You are not alone

Leaving home for university, moving to a new city or country with boundless opportunities and new people to meet sounds enviable. So why do so many young people often feel lonely?

According to recent research, 16 to 34 year olds are more likely to experience loneliness than any other age group, but least likely to seek support.

Consultant clinical neuropsychologist Ryan Aguiar explains. “Being alone is physical – you’re on your own. Loneliness is a mental state – you’re experiencing distress or discomfort from being alone.”

How does loneliness develop?

“We become lonely when key connections we need in our life are missing,” says Ryan. “The key to changing that is to look for connections with people and situations that are genuine and mean something to you. Don’t worry about the outcome of those connections or set yourself a time limit to make them. Just connect with people and the things that feel right to you.”

Ryan recently had to offer this advice to his daughter who is moving to Spain to study law. He suggested reaching out to fellow UK students. “They may not have the same interests but what connects them is that they all share common background experiences; they’re all Brits living abroad for the first time.

Making new connections is good but it’s also important to maintain links you already value. Keeping in touch with people you know and trust helps to ground you and builds resilience.

“Connect with people and the things that feel right to you.”

Ryan supports patients in secure hospitals where connections are important for recovery. “An Eastern European man I support speaks little English and rarely understands British cultural references. He loves music from his home country, it warms his heart. But he speaks of the loneliness of not being able to share that love.

“He tries hard to acquire British cultural references – he watches reality TV which helps him connect to those around him. He’s still alone, but he feels less lonely.”

Loneliness may feel the loudest when you’re standing in a crowded room. You can still feel disconnected, even if you’re surrounded by loved ones.

“Some elderly people I worked with saw few people but never reported feeling lonely because they had many shared interests. In contrast a young person who mixes with lots of people in bars but has no meaningful connections with them might return home to feelings of loneliness and emptiness when the night ends.”

Making connections

• Embrace your interests and determine what brings meaning to your life

• Join a group or a club to meet others with similar interests

• Make time and a conscious effort to connect with others

• Try something new such as a hobby or volunteering

• Be your own friend first and do what you enjoy

• Don’t compare yourself to people on social media - they only share what they want others to see.