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Inside features
Black from the brink Former player Heath Black is telling his own cautionary tale, writes DR JODI RICHARDSON.
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N FOOTBALL, players can make their reputations for right and wrong reasons. Heath Black is one for whom both is true. Formerly a Docker and Saint known for his penetrating left foot and agility, Black’s AFL career spanned 12 years. It was after leaving professional football that his life began to spiral downwards as undiagnosed mental health conditions and a growing dependence on alcohol led him down a dark path that cost him dearly. He was arrested several times, lost his marriage and lost job opportunities. After a series of misdiagnoses, he was finally diagnosed in 2011 with both bipolar II and adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and has spent the past year working to regain his health and rebuild his life. Black recognised that something wasn’t right with his mental health at the age of 22 – 10 years ago – but did nothing about it. The past 12 months have been tough for Black and his new-found health is the result of many influences. A few in particular stand out. Having been correctly diagnosed he now has appropriate medication. Black works hard to maintain a daily routine of getting plenty of sleep, yoga, massage, relaxation techniques and a healthy diet. He describes what he has to do now as requiring more work than training for and playing AFL footy. Perhaps the most healing experience of all for Black was writing a memoir to share his story with others. Written with Lisa Holland-McNair, “Black” is a raw account of living with undiagnosed mental illness. Symptoms of anger and paranoia and a dependence on alcohol were a dangerous mix and resulted in Black landing himself in life-threatening situations. Chapter 1 is entitled “Rock bottom” and begins with Black’s realisation that was exactly where he was. “What is it about finally hitting rock bottom? No job, no colleagues and no real friends,” writes Black. “It’s like you’ve gone from being Superman where everything you touch turns to gold to everything, and everyone, you touch turning to shit. You look around and it seems everyone who was ever in your life has just packed up and gone, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces.” Black writes candidly about a trip to Bali where he intended to crank things up a notch from the Thailand trip where he had a gun pulled on him. He couldn’t have cared less that he was travelling with his then girlfriend (now wife) Asha; he just wanted to “feed the monster inside”. “Alcohol was my drug of choice and I don’t think I went anywhere in Bali without a beer firmly clasped in my hand,” he said. “We’d go out at night, get smashed, drop into bed at 4am, wake up at 7am and grab another beer. I was constantly drunk and as a result I was constantly anxious and getting more and more paranoid.” After a big night out Black deliberately jumped in a puddle to splash some guys riding past on a scooter. That was when things turned ugly when the guys got off their bike to confront him.
HELL AND BLACK: Heath Black is now telling his story to anyone who will listen.
“For me the Russian accent was all I heard and I just wanted to kill them. It was that simple. I wanted to protect my brother and I thought I just had to kill them before they killed us. I walked straight up to one guy but he was already on the front foot and head butted me with his helmet on. I was knocked down and my nose was splattered across my face and you know what? I just thought ‘good, it’s open slather’,” Black wrote. “I punched him but missed his face the first time and copped his helmet, injuring my hand. Not that it mattered. I went again and with one punch straight in the face knocked him down and out. “I then walked up to his mate, who had his arms up and was backing away but I just started to punch him again and again in the face. Punch after punch ... I was turning his face into a bloody pulp and even after my brother jumped on my back to try and stop me I kept going. He said it was like he wasn’t even there and I was making these weird sounds, a bit like a bull snorting. “I finally stopped hitting the guy but I still hadn’t finished. I picked up their scooter with some kind
‘I wasn’t physically sick, I was just sick in the head.’
Inside Football
of superhuman strength – the rage was so strong – and just slammed it into the ground; again and again and again. The exhaust pipe was burning my forearm but I just couldn’t feel it.” Black describes being bedridden for a day and a half after this, crippled by anxiety and suffering constant diarrhoea. “I wasn’t physically sick, I was just sick in the head,” he wrote. “A big part of me actually thought the best place for me was rotting away in a stinking Bali prison.” The book details many more such incidents. It is compelling reading. In adult ADHD and bipolar II disorder, periods of high energy and impulsiveness alternate with depression and normal mood. Black describes the book as cathartic, and an important part of his therapy. He works now presenting to various organisations, as well as working as a facilitator with the AFL Players Association’s PlayWise program. Ironically though, presenting the workshops can ignite within Black a sense of heightened energy, a symptom of bipolar II disorder. “Presenting the workshops is therapy for me although after I do these workshops I can get a huge amount of energy. It’s something I have to be X by myself mindful of. I’m always getting reminded Wednesday, April 11, 2012
that I need to be on top of things. If I lose sleep I get sick very quickly.” PlayWise, one of three AFLPA wellbeing programs, was developed in conjunction with Headspace (the National Youth Mental Health Foundation). Designed for AFL leadership groups and senior players, its central is to develop confidence and skills in recognising problems with mental health or substance use and talking to players about how to get help. Matti Clements, the wellbeing services manager for the AFLPA, said: “It’s great to have Heath on board because as a former player he can obviously relate to the players’ reality. “He’s not alone, however. Russell Robertson (former Melbourne player) is also trained to co-facilitate. Both these guys are great assets as they really help to bring the material to life. “Greater numbers of players are accessing appropriate wellbeing services than in previous years and we absolutely applaud that. The AFLPA also runs the PlayWell and PlayNow wellbeing programs. PlayWell provides first and second-year players with a framework for vocational, social, emotional, physical and psychological health. PlayNow is a psychological skill development program that involves practical and interactive workshops for third and fourth-year players. The idea is to teach these players practical mindfulness skills to promote mental health and performance. During 2010-11 the AFLPA conducted a mental health audit, the findings of which helped it to tailor its wellbeing programs. Programs are also informed by evidence from the wider scientific community and are closely monitored. Dr Nicole Highet, CEO of beyondblue, said that adult ADHD and bipolar II disorder were less common mental health disorders, the more common being depression and anxiety. Irrespective of the diagnosis, early recognition is essential. “Our key messages of recognising when something’s not right and seeking help apply to all disorders,” Dr Highet said. “What Heath has done by writing a book on his experiences is courageous and a very powerful way of raising awareness and reducing stigma. “When people talk openly about their own experience it provides people who don’t really understand about these illnesses with a whole new level of insight, which is more engaging, more interesting and more revealing that simply reading a symptom checklist off a fact sheet.” The message Black wants his readers to take away from his story echoes that of Dr Highet. “If you feel like you’re not quite right, if you’re in a depressive episode, confide in someone so you’re not alone,” he said. “It doesn’t mean you have a mental illness, but if you find out you are looking down the path of a mental illness, follow that journey and make sure you tick every box. Keep on searching for answers until you feel like you have the right diagnosis and have been prescribed the right medication.” n If you would like more information about mental illness you can contact beyondblue on 1300 22 4636. This service is staffed by mental health professionals and calls are anonymous. The website www.beyondblue.org has the latest information about mental health and where to get help. n Black is due for release on April 14 at Patersons Stadium. It can be purchased now via his website www.heathblack.com.au, as an eBook or at selected bookstores.