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The Empowerment of Sexuality: a Dual-Edged Sword of Secret Self

No sex please, we’re British… And given that men’s predominantly meatheavy diets, according to The Guardian, are thought to cause 40% more climate emissions than a woman’s, is it any wonder that libidos are a little, um, lacking when there’s an entire world to be worried about?

Yet, in this almost smugly frenetic and stressed-out world we live in (where, if you’re not busy, then you must be doing something wrong), one’s attention is captured by the valid science that notes kissing decreases cortisol levels and instead increases serotonin, ameliorating our mood and even helping us sleep better. Nonetheless, though puckering up might be one way of waking refreshed of a morning, we all know with quiet confidence (and an air of mystique) that under the covers and in between the sheets holds many other pleasurable treasures (for the sake of our wellbeing, understand) – don’t we? We’re talking, of course, about intimacy, about being empowered in our own sexuality, explored together with a loved one, and even with ourselves. Gone are the days when Father and Mother slept in single beds or even in different rooms: a healthy physical relationship means a psychologically healthy couple. Simple, right?

Well, not so much, actually. Setting aside the fact that some people find discussing their sexual needs and preferences as unsavoury as society deems open discussion of menstruation, are you aware – for instance – of the 13 erogenous zones (aka “the pleasure points”) other than the female clitoris? No? If you’re of the old-school, “quick fix” brigade who’s only otherwise heard of the G-spot and vulva, then you might be surprised to discover – with considerable enjoyment taken in the process – that an erogenous zone is not all about a woman’s nether regions. Shocking. Rather, “nonpenetrative outerplay” is where it’s at (even though you might think “Valentine’s Day is far behind us now”; again, modernise). Indeed, with summer very much here for a few, erm, pleasurable months, things might become so hot in the bedroom post a little explorative play that you’ll have to tone it down a notch when the mercury rises. Don’t say we didn’t warn you… The secret is touch. Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? But imagine not being touched, ever; and now, imagine the sensation of being touched suddenly. You’d feel utterly alive, wouldn’t you? And that’s how the areas of our bodies that seldom get a skirting brush of fingers feel when our lover exerts a whispered and tantalising touch there.

We’re not going to launch into an anatomy lesson, but it helps to be aware that such areas as the labia and A-spot exist, that one’s fourchette and pubic mound require attention also, or that the perineum is not just a male erogenous zone. Besides the distinctly sexual parts of our body hidden from public sight – and the fact that attention to the breasts can result in an orgasm all its own – consider the scalp, the neck, the ears… Remember that passing breath on the soft areas there? Focus on those the next time your partner isn’t getting turned on by the tried-and-tested (and potentially boring) old way. Indeed, a 2013 study found these areas to be commonly considered erotic points at which to turn on one’s lover.

How do we touch, though? With what do we stimulate the skin’s sensory receptors? Our hands, our fingers – parts which themselves react to attention given, too. From the swirl of a fingertip on an upturned palm to a brush of the lips or tongue on an inner wrist, don’t forget these areas when it comes to pleasuring your partner. Such tender strokes can stimulate goosebumps on the ever-sensitive torso, also (just beware the overly ticklish person). And while feet and toes might do it for a select few, oftentimes foot fetishes are best kept just that: better a massage of a dainty foot than an illplaced lick between the toes…

As for the physical science behind the benefits of a healthy sex life, researchers have found that morning sex is able to release the hormone oxytocin, which promotes a sense of bonding with our loved one. Many people prefer morning sex to that enjoyed just before sleep (or other times of the day) and it is thought – though further studies are needed – to lessen the likelihood of cardiovascular disease, as well as lower blood pressure and alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Certainly dopamine (the “happy” hormone) levels are highest in the morning, which might assist feeling more turned on when the sun is up, while a woman’s vulva has increased blood flow from REM sleep and men have higher testosterone levels to aid the necessary “uplift”. Furthermore, arousal releases norepinephrine and the oxytocin released in climax lowers cortisol levels, resulting in that “no stress” post-coital attitude (and sometimes bliss). Mornings, also, aren’t yet clogging our brains with all that’s happened over the day’s elapsed and eventful hours, so we can be more present during the act. Additionally, like morning exercises, endorphins are released and you can safely say you’ve gotten in a workout for the day already: “sexercise”, anyone?

Pomegranates, A Sensual Fruit

Pomegranates are a fruit of secrets. An aphrodisiac, yet a contraceptive; a fruit to cool the energy of the body, and a fruit to warm it. The binary qualities of pomegranates intrigue, but not as much as getting beneath the tough pink flesh to prise from the lattice of pith its ruby jewels. The major faiths of Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, and Islam have all viewed pomegranates as balanced symbolically between life and death, and – according to medical historian, A. R. Ruis – between fertility and barrenness, childhood and motherhood (and then there’s Persephone’s seasonal legacy of infernal waiting…). We’re not going to plunge into discourse on Sergei Parajanov’s filmic The Colour of Pomegranates, but when it comes to this exotic fruit, a fruit which has represented immortality and eternity, as well as resurrection and university totality – what provokes wonder today is its myriad health benefits.

study conducted by Queen Mary University posited, because pomegranate juice increases testosterone levels (not only in men, either).

So, as these summer days extend into long and balmy nights, why not add a jewelled spark of health to those wonderful salads and delectable couscous dishes you were planning on feeding family and friends? After hours, when everyone’s gone home or to their rooms, it could just make you and your other half’s evening magical.

More recently, studies have found pomegranates to have properties which are – wait for it – “antitherogenic, antibiotic, anticarcinogenic, antihypertensive, anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, astringent, oestrogenic, neuroprotective, spermatogenic, and vermifugic”. Meanwhile, a double-blind study published in the International Journal of Impotence Research found that when men with mild to moderate erectile dysfunction were given a “daily dose” of pomegranate juice, their condition improved. This might be, as a

Some of you reading this, however, might be feeling embarrassed; might view if not sex, then at least masturbation, as a shameful thing. This could be due to social stigma or the way one was brought up (either religiously guided, or not): but this should not be so. Away with the taboos: orgasms given and received and orgasms from masturbation are normal; indeed, they’re crucial to a healthy life.

An orgasm releases stress, brings a feeling of contentment as the dopamine and the oxytocin wash over us, but so too does simple pleasure and self-pleasure. It’s about taking a moment entirely removed from whatever else is going on and being in the extreme of a physical-centred moment. The more you or your loved one tend to your pleasure zones, in fact, the higher your sex drive is likely to become. This is down to mindfulness: when we orgasm, it is a whole-body experience, every millimetre of us alive – and every part is open to the communication of touch. Keep that dialogue going, we say…

Exercise essentially being movement of any kind with the aim of becoming fitter, intercourse counts too, releasing mood-boosting endorphins just like a really good run after work (you know you love it). The most challenging poses (as surely most of us have found) are standing up or bridge position (yep), but feel free to dip into the plentiful contortions of the Kama Sutra for inspiration as well. And the longer the session, the greater the benefit – in all ways! Of course, physical coupling works at many different intensity levels dependent on the persons involved, so best not ditch the gym membership just yet. If you’re seeking some intimacy pep, though, then you might be interested to know, for any men reading this humble publication, that the lower heart disease risk of a plant-based diet by extension means a lower risk of problems with erectile dysfunction, also, heart disease often leading to sexual performance issues. By this logic, foods beneficial for heart health are foods beneficial for a man’s sexual longevity – in all senses of the word. Indeed, sexologist (yup, they do exist) Shamyra Howard asserts that the “foods we consume impact hormone levels, stamina, and systems […] directly related to sexual functioning”.

Goodness… Better give our readers a beginner’s list, then…

Potentially the fruit that saw the Edenic downfall of Adam and Eve (though not in that order), figs are rich in antioxidants and polyphenols which do away with harmful free radicals and leave us feeling younger. No one wants to feel an old fogey in the bedroom, do they?

Figs

Avocados

Given that our hormone production tapers off as we get older, avocados are a boon because they help regulate those hormones and are chock full of vitamin E and vitamin D.

Beetroot Juice

It might sound slightly unappetising, but a 2020 study published in the journal Critical Reviews in Food and Science and Nutrition found that the nitrates in beetroot juice become nitric oxide once we have drunk it, which lowers blood pressure and increases oxygen, which in turn reduces the risk of heart disease.

Pumpkin Seeds

High in the amino acid L-arginine (an aid for testosterone levels and, erm, blood flow), pumpkin seeds also offer zinc.

Dark Chocolate

The lady might very well like Milk Tray, but dark chocolate would serve her wooer better. Rich in magnesium, it contains phenylethylamine, associated with mood elevation and a more sensual frame of mind.

Maca Root

Medicinally used in Incan and Peruvian cultures, you might hear about Maca root being added from one trendy smoothie to the next, but traditionally it was used to increase strength, libido, and sexual function.

What should definitely be steered clear of is dairy. According to the Physicians Committee of Responsible Medicine (PCRM), an organization of over 12,000 doctors in the US, it is believed that dairy negatively impacts sperm count and erections, as well as libido generally and the mysterious (at least to some of the opposite sex) female orgasm.

Men who consume the most cheese have the worst sperm counts, the worst sperm motility, the worst sperm morphology.

Dr Neal Barnard President of PCRM

It is thought that dairy products in general “throw off hormone levels”, including oestrogen and testosterone. A 2010 study discovered that the female sex hormones oestrogen and progesterone increased in men after drinking cow’s milk, decreasing testosterone secretion and subsequently lowering their libido. According to the medical and health centre of the University of Wisconsin (UW Health), about 5% of men over the age of 40 suffer from complete erectile dysfunction (ED); by 70, that percentage increases fivefold.

It's not just the boys who are harmed by dairy, however. Hyperlipidaemia (elevated blood cholesterol levels) have been linked to lessened arousal in women, blood flow not adequate to the vaginal area for a responsive clitoris and labia, reducing the potential for orgasm.

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