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W h e re t h e He a r t M e e t s t h e M i n d Spring 2012 Priceless

Dating With Wisdom The Nature of Passion & Compassion Living Spiritual Essence Creating Healthy Relationships

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SelfGrowthWisdom.com Spring 2012 Contents

Featured Articles 4

Lil’s Corner – To a Brown Wren Lillian F. Bernhagen, RN, MA, HC

DatingWithWisdom.com John McMullin, HC, CHt

Not Just Another Drop in the Bucket Linda Haley, RMT

12 Living Our Spiritual Essence Leigh A Randolph, DDS, MS, ABE, HC 16 Passion Meeting Compassion Janice Burns-Watson 18 Living From the Heart Sarah Harris 20 Sorry on the Inside Kristine Timpert 24 Dating with Wisdom Victoria A Vetere, PhD, HC 26 The Universe as a Symphony of Strings Jill Mattson

IN THIS ISSUE 8 14 15 21

28 Spring Cleanup for Your Computer Stephen Rose 30 Please Don’t Get Over It! Kristine Timpert

BACK

MANUSCRIPT SUBMISSION GUIDELINES CALENDARS OF CLASSES AND EVENTS SHOP.JOURNEYSOFWISDOM.COM AUDIO PRESENTATIONS RESOURCES FOR LIVING WELL: • BUSINESS SERVICES • COACHING • CONFERENCES / EXPOSITIONS / WORKSHOPS • COUNSELING • HEALTH ADVOCACY • HEALTHCARE / HEALING / BODYWORK • SPIRITUAL PRACTICES HOLISTIC COACHING INTENSIVE - APRIL, 2012

Publisher’s Credits

To Our Valued Readers

Self-Growth Wisdom™ Spring, 2012 Publisher John A. McMullin, Sr.

Spring is the season of new beginnings and growth. In this edition, we look at the beliefs that limit our growth or keep us repeating the same old habits.

Managing Editor Lillian F. Bernhagen Contributing Editor / Coordinator Bonnie Pugliese Production Manager / Art Design Sandy Beach

Your participation in our publication, either through advertising or reading the articles, adds to the collective consciousness of our community. We invite you to refl ect on your experience of our magazine by sending an email to iam@selfgrowthwisdom.com or calling 614.888.1240. Th ank you for your interest in our publication.

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Look for our Summer, 2012 SelfGrowthWisdom.com magazine, coming in June.

Themes:

• A Holistic Approach to Living with Joy Beyond Self-Punishment • Changing Bad Habits into Healthy Living • Fighting Fair Manuscript Submission Guidelines – Page 15

Advertising Design / Cover Sandy Beach Advertising Representatives Janice Burns-Watson Bonnie Pugliese Contributing Writers Lillian F. Bernhagen Janice Burns-Watson Linda Haley Sarah Harris Jill Mattson John McMullin Leigh Randolph Stephen Rose Kristine Timpert Victoria Vetere SelfGrowthWisdom.com™ magazine is a free quarterly publication. Points of distribution include health care organizations, practitioner’s offices, libraries, restaurants, coffee shops, bookstores, fitness centers and other locations commonly associated with free publications. Please call if you would like copies placed in your business or to suggest a distribution location near you. We do not necessarily endorse the views expressed in the articles or advertisements, and we are not responsible for the products or services advertised. We welcome your ideas, articles, and feedback. Contact us at: SELF GROWTH WISDOM 6161 Busch Boulevard, Suite 310 Columbus, Ohio 43229 614.888.1240 • Fax: 614.888.1260 Email: Iam@selfgrowthwisdom.com Web: www.SelfGrowthWisdom.com Contents © 2012 by SelfGrowthWisdom.com™ magazine. Although some parts of this publication may be reproduced and reprinted, we require that permission be obtained in writing.

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DatingwithWisdom.com JOHN A MCMULLIN, CHT, HC

Have you noticed how many folks of all ages are using the internet to meet their next heart throb? Dating sites allow us to submit our own profile as we scan other profiles to match our values. Perhaps we expect that the vital statistics about their age, profession, and interests might give us an idea of their eligibility. Some of the information not available includes why they left their last relationship,and in what way they have sabotaged previous relationships with other people. In this article I will offer some unique profiling and questions to explore yourself and other people you would hope to make a life partner. I would like to start with the questions for asking self as follows: • What are your expectations of yourself in relationships with others? • Have you noticed trending information about your personality that displays your reactive behavior when you get angry? • What are the things you like and dislike about your relationship with others? • Do you give yourself away to make the relationship work? • Can you define intimacy beyond sexual or sensual connection? • Have you clearly defined commitments for yourself regarding healthy limits and boundaries, values, and the level you are willing to invest in your own development emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? • Do you avoid conflict or have you learned the protocol of fighting fair? • Do you know how to romance another person without expectations or seduction? • Have you noticed the predictability of past relationships and how they begin with infatuation and finish with shame-blame, fear or anger? • Have you noticed how you make your partner responsible for your joy and then feel trapped? • Have you noticed your defended heart and the challenge of trusting anybody? • How long do your relationships last before they become toxic?

Questions to ask in regard to your partner(s): • Have you noticed the patterns of feeling angry about your experience of their behavior? • Are you aware how your partner expressed reactive behavior by attacking or retreating? • Did you notice behavior that seemed arrogant and/or pathetic? • Did you feel helpless to change their experience of what you represented to them? • Were you surprised or blind-sided to learn about their secrets and loss of integrity? • Did you feel confused or overwhelmed from loss of control?

The samplings of these experiences are typical of partners who come for coaching, either as individuals or together. Many are surprised to learn that their projections onto their partner are a deeper story about themselves. Unless we take responsibility for the experiences that we project onto our partner, there is little hope for reconnecting with functional and connected behavior. Many relationships are created to own the illusion of power through control dramas, and many folks feed their addiction to shame and fear by creating dramas to replicate past relationships of other partners or their family of origin. I have learned great respect for the courage both partners offer in the process of connecting with themselves and therefore their partner. They begin to realize their behavior is a symptom of deeper issues yet to be resolved. They find a way to move from judgment toward acceptance. When we invite another person into our life and we begin attaching emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically and intuitively, we begin a dance of rediscovering and redefining who we are. When we move from needing a partner toward inviting a partner into our life, our expectations become less rigid and we learn a deeper aspect of passion and compassion. If we meet people where they are rather than projecting our needs onto them, we begin to develop an intimacy with ourselves and our partner deeper than we ever dreamed possible. You are invited to visit DatingwithWisdom.com to explore your journey through more questions than were listed in this article, to deepen your understanding of who you are in relationship. You are also invited to visit Shop.JourneysofWisdom.com where we have many hundreds of recordings that can be downloaded. John A. McMullin Sr., publisher of SelfGrowthWisdom.com magazine, is an international speaker, Holistic Coach and author. John is founder of Journeys of Wisdom, Inner Achievement Methods and Director of Holistic Coaching Institute.

LINDA HALEY, RMT

Sure, everyone says that they want to make a difference in the world: leave a mark, be remembered – maybe, even thanked. We’ve all been part of a group that complained about how something could be done better. Perhaps you’ve even been the one who said “Somebody ought to do something about this.” You’ve heard the little voice telling you that there are countless other people who could do it. Besides, you’ve got too much to do and not enough time, as it is. And what good would it do, anyway? It’s just a drop in the bucket for what is needed. Probably, it wouldn’t make a difference – anyway. So, why is it that “everyone” is aware of the problems but too few do anything about them? I believe it has to do with how and why someone becomes motivated to move beyond his comfort zone. COMPASSION: A CARING RESPONSE You’re listening as a friend pours out a story of grief, of loss, of despair. Perhaps you honestly share his misery and pain as you connect with your own feelings of sadness from a previous hurt. He confesses that he needs your help. The call to action is directly targeted at you and you respond with words and acts of caring. Your sympathy is evidence of an emotional bond, forged by his vulnerability and your desire to soften the pain. Your willingness to meet the needs of another demonstrates compassion, a state of extending humanity to another. Compassion shifts the empathetic bond between two people from a balanced state of equality to the instability of leaning on another for emotional or physical support. The paradox in this unbalanced state is that the display of vulnerability and neediness often strengthens, not weakens, the relationship. Your emotional response has been activated by another’s hardship. Whether motivated by “Boy, I’m sure glad that it didn’t happen to me” or genuinely sharing another’s sorrow, you willingly demonstrate support and sympathy. PASSION: DRIVEN FROM WITHIN But if compassion is generated by an emotional appeal, what motivates action if one hasn’t been directly inspired by another’s plea? Passion comes from the soul, often persisting beyond reason. You’re compelled to go a little further, help a little more, be a little better – for no other reason than it’s the right course of action for you. Passion doesn’t depend on another’s approval, or even another’s understanding.

• What would inspire an 11 year-old boy to defy his father and secretly take ballet lessons in the movie Billy Elliot? • Why would someone spend hours on the creation of a project that no one may ever see; or that he might never get credit for? • What would be the reason that someone is driven to be the best he could be, in competition with no one but himself? Passion! Passion comes from the soul, often persisting beyond reason. You’re compelled to go a little farther, help a little more, be a little better – for no other reason than it’s the right course of action for you. Passion doesn’t depend on another’s approval, or even another’s understanding. Often the hunger to achieve comes at a price: personal relationships are challenged, there may be a financial toll, or you are often told about hearing a “different drummer.” The intensity of following that “different drummer” may or may not be supported by your inner circle of friends and family; no matter. Their approval isn’t your fuel, anyway. It’s even possible that you yourself don’t even fully understand what is propelling you or where you are headed. You just know that you have to do it. Passion is not goal-oriented. There is no target or end product or final result, other than experiencing the joy of being connected to your source of joy. The only goal is fulfillment of purpose, of finding oneself while devoting energy to something of meaning. The beauty of creating through passion is this – that this pursuit of meaning by one person often generates benefit for the masses. While living in joy with your purpose, what the world actually sees is the production of a masterpiece, the solution to a neighborhood problem, or the construction of a safe haven for a homeless family. Attainment of one person’s dream can often produce rewards for many. The little voice calls often. The next time it beckons, how will you respond? Will you make a difference, or decide it’s not worth it to be “just another drop in the bucket”? Linda Haley, R.M.T., founder and director of The Reiki Center in Columbus, is a Reiki Master Teacher in the original Usui Reiki and teaches all levels of Reiki Classes in the traditional method. Linda is an Advanced CranioSacral practitioner, Quantum Touch practitioner, and the originator of Guided Release, which utilizes Reiki with imagery to access memories and answers. The Reiki Center is a comprehensive natural wellness center, featuring all methods of bodywork, energy healing and intuitive services.

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How do we live from a spiritual place? Is it possible not to? What does it mean to be in touch with our spirituality? I suspect if we live only by our shoulds we live with judgment of others and ourselves. We may feel that we are living within a cultural set of rules. When we live within the fencing of someone else’s values of right, wrong, should, and should not, can we sense into our own soul? It is possible that we may not be in touch with the spiritual essence that is available to us as part of our human experience. Is it possible to find that edge where we respect the values of others and also have the sensitivity to honor what is in our own heart? I find it easy to get caught in the routines and clichés of daily life, buried in the “shoulds” and “oughtas”. When that happens, it saps my ability to enjoy my work or my time chosen to do other things. When I am caught in that place I lose a sense of soul and the sense of my own spiritual essence. It’s as if I have created an inner assembly line where I get stuck on a conveyor belt and lose my connection to what lies beyond the 3D world. Non-fiction book titles give us evidence of the concepts that we are contemplating as a culture; and there are many out there now dealing with the idea of finding and living our purpose. When we feel unfilled or dissatisfied with jobs or relationships, the feeling of connection to something greater than self has disappeared from our lives. I know that whatever definition of “living our spiritual essence” people choose, it involves an awakening to a Higher Self and a connection beyond human travails. Our perceptions of life about how to stay safe, how to be valued and how to survive tend to be based on ideas formed in childhood. Those ideas are an invisible filter through which we see our world. Because they have been with us so long we don’t even know how they color our world. Without the awareness of the filter, we live caught in always viewing the present and future through the lens of the past. How do we awaken from that and become present to accepting where we are and the possibilities of who we are, rather than ideas formed before we could speak? For me, learning about those old rules is the first step. What do I believe about life and me that no longer serves me? Finding those ideas involves being willing to question my thoughts and feelings and slow down my reactions. If my thoughts or feelings don’t really seem to fit with the circumstances, perhaps those feelings go back to an older time or memory when I didn’t have the maturity to separate my feelings from someone else’s behavior. Can I do that now?

Living Our Spiritual Essence

LEIGH RANDOLPH, DDS, MS

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That consciousness of connection to our Higher Self, our spiritual essence and our soul comes from interior deep diving and learning to accept both our humanity and our connection to everyone and everything. Being present to that awareness is part of the awakening process for me. How I react in a situation is about what is happening inside me and not about what someone else has said or done. When I react, I am judging them and judging me. The journey is then finding my way to compassion and an open heart. Usually that happens through reflection and sensing what I am feeling in my body, not in the moment of reaction. It takes time to get to that consciousness, but with practice it gets easier. With that heart opening comes the feeling of being in the flow of life. So, can we learn to live within the laws and morals of the world we live in and also live with an open heart? What I know so far is that when I judge others it is the marker of how much I judge myself. If I can accept me where I am right now, my heart opens and I can accept others where they are. When I learn to have compassion for all of the parts inside me I feel safe in the world. I can allow myself to be vulnerable, not only with other parts of me, but with people I encounter in my external world as well. If I live from a place of compassion, rules don’t matter so much because I live in a heart centered world, and that allows me to expand out into that connection with something greater. And what then? We live right now in a world of obvious polarities, from those who seek violence from some primal, angry place, to those who seek the transcendent experience of a divine consciousness and a greater Love than we humans know how to express. That consciousness of connection to our Higher Self, our spiritual essence and our soul comes from interior deep diving and learning to accept both

our humanity and our connection to everyone and everything. I believe with each of us on that journey the world is shifting. Great hearts have offered this to the world, like Gandhi who said “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” In a more light-hearted vein Michelle Walker offered: “If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you’ve obviously never been in bed with a mosquito.” And the anthropologist, Margaret Mead, shared her wisdom that “A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” I believe that we can be part of that small group of thoughtful people. Whatever we do in our daily life can be imbued with the journey of living our spiritual essence and learning compassion for self and those around us. With that intention the consciousness of the world is changing.

Perhaps Rumi said it best:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.

Leigh Randolph, D.D.S., is a Board Certified Endodontist who has a private practice and teaches dentistry at the Ohio State University. She is a certified Visionary Craniosacral Work Practitioner, Holistic Coach and Reike Master.

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Passion Meeting Compassion JANICE BURNS-WATSON

Which of these scenarios do you believe best personifies the word passion, as you understand it? A. A young couple who has been dating for three months are locked From a spiritual perspective, in an intimate embrace. every moment of life is to be B. A group of young men attend a baseball game together, the team lived with passion, viewing each they are rooting for has just won and they slap each other on the experience with awe and wonder, back and yell loudly. C. A woman tends her garden, picks some green beans, snaps them joy and excitement. And this is into a bowl, cooks them up in a big pot, and shares them with her where the term passion becomes family for supper. a paradox. As Zen masters warn D. A group of teens have volunteered to work with a local after school us, too much excitement makes life program on the second Tuesday of each month, sitting down to fragmented and uneven. read with young migrant children and teach basic math.

The tendency is to believe that the correct answer is A. After all, we are constantly bombarded by the media with the message that passion is another word for lust and romance. While passion means much more than this, there is a degree of truth to this belief: a passion for life does lead to a feeling of ecstasy. The easiest way to understand this is to think of the book Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. In this book, Brown describes a sculpture by Bernini called the “Ecstasy of Saint Teresa.” This sculpture represents the mystical visions Teresa had of God and this is the way he described it: The sculpture “rose up like some sort of pornographic still life…the saint on her back, arched in pleasure, mouth open in a moan, and over her, an angel pointing his spear of fire.”1 Teresa herself described her spiritual experiences in a very erotic manner, and so have many other spiritual people. This intensity is a vital part of the faith journey. Like Teresa, full of excitement and ecstasy, we begin to discover the joy and wonder of what lies before us. Actually, each of the vignettes listed above are wonderful examples of passion. Passion simply means any powerful feeling or emotion. Having passion is not something most of us find difficult. Most adults have fallen passionately in love at some point in their lives: with the sweaty palms, racing heart and, yes, passion that go along with it. Many of us also know the power of feeling a strong allegiance towards a sports team, school or hobby. The challenge is to learn how to channel these passions in a manner that helps us to grow and expand ourselves in a healthy manner.

From a spiritual perspective, every moment of life is to be lived with passion, viewing each experience with awe and wonder, joy and excitement. And this is where the term passion becomes a paradox. As Zen masters warn us, too much excitement makes life fragmented and uneven. Life is to 1 Brown, Dan. Angels & Demons: Special Illustrated Edition. Washington Square Press: New York, 2000. pg. 336.

be embraced without putting too much thought to it, simply letting life be. At the same time we approach it with exuberance, emptying ourselves as we embrace life fully. One way to view it is to approach life much like a child. We are called to live life as if seeing everything for the first time; truly experiencing the uniqueness, the oneness of each moment. I love being around young children and watching them observe a snow flake, playing with a new toy, or answering their never ending questions. This is the wonder and passion we are called to live with. Yet, like a young child, there is a reverse side to this life of passion that involves a flaring temper. We all have felt the feelings of frustration, fear, anger or rage toward some perceived injustice. Such emotions are often termed “negative” emotions. However, they are a part of life and when embraced properly and accepted for what they are, these emotions do not have to rule us. Instead, these shadow emotions can be used to make us aware of those wounded parts of our life that need healing. Righteous anger can be funneled into a vocation in life, lived with an intensity that builds others up instead of harming them. Fears, when addressed, can fill us with a new sense of empowerment and strength. When the shadow is no longer dragged behind us but addressed front and center, every aspect of our life improves. The relationships that tend to improve the most are those we are closest to, since these relationships tend to bring up the strongest feelings within us, both positive and negative. With a true passion for life it is possible to enjoy the sweet stickiness of an ice cream cone – like a young child. Every sunrise is a reminder of the wonder of the cosmos. Sitting next to an elderly relative and merely holding their hand is a sacred moment. Every person met, every object that is touched and every event encountered is viewed with awe and mystery. Like St. Teresa, we are filled with such an intensity of emotion that we can no longer contain it. When this passion can no longer be contained then compassion is the natural outgrowth. The desire is for others to experience the same intensity and passion for life that exists within one’s own heart, hence the tendency to view passion as a romantic venture. After all, the word compassion simply means with passion. Again, the simplest way to explain the compassion we are called to live out is to refer to what may be a starting place: “The 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.” The twelfth and final step is this: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”2 I love the term “having had a spiritual awakening” because, for many of us, it is a spiritual awakening to learn that part of our personal journey is to not about ourselves, but about others as well. What a joy and wonder it is to share the healing power of what one has learned along the way; when a person can know that a profound step in the journey of life has been achieved, when the focus is no longer on what can be achieved personally, but on how to share what has been achieved. And this is not for one’s own glory, but so that others can achieve the same enlightenment. The goal is for others to see God, the Higher Power, the Divine Spirit (whatever the term) in every person and object encountered. The desire is for all of creation to be treated with respect, honor and reverence, and to know that every footfall lands on holy ground. Filled with passion and compassion we see a radiant light within others that we want to draw out. Life itself is approached with a sense of sheer joy and delight – passion meeting compassion. Janice Burns-Watson is a minister, serving the Hocking Valley Parish of the Christian Church (DOC) in Athens County. She is also a student in the Wellstreams Program of the Spirituality Network of Columbus, Ohio, is trained in Reiki and enjoys exploring any aspect of spirituality. 2 Rohr, Richard. Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps. St Anthony Messenger Press: Cincinnati, OH, 2011. p.105.

Living from the Heart A Journey of Wisdom Intensive Reflection SARAH HARRIS

…living from the heart meant being present with all my emotions, good, bad and indifferent. Wow, what a concept. It was so simple yet so profound. “What do you want to experience over the next 3 days?” asked self proclaimed “Weird John” at the onset of a Journey’s of Wisdom Intensive class. My intention flew out of my mouth before I could even comprehend what was being asked: “I want to leave this class knowing what it means to live from my heart.” Two days later, like an unexpected thunderbolt from the heavens, I received an answer while getting dressed. I was so excited I could barely wait to share it with my breakfast companions. In that moment, living from the heart meant being present with all my emotions, good, bad and indifferent. Wow, what a concept! It was so simple yet so profound for me; I felt it to be true with every fiber of my being. I also realized it was creating a significant shift in my beliefs. Previously, I had believed that living from the heart meant I should be in a perpetual state of joy or somewhat close to it. After all, that’s what my ears interpreted from listening to all the popular selfhelp gurus and their take on the law of attraction. The feelings of excitement also lead to relief. It was an incredible job for me to try to live in a perpetual state of joy – not to mention the repeated disappointment in myself when I couldn’t get there. I now sensed that opening up to the negative experiences of anger, sadness, jealousy and shame (only to mention a few) could actually be good for me. Could it be that being open to these less pleasant feelings brings me towards my own authentic self; that in effect, it offers me a full and satisfying life? Conversely, by avoiding pain and difficulty, could my life remain shallow and empty? Difficult emotions are still awfully painful, confusing and difficult for me to deal with. Could it be though, that just like physical pain, they offer me a signal to take care of my emotional self? If that’s the case, I’d rather reframe my thoughts to think of these signals as messages from my spirit saying, “Hey look at me, I have something to offer you.” When I think of how I handle my emotions it reminds me of the Tao Te Ching and its famous Yin/Yang symbol. The symbol represents unity and within that unity are the masculine and feminine energies from which all things exist. Until recent years, my attitude towards life was yang dominant. I approached life head on and in an assertive, masculine and fiery way. When it came to my emotions, I resisted them with force; pushing them away by either burying my head in the sand with food, exercise and sometimes even alcohol, or over analyzing my discomfort. Yet, my “yangness” did propel me to seek out a host of helpful mentors and therapists over the years.

During my journey, I started to learn how to move more towards a position of Yin in my pursuit for peace and well-being. For me, Eckhart Tolle seems to wrap up a Yin approach to our emotional suffering when he says: As long as you resist suffering, it is a slow process because the resistance creates more ego to burn up. When you accept suffering, however there is an acceleration of that process which is brought about by the fact that you suffer consciously. The Truth is that we need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it. To me, that means to become curious and sometimes just simply sit with the emotions. When I realize that, as painful as they are and as awful as I feel, they are only one part of me and I can rest in the fact that “this too shall pass.” It always does, and usually takes me into a place of peace or other positive states of being. However, as a spiritual being having a human experience, I want to dance with it all, the yin, the yang, but more importantly the nothingness from which they are born. Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong. Tao Te Ching.

Journeys Wisdom Sarahof Harris is a Holistic Health and Fitness Coach, based out of Toronto, Canada. She enjoys finding creative ways to inspire her clients to help themselves turn(Spring their sluggish moods and lifestyle stumbling blocks into increased vitality and overall happiness. You can contact Sarah: SelfGrowthWisdom 2012) wellnessdsign@mac.com.

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Someone recently asked me if it’s ok to tell the universe you’re sorry if the person you feel you owe an apology is no longer a part of your life? I guess it’s fair to say that anyone we believe we owe an apology is someone we either avoid or disconnect from. The question for me is, if you feel you owe someone an apology, then why don’t you connect and express it?

If we are brave enough to reach out In a world as wired as ours, if you’re not in touch with someone, it’s deliberate. It’s and apologize, we easy to access anyone. So, what would be so wrong with reaching out and expressing can learn the process your regret over a past event? Either way, it’s really about our experience of what of responsibility by happened. It doesn’t have as much to do with the other person. If we take our regret facing the potential to the universe, I don’t believe we have the privilege of connecting with the part of consequences. I believe us that is uncomfortable. We don’t get the opportunity to go back and discover if our uneasy feelings are rooted in shame or guilt. Without looking into ourselves, we can’t it’s our fear that become aware of the real issue, which would allow us to mature those feelings into prevents us from understanding. oﬀering an apology. If that’s the case, then They say suppressing emotions can lead to disease, so maybe it’s healthier to take why miss the amazing responsibility for our actions. If we are brave enough to reach out and apologize, we can learn the process of responsibility by facing the potential consequences. If that person experience of a potential refused to hear our apology or if they became angry, then perhaps it’s best to speak to the reconnection?

universe privately. On the other hand, they might be happy to hear from us and offer a loving forgiveness. The most profound healing exercise I have ever witnessed is when someone plays the role of someone who never apologized, and then acts out the apology for the un-apologetic person. Maybe it’s possible that we’re all carrying hurt about how we experienced the behavior of someone we deeply loved. Can you imagine how you would feel if they contacted you with a heartfelt apology? It’s true, that sometimes the ones we want to apologize to are no longer living, we have been disconnected from for many years, or are simply too dangerous to approach. Of course, there are those times when a private apology is the most sincere and loving way to connect. Knowing which action is appropriate is up to us to decide. For the most part I believe it’s our fear that prevents us from offering an apology. If that’s the case, then why miss the amazing experience of a potential reconnection? What would the world be like if we all had that kind of courage? The act of reconnecting might very well be the next step in human evolution. Imagine that a child steps on his mother’s foot while walking through the park. There is no need for an apology because she is not a stranger. She understands and loves him no matter what. When you step on someone’s foot that you don’t know, you must quickly apologize to prevent their aggression. I believe if we could all be reconnected, none of us would be strangers, and as the saying goes, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Kris Timpert, NMT,CMT, Certified Intuitive Consutant, C.H.E.K. level4, Holistic Style Coach 3 and PPs mastery Mentor, currently coaches her clients into physical, emotional and spiritual wellness.

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Dating With Wisdom

Dating with wisdom feels a bit like an oxymoron given the number of sitcoms, movies, cartoons and novels pointing out the impossibility of “dating with wisdom!” I thought that I would consult Webster to learn the actual definition of “dating.” I was equally disappointed to see that it is defined as “a social engagement between two persons of opposite sex.” My dictionary was published in 1977, and we’ve come a long way since then! So, I will start from a different vantage point. Why would someone consider dating? Usually people date because they want something – usually in the categories of love, sexuality and partnership. Interestingly, this is often where the trouble begins. Too often people seek others out of need because they feel something is missing in their lives. You have heard that the best partners were often found when neither was “looking.” Let’s explore this.

VICTORIA A. VETERE, PHD, HC

Can you imagine what dating would look and feel like if you were capable of remaining detached from any expectations about the feelings or behavior of the other person with respect to you?

As I have mentioned in my prior articles, my favorite book examining relationships is Undefended Love, by Jett Psaris, PhD and Marlene Lyons, PhD. In a powerful section entitled, “The Developmental Progression of Needs,” they propose a continuum of emotional needs ranging from need to want to desire to preference to no preference. The authors state that: “As enlightened masters demonstrate, at the most evolved level we do not need things to be other than they are – we have no preference. Everything carries equal value.” They further explain that: “To liberate ourselves from the grip of our unresolved past we must learn to investigate our needs, not satisfy them.” (p.141) Hmmm. How would anyone couple if we all had no preference? Let’s explore further.

I believe that dating with wisdom is in the realm of desire and preference, and yes, even no preference. First, let’s explore desire. The authors describe “the generative power of desire” as follows: As the necessity or urgency to gratify our wants lessens and the capacity to sustain ourselves without external support increases, wanting matures into “desiring,” which is slightly more detached from the imperative for immediate gratifi cation that is characteristic of the earlier stages of needing and wanting. By the time we develop the capacity to desire, we have a greater ability to sustain ourselves without having to have what we desire. Whereas needing and wanting are, for the most part, reactions to something we feel is missing and necessary, desire is yearning for something because we have an interest in it and receptivity toward it. (p. 146)

This passage clearly contrasts relating from fear (need and want) and relating with love (desire). The authors then go on to describe that desires mature into preferences, which reflect “a further degree of detachment – with no lessening in engagement.” At this stage “we are capable of living from essence more often than not. Being less attached does not mean that we are not fully alive and interested. It simply means that we experience relative contentment and minimal inner conflict, restriction, or tension about whether our preference is satisfied or not.” (p.147) Here we see “The Law of Detachment” reflected in how we relate to others. (See The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, by Deepak Chopra.) Angeles Arrien, PhD in The Four Fold Way defines detachment as “the capacity to care deeply from an objective place.” (p.111) Can you imagine what dating would look and feel like if you were capable of remaining detached from any expectations about the feelings or behavior of the other person with respect to you? Please re-read the last sentence a few times; close your eyes and try to imagine yourself relating in this way. Take several minutes to imagine yourself in various dating scenarios utilizing compassionate detachment. Doesn’t look much like the dramas you have engaged in, does it? You may wonder where the passion is. I propose that what we usually think of as passion is actually based in fear; yes, fear. Getting honest with ourselves is the starting point to a new level of relating, and hence to a new way of dating. Before we conclude, let’s just visit the place of no preference in relating. What would that possibly look and feel like? Would there be any feeling at all? Psaris and Lyons state that: Having no preferences does not mean that we are inactive, withdrawn or indifferent. It means that we remain open, present, and available to all of life as it presents itself to us. Free from desires and preferences, we meet life whole-heartedly and experience ourselves as fresh, alive, and spontaneous. We are grateful for how things are, with no need, want, desire or preference to have them be otherwise. Without preference, we discover that we have it all. This is the quality we possess when we are in a mature, intimate partnership. (p.148) And if we already “have it all,” why would we seek to date, to meet, to connect with one another? We do so in order to share the good life we are already living, to co-create joyfully from this place, and to enjoy the intimacy that only enlightened partnership can bring. I hope that this article instills within you a fresh vision for relating, not only in dating with wisdom, but in all of your interpersonal connections. I hope that someday soon more of us will connect from a heart-centered place of compassionate detachment, a space of non-reactivity, a place where there is more space for our authentic selves. May this auspicious year be the tipping point for a new, higher dimension in human relationships. Victoria A. Vetere, PhD, HC is an Enlightened Life Coach and the Director of Lotus Health & Longevity. She offers individual coaching, business consulting, small groups and events featuring powerful energetic principles to enhance all aspects of life. Join her social community “Enlightened Life Lovers,” and enjoy her radio show “Chai Chat.” Visit her website: www.EnlightenedLifeCoaching.com for all the details! Also find your way to better body, balance and bliss at www.DoYouLotus.com!

The Universe as a Symphony of JILL MATTSON What do Fifth Century B.C. Pythagoreans have in common with modern state-of-the art cosmologists and physicists? In a word – strings! For the ancient Greek Pythagoreans it was the lyre string; modern scientists postulate infinitesimally small strings as the ultimate building blocks of the universe. The Greeks found that the tone of a plucked lyre string corresponded to its length. Changing the length of the vibrating string changed the tone in a precise way; double the length and the tone goes down by a full octave; reduce the length by two-thirds, the note changes by a fifth. The laws of music and harmonics are discovered and reduced to mathematics. The Pythagoreans believed everything was based on music and math. They extended this thinking in an attempt to explain the entire universe. They partially succeeded but ultimately failed in their attempts. Modern scientists now feel that they have the theory-of-everything, based on incredibly small strings. These vibrating strings are the fundamental unit of all matter and energy. When a string vibrates in a certain way, an electron results; change the vibration of this same string and another particle appears – the electron changes into a neutrino. As with the plucked lyre, it is the string that is fundamental; the tone (in the musical example) or the subatomic particle, arise from the way that the string is vibrating. Modern string theory also had its roots in mathematics. The proposed strings are far too small to ever view directly. Their existence was slowly recognized as the “theory of strings”, solving formerly impossible problems in physics. The beauty of the theory is that we eliminate the numerous “fundamental” particles that exist today and unite the (formerly) conflicting theories of Einstein and the Quantum theory. We potentially have a real theory-of-everything. Same as the Pythagoreans sought thousands of years ago. There is another group, growing in popularity today, that share important links with the ancients and scientists of today, Vibratory Healers. The string is the primary element with our first two groups, but it is the vibration, more precisely vibrational energy, that modern Alternative Healers utilize to produce wondrous results. Vibrational energy has been found to be extremely versatile and effective in its benefits to living things; why is this? The form of the energy – vibrations – seems to be easily absorbed; frequencies are available for almost any need in the exact amount of energy required. The spectrum of vibratory frequencies is immense, offering precise and selective remedies to tune all elements of the Holistic Being – Body, Mind and Soul. Vibratory Energy, of the right frequencies, has shown the ability to greatly accelerate the growth and resistance to disease and pests of many plants. “Melodies” of frequencies derived from plant DNA was studied by French physicist, Joel Sternheimer, and found to consistently produce accelerated plant growth. Certain Sound Healing practitioners have achieved impressive results “tuning” individuals with the use of unique tuning forks (Hulse). For example, a tuning fork that emits a single frequency would be placed on the spine, or on key meridians to help loosen subtle energy, or alleviate back pain. Tones, rhythms and harmonics have been associated with chakra clearing, allowing vital subtle energy to enter our systems, producing health and vitality.

Fibonacci tones mirror patterns found throughout nature and the cosmic realm. This set of frequencies is revealed in every aspect of creation, including the human body. The ancients believed that tuning to this pattern not only harmonized their souls and bodies, but connected them to the divine.

Modern Masters, many of them Indian Swamijs and Sufi masters, are descendants of a long tradition that used sound to build moral and spiritual development. The master, Sri Ganapati Sachchidananda Swamiji, does healing concerts where modern day miracles are reportedly performed. Many ancient spiritual masters held sound as the most powerful means of achieving and influencing the divine (similar to the Pythagorean tradition). Sharry Edwards has spent a lifetime demonstrating that the voiceprint of a human voice is a window on the underlying physical and emotional wellbeing of its owner. Edwards has learned to read and correct imbalances in the human voice – all with vibratory energy – restoring health in the process. In Edwards BioAcoustics, frequencies can be used in place of physical substances, such as vitamins, muscles and so on. These frequency equivalents are noninvasive packets of energy that can selectively restore missing balance to the unharmonious soul. The circle is complete when the restored frequencies are once more present in a new voiceprint recording. The author has studied the vibratory modalities of the Bach Soul Flower remedies and of facial skin and muscle rejuvenation potentials. These seemingly very different aspects of nature are linked and made available or tuned and revitalized by the use of the appropriate sound energies. Cousto learned to interpret the motions of the planets and stars into Star Tones, powerful forces for using and understanding Astrological Energies. He played the music of the Stars – literally! Fibonacci tones mirror patterns found throughout nature and the cosmic realm. This set of frequencies is revealed in every aspect of creation, including the human body. The ancients believed that tuning to this pattern not only harmonized their souls and bodies, but connected them to the divine. The Solfeggio tones are mysteriously encoded in the Bible. In history and modern times each tone is reported to have its own healing benefit, such as one frequency used to repair DNA in scientific settings. Different scales with related note-pitches also have been touted to produce a variety of healing impacts. Scales such as the Pythagorean and Just intonation are created with different methods than those used in our current musical scale. Different vibratory patterns are associated with different impacts on the body. Through the ages the idea of a vibrating string has been used again-and-again to help thinkers better understand the universe, and to gain insight into unseen mysteries – be they super-submicroscopic strings or a single frequency to affect the workings of the human body or harmonics to clear the chakras. Einstein had it right: matter IS energy, all is vibration, everything is One, all can be shown to be the same, and we will evolve out of matter; and one day, all is united in the divine. Jill Mattson is an accomplished author, musician, artist, and a widely recognized expert and composer in the emerging field of Sound Healing; she lectures throughout the United States on “Ancient Sounds – Modern Healing” – taking her followers on an exciting journey revealing the Healing Power of Sound, while sharing her deep spiritualism and intense curiosity into many creative passions.

S p r i n g C lea n u p f o r Y o u r C o m p u t e r STEPHEN ROSE Soon the forsythia will be in bloom, the daﬀ odils and tulips will push through the ground to reveal the renovation of life, the decadence of winter will dissipate and the cycle will continue bringing the newness and rejuvenation of spring. We see this occurrence annually in the world around us. Many of us incorporate it into our yearly regimen known as Spring Cleaning. However, oft en times we neglect to clean and refresh some of the things that make our busy and hectic lives more manageable and enjoyable. Our personal computer is one of these items. Th e majority of us use our computers, nowadays, for much more than typing the occasional letter or playing the ever-addictive Solitaire game. Oft en times we forget how vital they have become in our day-to-day lives. We use them to communicate face-to-face with friends and loved ones all over the world through applications, like Skype, and to post our innermost thoughts and feelings with those around us via blogs and social media sites, like Facebook and MySpace. We use them to balance our budgets, to pay our bills, do our taxes, banking and a myriad of other very personal items that are used to identify who we are. Many times we forget that this information is stored on our computer and can be accessed by cyber-thieves to steal our identities or perform other malicious acts. We fail to protect ourselves, and thus leave ourselves vulnerable. Springtime is a perfect occasion to cleanup your computer and to protect yourself for the upcoming year. Although there is no 100% eﬀ ective way to prevent all attacks, (much as there is no way to prevent the common cold) there are many precautions that can be taken to reduce your risk of cyber attack. First and foremost, every computer should have an upto-date antivirus program installed. Th ere are numerous options depending on your personal need. Some are an annual fee, others are a onetime charge, and there are some free ones that outperform the larger name programs like Norton and MacAfee. Personally, I use Microsoft Security Essentials, a free download from the Microsoft Site. AVG is another free program that is highly recommended and can be downloaded at AVG.com. If you feel more comfortable with a paid version, Kaspersky and ESET are the most reliable and recommended on the market by IT professionals and can be purchased at most electronic stores or computer retailers, or they can be downloaded from the Internet. Deleting your cache and cookies is also an important step in maintaining your privacy, as well as the performance of your computer. Th is can be done through your Internet Settings located in the Control Panel of Windows. Th is is a safe and simple procedure that can be performed by anyone. Th is should be done every few weeks to maintain your computer’s peak functionality. Additionally, you can set your browser to perform this function automatically.

Another way to maintain your computer’s functionality is to remove unwanted or unused programs from your system utilizing the Add/Remove Programs utility in Windows, also located within the Control Panel. Make sure not to indiscriminately delete items that are in your computer, as this can lead to serious problems and potential loss of personal data such as pictures, music, etc. Also, do not remove Service Packs or Microsoft Updates unless instructed to do so by a professional. Th e majority of computers that I work on, in both residential and commercial settings, have some sort of malicious soft ware on them, known as spyware or malware, oft en times undetected by the user. Although these programs are not always maliciously intended, they can leave you susceptible to attack. Th ere are many companies on TV and on the Internet that claim to resolve your computer problems and remove viruses and other types of malware and spyware. Unless you have done much research on these companies, avoid scam companies and programs that claim to “speed up” or “repair” your computer, as this can sometimes cause more harm than good. Th ere are numerous free tools available on the Internet to perform cleanup and maintenance tasks and remove malware from your computer. If you are unfamiliar with how to utilize these tools, seek advice from a professional. If all of this seems a bit overwhelming, you are not in the minority. Much like us, a computer is a complex machine that needs to be maintained in order for it to be an enjoyable and eﬀ ective tool in life. Th ere are many professionals in the computer industry who are knowledgeable and willing to help. If you become lost or need help ask a professional. Feel free to learn, explore and experiment. Incorporate these tips into your annual spring routine to maintain a healthy computer and protect yourself throughout the year. Stephen E. Rose, Sr., is owner of TECHPLUS SOLUTIONS, Pataskala, Ohio. He is certified in Electronics Computer Technology, is a Master Technician, Consultant and Coach, specializing in IT Solutions and computer repair and maintenance for homes and small businesses. Visit his website: www.techplussolutions.com; email stephenrose@techplussolutions.com. 614-975-2737

Please - Donʻt Get Over It! If you have ever experienced things in your life that have hurt you, left you feeling as though you didn’t matter and no one cared about you, please don’t ever let anyone tell you to “get over it.” I would like to invite you to another way of thinking. Attempting to get over something will only have you living your life on the move, always finding it necessary to stay busy. To never go back will require you to over achieve, over medicate or shroud yourself in the cloak of denial so you won’t have to feel anymore. Having the blessed experience of not being good enough leads you to the edge of a windy mountain peak. Although you may have initially found this place so you could jump off it, once you are there, a new awareness will arise. You’ll know you want to have a different feeling; and from there you can see something better in the distance. The only problem will be how to get there?

KRISTINE TIMPERT

My offering to you is to jump! Take the leap of your life and go deep into it, go into the pain of disappointment and regret. Go deeper into the hatred you have for the person and watch how the feeling of love is involved. If only they would have cared for you, been proud of you or made you feel you were important, things would have been fine. Notice how the pain keeps coming from what you required of others. This mindfulness will help you see the “tennis-like” match going on in your mind. The mind only knows love and hate, left and right. When you sit with a painful past experience, you can watch the game being played. You loved someone that hurt you. You hate them for hurting you because you loved them. Watch how your sorrow is rooted in caring, which is nurtured by an angry rich soil. Watch and pay close attention to the behavior in others; try to see that you were only having your experience of them. The behavior will be yours and that glorious insight will allow you to address your sorrow. The ability to take responsibility for your emotions takes time and arduous attention.

If only they would have cared for you, been proud of you or made you feel you were important, things would have been fine. Notice how the pain comes from what you required of others. Be determined to get to the bottom of the hurt by staring it down. It may seem as if you were looking for a diamond post earring you had dropped inside a box filled with cotton balls. Don’t stop looking, no matter what. Pick a little out here and a little out there but don’t stop. If someone should appear and tell you the pursuit is a waste and that you need to get over it, please don’t listen. That will only perpetuate your suffering. Stay strong in your desire to know yourself.

I believe this experience is the very path to attainment. Knowing self is the kingdom of heaven. Why spend your whole life getting over something you never can? You can never get over anything. The things you believe you need to forget are illusions of trickery that offer you a choice. No matter how you try to avoid it, something new will always come out of the nothing for you to get over. If you weren’t ever in a position to get over something, you would never find the fork in the road. Getting over it means ignoring the fork and not seeing your choices. When you have a memory about your past, embrace it and allow it to be there. It’s OK to remember and it’s a wonderful way to avoid disease. When you can continually allow yourself to remember, grieve, or enjoy a past event, you keep the energy moving. To deny these emotions will only end as denial for a part of yourself that will sit inside you and fester. Go back as often as you need to, regardless of what anyone tells you. Within all these experiences, you will gain the wisdom into those things needed to understand yourself. Each time you open one of these doors, inside will be an offering; a part of me doesn’t love myself, value myself or feel that I matter. It is the very opening of these doors where you will learn how to heal yourself. You are all you’ve ever been waiting for. It is said that the journey to self can only lead you so far. At a certain point, the universe will grace you the rest of the way. In the Bible, (Genesis

22) the story of Abraham and Isaac is a perfect example. When Abraham took his son, Isaac, to the mountain to sacrifice him before God, the command came from heaven to “not lay a hand on the lad.” Isaac’s life was saved. This is an example of how the divine invites you to put everything on the line. Picking through every piece of your emotional pain will teach you how to parent yourself and grow your awareness. Be mindful, however, not to stop there. Even in this place of active seeking, the sadness of what you cannot get over will still exist. In the dark spaces of your mind where you haven’t looked in a while, it will be sitting collecting dust, but it will be there. Perhaps an old song, a person you haven’t seen in years or a picture you find at the bottom of a box will be there as a reminder. So, stay focused on the pain, and as you take that proverbial “jump”, you will fall deeper into needing and wanting to understand the why and how. If you can pursue this to the very end, you will gain wisdom in knowing yourself and the secret of dealing with hurt. All the pain, the suffering, the sad, sorrowful regret will be gone; not out of getting over it but through genuine dissolution. The angry soil, in which you allowed the seed of yourself to be planted, will become enriched with gratitude and compassion. Existence will open up and swallow you with grace. Now you can live your life in peace, existing as yourself, overflowing with love. The duality of life and the confines of time will be gone forever. You will have reached attainment and all of creation will dance. Kris Timpert, NMT, CMT, Certified Intuitive Consultant, C.H.E.K. level 4, Holistic Style Coach3 and PPS Mastery Mentor, currently coaches her clients into physical, emotional and spiritual wellness.

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