Sisterly support

Right this second more than 15 million women are on a journey through menopause. We look at the impact on relationships and talk to a woman spreading the word to younger generations.

Menopause can impact our most precious relationships. Partners and children can struggle to understand what’s happening - 7 in 10 women surveyed by The Family Law Menopause Project blame the menopause for the breakdown of their marriage.

“It’s a tough ride,” says health worker Amanda Bennett. The worst thing is you don’t know when it’s going to end.”

“I felt like the light inside me had gone out, The vibrant girl I used to be has gone and I feel at times like I’m just existing.”

As well as working two jobs, Amanda helps look after her grandchildren and she feels the pressure to just ‘carry on’. “You pull your socks up and just absorb stuff. But you’re dealing with all these symptoms that amplify other parts of your life – relationships, bills, kids. You get overwhelmed very quickly.”

She’s resolute that younger women are well informed so they’re better prepared.

“If you’re living or working with women, you need to understand and have the conversation. I’d been judging myself harshly. Women are suffering alone and for no reason because there is help out there.”

Positive thinking, meditation and mindfulness have helped Amanda cope. “I try to work on myself and remember what I’m grateful for. It takes practice but it does work.” Her sister Sharon (pictured above right with Amanda) can empathise both as a sibling and expert by experience. Both women have had hysterectomies and grieve for their past selves, yet they are a source of mutual support.

“I can see a change in Amanda,” says Sharon. “She’s lost her spark. But she’s still beautiful and I tell her that all the time.”

What can we do to help?

• Ask how they feel

• Take their lead – not everyone wants to talk

• Let them know you understand and want to help

• Almost half of women lose their libido. Show love and care in different ways

• Encourage the person to go out for walks and go with them.

• Find sources of help, like menopause cafes

Go to my Menopause Centre for a wealth of easy access advice and support

Talking to children

It’s not easy to explain things that you don’t fully understand yourself but be honest and say that there’s a reason why you’re teary, cranky, flushed or not yourself. Knowing it isn’t because of them will often be enough and help them relate. It will be a relief for you to be honest and feel understood during those moments.

What are the symptoms?

Over 50 recognised symptoms means that everyone’s story is completely individual. A current research project by the University of Liverpool is investigating how menopause symptoms and risk factors can vary depending on women’s ethnicity. You may have noticed some without realising they could be connected to menopause - fatigue, insomnia, hair thinning or growing in new places, dry skin, oily skin,dry eyes, pins and needles, tinnitus, muscle aches, joint pain, palpitations, bloating and weight gain. No wonder other signs of menopause can include low self esteem, anxiety and panic disorders.

For a full list of symptoms visit The Menopause Charity - Menopause Facts, Advice and Support

No one warns you about the emotional roller coaster … you think you’re going mad.”

Emma Thompson.

“I was bewildered by what was happening to me. Nobody was talking about menopause. I left work because I thought work was the problem but my sense of identity was tied up with my status. I was spiralling.”

Karen Arthur, broadcaster, author and menopause diversity campaigner.