Courtship in the World of Jane Austen

During the Regency Era, a single woman's greatest venture was the acquisition of a suitable husband. Historically the upper crust of society, the nobility, did not choose their spouses on the basis of physical attraction or for the notion of "love". Rather it was an affair of the State and was to serve as a union of two families for the mutual benefit of procuring monetary and political advantage. It was the lower classes which held greater flexibility in term of marriage partners and a greater possibility for "marrying for love".

There was also the unavoidable issue of social class. To marry outside one's own class was hardly acceptable. To marry up was considered the move of an undesirable social climber. To marry down was believed to debase one's station and to be equally detested. In other words, great wealth and titles sought other great wealth and titles.

Adversity through the separation of wealth is a constant theme throughout Austen's books such as Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, etc. However, it must be noted that Austen's characters and settings were not based on the high nobility. To better specify, characters such as Mr. Darcy and his friend Mr. Bingley while they were indeed wealthy gentlemen they were by no means royalty. On occasion a heroine would encounter a Lord or a Lady soand-so but the main focus of Austen's books were from a sort of 19th century version of a "middle class".

Definition: "Making Love". The very term in context with the time period of Miss. Austen did not imply sexual or physical contact. Rather it implied the verbal flirtation or casting of an 'interested' gaze towards another individual. Furthermore, in Austen's Emma the term "making violent love" is used as a Mr. Elton (Austen’s Emma) expresses passionate overtures of love to an unsuspecting Emma. However, one's imagination must not run wild as the extent of Mr. Elton's passion is limited to taking Emma's hand which she then promptly pulls away.

The Duchess of Richmond's Ball by Robert Alexander Hillingford (1870s)

Of Marriageable Age

The marriageable age of young men was greater than then that of a young lady. For one, a man could not enter into any sort of marriage contract until his 21st birthday without parental consent. Also, before he could make any proposal of marriage, a gentleman must first prove his ability to keep a wife and to maintain a quality of lifestyle to which she is accustomed. He must either inherit his father's property or enter into an acceptable sort of occupation such as a clergyman or to purchase a commission as an army officer.

For a young lady, before she could even seek a husband she must first have her social debut or her "coming out"; usually between the age of 17-18. This was a sort of coming of age ritual whereby the young lady of gentle birth would be introduced to the various adult social circles and thus deemed ready for the "marriage market". Such interactions often took place between the months of April to June a time that was known as "The Season" and if she had enough in way of finances she could make her debut in places of high society such as London or Bath.

Best Place to Meet

Communication between ladies and gentlemen outside of the family were extremely limited. Serious damage and even ruin could befall one’s social status should an unengaged or unmarried couple be caught alone together.

The Afternoon Visitor Charles Joseph Frederick Soulacroix (1858-1933)

There was a code and a socially acceptable procedure for finding a spouse. So where would one go to be properly introduced to a potential husband? Why what better place than a ball?

Balls and dances were greatly anticipated by young people as it granted them an opportunity to meet and interact with members of the opposite sex. There were rules however such as one could not dance with the same partner more than twice. But each dance could last on average 30 minutes each so if you found someone you fancy then take heart that it you could at least spend an hour with him on the dance floor.

After the Ball Then What?

The ball is over and you have found yourself struck with an overwhelming sense of affection for a certain someone. Now how do you proceed?

• Home Visit: Well, if invited, a gentleman could visit a lady at her home, with her parents present of course. This would provide the opportunity to get to know each other better then could be expected at a ball.

However privacy could not be expected. • Take a Walk: While impossible to walk alone without a chaperone, it would be productive to take a stroll in the countryside or even a turn about the garden. Breathe in the fresh air and become better acquainted with your partner. What are his likes and dislikes? Some degree of privacy could be gained if the couple happened to “fall behind” the rest of the party. But be careful! The further behind you fall the more tongues will wag with gossip. • Written Correspondence: This was not advised.

As tempting as it would be to pour out your declaration of love with quill and paper it was just not done. For a young man and woman who wrote letters to one another it was assumed that they were engaged. Interestingly enough, though the observance of Valentine's Day was established in the 17th century, in the Regency Era however, it was not permissible to send your love a Valentine's

Card unless you were already engaged to them. • Witty Banter: The best and truest lovers in the world of Jane Austen are those who speak from the head as well as the heart. If their conversation is matched in wit and education it is often a conduit for a much deeper affection. It is a sign of "mental compatibility". It is through the use of words that love can be found.

The Art of Flirting

A smile. In today's society a smile might not be conceived as one of the greatest romantic techniques of the 19th century. But low and behold the power of a simple smile could convey the most potent and unspoken expression of romantic interest. Think of it. There you are at a simple gathering, everyone dressed in their finest. You in a pretty muslin gown with a low cut bodice, beads and flowers weaved into your upswept hair. You fan yourself and occasionally nod in response to the endless dry conversation of the group. Your focus however is the handsome young bachelor whom you had just met at a ball not two weeks past. You glance his way, he sees you. This is your moment!

In Pride and Prejudice, Jane Bennet sister of Elizabeth nearly loses her love interest, a Mr. Bingley, as she was too shy to pay any special affection to him. While it may seem tacky to cast a loving glance across a room but in the world of Austen it makes all the difference. So bat your eyes, flash that lovely charming smile. You can let him know your feelings with just a look.

Finally, after all of your efforts, your feelings have been reciprocated and your love has decided to make his proposal of marriage to you. How should he proceed? Well, any respectable gentlemen would first seek the permission of the lady's parents to make his intentions known. If they approved then a private meeting would be set for the young couple so the gentleman can make his proposal.

It was not unusual however for a lady to receive an unwelcomed proposal. In fact, it is cause for many a cringe worthy and awkward moment in many Austen tales. In the case of Emma Woodhouse in Austen's Emma, the young lady finds that her attempt at matchmaking has gone horribly awry when a Mr. Elton, and man whom she had intended to propose to her friend Harriet Smith, believes that he has been encouraged to propose to Emma herself! He does not take rejection well however as he then becomes increasingly rude to Emma throughout the rest of the story. Also, who could forget the moment when Mr. Collins, a cousin to the Bennet family desired to take Elizabeth for his wife when his hope of taking her sister Jane had been dashed. It is both comical and somewhat embarrassing to witness the plight of Elizabeth who despite her refusal of Mr. Collins' proposal of marriage must repeat herself as Collins rejects Elizabeth’s rejection and instead insists that she is just playing "hard to get".

*Once a Proposal was made it was considered a binding contract and could not be broken by the prospective groom. The lady could break off the engagement after careful consideration but to do so was a serious act indeed.*

Now that you have met your love, a proposal has been made and accepted…congratulations! All that is left is to announce the wedding bands and wait for the church bells to ring! That is… unless you desire to elope, which would be a deliciously scandalous affair indeed…

Happy Valentines Day!