BAR HIGHLIGHT

Located on North Saginaw Street in Pontiac since 1930, Liberty Bar has grown and evolved into a favorite for many in the LGBTQ+ community over the years. What makes Liberty stand out from the rest of the crowd is its warm, flexible space that welcomes all. From the full service kitchen, to their distinctive back patio, people of all races, sex, gender identity and age can feel at home with Liberty.

Since becoming an “official” gay bar some 32 years ago, Liberty has promoted love and acceptance everyday with their friendly staff and wonderful service. From their annual “Mr. Liberty” and “Mrs. Liberty” contest to their “Mr. and Ms. Hauntiac” competition, Liberty has a little of what everyone is looking for.

“While Liberty is very much a LBGTQ+ space, I like to think of it as everyone’s ‘neighborhood bar’” said owner Brett Nicholson. “This space is very flexible.” Nicholson, one of the few LBGTQ+ bar owners who is gay himself, stressed the importance of community and safety at his bar. “We want everyone to feel welcome here at Liberty.” Being the furthest north full time LGBTQ+ bar in Metro Detroit, Liberty welcomes guests from all across the state.

If you haven’t been to Liberty lately, you’re really missing out. This fun and cozy bar sort of gives you that “Cheers” feeling, except much more friendly, and much more gay… and everybody still knows your name!

It was my first shift working in the bar/ club world. The bar owner begrudgingly hired me because he just had someone walk-off and I positioned it as, “See how it goes, if I suck, tell me to never come back.” That was enough to win him over and I started that evening. I came back a few hours later, ready for training. About an hour into my shift, I was told that someone else called in, so I’d be waiting tables and bartending the outside bar. As I’m serving a drink, out of the corner of my eye, I see my high school swim coach.

I finish with my customer and go over to say hi, to discover he is on a date, with my high school assistant coach. What was so scandalous, is that the Asst Coach was only 2-3 years older than I was at the time (I just turned 18). The head coach was well into his mid-40’s. I started to quietly walk backwards back to my post, but it was too late. The Assistant Coach saw me, all the color went away from his bronzed ken face and he looked like his pukka shell necklace (it was 2005, it was all the rage). I saw both of them now staring at me.

They always thought I was younger than what I was, so they looked like they thought I was still in high school (but also working at a gay bar?). They both jumped over the waist high emergency exit gate to make a fast break away. It gave me such a chuckle, because there was always a rumor about them, it was just now confirmed by my eyes. Even though I wasn’t in high school anymore, my brothers were both still in high school. I called my brother the next day to make sure he said that I said hello and I’m looking forward to going to the next “meet the staff” meeting at the high school. Surprisingly, I never saw them again. And that trial shift for the night lasted almost 4 years, it really is difficult to find good help.

Most sex toy roundups talk about sex toys for men, women, and couples (with the couple’s portion being greatly focused on heterosexual partners).! How can solo play/masturbation help members of the LGBTQ+ community explore their own sexual needs and what works for them? How might it play a role in growing their own sexual confidence/comfort, particularly if they are new to exploring their sexuality?

Self-pleasuring serves many functions for folks of all genders and orientations. Each of us is truly unique in how our bodies like to be touched, what we need both psychologically and physically to become aroused and enjoy sexual sensations and orgasm. No two people have the same responses to nipple play and genital stimulation of all kinds. Solo play gives everyone the opportunity to explore this landscape without the expectations of a partner or pressure to perform.

The way to approach sex toys is to start with the bodies that will be using them. What kind of touch does each person like, and where? Are there erotic scenarios that they want to enact that will be enhanced by toys? Does the person want penetration of any of their holes (some trans men prefer to refer to their vagina as the front hole and their anus as the back hole)? If so, do they want that penetration to happen with fingers, a dildo (dildos are toys intended for penetration and a sensation of filling but may not to have their partner wear the dildo on their hips or thigh, or do they want to ride a dildo with a suction cup that is put on a chair, the shower wall, a table and then their partner either watches or adds stimulation to their other erogenous zones at the same time? If the person wants to penetrate a partner, in what ways do they find that to be erotic, in alignment with their gender identity and orientation? Strap-ons worn on the hips may be a good choice for a partner who wants to wear a dildo and penetrate a partner who enjoys that, regardless of gender or which orifice(s) desire penetration.

If the person has a penis one can use a vibrating ring around the shaft or shaft and testicles, or there are vibrators that a partner can hold in their hand to stimulate the whole structure, with or without an erection. If the person is trans-feminine they may have a different name for this structure; a friend of mine calls it her ladybird. These toys make perfect choices for those who enjoy their “ladybird” being stimulated during partner play and who may not get erections because of gender-affirming hormone therapy.

Nerve endings have no gender or orientation. Any sex shop that trains their staff to be inclusive of all genders and orientations will be able to help choose toys that work for each person, regardless of how they identify in regard to gender or orientation.

Joe Kort, Ph.D., LMSW

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