REAL LIFE

FIRST-HAND ADVICE AND INSIGHT TO HELP CAREGIVERS COPE

A DISCUSSION WITH CARRIE WARD

In 2018, Carrie Ward and her family were still reeling from her husband’s health issues when the news got worse. She learned she had two different kinds of breast cancer and would require multiple surgeries and treatments. Then, after beating her cancer back, as 2021 ended, Ward learned it had returned. In both battles, her fears and worries have loomed large, but her friends, family and the faith she found after the initial diagnosis are proving much bigger.

JOY: Please share a little bit about your initial cancer diagnosis and treatment and your recent diagnosis.

Ward: I had been having peeling of my right nipple for about two years. Nothing had shown up on my mammogram, but I decided to change my OBGYN in 2018 and had my first visit with her in May. This appointment was 10 days after we returned from my husband’s check-up after he’d had a benign brain tumor removed. The OBGYN advised it was not normal and ordered a diagnostic mammogram. The mammogram did not show anything, but I was referred to Dr. Strickland because the radiologist believed I could have Paget’s disease. It was Paget’s disease, a rare form of breast cancer. An MRI showed I had two masses in the right breast as well as the Paget’s disease in the nipple. I had my double mastectomy with tissue expanders placed in September 2018. We waited anxiously for the pathology report to come back, and I was shocked to find out that the two masses (that went undetected in the right breast

on my mammogram) were Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I learned that day that I would need to see an oncologist because the TNBC was not contained in the two masses in the breast; two of my lymph nodes had tested positive as well.

Fast forward to October 6, 2021: I ended up in the ER with abdominal pain. The CT scan showed a 12mm kidney stone that saved my life because the scan also showed enlarged lymph nodes. My biggest fear of the Triple Negative Breast Cancer coming back was at that moment a harsh reality. After a PET scan and a needle biopsy in November, we met with my amazing oncologist, Dr. Davidson, on November 29 to discuss the results. He came in the room with that precious smile that he always has, sat down in the chair next to me, patted my leg and told me that the breast cancer was back, and that I would need to have treatment again. It wasn’t in any organs or my bones, and an MRI confirmed it had not spread to my brain. Tests showed the cancer cells were PDL-1 positive, which was a good thing to be positive for because that means I am a candidate for immunotherapy.

What was your first thought when you heard the diagnosis in 2018? I had to push

through the appointment with the new neurologist at UAB and then the whole way home I was thinking, “I have a sick husband who at that time could not drive, a 19-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter. Who is going take care of me? How can this all be possible? I went through a short phase where I was mad at God. How could this possibly work out? Little did I know what a God blessing this journey would be.

What about your reaction to the recent

news? It was time to suit up with the armor of God and summon all my prayer warriors because we were going to battle again, and this battle was no different than the first. This may have caught me by surprise, but it had not caught my God by surprise. He was already in the details. SECTION .

What forms of help and support really stood out in your first battle?

I reached out to the Joy to Life Foundation to get contacts for people when I needed assistance. When it came time to look for a wig, I could not find anything in the area. Then I found Breast and Body Health Boutique right in our own backyard in Wetumpka. Natacha there was so helpful. We tried on several wigs, and she even helped me out with a mastectomy bra and gave me some puffs to fill in the bra until my expanders were filled and I had my exchange. I left that day feeling so uplifted. I had wigs that were going to keep me looking like a woman after I started chemo and would lose my hair, and I also had bras with puffs in them that gave me some cleavage that I needed to feel confident in myself again. The only good part of the hair loss was I didn’t have to shave my legs for five months.

Was there anything that anyone did that was extra special?

Friends and family prepared meals and ran errands. One of my friends did five bags of laundry for me and brought them back folded nice and neatly so they could be put away. I received random care packages in the mail from friends who were local and a previous neighbor who now lives in Georgia. I received a pair of breast forms to put in my bra anonymously in the mail that came with a letter from a group of ladies that crochet each set. Every time I turned around, there was some form of encouragement. I truly believe that only came because people were aware what I was going through because I was very transparent in my journey. To fight this battle and thrive—not just survive—you must set your pride aside and let down your guard and be transparent so people will know what you need.

MY BREAST CANCER JOURNEY LED TO MY SALVATION. ”

CREATE A POSITIVE MINDSET.

What did you do for yourself that most helped you

cope? My breast cancer journey led to my salvation. The morning I had my double mastectomy, I was laying on the table in the Radiology Dept. at Baptist South awaiting the injection of the dye for the sentinel node (no one prepares you for that or mentioned it prior to this moment—OUCH!!!). I was laying there alone, and I felt God’s presence like I never had before. The Holy Spirit was telling me I was not alone in this journey, I just needed to pray and ask Jesus into my heart, and he would walk this journey with me for the remainder of my life. I prayed the sinner’s prayer right there on the table and received my salvation. It was after that moment that I had a crazy peace about this whole journey. I did not worry about lab results or tests like I used to; I just had a peace that could only come from God.

We created a “war room” with a comfy couch and soft lighting that I could sit in when I got home each day to rest and recover after treatments and after a long day’s work. A friend helped me start a healing tank, a fish tank with glow fish in it that was so soothing to sit and watch.

I met with a group of sweet friends each weekday morning, and we read through the Bible. Find a church and get plugged in; they will help you walk through this journey. My church, Crossroads Community Church in Elmore, was phenomenal about taking care of my family and me.

How are you feeling both physically and mentally now?

I have worked full time through this season of treatment as I did the previous one. I leave work early to go and have chemo. I like to refer to it as my weekly expensive nap and snack. I look forward to seeing my treatment nurse each week. There is something really trusting about letting someone give you drugs that seem like they take you to the brink of death each week and then they bring you back. I am tired—I have had to accept that some days I need to rest whether or not Carrie wants to. I am blessed to work for an organization that not only cares about the work I do, but truly cares about me.

Mentally from time to time I struggle. I get depressed because I don’t do “still” well, and when I don’t have the energy to do the things I want to do for others or myself I get frustrated. As a believer, prayer is something that is very important to me and that also helps with my mental health through this battle and really life in general. I also have a group of prayer warriors that I can shoot a text message to and ask them to pray for me, and I know they are interceding on my behalf when I don’t have the words to pray. Another thing that helps me mentally are the random encouraging things that people will send me via text to let me know they are thinking of me.

THE WRITE ADVICE

For others undergoing cancer treatments, Carrie Ward recommends journaling, noting how therapeutic chronicling her thoughts was. “Journaling was one thing through this journey that really helped me out. I could write down those feelings that I couldn’t share with anyone else. It was such a stress relief to put my thoughts and emotions on paper. It allowed me to write down my prayers, and then I could look back at those prayers and see how God moved. It is also a great thing that I go back and read from time to time to remind myself of how far I have come and how blessed I have been.”

She also advises speaking up! “If you are having side effects from your cancer treatments, don’t be afraid to talk about them with your care team because they cannot help you with it if you don’t tell them. I spoke up and shared that I was having awful tummy troubles on Saturdays and Sundays and adding IV fluids on Saturdays for me made a world of difference. Speak up to get help; don’t suffer! Also don’t be too prideful to let people know what you need.”

And make sure your caregiving team has the support they need too. “Find people for your spouse and kids to talk to as well,” she said. They too are scared and are trying to process things, and watching someone they love go through a battle of this magnitude isn’t easy.”

FAMILY MATTERS

Caregivers are a part of the process too when a patient receives a diagnosis. Carrie and her family offer their advice on loving each other well through treatment.

Be there to listen:

Listen to their fears, listen to their hurts.

Help them start a binder:

A notebook or binder with records of their appointments, their cancer marker levels, etc., is a helpful tool during the treatment process. You must learn to be an advocate for your health, and the best way to do that is to have the information at your fingertips.

Create a shared calendar for appointments:

Sharing a calendar (online or paper) keeps everyone aware of upcoming appointments, tests and procedures. There is no other type of busy than a momma/wife fighting breast cancer busy! It really takes a village.

Create a positive mindset:

I fully believe that is what helped me in my battle. I stayed in a positive mindset as did my friends and family. We could not wait to start planning my survivor party. My first Friday with no chemo was Good Friday 2019. It was indeed a good Friday.

From Carrie's son:

Keep your loved one with cancer motivated. Keep them involved in some crafts or hobbies they enjoy to get their minds off the cancer.

From Carrie's husband:

Be understanding and patient and realize that some days are going to be better than others. Rest when the patient rests.

From Carrie's dad:

Be there to support them in whatever need they have. Give them your time and try to be understanding. Be prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions along the journey. Harvard Medical has a great book you can download for caretakers.

From Carrie's daughter:

SUPER SUPPORT

Carrie Ward shared the significant support she found in Joy to Life Foundation staff.

“In September 2018, after my double mastectomy, my first non-doctor appointment outing was the Joy to Life ‘Tickled Pink’ event. A friend blessed my mom, husband and me with tickets and took us there. I received so much information about how to navigate this journey, but the big moment came when we ended up at the Joy to Life booth. There were smiles and so much encouragement. I met co-founder Joy Blondheim, who gave me a survivor shirt and said, ‘Set this aside, and when you win this battle, wear this shirt.’ She also introduced me to Jackie who was an eight-year TNBC survivor at that point. We all exchanged numbers, and they said when I had questions, I could reach out. Many people say they’ll be there to help, but really aren’t. They were. I was surprised that the first time I had a question and I called, I did not get someone who took a message or sent me to a voicemail. It was Joy herself. She was so happy to hear how my journey was going and so helpful to answer questions I had."

HOW TO LIVE LONGER

Nobody lives forever, but you can add some time to your ledger and help ensure you remain healthy and active for more of your years with these simple-to-implement steps to take and habits to create.

BY JENNIFER STEWART KORNEGAY

Since man came to understand his own mortality, the human race has been looking for a way to cheat death. For hundreds of years, explorers searched in vain for a fountain of youth. In just the last century, “snake oil” salesmen traveled our country peddling miracle tonics that promised to help you put off meeting your maker. Today, scientists and doctors look for cures and treatments to stop various diseases from killing us. While the current pursuits of the best and brightest minds in healthcare are needed and laudable, the fact remains, we will all expire at some point. But there are plenty of preventative measures we can all take on our own that can extend our life and keep us healthier for more of our time here on earth.

STEP ONE: MANAGE STRESS

You likely can’t completely rid your life of stress, but you can learn how to cope with it in better ways. Stress itself isn’t what wrecks your health and wellbeing. It’s your view of it and reaction to it that are truly the issues. The key is to reframe short-term stress and see it as something we all deal with — thus, somewhat inevitable — but something you know you are prepared to face and able to tackle. By seeing stress as manageable, you’re more than halfway to making it just that. With this perspective shift, some health professionals claim you can transform the raw power of short-term stress into a positive. Treated this way, stress can actually be energizing and motivating. It can boost your memory, even improve your immune system response. There is a distinction between short-term stress and chronic stress. Ongoing stress or holding onto what could be (should be) short-term stress can bring on unchecked anxiety and even depression. There are multiple techniques, including meditation and mindfulness, to deal with this unhealthy stress. Take the time to explore them and find what works for you.

STEP TWO: STAY STRONG

We all know by now that routine exercise is good for our physical and mental health. But as we get older, an injury can sideline us from not just our workout but other daily activities too and lead to a whole host of other health problems. That’s why it’s essential to implement proactive measures to avoid a serious sprain, muscle tear or bone break. First, periodically evaluate your exercise plan and modify it if needed. An effective workout for you may no longer include a long, grueling session at the gym. Second, don’t forget to include activities and movements that increase your muscle mass; staving off muscle loss goes a long way in preventing injury. Third, consistency is key: Look for ways to stretch and stay active in small ways throughout your day, particularly if you have a sedentary job. Take regular short breaks from sitting at a desk or computer by taking a short walk every few hours.

STEP FOUR: GIVE OF YOURSELF

If you’re always and only thinking of yourself, you’ll stay drained. It may sound counter-intuitive, but the more you think about and serve others, the more fulfilled you’ll feel. See above for why fulfillment is integral to good health and longer life.

STEP THREE: SEEK PURPOSE & PEACE

Having a reason to get up and go is motivating, but this applies to more than the event or activity you have waiting for you on any particular day. Feeling that you have a reason for being alive contributes to a happier and healthier life. Not sure what your purpose is? Then clear your calendar and make figuring that out a priority. But remember, fulfillment isn’t a one-size-fits-all sentiment; it’s highly personal. And, it comes from different sources at different times in our lives. There doesn’t have to be a constant. Ask yourself: What do you love doing? What activities are rewarding? What are your strong suits and talents? Who do you love? Often, some combination of the things that come to mind when you pose these queries can point you in the right direction.

STEP FIVE: FIND YOUR PEOPLE

Surrounding yourself with good friends — people who challenge, encourage and support you —is vital to wellbeing, which is crucial for a long life. Strong social ties contribute to our sense of purpose too, so they help you achieve No. 3 on our list. And loneliness is a lifesucker for sure. The best way to fight that is to hold onto old friends as often as you can, and never stop making new ones.

While most of us would love to live longer — it’s why you’re reading this article — to do it, you have to endure getting older. But that’s ok. Aging isn’t a scary concept if you age well. Take the tips above to heart, and you’ll be on a better path to accomplish it.