Guest writer: D. Lorina

GUEST WRITER Re-building Our Community© Self Evaluation

COURTSHIP ITS PURPOSE

Written by D. Lorina

To want something special is to do that which will allow you to get it. For instance; want a particular job? You will ensure you boost your grades; gain new skills and experiences in order to fulfill the job description. Want to lose or gain weight? One will set up a dietary plan and an array of exercises to reach their desired weight. Want a new house? Well, enough physical cash will need to be brought forward, therefore, sacrifices are made to achieve just that.

Where am I going with this? one may ask and what does this have to do with courtship?

Well, to achieve the above goals the changes were made for the better. So why is a similar approach not often taken when pursuing a new relationship? Many relationship mishaps and breakdowns are due to lack of communication period. In order to establish a healthy relationship an interrogation process must get underway by this I am referring to courtship.

If we can for a moment envision a court setting you have the claimant, respondent, their representatives, judge, jury, witnesses and the onlookers. Evidence is presented, the claimant and respondent give their accounts. The witnesses give their account and their representatives are their advisers. The onlookers represent close friends and family, the jurors are those who have no emotional attachment to both claimant and respondent and the judge is the one to

permit an order. Now with that in mind the same measures should be taken during courtship. For courtship is the first stage that will or will not determine marriage.

I say that to say this, many relationships are built on the wrong foundation. There are those not wanting to pursue long term commitments, many are there soley for what they are there for. Although many go in with good intentions, the cracks soon show because this was not what they bargained for. This is the purpose of courtship, to sieve the unwanted baggage.

Naturally, and quite often the man will approach a woman. It is then for the woman to ensure that he is fit for purpose and vice versa. It is easy to get caught up in the flattery stage. Who would not want a little boost now and then? However, have your radar turned on and tuned up with anyone who shows you interest, women especially, I guarantee not all is what it seems in most.

Question them on every word they come at you with, especially those that speak in riddles. Also, look out for the ones who lay their cards out on the table. Not all are the same, but at times they have their own agenda and what may seem like the raw truth to you may well be a death trap. So scrutinise words as much as possible to get a broader perspective on the one that is pursuing you. They will soon show whether they are worth your time, space and energy. Might I add, that it is important for all of us to appreciate the time in which we live. Nothing is forever, so why enter that which serves no purpose?

Although relationships are private and between the two involved might I stress, courtship sets a foundation. It establishes boundaries and a standard from the beginning. Both parties are aware that the other comes with an entourage. Therefore, suspicion of vulnerability from preying men and women is eradicated. On the other hand, be mindful of those who you allow in your circle for they too may not have your best interest to heart.

As human beings we evolve this is a natural occurrence. We grow, age, mature and we become wiser.

So, should this not be with our relationships that one wants to engage in? Steps have to be taken. One should not be their old self, for that old self served that old purpose.