Do Compassionate Men Date Their Contemporaries? A GOOD GUY in my book is the type of man who’s got great character. He’s got heart, soul, integrity, relatively good looks, he’s a gentleman, and he has a spirit of generosity. He’s financially and emotionally fit, he’s happiest in relationship and he is compassionate by nature. He’s a kind, thoughtful person. And yet here’s a tough question – how kind, thoughtful, considerate and compassionate is a man who requires his dating prospects to be much younger than he is? The man who will only date women who are ten or fifteen or even twenty years his junior, this matchmaker from LA simply must ask this challenging, controversial question…
“Is this man who targets younger women being selfish, narcissistic and coldhearted?” Let’s look at reality together. At the moment, here in the U.S., men can expect to live to the age of 77, whereas women can expect to live until we’re 82. Take a look around any nursing home to see the tough reality, which is that women often end up alone, having outlived their spouses. So especially the older man who’s in his fifties or sixties, who insists on dating women who are significantly younger than he is – he is proposing to every woman he invites out on a date that she consider signing on for a decade or two of loneliness at the end of her life, during the most tender, vulnerable days of her life. Would a truly thoughtful, compassionate man ask his mate to endure this?
But men have always targeted young women. Yes, this is true, and it made sense back in the days when men and women partnered in their teens, twenties and early thirties. In order to have the greatest chance of creating large families, with lots of children to help manage the farm and carry on the family business, it made practical sense for men to date and propose marriage to younger women. Gentlemen, consider today what your primary dating purpose truly is. Is it to get married, crank out a bunch of kids and be the next Walton family? I’m guessing, not.
Younger women have more sex appeal. My husband is 68, and I find it cute and amusing that he still checks out the hot young chicks as they pass by on the street. With a chuckle, he says, “She still looks good to me!” And I don’t take offense; I know that a man simply MUST be attracted for anything to happen in the domain of romance and sex. We girls fortunately can and do develop attraction for men over time. So the not-so-hot guy who makes us laugh and who makes us feel safe and protected actually has a chance of snagging a desirable woman. A very smart thing for a single woman to do, in order to attract the most desirable men, even into her 50’s, 60’s and beyond, is to take really good care of her physical package (her skin and her body) so that she can and will turn the heads of the men she’s hoping to attract. At least as important as her outer package is her essence – her vitality, her ability to be playful, to have fun, and to give off a youthful vibe. As much as it may feed an older man’s ego to have a cute, young woman on his arm, the REAL and BIGGER reason for why a man gravitates toward a younger woman is that it makes him feel more youthful, alive and vital. He knows that his days are numbered, and it’s natural for him to want to squeeze as much juice out of life as possible. If he’s on a date and he looks across the table at a woman who looks tired to him or who puts off grumpy, bitter energy, without really even knowing why, he just tends to lose interest and he won’t pick up the phone to call her again. Women of all ages are wise to develop our playful side, to literally practice being positive, upbeat, cheerful and fun company.
Men need to be admired, appreciated and respected. My male clients continue to tell me that as we age, we women can and often do tend to become naggers, whiners and complainers. OUCH, right? They tell me that younger women are less likely to be critical, judgmental and fussy, and that these younger women are simply easier to impress and indeed to please. WOW. I know this is hard to hear, but the lesson for us girls is that if we want to do well with men at any age, we should be practicing the art of appreciation. We should get very, very good at demonstrating respect and admiration, in order to make the men in our lives feel manly, which inspires them to want to be with us. We have no control over our chronological age, but we DO have control over the way we speak and the messages revealed by our body language. If a man feels that he can’t win (our respect, admiration and appreciation) he simply won’t engage, and he’ll look for someone who
can and will give him what he needs. It’s up to us to catch and hold his attention. Gentlemen, please do this… If you’re out there in the world dating, studying and considering various potential candidates, you’ll be wise to focus less, much less on what a woman’s AGE might be. Yes, you’ll need to be attracted to her physical package, but more importantly, rather than getting stuck trying to figure out when she was born, look to see if she radiates the qualities that you want and need from the woman in your life. If she seems to have the qualities that really matter to you, ask her out on a date. Don’t ask her to reveal her age, as it really doesn’t matter all that much. And it feels good being in her presence, ask her out for another date, and another after that. It takes a few dates for that magical bonding to begin to happen for two people. If the men will do this, and if the women will do their part to bring to life the qualities which are naturally craved by men, then we’ll see modern day dating become much more fruitful for both genders. If you’re single at the moment, and you’d much rather be in love, strategically put yourself in a spot where you can be found when matchmakers are searching for clients. To be instantly find-able, please visit my bio to view my website and privately register. For more interesting articles on dating and matchmaking, visit http://blog.julieferman.com/