It takes a village to produce a bat mitzvah

BY LARRY KESSLER

COLUMNIST’S NOTE: This column on my older daughter Arianna’s Bat Mitzvah first appeared in the July 22, 2009, edition of The Sun Chronicle of Attleboro, MA. Looking back on it, I was probably even more nervous than she was on that special day. Fourteen years later, my daughter is well established on her own and is living in New York, where she’s a teacher. Although her Bat Mitzvah day, July 18, 2009, is in the past, this column with my remarks to our guests that day remains relevant.

A Jewish youth is considered to be Bar or Bat Mitzvahed regardless of whether they undertake the year or more of study to be called to the Torah during a Sabbath. That means that the youth is considered to be a full member of the congregation, one who counts toward the minyan.

But somewhere along the line – I think it was when a Jewish Borscht Belt comedian penned the joke, “Today I am a fountain pen” in reference to a gift that many young men used to get for the occasion – a ceremony was added, not to mention the post-Bar or Bat Mitzvah party.

Well, today I am a fountain pen, because my oldest daughter had her Bat Mitzvah this past Saturday, and she made her family extremely proud. She not only did an accomplished job chanting that week’s chapter of the Bible in Hebrew, but she had so much fun that she didn’t mind that her father insisted on addressing the guests.

Some of what I had to say is being published here to illustrate a much broader point: Success only comes with a lot of hard work, and with the help of many people, even if you have all the ability in the world. Or, to put it another way, it takes a village to produce a Bat or Bar Mitzvah.

Here’s the gist of my remarks:

“Like the Israelites, who were led out of Egypt and to the Promised Land by God and a cast of thousands, starring not Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson, but Moses and Aaron, we were led on our journey to this day by a large cast of not always obvious sages, leaders and spiritual guides.

“Our family’s journey began with a feature story in The Sun Chronicle about the Kasses, an Attleboro family, who in January 1996 had done something that in the days before Angelina Jolie and Madonna was still considered unusual: adopted a child from a foreign country.

“ ‘Lewis at last’ was the headline on the story by my retired colleague and friend, Betsy Shea-Taylor, about the family’s adoption of a son from Ecuador.

That article inspired my wife to call the couple’s adoption agency, the Alliance for

Children, and we eventually began the lengthy adoption process until we found ourselves in a hotel room in Hefei, China, in September 1997 contemplating becoming parents.

“Thankfully, we weren’t there alone. There were 10 other couples sharing our adventure, and just as the Israeli tribes mentioned in today’s Torah portion had each other, we also had the other couples to share our fears, worries and joys. We’ve been fortunate enough over the years to count on their friendship, as well as that of other parents of Chinese children who traveled after us.

They are special people to my family, and they will remain unnamed in this article only to prove the point of this column: that whatever success story is out there – a marriage, a high school or college graduate, a student who excels – chances are extremely likely that it came only because of this recipe: the diligence, hard work and determination of the person involved –and the teaching and leadership of those who inspired the person.

With the big day now a distant, but pleasant memory, I am convinced that my daughter’s success was due in large part to those two main ingredients – as well as to the fact that she was supported by a lot of family members and friends.

Her, and our, “Mazel Tov” was theirs also.

LARRY KESSLER (larrythek65@gmail.com) is a freelance writer based in North Attleboro. He blogs at larrytheklineup.blogspot.com.

“Our journey was challenging. Just as the Israelites had to pass through various stations in their long journey through the desert en route to the Promised Land, we trekked through China for two weeks before returning to the United States, where the journey got interesting. A baby-naming in October 1997 was followed by play groups, dance classes, preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, Hebrew School and middle school.”

My remarks went on to thank those people who made a difference in my daughter’s journey to her big day, including the president and members of Congregation B’nai Israel in Woonsocket. I also especially thanked the conservative synagogue’s spiritual leader and her longtime teacher, whom I called the modern-day equivalent of Moses and Aaron.