5 minute read
I WAS A SEX WORKER - NOW I OFFER HOPE
Maxine is 47 and a former sex worker from Liverpool. She has an infectious smile and beams with pride when she talks about how she supported other women as part of her rehabilitation programme.
She often comes back to the city to visit her mum. And she’ll always go to the streets she worked for 25 years. But these days it’s to share her story and urge women selling sexto find a new life.
As a young carer for her disabled parents Maxine used sport as an escape and showed great promise as a gymnast. But at the age of 15 tragedy struck when she fractured her back, leaving her unable to walk for a year.
During that time her mum left the family home. Maxine blamed herself for not being able to fulfil her caring role. She bottled up her feelings and her opiate based painkillers helped mask the emotional as well as the physical pain. Anxiety and depression followed. She recalls: “I learned to hide stuff, but I didn’t deal with my feelings of worthlessness.”
At 18 and part of the 80s rave culture, she found herself isolated from childhood friends. “I wanted to be accepted so I drank and smoked weed, then went on to hard drugs. I was still functioning. I didn’t realise how quickly they get a hold of you.”
Determined to complete her training to become an embalmer she took part in endless rehabilitation programmes, giving birth to her first child during that time. But in her mid 20s the drugs took a hold and Maxine went to prison for theft, fraud and dealing drugs. In the years that followed she lost custody of all four of her children.
“I’d get clean but if you don’t have a support network or change your environment the rot sets in deeper and deeper. I had so much help from so many services but my life was a catalogue of chaos.”
Getting money to feed her habit wasn’t easy. She saw how quickly it could be made on the streets. “I’d stopped feeling. I knew right from wrong but I’d lost touch with reality. You’re in survival mode yet you wish you were dead.”
Some of Maxine’s friends did die, often in horrific circumstances. Now she knows the experience has left her with post traumatic stress. Back then she just became more streetwise and hardened to her environment.
At one point she was told by the family not to attend her father’s funeral. “I was really close to my dad; he’d followed me across the country trying to help me so it hurt to stay away. It was heart breaking.”
When she first met Armistead outreach worker Jo Lightwood Maxine wasn’t up for hugs or small talk, she just needed condoms for the night ahead. “You become suspicious of everyone. I couldn’t bear anyone touching me. I couldn’t work out if it was real affection or a way of finding out what I could offer.”
Spending time with the outreach workers changed her views. “I started to offload – I felt I could tell them things, even if I’d messed up. They became my go to people. I’d built up trust, I felt safe with them.”
Maxine’s chaotic lifestyle and addiction led to pneumonia and sepsis. Unwell and facing discharge from hospital to a ‘horrendous’ hostel, she made the decision to end her life.
“I couldn’t see a way out of this vicious cycle. I was in despair, on the streets doing drugs and selling myself. I’d always believed in God but I thought I was too far gone. I was at death’s door, I had no fight left. I cried out for Him to change my life or end it.”
Intuition kicked in for Jo Lightwood. “You can often pick up on people’s pain, but something was different. I knew we had to act quickly.” Jo contacted pastor Jennie from All Saints Church and convinced Maxine to go to the pastoral hub, where she got involved with the church community.
But the streets, the dealers and the punters were still there as she faced her biggest challenge – beating her habit. The outreach team and the church worked together, making sure she kept appointments. Jennie found accommodation for Maxine and supported her through her withdrawal from drugs.
When a negative sample came back Maxine felt hope for the first time in years. In less than a year she was off drugs altogether. She smiles when she says: “I used my last ounce of strength to choose life over death.”
There were more challenges. Maxine had to relearn life skills – and how to trust people. She was reunited with her mum and is back in touch with her eldest children. (The younger two have since been adopted and Maxine made the heart breaking but selfless decision not to maintain contact for their benefit).
Now living at a Christian independent living centre in Harrogate, she’s training as a support worker for people with learning disabilities.
She’s full of gratitude for the help she’s had. “Armistead’s outreach service and other services walked alongside me on this journey. I could never have done it on my own.
“I’m managing my post traumatic stress with my faith and without medication. I have purpose to get up every morning and live my life, happy and free of my past. I now have hope for the future. “
Helping other sex workers gives her joy. “I go with my head held high. I want to be a beacon of hope for the girls, to show them they can get out of that life and find a better one if that’s what they choose.”
NEED HELP?
• Help yourself – our self help guide on depression and low mood can be read online, downloaded or watched as a video on our website: https://www.merseycare.nhs.uk/are-you-a-carer/self-help-guides/
