WHEN LIFE’S NOT PLAIN SAILING

Margaret and Dave were planning to cruise into retirement but dementia has changed the course of their future. They share their story with Jackie Rankin.

When her fun loving husband became withdrawn Margaret Whittle put it down to being stuck in during lockdown. “He’d had to stop working as a taxi driver”, said Margaret. “I noticed how he’d lose the drift of conversations and he was much more anxious than normal.”

Dave looks at his wife and nods. “I could feel something was different. I felt sleepy. I’d step off kerbs without looking.” At times he stumbles over words, and then acknowledges his difficulties almost by way of apology. “My concentration has gone. I start to stay a sentence and it’s like the words fall off a cliff, gone forever.” Although his symptoms began two years ago Dave is just 62, so there were endless tests to conclude he has mixed dementia.* The news is still sinking in and they’re having to learn to adapt to their new situation. Margaret appears ready for the challenge. “We’ve had our ups and downs and we have our families and all the support from the dementia service”, she says. Dave is more contemplative. “I’m getting good advice. “I’ve started doing (mindfulness) colouring books and they’ve suggested I learn the green cross code so I can remind myself what to do when I cross the road. But it makes you feel like a kid. I just want to work at the same pace I used to.” Minutes later though, he’s chuckling as they recall how they met. As a sales rep for Littlewoods Pools, Dave was delivering scratch cards to the post office where Margaret, a mum alone with three little boys, was the postmistress. “We started chatting” she recalls. “Dave was a dad, going through a divorce and he seemed a bit low. I liked him and tried to let him know with a Valentine’s card – but he thought it was from a friend playing a prank! In the end I had to explain it was from me.” They share a chuckle at his naivety, “I was slow but I soon made up for it!” says Dave with a grin that lights up his face and makes Margaret smile. With four sons between them, the couple put their families first and only moved in together seven years ago, when the boys were grown up. Retirement plans included pursuing their love of travel. At one point Dave leaves the room and returns with photos from one of their Caribbean cruises. They make a handsome pair. One of his favourite pastimes was a pint in his local with a group of friends. Margaret understands that it can be hard to know what to say, but she’s saddened that they no longer keep in touch. Phone calls have dwindled too, as Dave sometimes struggles to understand what’s being said. “The days can be long when it’s just the two of us, but we’ve got our bungalow and our lovely garden”, says Margaret, with a smile. She appreciates visits from Cheryl and their occupational therapist Sarah. Dave’s joy comes from seeing his granddaughters. “I play silly games with them”, he says. “The magic’s still there.”

I could feel something was different. I felt sleepy.

Dave and Margaret enjoyed cruise holidays.