Oops! I Talked About My Ex on a First Date Posted on September 2014 by Julie Ferman Share
There are certain things that we all know we shouldn’t be doing on a first date. And yet single love seekers continue to fall into these dating traps. It happens…
Here’s what to do when you mess up, or when your date does, by talking about an ex love while on a date. Trashing the Ex. Spewing venom about a former love is never sexy, never ever. Complaining, bitching, moaning and whining only serves to cast you as the victim, or as the person who makes poor choices. So as our moms always told us, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”
Pining Away. Similarly, if you’re tearing up, sad, or distraught over a love that’s lost, the one that got away, or over someone whom you’ve loved dearly but who’s left you or who’s passed on, that’s also a lousy way to present yourself. Talking too much about that person from your past gives your current date the impression that you’re stuck back there in the past or have an ideal in your mind that’s impossible to match up to.
What to do? Discipline yourself while on a date to always be in the present moment,focused only on the person who’s on this date with you, right here, right now. That means steering conversations to safe topics vs. tricky, danger zones. If your date mentions Italy, rather than saying “My ex and I had our honeymoon in Italy!” you can say something like, “I love Italy – there’s no tomato like an Italian tomato! Which part of Italy did you love the most?”
What if my DATE is making these mistakes? If your date is the one trashing an ex, you be the one to save it, by saying “I’m sorry this happened to you – do you think you’ve reached a place where you can put this experience behind you and move forward with new possibilities?” Or, if you’re feeling playful, “Uh oh, your former girlfriend just showed up on our date. What shall we do with her?” Or blame it on your dating coach, saying “I think we’re supposed to catch each other if we fall into the trap of talking about our exes – I just caught you – oops! Catch me too, if I forget, OK?”
If it’s YOU who made one of these cardinal dating mistakes, what to do?
Catch it, apologize, sprinkle in a big of humor and ask for forgiveness… there are far more understanding / nice people out there in the world than there are meanies, so give this person the benefit of the doubt and see where a sincere apology might bring into the situation. This morning’s post-date feedback updates revealed to me that my gentleman client did in fact fall into the trap of talking about his failed relationship with an ex. He caught himself, he did apologize, she was glad to see that he “got it” about this faux pas being not so sexy, and she did indeed forgive him. She said Yes to his invitation for a second date, and they laughed together at his suggestion that if he brings up anything from his dating archives that she “kick him” to remind him, so he can quickly pull things back on course. Disaster averted. If you’re single and you’d much rather be in love, place yourself strategically in a spot where you can be found. Register privately, for free, to be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals throughout the U.S., Canada and beyond.
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