teaspoon of baking soda and a bit of water. Rub the paste on your skin and wash off with warm water once it’s dried.

Coughs: Raw Honey

Tietje notes in her book that honey has been shown to be NM Parent

more effective at suppressing coughing than some commercial cough syrups, and it’s completely safe for any child over the age of 1. Let children have a spoonful of honey. It will soothe their throat and act as an antibacterial agent.

Bee Sting: Credit card and an Onion

Upset Tummy Salve

As soon as possible, use your fingernail or a credit card to scrape across the skin and flick away the bee stinger, wrote Dr. White. Once the stinger is removed, place 1 teaspoon of a chopped onion on the affected area and cover with gauze. After 20 minutes, remove the onion and rinse thoroughly. The onion should help inflammation and pain. If it stings, remove immediately.

Sometimes, when your tummy hurts, taking anything by mouth feels like a really bad idea. This simple salve, rubbed on the abdomen, is a great solution. The herbs can absorb into the body and help settle the stomach gently without increasing nausea.

Infant colic: Removal of dairy from diet

Lavender: Lavender is soothing and helps children-and tummies-calm down. Peppermint: Peppermint has a nice scent, and is known to soothe upset stomachs.

Although we don’t know what really causes colic in infants, some studies have shown that dairy in a breastfeeding mother’s diet can be the culprit as some infants have a cow’s milk allergy. If your infant cries excessively, try removing all dairy from your and their diet, said Dr. Skowron. If the symptoms of colic disappear, it will be well worth the change in diet.

Burns: Honey and Aloe vera

Honey and Aloe vera are antibacterial and can speed the healing of burns, wrote Dr. White. Mix equal parts honey and Aloe vera together and spread on a piece of gauze. Tape the gauze on top of the burn. Rinse the wound and change the dressing every six hours.

Ingredients 1 tablespoon (5 g) lavender buds 1 tablespoon (2 g) peppermint leaves, dried 1/4 cup (59 ml) olive oil 1 tablespoon (14 g) beeswax

Kick It Up a Notch!

Add 1 teaspoon dried whole turmeric or ginger root, or 1 teaspoon lightly crushed fennel seeds along with the other dry herbs. Try combining with a gentle stomach massage if this feels good to the child. Directions In a small saucepan, mix the dry herbs and olive oil. Place the saucepan on the stove on the lowest-heat setting, just until it feels noticeably warm. Turn off the heat and keep the herbs on the stove for 30–40 minutes. Strain the oil through a piece of cheesecloth and discard the herbs. Pour the oil into a clean, dry saucepan and add the beeswax. Put the pan on the stove on low heat until the beeswax is melted. Pour the finished salve into a 4-ounce (118 ml) tin or glass jar, and let cool completely before putting on the lid. Dosing: Rub a small amount of salve on the lower abdomen (or wherever it hurts) as needed. Good to Treat: Upset stomachs, cramps, general soreness Contraindications: Peppermint isn’t good for pregnant or nursing women; they should avoid this salve. Recipe reprinted with permission from Natural Remedies for Kids by Kate Tietje and Bob Zajac, M.D.

NM Parent

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Harlow June Miller June 23, 2014 Child of:

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Tyler & Deanna Allen

April 4, 2014

Nathan & Kristi Pardin

November 17, 2014 Child of:

Aris & Megan Freeman

Photo by K Atkinson Photography NM Parent

• • • Babies of 2014

Alexandria Rodgers

Kason James Hathcock

Child of:

October 30, 2014

October 7, 2014

Dustin & Jacqueline

CJ & Kayla Hathcock

Bella-Grace Simone Matthews

Madelyn Rose Oswalt

Child of:

August 25, 2014

Lee and Alish Matthews

October 9, 2014

Rosie McKay Bowlin June 6, 2014 Child of:

John & Hollie Bowlin

Photo by Flash Digital Portraits

Anniston Brooke Ivy December 4, 2014 Child of:

Photo by Defining Moments Photography

Evan & Chinah Oswalt

Photo by Tiffany Fisher Photography

Blake & Jourdon Ivy

Charlie Ann Pate

Carson Deaton Ryan

Abigail Miller

Child of:

July 21, 2014

Casey & Brittany Pate 22

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April 11, 2014

Craig & Nichole Ryan

Photo by Deanna Green Photography

April 1, 2014 Child of:

Kyle & Samantha Miller

Babies of 2014 • • •

Milly Fay Suzonne Clayton

Jackson “Jack” Hayden Kennedy

Child of:

May 1, 2014

Jamie Clayton & Leslie Lawson-Clayton

August 18, 2014

Jeremy & Courtney Kennedy

Tanner Elizabeth Whitehead December 19, 2014 Child of:

Dan & Leigh Ann Whitehead

Photo by Tiffany Fisher Photography

Photo by Helen Gable Photography

Photo by Hidden Light Photography

Evie Rae Corder

Sadie Rose Bass

Ellie Kate Ethridge

Child of:

March 26, 2014

Evan & Mallori Corder

August 1, 2014

April 13, 2014 Child of:

Robert & Emily Bass

Haley Kyle & Wesley Ethridge

Rex Steven White

Avery Lynn Hill

Noah Bennett Newell

Child of:

September 26, 2014

David & Stephanie White

Photo by Tiffany Fisher Photography

December 21, 2014 Adam & Amy Hill

Photo by Tiffany Fisher Photography

Photo by Classic Photography

February 21, 2014 Child of:

Steven & Susan Newell NM Parent

• • • Babies of 2014

Annesleigh Marie Homan

Jude Hague Abbott

Child of:

February 7, 2014

October 11, 2014

Clifton & Sibyl Homan

Brad & Lindsay Smith Abbott

Maely Harper

Evan Wade Winfrey

March 16, 2014 Child of:

Josh & Summer Rupert

April 25, 2014 Child of:

Justin & Kisha Winfrey

Landry Camille Chesnut July 25, 2014 Child of:

Kate & Rob Chesnut

Photo by Flash Digital Portraits

Virginia “Ginny” Michelle Wilbanks September 21, 2014 Child of:

Photo by Defining Moments Photography

Photo by Tiffany Fisher Photography

Chad & Mary Wilbanks

Kara Elizabeth Jackson

Ella Brooke Ligon

Mary Erin Patterson

Child of:

January 29, 2014

Brad & Deanna Jackson 24

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October 23, 2014

Damon & Dana Ligon

Photo by Gina Morgan Photography

July 23, 2014 Child of:

Scotty & Amber Patterson

Photo by Gina Morgan Photography

Babies of 2014 • • •

Lillian Marie Lumsden

Joseph Martin Kieffer

Child of:

September 19, 2014

November 11, 2014

Ava Rose Dunlap October 7, 2014 Child of:

Drew & Alison Lumsden

Chris & Deanna Kieffer

Ashley & Zack Dunlap

Nolan Guy Benedict

William Phillip Crenshaw

Emery Hudson Sullivan

Child of:

Photo by Kristen

September 8, 2014

Photo by Lauren Wood

November 21, 2014

Mark & Alyssa Benedict

Cole & Elizabeth Crenshaw

Ckylar Wydale Vance

EmeLyn Rachel Gillespie

Child of:

October 3, 2014

Cedric & Kristy Vance

March 4, 2014

LD & Amber Gillespie

February 3, 2014 Child of:

Josh & Mallori Sullivan

Photo by Allison Wonderland

Joshua Clay Kyle April 23, 2014 Child of:

Brittany King & Jeremy Kyle NM Parent

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Allyson Willis is a Wellness Consultant and a mother of four living in Oxford, Miss.

Best Behavior

New Beginnings New Beginnings. A chance to start over. A time to commence fresh habits. A new year brings the perfect opportunity to start alternative food routines. We reside in a country of overabundance. Not only do many people have plenty of food, they have the ability to choose what kind of meal they crave, and often times, multiple family members eat different foods at the same meal based on developed preferences. By Allyson Willis When did you last have a meal with children when everyone relished the same food and no one complained? No one left the table until all finished. Children helped prepare the meal, set the table, and clean up afterwards. In our society that scenario is rare. It certainly can happen though. Intentional effort and the right strategy can move kids on the right track. This scene became a reality when a group of 25 children from Africa ranging in age from 5 to 10 years came to America on a singing tour. We had the privilege of providing them a meal. What we experienced during that meal was beautiful and refreshing. The children sat at their places and waited quietly for their food to be served. When one end of the table was being served, the other end was not whining or complaining about having to wait. Each child ate the food heartily and talked quietly. No one got up and down during the meal. They consumed what was on their plate and waited until someone asked if they would like more. After the meal was finished, they took care of their dishes, wiped the table, pushed up the chairs, and thanked those who provided the meal. A beautiful display of gratitude for food, understanding of abundance, and respect for what was put before them occurred. Sadly in America, we do not display this same regard for food. The typical attitude towards food in children is “get what I want, when I want it, and whine if things do not turn out like I desire them at that moment.” This response to food wears many parents down, motivating them to give in to whatever desires their child expresses at each meal. What can be done to tear apart this food mentality and brand a new one? We must understand the purpose of food. Of course, food can be delicious, pleasing, and bring us joy, but the main purpose of food stands to take care of our bodies. Healthy food gives us

sustainable energy; prevents disease; provides vital nutrients to complete cell damage repair; and gives the body information on how it is to function. Even Hippocrates (c. 460-370 B.C.) understood the value of food in the body when he said, “Let they food be thy medicine and thy medicine be thy food.” So why do so many kids have deplorable food habits? It all boils down to what parents allow their children to do. This is not an easy pill to swallow. No parents would want to harm their child with food, but the reality is it happens every day. Parents often shrug their shoulders and say, “Well, at least they are eating something.” But is what they are eating developing a healthy heart, strong bones, and providing a vigorous immune system? Somehow we have lost the understanding that food is not just about satisfying our tastebuds. It is not just about filling our stomachs until the hunger goes away or conceding to sugar cravings. Our bodies need quality nutrients to support the very life we were designed to live. What we put in our bodies is truly life and death on a daily basis. So how do we accomplish healthy eating in a way that is reasonable, appealing to our kids, and long-lasting? 1. Educate your kids. Be sure they understand the purpose of food. They are smart, and when you tell them what healthy or unhealthy food actually does inside their body, they are more likely to get on board with changes your family needs to make. 2. Allow your kids to assist in making decisions about unhealthy foods that need to permanently leave the house and with what they could be replaced. When they have a measure of control over the choices being made, they are practicing good food decision-making habits they can use the rest of their lives. 3. Research food labels with your kids for products you regularly purchase. Read aloud

the strange and hard-to-pronounce words that appear on the ingredient list. You will both be surprised by what you find. Talk about what those foreign ingredients and chemicals do once they are inside the body. 4. Practice everyone in the family eating the same meal. Consider having your children who tend to be picky about all but the four foods they say they will eat skip that meal they are fussing about in honor of a child around the world who would gladly eat what they are refusing to try. 5. Start buying ingredients that do not have a label – just whole foods – apples, bananas, blueberries, kale, carrots, whole grain flour, olive oil, nuts, sweet potatoes. If you are not sure what do with whole foods many websites have great, simple recipes to help you in preparing them. 6. Rejoice in permanent small changes. Altering food habits takes time. Just keep at it. Praise your family for new foods they try and unhealthy foods they stop eating. Find another family who desires to eat healthy and lock arms with them. Lean on them for support with creative ideas to get your family on the right track. Watch on the outside as your kids fall asleep better, have more sustainable energy for the ball field, develop better attention skills in class, and reduce mood swings. Realize on the inside they are developing healthy cells for disease prevention and wellness for a lifetime. NM

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I’m a firm believer that kids at any age can do what you expect if you trust them enough.”

Amber Buckley and her husband, Charlie, expect their 3-year-old daughter Jane to pull her weight around the house. Photos by Lauren Wood

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Age-Appropriate Chores By Ginny Miller

There are mobile apps to help moms digitally manage their children’s tasks at home, blogs devoted to divvying up duties for kids, and a plethora of chore charts on Pinterest. The methods of keeping track and the age appropriateness of tasks may vary, but parents seem to agree that having their children help out around the house is a necessary part of growing up. “They need to be responsible,” said Jaime McGrath, a busy wife and mother who homeschools her five children in Tupelo. “We’re just a large family, and they know they have to do their part.” All of the chores her children perform are age appropriate, McGrath said, and suit their abilities. With the exception of 20-month-old Quentin, “All of them make up their own bed, pick up their toys and pick up their dirty clothes,” she said. Eleven-year-old Ethan takes care of his two cats, a Persian named Sparkles and Shadow, a Siamese. Deuce, 10, cleans up the living room. McGrath described daughter Hannah, 8, as her most responsible child. “She loves doing dishes, so her extra job is putting away the dishes,” McGrath said. Hannah also cares for Bella, the family’s 3-month-old Scottish Terrier. Emptying the bathroom trashcans is a suitable job for 5-year-old Tess. McGrath posts a color-coded chore chart on the refrigerator for her children to keep track of their tasks. It includes a reminder for them to take their vitamins, and also lists their individual jobs. “The child who finishes their chores first each day gets a reward,” she said. “Depending on the child, it can be the first one on the Xbox, riding in the front seat of the car for the day or a small treat.” McGrath said the consequence of not completing chores is no electronic time. In her Tupelo home, Amber Buckley does not use a chore chart or a reward system for her 3-year-old daughter, Jane. “The reason for that is because she is Montessori-trained,” Buckley said, explaining that the educational approach develops in children an innate motivation to do something, whether it’s creative or a chore. “I’m really big on internal motivation rather than external motivation,” said Buckley, who teaches writing and rhetoric at the University of Mississippi. “The reward is you have a sense of independence. If they spill, they’re expected to pick it up. It teaches them responsibility super early.” At home, Jane tidies her room and helps in the kitchen by

cracking eggs and stirring them for her parents to scramble. She also butters her toast and makes her own sandwiches. “She actually has her own cabinet that has her own cleaning supplies,” Buckley said. “She has a dustpan and a small broom. She has a spray bottle with soap and water.” Her mother is always close by to offer assistance, but, for the most part, Jane works unaided. “When she picks up her little messes, it’s still sticky,” Buckley said, and that’s all right. “I think the main thing is it’s just teaching her independence and confidence that she can do it herself. I’m a firm believer that kids at any age can do what you expect if you trust them enough.” Housework for assistant preschool teacher Sherry Whitehead of Plantersville might be easier if she did it herself, but she wants her sons to learn responsibility. “That’s what chores teach,” she said. “Responsibility to family, and also a sense of belonging to a family.” They don’t enjoy the work, but Dylan, 9, and Ethan, 6, dust the furniture, fold clothes and clean up the yard. Ethan also helps sweep his dad’s shop. “I want my boys to grow up knowing that they will have to help their wives one day,” Whitehead said. Like some mothers of younger children, Whitehead does not reward her sons for things she believes they are supposed to do. But tweens and teens can be more difficult to motivate. Warfield Edwards, 16, and Kaitlyn Higgins, 12, each receive a weekly $25 allowance that is contingent upon them completing their chores. “They are responsible for cleaning their own rooms, and they have to do their own laundry,” said Christy Higgins, who works full time while studying law. At their Plantersville home, Warfield and Kaitlyn also focus on their studies. “Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday are for homework and chores,” Higgins said. “Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are for homework.” Chores also teach Higgins’ children the value of work and a skill they will have the rest of their lives.  “It teaches them responsibility,” she said. “When they are out on their own, they will know what will be expected of them.” NM

Information about age-appropriate chores, including chore charts, is available online at sites including thirtyhandmadedays.com, Pinterest and WebMD. Parents can also digitally manage their kids’ chores via the ChoreMonster app. NM Parent

Character Corner

Sara is the mother of six and the founder and creator of Integrity Time, an award-winning character building program for children in Tupelo, Miss.

Bit by Bit As I write this article, we are still in the midst of the holidays. I am itching to take all the decorations down and get my house back in order, but the kids are begging for a few more days of lights and sweets and disorder. I am obliging because after 48 Christmases, I have learned it all passes by too quickly. And I am not just talking about the holiday seasons. I am talking about life, especially life with our children. By Sara Berry

Sometimes we feel our efforts in parenting are not making a difference. But be encouraged. Every time you listen and instruct and hug and discipline and spend time with your children, you are laying a foundation that, in the end, will be solid and sure — if you don’t give up the good work. I am still in the middle of bit-by-bit instruction with my younger ones, but I have begun to see the fruit of consistent parenting with my older ones. And that encourages me to press on. I was 8 ½ years old when my brother, Martin, was born. I felt like he was my baby. I bathed, dressed, and fed him. I have always adored him. I vividly remember that one Christmas my dad wanted to give him a very, special present. He wanted to build him a tree house. He worked on it every night for weeks. He would go outside after Martin had gone to bed and begin the difficult work of measuring, sawing, nailing, and sanding. He very much wanted to keep the end result a surprise, so each night he would tear down what he had built. It was as if he were creating a giant puzzle. He would create the pieces, make sure they all fit together, then take it apart until the next day when he would create more pieces, make sure they all fit together, and then take it apart again. Bit by bit, over and over, night after night. On Christmas Eve, he put all of the puzzle pieces in place, and then he put them together securely, one last time. And then he added one more thing: a very long string that tied to the tree house, traveled through the backyard, into the house, through the den, and attached on the other end to a wrapped gift. This gift was set aside from the others, waiting for the perfect time to reveal its surprise. On Christmas morning, we all enjoyed the chaos of opening presents, oohing and aahing over what we had received. Finally, the time for the big reveal had come. This was the last

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present to be opened, and though it was not for me, it is the only one I remember from that Christmas. I can still clearly see in my mind’s eye, Martin’s face as he began following the string. He was still in footie pajamas, and my mother had insisted that he add his big puffy coat on top. We all followed behind as he followed the string to the tree house. It was a little boy’s dream-come-true. Sometimes there are seasons in our lives when we feel that our efforts in parenting are being torn down over and over again. Whether the struggle stems from circumstances beyond our control, or the effects of an untamable society, or the weariness of parenting — all parents agree, it is a long, often painful process. But it is so worth it. Don’t be discouraged. You are the perfect parent for your particular child. Keep making the efforts and you will see that bit by bit your efforts are crowned with success. For more encouragement in parenting and life, find Sara W. Berry on Facebook or check out her website: www.sarawberry. com NM

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