Memo
To: Features Editor From: Julia Fellows Date: November 22, 2011 Re: JPW Funke Article Introduction For the Funke article, I have performed a heavy copyedit. I revised and rewrote several sections of the text that were ambiguous or that were not placed in a rhetorically logical order. Many of these I have moved to other places in the article where they make more sense. Resources The resources that I referred to during my copyedit are The Chicago Manual of Style (16th ed.) (accessed in hard copy and online), New Oxford American Dictionary (accessed on my Macbook), The Copyeditor’s Handbook (2nd ed.) by Amy Einsohn, and The American Ornithologists’ Union “Check-list of North American Birds” (accessed through their website). Grammar Contractions Based on the author’s use of contractions throughout the article, I have changed some words, such as “it is,” into contractions to maintain consistency. Conventional Usage of Terms I have changed “under foot” to “underfoot” based on conventional usage. Originally unsure, I looked it up in the New Oxford American Dictionary to confirm. Ambiguous Pronouns In the sentence “exposed by glaciers when they receded 10,000 years ago, native copper is still present in many of the Keweenaw’s rock formations” I have changed “when they” to “that” because “they” is an ambiguous pronoun, which could refer to glaciers or to native copper (which is the subject of “exposed”). Using “that” clarifies that it was the glaciers’ receding that exposed the copper. Mood I have adjusted the mood of the article to match the imperative that is used frequently. Restrictive and Nonrestrictive Clauses I have added “that” to some sentences to clarify the restrictive relative clauses. I have added commas to the nonrestrictive clauses that begin with “which.” See CMOS 6.22. Numbers In accordance with CMOS 9.5, I have spelled out “ninety” because it begins a sentence.
Definitions When the author uses the word “spur,” there may be some confusion for the readers. I suggest that you add a definition to the sentence or use a synonym, unless you think that the readers will know the meaning. Author Queries Q1: The phrase “heading west at 0.3 miles” is ambiguous. The source of the ambiguity is “at 0.3 miles” because miles are a measurement of distance. Does this refer to a mile marker? Is that how far the hiker is to travel westward? The same issue occurs again with the phrase “a spur trail at 0.4 miles.” Q2: In the sentence “from Eagle Harbor, take Brockway Mountain Drive seven miles and look for an entrance sign on the north side of the road” I am unclear as to what the entrance sign is for. An entrance to what? It does not seem to connect to the preceding sentence; it has no context. Perhaps this sentence is misplaced and is referring to the entrance to the Oren Krum Trail? Is there a more logical place for this sentence? I have placed it where I understand it to belong. Q3: In the sentence “residents include Winter Wren, Ruffed Grouse, and least chipmunks,” does the author mean to say “last” instead of “least”? This appears to be a list. Suggestions Near the end of the article when describing the end of the trail, the author writes “you’ll have that ‘hey, I’ve been here’ feel about your hike.” I think that this phrase does not fit with the tone and voice of the rest of the piece. I suggest that the sentence should be reworded to better follow the tone. I suggest the addition of a brief conclusion to the article. No matter how the article is rearranged, there is nothing in the article that provides an appropriate conclusion. I also suggest that the print version of the article include a map of the Oren Krum Trail, to give the readers a visual representation of what they are reading about.
Final Manuscript In the UP: Brockway Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary and Its Oren Krum Trail by Tom Funke Brockway is for those wishing to find rare plants, examples of boreal forest, and rock outcroppings. Flowers are abundant and diverse, including twinflower, orchids, and the rare wild lilac, which is only found in Keewenaw County. Late spring is a great time to view migrating warblers. Other common residents include Winter Wren, Ruffed Grouse, and least chipmunks. And if it’s hawks you seek, Brockway is for you. May is a great month for hawk watching, as the hawks find their way north and use the Keewenaw Peninsula as a launching off point to Canada. An appealing feature of Brockway is that you can experience all of this wildlife by hiking less than a mile through the 400-acre Brockway Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary, which is owned and managed by Michigan Audubon Society. The real hero in preserving this sanctuary is the Copper Country Audubon Society. For years, it has been raising money to buy land in Keweenaw County. The stem of Brockway Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary’s lollipop-shaped Oren Krum Trail begins thick with grasses and ferns, obscuring the trail. From Eagle Harbor, take Brockway Mountain Drive seven miles and look for an entrance sign on the north side of the road. The trail is rolling and has many roots and rock outcroppings, so wear rugged footwear. In about 100 yards, the trail enters a thick cedar and white spruce forest, which is at a late pioneer stage. Looking up in elevation, you can see that early pioneering trees like paper birch and poplar are starting to take hold. At the trail intersection, which isn’t all that noticeable, veer left. Climb up some rock outcroppings and look for a greenish tint. Exposed by glaciers that receded 10,000 years ago, native copper is still present in many of the Keweenaw’s rock formations. On top of the ridge, veer west. Ninety-years-ago in this area, a forest fire ripped through the area. Signs of this event still linger today: look for what appears to be charcoal on the ground. Heading west at 0.3 miles, thin forest makes up the top of the ridge with loose footing underneath. The soil is thin and the climate is harsh, making it difficult for trees to take hold. It has been nearly 100 years since the last major disturbance and the forest is barely taking hold even now. A spur trail at 0.4 miles to Lookout Point will give you another chance to scan for native copper, this time underfoot. On a clear day, you can see Lake Superior to the south. On a foggy day, which is much more likely, you’ll be lucky to see Brockway Mountain Drive a few tenths of a mile from your current location.
The trail bends back to the west, taking you downhill. Traversing through an area where trees were blown down during a storm, you’ll be reunited with the stem of the Oren Krum Trail. You’ll have that “hey, I’ve been here” feel about your hike. Turning around, you’ll see the beginning of your hike splitting left.
Tom Funke is a freelance writer. He is also the vice president of operations for the Michigan Audubon Society, conservation director of Michigan Audubon, and resident manager of Otis Sanctuary.
Original Manuscript The Next Time You’re In The UP, Visit Brockway Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary By: Tom Funke If it is hawks you seek, Brockway is for you. Brockway is also for those wishing to find rare plants, examples of boreal forest, and rock outcroppings. An appealing feature is you can experience all of this by hiking less than a mile through the 400-acre Brockway Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary. Owned and managed by Michigan Audubon Society, the real heroes in preserving this sanctuary is the Copper Country Audubon Society. For years, they have been raising money to buy land in Keweenaw County. May is a great month for hawk watching, as they find their way north and use the Keewenaw Peninsula as a launching off point to Canada. Flowers are diverse and abundant, including twinflower, orchids, and the rare Wild Lilac, which is only found in Keewenaw County. The stem of the lollipop Oren Krum Trail begins heavily vegetated and thick with grasses and ferns, obscuring the trail. In about 100 yards, the trail enters a thick cedar and white spruce forest which is at a late pioneer stage. Looking up in elevation, early pioneering trees like paper birch and poplar are starting to take hold. At the trail intersection, which isn’t all that noticeable, veer left in a clockwise motion. Climb up some rock outcroppings and look for a greenish tint. Exposed by glaciers when they receded 10,000 years ago, native copper is still present in many of the Keweenaw’s rock formations. Up on top of the ridge, you’ll veer west. In this area ninety years ago, a forest fire ripped through the area. Signs of this event still linger today. Look for what appears to be charcoal on the ground. Heading west at 0.3 miles, thin forest make up the top of the ridge with loose footing underneath. The soil is thin and the climate is harsh, making it difficult for trees to take hold. It has been nearly one hundred years since the last major disturbance and the forest is barely taking hold even now. A spur trail at 0.4 miles to Lookout Point will give you another chance to scan for native copper, this time under foot. On a clear day, you can see Lake Superior to the south. On a foggy day, which is much more likely, you’ll be lucky to see Brockway Mountain Drive a few tenths of a mile from your current location. The trail bends back to the west, taking you back downhill. Traversing through an area where trees were blown down during a storm, you’ll be reunited with the stem trail. You’ll have that “hey, I’ve been here” feel about your hike. Turning around, you’ll see the beginning of your hike splitting left. Late spring is a great time to view migrating warblers. Other common residents include winter wren, ruffed grouse, and least chipmunks. The trail is rolling and has many roots and rock outcroppings, so wear rugged footwear. From Eagle Harbor, take Brockway Mountain Drive seven miles and look for an entrance sign on the north side of the road.
Tom Funke is a freelance writer and the Vice- President of Operations for the Michigan Audubon Society, and is Conservation Director of Michigan Audubon. Also, he serves as Resident Manager of Otis Sanctuary.